The Local Steel Tragedy
Malesh stared blankly out the reinforced window of the armored SUV, completely regretting every single life choice that had led him to this moment. The heavy steam-engine roared as they cruised down the wide, industrial avenues of the Seistain Hub. Next to him, Silvisa sat frozen in awkward silence, clutching her leather clipboard.
Everything was completely quiet. Everything was perfectly normal.
Until it wasn't.
KA-BOOM!
A massive, entirely unexplained, utterly ridiculous explosion erupted directly from the undercarriage of the "indestructible" SUV.
In a fraction of a second, the heavy, multi-million-credit vehicle completely failed its structural integrity. With a horrific screech of tearing metal, the entire car violently split directly down the middle into two perfect, separate halves.
The right side of the car, carrying Silvisa, completely detached. Her door miraculously remained shut. The right half of the SUV simply drifted away on two wheels, sparking wildly but keeping her relatively safe and contained inside the metal shell.
Malesh's left side of the vehicle, however, was an absolute disaster.
As the car violently split, Malesh's heavy iron door completely blew off its hinges. The sheer kinetic force of the blast ripped Malesh out of his seatbelt and threw him directly out of the open doorway.
Suddenly, time seemed to completely stop.
Malesh fell through the air in absolute, agonizing slow motion.
He watched as his pristine, immaculately tailored charcoal suit began to rip apart in the wind. He slowly descended toward the harsh, unforgiving asphalt of the Seistain road.
SKRRRRRRRRRRRCH!
Malesh's face hit the ground. His left cheek began to violently, heavily rub directly against the rough, dirty asphalt as his momentum dragged him forward across the street. The horrifying sound of his expensive skin grinding against the road echoed in his ears.
As his face scraped across the pavement in slow motion, Malesh's highly analytical brain completely abandoned all logic and descended into pure, petty rage.
What the fuck is this?! Malesh's internal monologue screamed in absolute fury as his cheek ground against the rocks. It is so local! This is incredibly local Kavilson Steel! Fuck you, local Kavilson Steel! How does a heavily armored, premium executive vehicle just break apart in the middle of the road like a cheap tin can?! Fuck you, local Kavilson Steel! Your manufacturing protocols are absolute garbage!
As his face continued to slide across the road in ultra-slow motion, tiny pieces of loose gravel and sharp stones began to bounce off the street and aggressively smack him right in the forehead.
Smack. Smack. Smack. Malesh's eyes widened in sheer, unadulterated disbelief as the pebbles hit him.
What the fuck?! Malesh thought, entirely bewildered. Are these stone pieces also loyal to Kniya?! Why are they only targeting my face?! What the actual fuck is happening right now?! The entire geographical environment is conspiring for Kavilson Steel!
The Voyeurs of the Garage
Meanwhile, exactly ten minutes earlier, back in the dimly lit VIP parking garage of Kavilson Steel...
Kniya Anderson had absolutely not climbed eighty-five flights of stairs. As soon as he had yelled at Malesh and sprinted away, he had simply ducked behind a massive concrete pillar and waited for the SUV to drive off.
Stepping out from behind an adjacent pillar were Filoska and Salesh, both looking incredibly shady and out of breath.
"Kniya! Please, go fast!" Filoska aggressively whispered, grabbing Kniya's arm and violently shaking it. Her usual aristocratic professionalism was completely gone, replaced by the chaotic, gossip-fueled panic of a voyeur. "If we don't do something right now, they will do something! They will be in total intimacy! Please, fast!"
Kniya slowly turned his head to look at Filoska.
He gave her an absolute, weirdly distorted smirk—the exact kind of stupid, baffled smirk a person makes when someone says something so astronomically illogical that you literally don't know how to verbally respond, so you just have to awkwardly smile.
Malesh? Intimacy? The man literally measured his heart rate to avoid emotional inefficiencies. The idea of him flirting with a new hire was statistically impossible.
"Yeah, Kniya, she is right!" Salesh urged frantically, completely buying into the paranoia. He waved his hands in the air. "Malesh would have started the process right now! Please do something! The process is on right now! The intimacy process is active!"
Kniya just stood there, still holding that weird, completely frozen smirk, completely unable to process the sheer stupidity of his business partners.
"Please, Kniya!" Filoska panicked, hopping from foot to foot. "He would have already started! Oh no, now it is started! We are late! Now we are late!"
"Late, late, late!" Salesh echoed in total despair, aggressively pulling his own hair. "There is no motive of going now! We missed the entire process! They are probably already holding hands and discussing logistics!"
Kniya finally snapped out of his baffled trance. The sheer absurdity of the situation had completely infected him.
"Okay, look," Kniya said, raising his hands to calm them down, his voice dropping into a dramatically serious tone. "This is bad, guys. We absolutely shouldn't hurt Malesh's privacy. Stalking our own executive and the new Production Head is highly unprofessional and morally bankrupt."
Kniya paused. His weird smirk slowly morphed into a massive, incredibly evil, deeply immature grin.
"But still..." Kniya chuckled wickedly. "It is a very, very good idea. I am totally into that, people. I am the bad one here! So yeah, let's go violate his privacy!"
"Move, move, move!" Salesh yelled, sprinting toward another parked steam-car in the garage.
They aggressively piled into the heavy vehicle. Salesh threw himself into the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel like a madman. Kniya vaulted into the front passenger seat, while Filoska scrambled into the back, pressing her face eagerly against the glass.
"Lets GOOOO!" Kniya ordered, pointing grandly out the windshield.
Salesh slammed the steam-pedal, and the car violently squealed out of the VIP garage, speeding onto the toxic, smog-filled streets of Seistain, totally unaware that the "intimacy process" they were chasing had just exploded into two halves across the asphalt.
The Fart Land City
Malesh's agonizing, slow-motion slide across the rough asphalt finally came to a complete halt.
He slowly pushed himself off the street, groaning in absolute physical and financial pain. Half of his pristine, impeccably tailored charcoal suit was completely shredded. His left cheek was scraped raw, and his customized dragon-themed silk tie—the backup one he had just put on—was now covered in dirt and transmission fluid.
"I am going to aggressively sue Kavilson Steel," Malesh muttered, dusting off his torn lapel. "Their structural engineering is a statistical tragedy."
Before Malesh could fully assess the catastrophic damage to the armored SUV, the asphalt beneath his expensive shoes began to violently tremble.
CRACK. RUUUMBLE.
The middle of the Seistain highway suddenly exploded upward. Chunks of cobblestone and pavement were thrown into the air as a massive, utterly terrifying creature burst straight out of the ground.
The monster was easily twice Malesh's height, standing a towering twelve feet tall. It had massive, leathery wings folded behind its muscular back, and it was gripping a gigantic, jagged medieval longsword in its claws. Its eyes burned with a menacing, supernatural red glow. It looked like an apocalyptic demon sent to destroy the corporate sector.
Malesh stood completely still. He didn't scream. He didn't dive for cover. He didn't feel a single ounce of fear.
Instead, he just squinted at the towering beast, his highly analytical brain trying to process the absolute, logic-breaking absurdity of the situation.
"Wait a minute," Malesh deadpanned, his eyes narrowing in pure recognition. "What the fuck? I know this biological anomaly."
He had seen this exact monster before. It was printed directly on the front cover of the highly degenerate, completely embarrassing novel that Kniya had bought earlier that week.
"This monster is from The Fart Land City," Malesh realized out loud, his face twisting in absolute, unfiltered disgust. "So this means The Fart Land City actually exists? What the fuck? Are we experiencing a multi-dimensional rift? Now this modern corporate world is literally mixed with a medieval fantasy world?!"
Malesh aggressively rubbed his temples, deeply offended by the sheer lack of historical and chronological consistency. "I absolutely hate medieval worlds. Their economic structures are purely feudal and their sanitation is garbage. This is disgusting."
The Abduction and the Fart Bomb
Suddenly, the massive winged monster vanished in a blur of supernatural speed.
It literally teleported across the ruined street, reappearing directly next to the surviving right-half of the SUV. With its long, terrifying arms, the monster violently reached into the wreckage and gripped the new Production Head, Silvisa, pulling her out into the open air.
Silvisa dangled twelve feet above the ground in the monster's claws, completely losing her mind.
"Sir! Please help me!" Silvisa screamed, tears violently streaming down her face as she kicked her legs. "Sir, help me! It is literally my first day on the payroll! Is this a standard corporate hazing ritual?! Help!"
Malesh looked at the terrified employee, and then he looked down at the smoking, ruined remains of Kniya's armored SUV.
"You destroyed the company vehicle," Malesh growled, his petty, vindictive anger completely overriding any sense of self-preservation. "I literally just paid one hundred million credits in physical cash for that car, you medieval bastard!"
Malesh broke into a full sprint, charging aggressively toward the towering demon to save the employee and defend his financial investment.
The monster turned its glowing red eyes toward the charging billionaire. It raised its longsword, but instead of swinging the blade, it suddenly spun around and crouched into a highly specific, deeply unnatural tactical stance.
"Wait. What is it doing?" Malesh asked, suddenly skidding to a halt.
BOOOOOOOOOOM!
The monster unleashed a massive, hyper-concentrated Fart Bomb Attack.
A deafening explosion of sound echoed across the highway, instantly followed by a massive, violent shockwave of thick, toxic, neon-green gas that blasted directly into Malesh's face.
The sheer kinetic force of the flatulence threw Malesh backward. He landed hard on the asphalt, aggressively coughing and gagging as the foul, radioactive-smelling cloud enveloped the entire street.
"Fuck you!" Malesh shrieked, his deadpan composure completely breaking as he desperately covered his nose with his torn suit sleeve. "What the fuck has happened?! Fuck you, monster! Fart monster, fuck you! What the actual fuck is going on?!"
Malesh violently waved his hands, his eyes watering from the incredibly potent stench.
"Literally, there is a fucking fart monster from a fucking degenerate novel standing in the middle of the highway!" Malesh gagged, heavily annoyed by the smell. "I absolutely hate these kinds of monsters! Their biological combat methods are deeply unprofessional!"
"Sir!! Please!!" Silvisa begged from above, still trapped in the monster's grip, crying hysterically as she choked on the green gas.