My wishes?
Exusiai looked out the window of Penguin Logistics. Lungmen today was the same as always.
"Does it matter that much?" she asked Texas softly.
Texas answered only by giving her a solemn nod.
"Yes. It matters a great deal," Texas said seriously. "It determines what you do next—and which direction you should push toward."
"Look—being brothers for life isn't something you can't accept. Like you said before, you just want to protect this relationship."
If we really stayed brothers for life…
Exusiai's thoughts drifted onward.
She imagined a future where she and Lin Yuan made countless memories. Even in old age, there would still be that quiet pleasure of savoring time, of living through those good days.
So calm. So free.
Two old friends might, on a whim, meet up again someday—talk about the past, laugh until they were breathless.
"Is that the kind of life you want?" Texas asked.
Exusiai fell silent.
It should've been beautiful—but Exusiai felt her stomach twist in painful waves.
Even that "beautiful" future seemed covered by a veil—hazy, unreal, impossible to see clearly.
False. A lie. It made her feel sick to look at.
Fake.
"In the end…" Exusiai gave a helpless smile. "I'm still not willing to settle for a life like that."
Even that "old friend" relationship was built on empty affection—on the lie of being "brothers."
Like a knot that would never untie: impossible to ignore, leaving a deep, instinctive discomfort.
Texas nodded, understanding. "So you're not willing to remain in this 'brothers' relationship."
"That changes everything, Exusiai. Everything."
She pointed lightly at Exusiai's chest and spoke slowly.
"This is still just a question. I'm not granting wishes."
"Do you want him to fall for you? Even… to a deeper extent?"
"I do."
At last, Exusiai stopped hiding behind silence and gave her answer cleanly.
She wanted, one day, to break free from this 'brother' arrangement—and to laugh and talk with him as a normal woman.
Then to understand him more, to temper and deepen their feelings—with her real identity.
And finally… finally…
Exusiai hadn't thought that far. But love, marriage, even children—surely one of those would happen, wouldn't it?
She wanted a lot.
"Even though I've already taken so much from him—so much care, so much kindness—I'm still only taking more," Exusiai murmured. "Texas… maybe I really am a greedy person."
Texas fell quiet for a moment, then sighed.
"Why think so much? If you've made your decision, then work toward it properly."
"…Will you help me?"
Looking at Exusiai's hopeful expression, Texas seemed to have a headache for quite a while. After a long pause, she finally said with resignation:
"I'd like to tell you to handle it yourself, but… from what I'm seeing, that's not happening."
"Let me think."
She stopped responding to Exusiai and simply sank into thought. After a moment, she spoke again—slowly:
"If you want to reach your goal, there are two main problems right now."
"First: Lin Yuan's suspicion. That part is easy. I'm guessing our earlier approach was wrong—he isn't suspecting that you're a woman, but something else."
"Then what should I do?"
"Ask him directly."
Texas said decisively. "Ask him what exactly he's doubting. If it's something you can admit, then admit it. If it isn't, deny it clearly. Give him an explanation."
"Clearing up his suspicions shouldn't be too hard."
Exusiai nodded, then couldn't help asking again:
"Then what's the second problem?"
"Obviously—his fear of women."
Texas spoke with a trace of helplessness. "A short-term misunderstanding is easy to resolve. But gynophobia isn't."
"The core obstacle preventing your relationship from developing is his fear of women, right? Because he's afraid of women, you've had to keep the 'brother' relationship."
"If you want to change that, then dealing with the fear itself is unavoidable."
"What can I do?"
Texas shook her head.
"It's a slow grind. The ideal situation is to wear it down over time—get to know him better, and change his fear bit by bit, subtly."
"Find ways to have him interact with other women—at least to the point where he can gradually talk to them. At the same time, slowly reshape the impression you leave in his heart."
"Like raising affection points, little by little—until one day, when the timing is right, you confess everything and tell him you're a woman."
"If all goes well, by then he won't be as afraid of women, and your relationship can finally move forward."
"I've tried that," Exusiai said helplessly. "But it always feels like it doesn't work."
"That guy's fear of women is terrifying. If I want to change it, shouldn't I at least get a foothold first? But there isn't even the slightest sign—he gets scared off immediately."
"That's because your method is wrong," Texas said.
"This is what I'm trying to tell you. Exu—you need to understand him. Figure out where his fear of women comes from. Probe around the edges, look for openings, do whatever you can to learn the truth."
"But… prying into someone's past without permission…"
"Is there any other way?" Texas gave a self-mocking smile. "I even despise myself for proposing it. But there's no method more effective than this."
"Only by finding the root of his fear can you treat the disease properly. Everything you tried before failed because you were groping in the dark—blindly stumbling around."
Then Texas turned to Exusiai and asked, word by word:
"So, Exu—tell me."
"How much do you really know about Lin Yuan?"
…
How much do I know about Lin Yuan, really?
Standing in front of her rented apartment door, Exusiai thought to herself.
Her eyes fixed on the door as if she could already hear the familiar sound of chopping from inside, smell the drifting aroma of food, and hear the greeting that always came after she entered—
"You're back?"
Lin Yuan was probably busy in the kitchen already.
Exusiai remembered it so clearly she could almost see the scene through the door.
But when she tried to think deeper about him, she realized that beneath that gentle silhouette lay a vast blank unknown.
Everything beyond that figure was empty space to her.
All this time, Lin Yuan had never spoken about his past.
And Exusiai—used to friends who had histories they didn't want to mention—had always carefully avoided those topics as well.
But now, she had to drag those questions into the open.
She needed to understand Lin Yuan more—and to figure out why he was afraid of women.
At the very least, she needed to find a way to solve that fear… so she could have a chance.
I really am greedy.
For my own selfish desire, I'm going to do something like this to him.
Exusiai mocked herself inside her heart. But when she pushed the door open, she temporarily pressed that guilt down.
No matter what—
This was the one thing she absolutely had to do.
"You're back?" Lin Yuan called, sticking his head out from the kitchen as usual.
Exusiai nodded—then, as if she'd finally made up her mind, she spoke.
"Lin Yuan. Can you come here for a second?"
Her voice was quiet.
"There's something I want to talk to you about."
-------
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