Chapter 197: Rachel
"All right, all right," Phoebe said, waving her hands to stop the debate. "Doctor, you're dismissed for a few minutes. We need to talk about you."
Ethan nodded obediently.
"Understood."
He returned to the couch and sat back down with the guys.
The moment he was out of earshot, Phoebe lowered her voice.
"So?" she asked eagerly. "Isn't he wonderful?"
Rachel practically leaned into her ear.
"He's amazing! And... he's really adorable."
"He actually reminds me of my dad."
"Not the controlling version he is now."
"I mean the version from when I was little—the gentle one who'd say, 'Whatever you want, sweetheart.'"
Monica nodded.
"And the way he looks at you..." she said. "He genuinely likes you."
Rachel added thoughtfully, "Honestly? I think he likes all three of us."
"I got that feeling too," Monica agreed seriously.
"Wait!" Phoebe interrupted, staring at them. "Are you implying he's a player? Today was only our second time meeting."
"That's not what we mean!" Monica corrected immediately. "I'm saying your relationship hasn't reached that deep emotional connection yet."
"I know that!" Phoebe protested, her voice rising slightly.
Rachel shrugged.
"That's easy to fix."
"Sleep together."
"Your couch, his couch... kitchen floor..."
"Rachel!" Monica shot her a warning look.
"What?" Rachel replied innocently. "I'm a practical person."
Phoebe lowered her voice again.
"He told me he's still in contact with his ex."
Monica blinked.
"So?"
"Did they get back together?"
"No."
"Then it's not a problem."
Monica answered decisively.
"We've all stayed in touch with exes while we were single."
"That's just adulthood."
"The important part is that he told you himself."
"That's a green flag."
Rachel nodded enthusiastically.
"Transparency is attractive."
Phoebe thought about it for a moment.
"...Okay."
"I'll accept that."
---
The three women returned to the seating area.
Monica settled into the armchair, while Phoebe perched herself on the armrest beside Ethan, casually resting a hand on his shoulder.
"What were you talking about?" she asked.
Ethan looked back.
"Ross was telling me about his... lesbian ex-wife."
"I was trying to cheer him up."
"Oh?"
Monica leaned forward with immediate interest.
"Let's hear how a doctor treats heartbreak."
Ethan cleared his throat.
"Let me tell you a story."
"There was once a woman who died on a beach."
"The first person who found her glanced at her... then walked away."
"The second person covered her with his coat before leaving."
"The third person dug a grave and buried her."
Ross frowned.
"...I'm already uncomfortable."
Ethan continued.
"Later, people said all three would share a connection with her in another life."
"The first would merely be a passerby."
"The second would share a meaningful relationship with her."
"But the third..."
"...would be the one she'd spend an entire lifetime repaying."
Silence settled over the group.
Ross asked cautiously,
"So..."
"...I'm the passerby?"
Ethan shook his head.
"No."
"You're the second man."
"Your marriage was real."
"The love you shared wasn't an illusion."
"She truly needed you."
"And she sincerely loved you."
Ross lowered his eyes.
"But... she ended up with a woman."
"That isn't a rejection of you," Ethan said gently.
"It simply means she finally discovered who she truly was."
He paused before continuing.
"You'll still meet a third person."
"The one who'll spend the rest of her life with you."
Without thinking, Ethan glanced toward Rachel.
Ross instinctively followed his gaze—
Then immediately looked away again, as if he'd been burned.
"...That sounded suspiciously like a wedding vow."
Ethan smiled.
"I'm a doctor."
"Sometimes I moonlight as a minister."
Just then, Chandler leaned forward.
"Okay, I need clarification."
Everyone turned toward him.
With complete seriousness, Chandler asked,
"So the moral of the story is..."
"If we want to find true love..."
"...we should start burying bodies on beaches?"
Ethan rubbed his forehead.
"Chandler..."
"But preferably female bodies," Chandler continued. "Because if you bury a guy, I assume all you get is lifelong brotherhood."
Joey frowned thoughtfully.
"What if I bury the wrong person?"
Chandler considered it.
"Then maybe you'll be reborn as a woman."
Joey immediately objected.
"No way."
"Little Joey has to stay in the game."
Chandler patted him reassuringly.
"You could still like women."
Joey thought about it.
"...Still no."
Rachel picked up the menu.
"All right, enough."
"Does anyone want anything else?"
"I'll have a coffee, thanks," Ethan said.
"Got it."
Chandler raised a hand.
"Oh, and I'd like—"
Rachel didn't even look up.
"Sold out. Next."
Ethan blinked.
"What happened between you two?"
Chandler answered calmly,
"Nothing."
"She's just still punishing me because I accidentally saw her breasts."
Ross's eyes widened.
"What?!"
"Why were you looking at Rachel's breasts?"
Chandler spread his hands.
"Relax."
"It was an accident."
"It's not like I was sitting across the street with binoculars and a box of donuts."
Rachel tapped her pen against the menu.
"Can we please change the subject?"
Phoebe pointed seriously at Rachel's chest.
"They're not just her chest."
"They're her breasts."
Rachel sighed.
"Phoebe... that isn't exactly the kind of topic change I was hoping for."
Chandler looked at Rachel earnestly.
"Seriously."
"I don't understand why you're so embarrassed."
"They're..."
"...very nice."
Rachel narrowed her eyes.
"Nice?"
"They're nice?"
"A lot of things are nice."
"Store mannequins are nice."
"So what are you saying?"
"I should just put them on display for everyone?"
Chandler sighed dramatically.
"Great."
"Cliff in front of me."
"Wild beast behind me."
"I'm trapped."
Joey and Ross quietly lowered their heads and focused on their coffee, pretending not to exist.
Ethan couldn't help laughing.
Rachel immediately caught him.
"Doctor..."
"What are you laughing about?"
"Nothing."
Ethan looked up to find everyone staring at him.
"I'm just a little jealous of Chandler."
The temperature in the room seemed to drop instantly.
The three women all looked at him suspiciously.
He hurriedly clarified.
"I mean..."
"I'm jealous that when Chandler saw them..."
"...his first thought was that they were beautiful."
"I've been a doctor for too long."
"Whenever I see a part of the human body, my first instinct is to think about medical conditions."
"Is the anatomy normal?"
"Any abnormal retraction?"
"Any suspicious lumps?"
"Any signs that might indicate cancer?"
"...Oh."
Rachel instinctively folded her arms over herself.
"You've suddenly made me want to schedule an examination."
"Me too," Phoebe chimed in.
"Same here," Monica added.
"No problem."
Ethan smiled warmly.
"My clinic is always open."
"Professional service..."
"...and free of charge."
"Hold on!"
Chandler pointed at himself.
"How is this fair?"
"I accidentally see something once and get condemned..."
"...but they can book appointments to have you look on purpose?"
Ethan answered calmly.
"Because I'm a doctor."
Joey immediately leaned forward.
"So..."
"...you've seen a lot?"
"Quite a few."
Ethan nodded.
"Afterward, they usually thank me..."
"...and then pay me."
"My God..."
Chandler sighed dramatically.
"We all picked the wrong profession."
Ross and Joey silently nodded in complete agreement.
---
Somehow, after chatting over coffee, several hours slipped by without anyone noticing.
Ethan found himself genuinely surprised.
Does time move differently in this café?
Rachel had already finished her shift.
Central Perk ran two shifts:
Morning: 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Evening: 4:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.
She'd worked the morning shift today. She looked a little tired, but she was clearly in good spirits.
The group led Ethan upstairs to Monica and Rachel's apartment.
"I just want to make one thing clear."
Phoebe raised a finger.
"We're only staying for five minutes."
"Then Ethan and I are going to see a movie."
"Don't worry," Chandler said as he followed behind them.
"We won't interfere with your plans to make out during the movie."
"The theater isn't going to dim the lights early just because you showed up ahead of schedule."
Rachel, carrying several takeaway coffees, looked back at Ethan with a smile.
"Welcome to our apartment."
The apartment door swung open.
The familiar purple walls.
The white curtains by the window.
And the immaculate kitchen counters...
So spotless they looked ready to pass a surprise food safety inspection at any moment.
Ross, Chandler, and Joey walked through the door as if they were coming home. Without a word, they automatically drifted to their usual spots.
"So this is your headquarters?" Ethan asked, looking around.
"Pretty much," Rachel replied as she set the coffees down. "Chandler and Joey live across the hall."
"But honestly, other than when they're sleeping, this apartment is basically everyone's apartment."
"I've slept here too," Chandler added.
"That was because you were drunk," Monica rolled her eyes.
Phoebe casually set her guitar beside the couch and patted the empty seat next to her.
"Doctor, sit here."
As Ethan sat down, he couldn't help taking in every detail of the apartment.
Monica soon returned with a neatly arranged plate of homemade pastries.
"So, Doctor," she said as she sat across from them, resting her chin in one hand, "what are your friends like? Are they all as smart and accomplished as you?"
"They're much smarter than I am," Ethan replied with a smile, still glancing around the apartment. "One of them is actually a lot like you. He's obsessed with cleanliness and..."
He had been about to say control, but changed it at the last second.
"...order."
"Really?" Monica's eyes lit up. "What's he like?"
"Tall and very thin. He walks a bit like a robot..."
"...or an elegant praying mantis."
"Sounds like a perfect match for Monica," Chandler muttered under his breath.
"And?" Monica prompted eagerly.
Ethan continued.
"His hamburgers have to be assembled in a precise order."
"Saturday is always laundry night."
"He wakes up and goes to bed at exactly the same time every day—down to the minute."
"Even his bathroom schedule is fixed."
Joey looked genuinely confused.
"How does he know ahead of time when he's going to need the bathroom?"
"His biological clock," Ethan answered seriously.
"He eats the same meals every week and follows an incredibly strict routine."
"So basically..."
"...he has obsessive-compulsive tendencies turned up to the maximum."
Monica thought about it for two seconds.
"...He actually sounds pretty impressive."
Everyone exchanged knowing looks.
Apparently, Monica had become surprisingly interested in Ethan's mysterious friend.
Still admiring the apartment, Ethan waved a hand dismissively.
"Oh, he's brilliant."
"But he's completely incapable of adapting."
Phoebe, seemingly oblivious to what was happening, suddenly asked,
"Hey, Doctor..."
"Do you think he'd want to go on a date with Monica?"
"...What?!"
Ethan nearly jumped out of his seat.
When he turned around, Monica looked genuinely serious.
Wait...
Where did that come from?
Sheldon... and Monica?
He actually thought about it.
Oddly enough...
They weren't a terrible match.
There was just one tiny problem.
"...Well..."
"He only sleeps with his girlfriend once a year."
"On her birthday."
"What?!" everyone exclaimed at once.
Ethan nodded solemnly.
"I'm serious."
"...Well then."
Monica instantly lost interest.
Ethan quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
Although...
These two friend groups really do have some surprisingly compatible pairings.
Joey and Penny—they're both actors.
Monica and Sheldon—they're both obsessive about organization...
He quickly shook the ridiculous thought out of his head.
Rachel still looked bewildered.
"Do guys like that really exist?"
"...Is he gay?"
"No."
Ethan shook his head.
"He's straight."
"He's just... not particularly interested in that aspect of life."
Joey asked sincerely,
"So what is he interested in?"
"Theoretical physics."
"Oh."
Joey nodded confidently.
"I get it."
...Do you, though?
Rachel wandered over to the couch and stopped beside Chandler.
As usual, Chandler's gaze unconsciously drifted downward...
...and settled on her chest.
"I still don't understand," Rachel said. "How can someone only have sex once a year? Is he—"
She noticed where Chandler was looking.
"Chandler."
She narrowed her eyes.
"Would you please stop staring at my breasts?"
"Huh?"
Chandler snapped back to reality.
"I was thinking about theoretical physics."
"You?"
Rachel stared at him.
"Thinking about physics?"
"Absolutely."
"I was contemplating gravity."
Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Didn't you get enough of that this morning?"
"Okay, okay!" Ross stepped in, raising both hands like a mediator.
"We're all adults here."
"So there's only one reasonable solution."
He paused dramatically before looking at Chandler.
"Since you've seen her breasts..."
"...I think it's only fair that she gets to see your little buddy."
The entire room immediately erupted with cheers and laughter.
Rachel folded her arms, looking thoroughly entertained.
"He's right."
"An eye for an eye."
Chandler leaned backward in horror.
"Sorry."
"I'd rather give you one of my eyes."
Phoebe checked the time before standing up and patting Ethan on the shoulder.
"Hey, Ethan."
"We should get going."
"Already?"
Ethan looked genuinely reluctant.
"I kind of want to see how this ends."
"I still don't know whether Chandler's going to sacrifice his dignity."
"I won't," Chandler said immediately.
"Go enjoy your movie."
"All right..."
Ethan stood up.
Just as he and Phoebe were about to leave, Monica hurried over, looking unusually hesitant.
"Um..."
"I've been thinking about your friend."
"I was wondering..."
Ethan looked at her expectantly.
She fidgeted for a moment before finally saying,
"...Maybe..."
"...when my birthday comes around..."
"...I could go on a date with him."
"..."
Ethan was speechless.
The problem is...
Sheldon hasn't even had his first time yet.
Amy spent years patiently breaking through his defenses before he finally opened his heart...
Looking at Monica's hopeful expression, Ethan wanted to refuse outright.
But he couldn't quite bring himself to do it.
"...Well..."
"I'll... ask him when I get back."