"How... how could this be?"
Kakashi Hatake sat in the Hokage's office, wearing a look of total, existential despair. His lifelong reputation as the cool, mysterious Copy Ninja was completely ruined.
He could already hear the enemy Ninjas on the battlefield: 'Watch out! It's Kakashi! Guard your butt! He's going to use the Thousand Years of Death!'
The thought made him want to retire immediately. Everything had become dull and meaningless.
"Kakashi," Hiruzen Sarutobi said after a moment of heavy silence, looking at his elite Jonin with pity. "Try to use... proper Ninjutsu in the future. For the sake of the village's image."
"Lord Third..."
Kakashi looked at Hiruzen with a crumbling expression. Even the Hokage thought he was a pervert now?
"Keep watching, keep watching!" Shikaku quickly spoke up, pulling the topic back before Kakashi could commit seppuku.
[The test continued on the screen.
Although Kakashi's "secret technique" was vulgar, it was more insulting than damaging. Naruto was launched into the river but didn't lose his fighting capability.
In fact, he bounced back. He used Shadow Clones to cooperate with each other, successfully sneaking behind Kakashi to grab him.
POOF!
Kakashi used the Substitution Jutsu to swap places with one of Naruto's own clones. The result was total chaos, with the clones beating each other up in a cloud of dust.
Afterward, Naruto fell for a simple rope trap set by Kakashi. He was left dangling upside down by his ankle, swaying in the breeze like a captured animal.
After dealing with the loudmouth, Kakashi turned his attention to the others.
Sakura fell victim to a Genjutsu, fainting at the sight of a "dying" Sasuke. That left only the Uchiha himself.
Sasuke lived up to his clan's name. As the top student of the year, his performance was leagues ahead of Naruto or Sakura.
Through a combination of shurikenjutsu, traps, and aggressive Taijutsu, Sasuke managed to touch the bells at Kakashi's waist. His fingers brushed against the metal—just a hair's breadth away.
Unfortunately, "almost" doesn't count in the ninja world. Kakashi got serious, used a Earth Style technique, and buried Sasuke up to his neck in the dirt.
Throughout the exam, Kakashi dismantled them using Taijutsu, Genjutsu, and Ninjutsu, exposing the massive gap in their abilities.
While Sasuke was fighting for his life, Naruto managed to cut himself down from the tree. He tried to sneak over to the memorial stone to eat the bento lunches while Kakashi wasn't looking.
"Gotcha."
Kakashi appeared instantly. Naruto was caught red-handed and tied to the center stake as punishment.
The alarm rang. Noon.
"Fail," Kakashi said, looking down at the three demoralized Genin. "You should just give up on being Ninjas."
"Even if we didn't pass, what do you mean by not letting us be Ninjas?!"
Naruto screamed, struggling against the ropes. Sasuke's reaction was more direct—he charged straight at Kakashi with a kunai, only to be pinned to the ground in seconds.
"You don't understand at all why we train in three-man squads," Kakashi said, his single eye cold and sharp. "It's for teamwork."
He began to dissect their failures.
"Sakura! You were so obsessed with Sasuke you didn't even look at Naruto. You didn't help him when he was right in front of you."
"Naruto! You just ran around doing everything by yourself."
"Sasuke! You thought the others were burdens and tried to do everything alone."
"The three of you have zero chemistry. No trust. No teamwork."
Kakashi explained the true purpose of the test: The setup of three people fighting for two bells was deliberate, designed to pit them against each other to see if they could overcome their self-interest for the sake of the squad.
"I'll give the three of you one more chance," Kakashi said, his voice softening slightly. "This afternoon will be a much harder battle for the bells. If you want to participate, eat your lunch now to build up strength."
"But," Kakashi pointed a strict finger at the boy tied to the post. "You are not allowed to give any food to Naruto. This is his punishment for breaking the rules and trying to steal lunch."
"If you feed him, you fail immediately. I will be watching."
Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Sasuke and Sakura picked up their chopsticks and started eating. The smell of the food wafted over to the starving Naruto, whose stomach roared like a beast.
"Here," Sasuke said suddenly.
He held out his bento box toward Naruto. "Eat this."
"Eh?"
"Sa-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura gasped. "Didn't Sensei just say... if we feed him, we fail!"
"It's fine," Sasuke said, glancing around. "I don't sense his presence nearby. We need to snatch the bells this afternoon. If Naruto is starving and weak, he'll just drag us down. It'll be a hassle for me."
Although Sasuke's words were cold and pragmatic, he had finally shown an awareness of the team.
"Then..."
Sakura looked around nervously, then sighed. She held out her own box. "Here, take some of mine too."
"Sakura-chan..." Naruto's eyes welled up with tears.
Since Naruto was tied up and couldn't use his hands, Sakura had to feed him.
"Hurry up and eat before he comes back!"
Naruto opened his mouth.
BOOM!
A massive explosion of smoke erupted in front of them.
"YOU...!"
Kakashi appeared like a demon from hell. He loomed over them, weaving hand signs at blinding speed. The sky instantly darkened. Thunder rumbled. Lightning crackled ominously in the black clouds.
"You dare to defy my rules?" Kakashi's voice was a deep growl. "Have you thought about the consequences?"
The terrifying killing intent washed over them. Naruto's teeth chattered.
"But... but, Sensei!"
"You said it yourself!"
"The three of us are a team!"
"That's right! The three of us are one!"
Though they were trembling with fear, they stood their ground.
Kakashi stared at them for a long, tense moment.
"The three of you are one?"
Suddenly, the demon face vanished. Kakashi's eye curled into a happy crescent moon.
"You pass."
The dark clouds dissipated instantly. Sunlight spilled down onto the training ground.
"Eh?"
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura blinked, completely confused. They felt like they had just been on an emotional rollercoaster.
"You represent the first team I've ever passed," Kakashi said warmly. "Before you, everyone was just a bunch of idiots who listened to whatever I said without question."
"A Ninja must see underneath the underneath."
"In the Ninja World, those who break the rules are scum..."
Kakashi looked up at the blue sky, his mind drifting to a memory of a boy with goggles and a determined smile.
"...but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum."]
[Naruto, use the Sexy Jutsu! It's your only hope!]
[Shadow Clones plus Sexy Jutsu? Invincible combination!]
[That depends on the person. Kakashi reads Icha Icha Paradise in public; I feel like his resistance to Sexy Jutsu is maxed out.]
[Hahaha, the Shadow Clones are fighting among themselves again!]
[Sakura is useless here. She fell for a basic Genjutsu.]
[Using Genjutsu on a Genin? That's a bit much, isn't it?]
[You still have to count on Sasuke; his Taijutsu is actually impressive for a rookie.]
[These three have zero cooperation! It's painful to watch.]
[Sakura feeding him... look at Naruto's face! He's in heaven.]
[SasuSaku is the true pairing. Look at them eating lunch together.]
[But NaruSaku is a better ship! She fed him!]
[SasuNaru is the sweetest, okay? Sasuke gave him his food first!]
[Can't all three be together? Why choose?]
[No! The waifu wars must continue!]
[Hahaha, it's rare to see such unity in the comments!]
[Kakashi is thinking about Obito, right?]
[Definitely. Obito was the one who said that line originally.]
[Kakashi's lecture is for Naruto and Sasuke, but he's also talking to his past self.]
[As a genius elite when he was young, he valued the mission above all else. He was colder than Sasuke.]
[When your personal ability is strong, it's easy to overlook the team. It took Obito's "death" to teach him otherwise.]