Here are the grammar and style corrections for your chapter, organized by category for clarity.
1. Tense Shifts & Consistency
The chapter is written in past tense, but there are a few shifts to present tense.
· Original: "That was his biggest concern." (This is correct in past tense)
· Original: "He walked slowly, observing the street and the town gate visible from the plaza." (Correct)
· Correction: In the final section, the action shifts to present tense. It should be made consistent.
· Original: An arrow came out of nowhere and the bird got shot down instantly.
· Corrected: An arrow came out of nowhere and the bird was shot down instantly. (Maintaining past tense)
2. Sentence Structure & Flow
Some sentences are run-ons or awkwardly phrased. Breaking them up improves readability.
· Original: "He looked back. Parcival Zenya was coming toward him in hurried strides."
· Issue: Slightly choppy.
· Alternative: He looked back to see Parcival Zenya approaching in hurried strides. (Minor style improvement)
· Original: "Several unfathomable glances were given to them while they were walking but he couldn't do anything about it."
· Issue: Run-on sentence.
· Corrected: Several unfathomable glances were given to them while they were walking, but he couldn't do anything about it. (Added comma before conjunction)
· Original: "Parcival tried again, waving his hand in front of Azek. "Well, you are definitely not doing something not special.""
· Issue: Double negative ("not doing something not special") is confusing.
· Corrected: "Well, you are definitely not doing nothing special." or "Well, you are definitely doing something." (To match the context, likely the intended meaning is that Azek is doing something.)
· Better: "Well, you are definitely doing something. If you tell me, I will help you."
· Original: "He still didn't have enough evidence to support his claim, so he grabbed Parcival's waving hand."
· Issue: The logic feels slightly inverted. He grabs the hand because he has a suspicion (the stain), even if he lacks full evidence.
· Suggestion: He still didn't have enough evidence to support his claim, but he grabbed Parcival's waving hand.
3. Word Choice & Clarity
· Original: "like a tenacious bug"
· Issue: While grammatically correct, "bug" is often used for insects, while "parasite" or "leech" might fit the negative connotation better, or simply "insect."
· Alternative: like a tenacious insect.
· Original: "his tone notching down a bit"
· Issue: "Notching down" is slightly awkward. "Notching down" usually implies adjusting a physical notch. "Dropping" or "tightening" is more common for tone.
· Alternative: his tone tightening a bit.
· Original: "He let go of his hand."
· Issue: Repetition of "hand" from the previous sentence.
· Alternative: He let go.
· Original: "A small amount of mana flickered and an alarm warning went out to patrol mages."
· Issue: "Alarm warning" is redundant.
· Corrected: A small amount of mana flickered and an alarm went out to patrol mages.
4. Punctuation & Formatting
· Original: zewwwwwww. (Used for the arrow sound)
· Issue:
· Correction: Ensure that after the first mention, you stick to "Parcival" unless the full name is needed for emphasis.
Corrected Version
Chapter 51
Azek looked at the evening sky. The sun was setting, and the weather was pleasant, with a slight cool breeze blowing after the rain.
The streets were filled with people going about their routine. The recent attack had left the atmosphere a bit tense.
He was walking through the town market.
"Azek, wait for me!" a voice came from behind.
He looked back to see Parcival Zenya approaching in hurried strides.
Azek raised his brows. There was something that had been pinching at the back of his mind ever since the start of the Northwest journey, but he had ignored it.
Now, that intuition was becoming strong. He was uncomfortable communicating with Parcival, and even he didn't know the reason why.
At first, he tried to ignore it because he was a bit of an introvert and found it hard to deal with people like Parcival, who proactively made new acquaintances and were always expressive about themselves.
But now, it had gone a bit beyond the mere human interaction level. Parcival was following him everywhere ever since he came out of town hall, like a tenacious insect, despite his obvious discomfort.
Although other students and the Princess were impressed with Azek's feat as well, they didn't openly shower him with praises and start following him, as they were busy with their own things.
Parcival was an exception, subtly dropping hints about how much he admired him and practically gluing himself to Azek.
Several unfathomable glances were given to them while they were walking, but he couldn't do anything about it. Parcival had thick skin.
That was his biggest concern.
He walked slowly, observing the street and the town gate visible from the plaza. Parcival caught up to him.
"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing special," he replied curtly and continued observing.
Parcival tried again, waving his hand in front of Azek. "Well, you are definitely doing something. If you tell me, I will help you."
Azek looked at the hand waving in front of him and sighed. Something caught his eye, but he controlled his expression.
He wasn't sure about this conjecture, but now someone had provided him a detail to convince him of his hypothesis.
Monsters always got attracted to areas with high mana density and contaminated areas, so infected bodies were a huge headache to deal with.
He had always been thinking: why did the monster suddenly attack their carriage instead of the mages who had a lot more mana and obviously mana crystals stored as well?
At first, he tried to ignore his hunch, but a detail kept replaying in his mind. He had noticed a blood stain inside the carriage which was dark red.
It was dried and was in an inconspicuous corner nobody would pay attention to. But Azek had observed it. He was trying to make sense of things but didn't have proof.
Now, Parcival had a small dot stain of blood peeking out from his arm. Although it was only speculation, now he had a suspect.
He still didn't have enough evidence to support his claim, but he grabbed Parcival's waving hand. Parcival was caught off guard.
"And what sort of help can Senior offer?" he asked in a normal tone, and an invisible strand of mana left his hand and drove into Parcival's arm.
He let go.
Parcival replied with a second's delay. "I am the only one in the final year who knows how to cast high-grade air affinity spells.
They are really handy in situations," he said, his tone tightening a bit. There was something different about Azek's usual stoic expression.
Azek nodded his head. "They are really handy. I will let Senior Parcival know when I need your help."
A smile bloomed on his lips, and he made his way to the inn. His gaze drifted toward the arm which had the blood stain on it.
Parcival was lightly scratching the area. The blood had been burned, and only a small red patch remained.