By all accounts, she was right. And he knew it, too. He had constantly been thinking about doubting them or not, the pros and cons. But when she said it out loud...
'It sounds so wrong.'
These people basically gave him their life. It was him that had chosen this team, after being selected as Captain. His decision was based on the couple years they all spent training together, which were, for the record, the best years of his life.
They had saved each other's life many times, laughed together even more, and he could sleep around them without fear.
And yet he didn't trust them ?
Baoba felt like he had woken up from a dream. Those doubts were so obviously wrong and utterly stupid he even suspected he had been mind controlled.
Could anyone really be this dense ?
Apparently, yes. The mother tree wouldn't allow any creatures capable of that to get this close.
And now, all because of his stupidity, they were dead.
He was silent for a good ten seconds. His eyes were open wide, firmly pointed at the ground as he processed the enormity of his mistake the best he could.
Finally, he spoke : "...Yeah. You're right. I don't even remember what was going through my mind then. It really is so clear now... Somehow, I... I didn't trust you guys."
His throat felt obstructed. Did he even have the right to apologize for this ? He sure didn't deserve forgiveness. Maybe if he stayed silent and let them hate him it would right this wrong, even just a little bit...
Unfortunately, he couldn't afford to make another mistake right now.
"I'm... really sorry."
As expected, it didn't help. His guilt still pressed on him with the weight of a house.
Pando's voice suddenly rang out from the side. "Captain, trust or not, I'm still the one who made the fatal mistake. If I had just moved a bit quicker back in the air, my leg wouldn't have found itself at this angle."
And she repeated : "I'm sorry, too."
Next to her, Urtica spoke : "My behaviour the day before probably didn't help at all, either. Maybe you would've felt safe enough to tell us if I had been less suspicious or more honest."
"I'm just as faulty as the rest of you. I'm sorry."
'What's happening ?'
Were they trying to make him feel better ? Why ? Why would they bring up such small matters when it was all his fault?
Capcsium spoke next : "You know, after the first explosion, I saw all of you lose consciousness, but I didn't. I saw Baoba put my projectile in the new box, yet I still waited for his call and then some to activate it. We would not have been falling this fast at the last moment if I acted sooner."
With a smile, she added : "I'm sorry as well."
He really didn't understand. Those were actual mistakes, not undeniable proof of profound foolishness. Why were they bringing those up as if they were equal ?
Seeing Baoba's baffeled look, Venus sighed and explained : "We all made mistakes. We wouldn't need a team if we didn't. I, for one, spent three whole fucking minutes building that box, planted many wrong nails, and even had to take one out at the beginning. Maybe you could have had the time to explain if I woke up my two brain cells and did it faster. I'm also sorry for this. The thing is, we need to rely on each other to cover the mistakes we made."
She smiled and continued : "And if we're ever lost enough to not even see our mistakes, it's also our duty to knock some sense back into each other."
Baoba didn't even know what to say. No one else spoke, either.
...
Baoba had recovered from his shock, and understood his team's mentality a bit more.
At his core, he was not a stupid person. That is to say, when presented with facts or opinions, he was capable of analysing them and connect them to his previous knowledge. He was also not too afraid to change his opinion if presented with a new reasoning.
He became like this as a necessity. If someone was alone for this often or this long, they too would learn to use their head, even if it was just to fight boredom.
And so, now, thanks to Venus's explanation, he managed to make sense of his team's thoughts.
And he was smiling lightly, without answering. He didn't want to admit it, but, in truth, he was glad to not be alone right now.
...
Now the silence was just awkward. Venus's cheesy speech was left unanswered, and now her face was turning red between her knees in a corner.
Baoba kind of wanted to talk, but couldn't find the words. He had never wished to be good at conversations as much as he did now.
So instead, he took in the scenery.
The entrance of the cave was now completely engulfed in flames. The sounds of branches cracking and falling constantly broke the wall of silence.
The flames were a dancing, bright crimson. He was sitting a few meters from them, but they still warmed his entire body.
The beige stone floor of the cave was getting hotter, too. It was nothing too alarming, just a testament to just how hot it was out there.
No beasts would be able to come through just yet. However, eventually the forest was going to run out of carbon, or it would rain. Then, before it got cool enough for elves to survive, they would get swarmed by suicidal, already half-burned monsters, and once again held in place until the main forces arrived alive and well.
This time, the cursed only had to block a single direction. No escape was possible.
Pando would have warned them if this cave had another entrance. She was not nearly rattled enough to forget to check for a miraculous escape plan.
So they were okay for now, but only for now.
And for now, the unbreakable silence was their biggest issue.
Until Capcsium sighed loudly and broke it.
"You know what ? I'm done. It always ends up like this, we all think about stuff all on our own, and no one dares to speak because of all the secrets we have. Like it would be so terrible to actually be transparent for once. It was awkward before, but now it's just pissing me off.
"So, here's what we're going to do : one after the other, we're gonna tell our biggest secret, one we've never told anyone before. Then we're gonna talk about it, and we're gonna explain it, and we're not going to spend our last moments in this world too afraid to even speak. Are we okay ? I don't care, I'll go first.
"I... Don't actually like fire."
They all stared at her.
'That.. can't be true.'
"That can't be true." Venus had surprisingly voiced his exact thoughts.
Urtica also chimed in : "If so, why are you always playing with it ?"
Capcsium had not expected her confession to be denied. She replied insistently : "It is ! Well, I guess I do like playing with it -shut up Venus- but it's more like.. I like making fire, you know ? I like the thought of me being able to produce fire."
This made little sense to Baoba. He couldn't quite see the difference between the two. Apparently, his feeling was shared.
After a quick look-around, Capcsium was able to gather that she hadn't been clear. She sighed and explained.
"Fire.. is scary. It used to be a real trauma for me, so I really can't say I like it." While saying this, she traced the edges of the scars on her face with her hand.
She threw her head back and continued : "I was born with red hair, and this blessing of fire. Of course, back then, my parents didn't know about that last part. They just saw their cherished baby and couldn't bear to part with it for the blessing quarantine. So, they hid my birth and kept me at home. I grew up there, and they never checked with a private diviner to learn my blessing. It was a really nice home, almost a manor that had once belonged to a noble.
"Eventually, I found out that I could charge objects with heat. The house was big, and it was winter at that time. The weather inside was basically the same as the weather outside. So I thought, Great ! With this new power, I can warm up every room of this house, and my parents will come back to a cozy home ! And so I did just that. I charged a different object in basically every room of the house.
"Later that day, I was experimenting in my room upstairs, and discovered that I could 'release' the small knots that had accumulated in my head. When I finally found out what I was doing, it was too late. I was stuck on the second floor of an entirely wooden house. "
She stopped, apparently reminiscing.
"If our neighbours were not home that day, the help would have come much later, and I would've died right there."
She sighed once again. Evidently, this was not an easy memory for her.
The blessing quarantine she had mentioned was a standard procedure when new elves were born. There were some cases in the past of a newborn immediately stumbling on their blessing before the end of their first month, and if the blessing in question was dangerous, it could cause major safety issues.
So, now, every new baby had to spend a day or two at a secure facility, where a diviner would foretell the baby's power. If it was too dangerous, there were ways to seal it until the child was old enough to learn how to use it safely.
But cases like these were very rare, and new parents obviously wanted to keep their baby close to them.
"Oh, I remember that story. A child accidentally burnt down her family home and assets with her blessing quite some time ago. A true tragedy." Pando said. "We studied it a little at school."
Capcsium frowned. "What do you mean school ? I was six, so weren't you, like, four at that time ?"
"Yes, I was." She did not elaborate.
Venus shook off her shock. "No, that's not the point right now ! That had to be horrible, I'm so sorry for you !"
Capcsium shrugged. "It's alright. I mean, don't get me wrong, it definitely wasn't, I spent a lot of time getting over it. But eventually, I did. These days, when I use my blessing, it's a proof that I'm stronger than before, that I won't let this happen again, and that I'm in control. And I do like this aspect of it.
"But still, every time I see a flame, another part of me is scared. A part of me that wants to stop, and live the rest of my life in the cold. That's my secret."
It was then that Baoba noticed that since the very beginning, Capcsium had avoided looking to her left, where the fire was. It made sense now : such a fire was definitely stronger than her, it definitely wasn't under control.
He suddenly felt guilty about asking her to unleash it. It really couldn't have been easy.
He wanted to apologise again, but before he could, Urtica spoke.
"Thank you. For sharing. I know that was difficult."
There was a bizarre weight behind his words. His face was blank as ever, and his gloved hands were still.
'Wait a minute, gloves ?'
They were only a few meters away from the mother of all fires, and this guy wore gloves ?
Even weirder, Baoba didn't remember seeing him put them on in the cave. But he definitely didn't wear them while fighting or in the air.
Did he put them on while sprinting full speed ?
Why ? He obviously had something going on with them, but why was it so important ?
Maybe now, he would get his answers.
"By the way, Urtica, I think it's going to be your turn now. If your darkest secret is too much, you can start with what happened yesterday in the shelter."
Those were the first words Baoba said since Venus's speech. Even he found himself rude, but he really couldn't help himself. Today, between all the plans about the impending ambush, and what to do once they got back, his thoughts had been crowded. And yet, half of them were still looping around this subject. He was dying of curiosity.
Urtica smiled gently and responded : "They are one and the same. It's okay, I was planning to talk about it eventually."
He took in a big breath to gather his courage, then spoke.
"I killed a man."