Kael didn't remember exactly how he had died.
He only knew that if one day someone found out, he'd rather die again.
When he opened his eyes, he wasn't in heaven, nor in hell.
He was in. . . a stable.
Smell of hay, old wood, a horse chewing in slow motion.
Nothing matched an afterlife.
But it definitely matched defeat.
"Up already, mortal?"
Said a voice full of swagger.
Kael turned his head.
A skinny man, messy black hair, patchy beard, deep dark circles, and a cheap celestial robe. The divine glow around him looked like a graphics bug.
And he was sitting on a wooden toilet, with the posture of a king.
Scrolls floated around him, all with censored covers.
A fly landed on his shoulder. He didn't even notice.
"Who. . . are you?"
Kael asked.
The man lifted his chin.
"I am ALTUS PERVERTUS, the divine archmage of the one hundred and eighth celestial spheres!"
Kael blinked slowly.
". . . Bro. You're sitting on a toilet inside a stable."
Altus thumped his chest, offended.
"This is a SACRED THRONE OF PURIFICATION! The location is. . . Circumstantial."
The horse behind him whinnied in disagreement.
Altus cleared his throat.
"Anyway. . . Mortal, you died. In a way… pathetic. But, because I am generous, I will grant you a second life."
Kael sighed in relief.
"Really? Thank you, God."
"Don't call me God," said Altus. "It's complicated."
Altus opened a book with censored drawings.
"Let's get to what matters: your new form will be. . . Female."
Kael froze.
"WHAT!?"
"For spiritual reasons. And also because you irritated me just by existing."
Kael felt his soul leave the body he didn't even have anymore.
"You will be reborn as Kaela Orion, bearer of the extremely rare class, Heir of Unwanted Magnetism!"
"That's a curse," Kael said.
"NO! It's a gift. Well. . . For me it is."
Altus closed the book.
"And here is your main mission, kill the Demon King."
Kael took a deep breath.
Altus opened another glowing scroll, way too excited.
". . . and retrieve for me the SS+ Forbidden Relic he keeps."
Kael blinked.
"I have to kill a Demon King. . . to get a porno magazine?"
Altus raised a finger.
"And only then will you be able to recover your male body."
Silence.
Kael went rigid. The horse let out a mocking whinny.
Altus spread his arms dramatically, still sitting on the toilet.
Kael thought:
"If this is the afterlife. . . I want a refund."
Then everything turned white.
And the worst adventure in the universe began.