The hours in the tent felt like an eternity. I sat on the edge of the cot, the silence ringing in my ears, until a soft scratching at the tent flap made me jump.
But the figure and air didn't carry the piercing heftiness Lord did, causing me to relax a little as I let out a soft "Come in."
"My Lady? Lord Kaldric is at the King's council. He... he mentioned you hadn't eaten."
Sir Aldwin entered, placing a tray full of food on the table. It had soup, roasted meat, bread, water, and a few sweet berries. My eyes twinkled at the amount of food.
"This is all we have for today."
"My Lord is not here, Sir."
"I know. This is yours."
I mindlessly asked with excitement, "All of it?"
He let out a soft chuckle, "Yes. All of it. Eat. And warm up by the fire after it."
I nodded as he walked away, leaving me with the incredible amount of food I had never been presented with before. My hand hastily picked the meat as I took a large bite of it.
Tears began to fill my eyes. My hands began to tremble violently, thanking the Almighty for the mercy of showing me a day where I didn't have to worry if I would sleep with an empty stomach or not.
The amount of food, the savory taste, the fulfillment made me weep as I ate the food.
For a blissful moment, I forgot the destructive marriage, I forgot I was a disdain, I forgot everything and indulged in the food.
But, the delight of food vanished as quickly as it arrived by the time I was done with it. Smiling, my plate was cleaned. I did not dare to waste a single drop.
After I was done, my body overflowing with the heat of immense delight vanished the moment I stepped outside the camp in search of fire.
The camp was a hive of men. Nine other knights and a hundred soldiers were breaking down tents.
The moment I emerged, I felt their eyes on me.
I saw the other Knight– Sir Gawain and Sir Thorne– lingering by the horses, their gazes traveling slowly over me. They weren't hiding it.
They were looking for a glimpse of what lay beneath the Commander's cloak, their expressions a mix of hunger and curiosity.
"Commander is a lucky man," I jumped in fear when another knight by the fire let out a chuckle while chugging ale.
Another one commented, "Even if he treats his 'luck' like a curse."
"Is the Commander sharing, or is that cloak the only thing we're allowed to see?" Sir Gawain shouted, followed by a raucous laughter.
My face burned with embarrassment. Usually I would have run away but today, my feet froze. I was immobilised.
I looked at the ground, my bare feet treading on the sharp grass as I searched for familiar boots of Lord Kaldric. Unknowingly, I was seeking him.
The comments grew bolder, more serrated. They spoke of my body, of the 'price' Lord Kaldric must have paid, and of what they would do if they had a turn with the girl in the red cloak.
"Ignore them, Lady Ardelle." Sir Aldwin whispered, his jaw tight, glaring at them. "They have had too much ale."
But I couldn't ignore them. The humiliation was a weight suffocating me. Mustering courage, my gaze lifted up and saw a group of high-ranking knights coming from the King's pavilion.
Lord Kaldric was at the lead.
Our eyes met. I felt a surge of desperate hope. He was my husband. He was their Commander. One word from him would silence this filth.
I moved toward him, the cold damp ground biting onto my barefoot but I had no regard towards it.
"My Lord..." I whispered, standing behind him. "The men... they are looking. I have nothing to wear. I feel... exposed."
"If they look, let them look."
His words were an enunciation. I froze. My heart sank. The shame gobbled me raw. My strength was draining, replaced with a repulsion I had never experienced in my entire life.
"They…" I stepped closer, daring to stand beside him. Maybe he hadn't heard me properly.
"They are saying horrible things," I gestured vaguely to the laughing circle of men, making an almost crying face, "Please, make them stop."
Lord Kaldric's gaze swept over the soldiers. They went quiet for a moment, waiting for the lash of his tongue. Instead, a slow, mocking smirk touched his lips that worsened the flicker of hope I had.
"If you didn't want to be the subject of their jests, you should have stayed in the shadows I assigned you," he said loud enough for the entire circle to hear.
"You are a wife in name only; do not expect me to waste my breath defending your vanity."
The soldiers erupted in a roar of laughter, emboldened by their Commander's dismissal.
I looked at Lord Kaldric who started to walk away, leaving me among hundreds of men to feast their eyes. My heart shattered, a sharp, inexplicable pain that was harsher than any frostbite I had faced.
For a heartbeat, I refused to believe he was the same man who wrapped this cloak around me after he sheltered my dignity.
But, he simply stepped toward his tent without a backward glance. He was letting them tear me apart with their words, standing by as they defiled the little dignity I had left.
"If she's so fond of the attention, Commander, why keep her wrapped up?" the drunkard laughed, his voice dripping with malice.
"The Commander doesn't care! Why don't you drop the cloak, girl? Let's see if the rumors are true!"
A chorus of cheers followed. I looked at Lord Kaldric, certain that this would be the limit. Surely, he would not let them speak of his wife- his own name- this way.
Lord Kaldric didn't even flinch. He didn't look back at the man, and he didn't look at me.
"She is of no consequence to me," Kaldric said coldly. "Do as you wish with your eyes. I am going to sleep."
"Kaldric!" Sir Aldwin snapped, his voice full of disbelief. His hand almost extended towards me to lead me somewhere away.
He knew that if he, the in-command, touched me now, it would only signal a free-for-all for the rest of the men, so he pulled his hand back.
I stood frozen. I prayed—I begged the stars—that Lord Kaldric would turn around.
But the Commander didn't stop.
The firelight danced over the faces of a hundred men who were now looking at me like a piece of meat left out for the wolves.
Sir Aldwin looked away, his jaw clenched in a silent, shameful apology, unable to overrule his Commander.
I stood. Stunned, heartbroken, and more naked in that cloak than I had ever been in the cellar. The man who had promised me a roof had just stripped away the last shred of my soul.
"Girl, come on," a voice called from the shadows. "How much will you take to let us have a look?"
Surrounded by the heat of the fire and the coldness of a hundred leering eyes. I realized then that the 'protection' of his name was just another way to be publicly shamed.
He didn't care. He truly, deeply did not care what they did to me, as long as it didn't slow his march.
A cold, sharp clarity washed over me. If I was to be his shame, then I would make it a shame he could never forget.
My fingers, trembling only a moment before, grew steady. I reached for the heavy silver clasp of the crimson cloak at my throat.
The soldiers went silent, their breaths catching, the camp went completely silent the second I actually decided to 'show'.
He noticed the shift. He stopped.
I began to let it slide from my shoulders. The porcelain curve of my collarbone emerged, then the swell of my chest.
I didn't look at the soldiers. I kept my eyes fixed on the back of the man who had abandoned me.
The cloak began to fall.
Before the cloak could slip an inch further, he was there. His massive hand caught the fabric, wrenching it upward with such force that I was nearly lifted off my feet.
He didn't wrap it gently; he bundled me into it like a prisoner, his fingers digging into my arms, covering me before my body could catch the sight of another man.
"Inside. Now."
He dragged me towards the tent, throwing me inside. My steps slipped. I hit the dirt floor, the cloak tangled around my limbs.
"Are you so hungry for my attention that you would sell yourself to the entire camp?"
Lord Kaldric stepped inside, the tent flap snapping shut behind him. His face was a mask of primal fury, his silver eyes glowing with a lethal light.
"Have you lost your mind, woman?" he hissed, standing right before me with pure fury.
"To display yourself like a common whore in front of my men? Do you have no shame? No shred of decency?"
Pushing my hair back from my face. I didn't cry this time. I didn't cower. Instead, a mocking smile twisted my lips.
"Why the sudden heroics, My Lord?" I asked, my voice dripping with the same venom he had used on me.
"I was only doing what you said I thrived on. Isn't that what you wanted? To prove to your men that I am exactly what you claim?"
"I told you not to expect a husband, woman." he growled, taking a predatory step toward me.
"I am not your protector. I am your jailer by the King's command."
"And I am not asking for a husband either, My Lord!" I screamed back, slamming my hands on the ground powerlessly that stopped him.
"I am not asking for love, or kindness, or a soft word! All I asked for…" I glared at him. "Is a man."
Tears clouded my vision as the sight of him abandoning me had also engraved a scar in my soul
"A man with dignity," I whispered, my voice trembling with rage as he stood stunned.
"A man who understands that when his name is mocked, his honor is stripped. But you aren't a man, Lord Kaldric. You are just a suit of armor with a hollow chest."
The silence that followed was suffocating. Fumes emitted from him, his pulse visible on his neck. His jaw clenched so hard that it frightened me to not receive a smack.
His burning gaze contemplated me, from the bare feet to my teary face. For the first time, I saw something other than disgust. It was a terrifying, volatile heat that sent a shiver down my spine.
"You want to talk about dignity?" his dangerously low voice came. His shadow consumed me.
Before I could register, he reached out, his hand wrapping around the collar of the cloak. With a brutal yank, he tore it from my body.
"No-!"
"You don't deserve to wear my clothes." he enunciated darkly, clutching the crimson wool in his fist. I attempted to snatch it back.
Trying to cover my exposed body with the other hand, the tear breaking through due to his cruelty but none of it affected this stone-hearted man.
"Since you are so fond of being seen, you can spend the night in the cold. Let's see how much your 'beauty' protects you when the fire goes out."
He turned and walked out of the tent, taking the only warmth I had with him.