For the next few days, I followed him three paces behind as he inspected the armory, through the arched cloisters during his meeting with the King's guard.
I was his shadow, silent and unyielding that was simply testing his low patience, each time he glanced at me, I expected him to snap yet to not create a spectacle, he chose silence.
The frustration rolled off him constantly, waiting for one mistake to burst the collecting wrath. I could see it in the lines of his rigid shoulders and the way he gripped his sword hilt.
He was waiting, like a predator.
We were crossing the grand terrace, the marble white and blinding under the sun, when Earl Emerson appeared.
"Commander."
We stopped.
He was leaning against a balustrade, a glass of chilled wine in his hand, watching our strange procession with a look of intense fascination.
"You look as though you are being pursued by a very beautiful, very persistent fairy," Emerson remarked in his smooth silk voice.
Taking a sip of his wine before stepping forward to contemplate me covered in my Lord Kaldric's shadow with my hat tugged down as instructed.
"Lady Ardelle, is the stone floor of Sernic not to your liking?"
His upper body bent, his teasingly suspicious silver eyes catching the glimpse of my timid face, his smirk widening by each passing moment.
"My sister has a sunroom filled with cushions that would much prefer your company over the dust of a soldier's heels."
I stopped exactly three paces behind Kaldric. I didn't look at the Earl, but I felt the heat of Kaldric's silence.
"Cushions are for those who have the luxury of sitting, My Lord," I began with my voice cool and remarkably steady. Slowly, my gaze lifted and collided with the impish Earl.
"A shadow does not require comfort; it only requires a light to follow. Right now, mine is before me."
Emerson's eyebrows shot up. A slow, appreciative smirk spread across his face. "How unexpectedly sharp of you. Truly speaking like a shadow. Bound eternally to the body, with or without the consent."
I smirked, challenging him, "Vex not. As long as my husband stands in the sun, I shall be exactly where I belong. With. My. Consent."
The hair on my body jumped at the unforeseen statement I had dared to make in front of Lord Kaldric.
Where had that come from? Was it the months of listening to Kaldric's biting commands? Or the days of enduring Emerson's polished riddles?
I had found a weapon I didn't know I possessed, and for a second, the power of it felt intoxicating. My eyes twinkled, I had spoken my heart, finally.
"Come on," Earl Emerson laughed gracefully, "Not only the face, you had the wits too? I am envious of the Commander now. Receiving both sight and tongue."
My heart skipped a beat. My tongue could never unshackle before him, my face was nothing but an eyesore for him. There was nothing in me he could possibly desire.
The instant I fell into my daze of gloom, the resonance of Lord Kaldric's boots arrived, snapping me from my thoughts and following him mindlessly once again.
My fingers clutched my robe, attempting to match with his pace. Seeking any reaction or acknowledgement in these unreadable eyes.
Lord Kaldric sadly didn't say a word until we reached the seclusion of the west corridor, the stillness in the air began to unsettle me.
Before my mind could register, he spun around so suddenly I nearly collided with his chest piece. His face was distorted, his silver eyes flashing with a dark, ugly realization.
"So," he rasped, pressing me roughly against the wall, trapping me in this muscular body that froze me.
"You aren't entirely innocent after all."
"My Lord?" I whispered, my heart beginning to sink.
"That tongue of yours," he hissed and the familiar glimpse of hatred began to fade my strength. The sparks were dying down.
"You know exactly how to use it. You know when to play the shivering bird, and you know when to play the witty courtier to impress a man like Emerson."
"No, no, no, I didn't mean to. I don't know myself where those words came from—"
"Enough, woman!" He roared, slamming his both hands beside my head, I shivered as my shoulder tensed up.
He had trapped me in the suffocating closeness while glaring at me with a profound, searing disgust that made my skin crawl.
"Your facade has slipped. I saw it. The way you looked at him, Ardelle." He growled, hovering over me, his hot breaths striking my face, evoking the moist I couldn't resist.
"The way you relished the sharpness of your own wit. You've been practicing, haven't you? Tuning your performance for a better audience than a butcher."
"It's not a performance, My Lord." I whispered, losing my strength to counter, reaching out to grab his sleeve, shaking my head in denial.
"I was defending my place at your side."
He jerked his arm away, considering my touch a venom to his skin at this point. The look in his eyes wasn't just anger anymore; it was a total withdrawal of the man who had held me that morning.
The hatred in his eyes made me release a painful tear. What did I do wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't?
"You are disgusting, especially these fake tears, Ardelle." he snarled, roughly wiping the tears that escaped, tearing a sobbing from my throat. His rage was enhanced by my total vulnerability.
"You are no different than a harlot. A creature of masks and hidden depths, waiting for the highest bidder. Exactly the woman I had been warned about."
Foolishly, driven by the urge to correct his perspective, my head lowered, "Lord Kaldric, please do not call me that."
"Leave my sight, Ardelle. Do not appear before me again." he commanded.
"I…" He paused, his eyes narrowed with heartache but he quickly swallowed the brief glitch before back to being an indifferent stone, the most terrifying expression he owned, moving away from me.
"I cannot stand the sight of your… façade."
He turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me gasping for air in the hallway, unwanted tears spilling as I watched his retreating back, cursing my tongue.
By finding my voice, I had lost the only man I wanted to hear.
After he left me in my heartbreak, I wiped my tears, staring at the ground with nothing but utter gloom wondering those stone-cold eyes would ever look at me with merest affection.
I stopped following him.
I sat with Lady Olivine on the high balcony that noon, watching the higher up in the courtyard below including Lord Kaldric.
From this distance, Lord Kaldric was a small figure of black iron, moving with a restless, violent energy. My heart was bruised by the word he had thrown at me: Disgusting.
"Emotions are foreign to Kaldric, Ardelle." Lady Olivine noticed my sorrow and took a sip of her drink.
"He is a man who has spent too much time in blood. If you seek his affection, it will require extreme efforts."
And returned a gentle smile, "But, his heart will melt one day for you, Ardelle," Lady Olivine said softly, her hand resting on my shoulder.
"Just like you are in a world entirely foreign to you, so is he. Kaldric has absolutely no idea how to carry out a marriage."
"I don't think there is a marriage, my Lord," I whispered, my eyes fixed on the man who had ordered me to vanish from his sight.
"I think there is a man who has been burdened with a woman because he has forgotten how to breathe anything but duty."
I reached for the porcelain teapot, my mind drifting to the way he had held me in his sleep versus the way he had looked at me in the hall.
My hands shook, and the world seemed to tilt. Suddenly, the scalding tea splashed over the rim, drenching my hand in searing heat.
"Argh!" I let out a sharp cry, the tea tray rattling against the table.
"Lady Ardelle!"
I hadn't even heard him approach nor sensed his presence. Earl Emerson was there in a heartbeat, reaching for my hand immediately, blowing on it with a substantial amount of worry.
"No- it's fine, I can–" I tried to pull away, my instinct to hide, to not be seen by any man who wasn't Lord Kaldric, screaming in my ears.
"No, look at it. It's red. Let me–" Before he could reach away, I yanked my hand but Emerson's features hardened. Without a warning, he grabbed my wrist again and brought it close to him.
"I said stay still." He commanded dominantly. My body went stiff for a moment, glancing at the man who seemed too serious for my meaningless burn.
He gripped my wrist firmly, yet with a terrifying softness, and plunged my hand into the bowl of ice-cold rosewater on the table.
"It will be okay. You should be careful," he whispered, pressing his thumb over my pulse when I flinched.
He began to pat my skin dry with a linen cloth, his movements precise and focused. My heart fluttered with strange, unasked feelings, staring at the silver-eyed man with a warmth I never fathomed to feel.
"Thank you, My Lord." I whispered but he didn't let go of my hand. Lady Olivine noticed Emerson's mystifying hopelessness and ordered strictly.
"Let go of Kalric's bride, Emerson." He didn't and lowered his head more, gritting his teeth with a rupture in his perfect and flawless posture.
"Don't… Don't feed lies to the lady, Olivine. He… he.."
"Do not speak ill of Lord Kaldric, Emerson. You are younger, you must respect him." She ordered but it only pierced his sensitive spot as he finally lifted his gaze with desperation that immobilised me.
Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault?
"He will never change, Ardelle. You are pouring your soul into a cracked vessel. He is made this way. He will never trust you, because he does not know how to trust himself." He hissed.
"You don't know him," I hissed back, even as the cold water began to dull the sting, yanking my hand from his grip.
"He is honorable. He is loyal. He is the Pillar that holds this kingdom together."
"He sees your light as a threat to his shadows. He will break you, Ardelle, simply to ensure his own iron doesn't soften." Emerson countered, his eyes darkening as he looked up at me.
It was something I sometimes suspect too but let that thought die before it could arrive.
"He saved me, My Lord!" I defended him unwaveringly, my voice rising in the quiet air of the balcony.
"He took me from the dirt when no one else would look at me. Draped me in his cloth when anyone else would have taken advantage of it. I will not hear him slandered in the house of a man who plays with words."
Emerson's expression shifted.
"That is exactly my point, woman. He knows how to play duty, to be a knight. But he is unaware of how to be a human."
A flash of genuine enragement crossed his handsome features, not at me, but at my stubborn devotion. He leaned in, his face inches from mine, his voice a low, lethal warning.
"Kaldric was created meticulously, Ardelle. Every shard of mercy was beaten out of him. He has spent his entire life becoming everything his father wasn't."
The world seemed to go dizzy, my body shivered violently. I looked at the Earl, my breath catching in my throat, "His father? What did he do? What are you talking about?"
"Due to his father's shameful demise and… demotion. Kadric had become a man of cold law to eradicate his father's shame. And he won't change. Ever."
"Why?" I asked desperately, my fingers clutching the edge of the table, "Why would he choose to live as a stone?"
"Because he swore on his life," Emerson whispered, lowering his head in defeat.
"He made a vow to the King, To God, And himself: that the name Kaldric would never again be synonymous with the word 'weakness.'"
His steps retreated, giving him a look of sheer pity.
"And to him, Ardelle... love is the greatest weakness of all."
I found myself too stunned to speak or react, my body trembled, Lady Olivine also held a miserable look, keeping her head low.
I looked back down at the courtyard, Lord Kaldric was gone. He had vanished back into the shadows of the castle, leaving me with the terrifying realization that I wasn't just fighting his temper– I was fighting an oath on which his whole existence was built upon.