Linda's POV
The van smelled like old coffee and mildew.
Emilia sat in the passenger seat, practically vibrating with excitement, her hand on her stomach like she was already saying hello little baby.
I would have been the best aunt to that little baby. If shit was different. If life was kinder.
I would have been a kickass auntie Linda with a shit-load of gifts and sugar candy. You know the type who leaves the actual parenting to the parents and focus onendulging their every fucking whim.
I would have been great at it.
But what do you know, life's a fucking bitch!
I handed her a bottle of orange juice—the good kind, not the cheap stuff we'd been drinking.
"Drink," I said. "You need to keep the baby healthy. For Luca."
She smiled—that bright, beautiful smile that made me remember why I stay with her—and took the bottle.
"I love you, Lyn. You know that, right?"
"I know." I pulled out of the dirt lot, heading toward the main road. "Drink up, Baby."
She drank. Gulped it down like she was starving. I watched her out of the corner of my eye, counting the sips, waiting.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Fine. Just tired."
She finished the bottle, and I took it from her, setting it in the cup holder between us.
Five minutes later, her head started to loll.
"Lyn?" Her voice was sleepy, confused. "I feel weird..."
"It's okay." My voice was steady. Calm. "Just rest. You need it."
"But Luca—"
"He'll wait. Close your eyes."
She fought it. I could see her fighting. But the sedative was strong—strong enough to knock out a horse, the guy who sold it to me had promised.
Her eyes fluttered closed. Her head dropped to the side.
And I kept driving. I just kept fucking driving.
-
She woke up screaming hours later.
Not the good kind of scream—the kind where she realized something was wrong, the kind where her hands flew to her stomach instantly, the kind where her eyes went wide and wild and landed on me.
"Linda." Her voice was hoarse. "Linda, what did you do?"
I kept my eyes on the road. "What I had to do to keep my family"
"Linda—" She looked out the window. We were on the highway, headed east, the city shrinking behind us. "No. No no no—turn around."
"Can't do that. Sorry" my grip tightened on the wheel.
"Linda!" She grabbed my arm, hard. "Turn the fucking car around!"
I shook her off. "We're almost out of Little Italy. Another hour and we're free. No families, no Marchettis, no Vittorio. Just us. Just me and you, baby"
"I don't want just us!" She was crying now, tears streaming down her face. "I'm not like you. I want more! Paolo wanted me to have more! I want Luca! I want my baby's father! I want—"
"What you want is going to get you killed!"
The words exploded out of me. I gripped the wheel harder, my knuckles went white.
"He's not coming, Emilia. He's not going to save you. Men like him don't save girls like us—they use us and they fucking leave us broken." My voice cracked. "I know. I fucking know."
"Stop the car. Fuck, Linda. Fuck! Fuck!. You too?" She screamed at me. "You too? I thought I could trust you"
I started crying too. I kept driving though. "I'm sorry. I had to"
"My baby..." her hand went to her stomach. Horror filling her face. "Oh my God, did you..."
"No. Not yet."
It was the truth.
"Stop the car" she demanded.
"No"
She reached for the door handle.
"Emilia, don't—"
She pulled. The door swung open, wind roaring in, the highway blurring past.
"STOP THE CAR!"
I slammed the brakes so hard the van fishtailed. We skidded to a stop, gravel spraying.
Emilia jumped out before the van fully stopped.
I was after her in seconds, my leg screaming, my heart pounding.
"Emilia! EMILIA!"
She was walking. Striding. Heading back toward the city like she could cover twenty miles on foot.
I caught up, grabbed her arm, spun her around.
"What the fuck are you doing?! I'm trying to save your life"
"By fucking drugging me? Jesus, Linda, have you gone psycho!" She yanked free. "I'm going to find Luca!"
"Luca might already be dead! Or working for them! Or—"
"He's not!" She was sobbing now, ugly and broken thing. "He's not like them! He's not like you. He will never betray me"
"They're all like them!" I screamed it. Screamed it so loud my throat burned. "The men with power, the men with money, the men who look at us like meat—they're all the fucking same! All. Men. Are. Like. Them!"
She stared at me. Just stared. In disbelief. Like I had lost my mind. Maybe I had.
Then she said, quietly, "What the fuck happened to you to make you like this?"
"To make me like..." I took a deep breath to steady myself. "You need to grow up Emilia or you won't make it to twenty two. Do you hear me? Fucking grow up!"
"I need Luca. You are insane. I need one sane person in my life"
"Well, Luca is not coming"
"You don't know him."
"I don't need to know him! I know the stupid fucking world." I stepped closer. "I know what happens to girls like you and me who trust the wrong man. I've got the scars to prove it."
Her face crumpled in tears. "Linda, I'm not you. Your trauma is not mine. Stop shoving it down my throat!"
I watched Emilia. Why wasn't she listening to me?
How do I get her to listen? To fucking listen to me. What would it take?
I grabbed her hand, pressed it hard.
"Choose." My voice was steady. I didn't even know it was possible. "Me or Luca"