When Zeke next woke, it wasn't to the sound of footsteps or voices—but to smoke.
Thick, greasy barbecue smoke.
He coughed, blinking through the haze, only to realize someone had tied him loosely to a chair.
Across from him, a small grill sizzled merrily while a figure fanned the air with a palm-leaf fan—directly into his face.
"You might as well roast me!" Zeke growled, his face darkening.
Levi looked up calmly from the grill. "Are you hungry?"
He cut a steak neatly with his knife and fork, then held it out toward Zeke. "Well-done."
"Why are you so obsessed with steak!" Zeke snatched the knife, glaring, and started eating. The ropes weren't tight—more a gesture than actual restraint.
Two bites later, he dropped the steak and nodded off.
Fran stared in horror. "He fell asleep again?!"
"I'll fan harder!" Isabel declared, doubling her efforts.
Fran waved the smoke away, coughing violently. "Are you trying to torture Zeke—or me?!"
"Forget it, Isabel." Levi picked up a piece of barbecue and ate with practiced elegance.
"Brother, don't give up!" Isabel protested.
"Enjoy life while you can," Levi said calmly, slicing another piece. "And never waste good food."
Fran sighed in defeat and grabbed a skewer. "Fine. But it's still unfair to torment a dying man like this."
He chewed thoughtfully. "Brother, what are we eating next time?"
Levi's lips twitched. "Sashimi."
Fran's eyes widened. "Deal!"
Time blurred after that.
Every time Zeke woke, he saw the same scene—the "interrogation trio" surrounding a table full of food. Barbecue, hot pot, grilled fish, noodles… always eating, always laughing.
"The food here is suspiciously good," Zeke muttered inwardly. "Do they even know what an interrogation is?"
If the food smelled appealing, he'd take a few bites. If not, he'd yawn and go back to sleep. He wasn't pretending—he simply couldn't feel hunger anymore. Nothing tasted good, and the sight of Levi drained what little energy he had.
So he slept.
Until the day she arrived.
"Wait, Zeke!" Hange's cheerful voice cut through the quiet. "I've got Eren-chan's medical report here!"
Zeke's eyes snapped open.
There she was—Hange Zoe—waving a stack of papers like a trophy. Her injuries had healed, her skin was pale again, but her right eye was swollen and bruised, like someone had punched her recently.
(He didn't need to guess who.)
Seeing she had his attention, Hange flipped through the files dramatically. "Since you've been under custody, I conducted full physical examinations—on you, your brother, and the kids he hangs around with! Just to see if any of them were Titans in disguise!"
Zeke froze. His heart clenched.
Hange cleared her throat and declared proudly, "The results show… Eren Yeager and that girl Mikasa are both two to three times stronger than the average human! That means they've definitely been injected with Titan Spinal Fluid!"
"…"
Zeke stared. It sounds fake already.
Hange nodded to herself. "Well, maybe Mikasa wasn't injected after all."
Zeke's subtle reaction lasted only a second, but she caught it anyway.
"It's fascinating," Hange went on. "Mikasa's physical strength actually surpasses Eren's—by a lot! She's completely human, yet her results are off the charts. I guess humans sometimes produce natural-born geniuses!"
Zeke pressed his lips together. Ackermans are hardly ordinary humans.
Hange frowned, staring at the papers again. "But then I noticed her last name, and I lost all motivation to investigate further."
Zeke blinked. "…Why?"
"Because she has the same last name as Levi!"
Zeke's jaw nearly hit the floor.
Hange laughed so hard she nearly dropped the files. "Isn't it hilarious? Same name, same strength! I thought maybe they were secretly related, so when we passed each other in the corridor earlier, I asked him directly—"
Zeke's stomach dropped.
"—'Levi, is Mikasa your illegitimate daughter?'"
Zeke's expression froze.
So that's why her eye looked like that.
"But apparently not!" Hange continued brightly, rubbing her fresh black eye. "Still, what a coincidence, right? Same family name, same insane strength—yet no relation at all!"
Zeke massaged his temple. "Just… tell me the important part. What did the medical tests actually show? You've examined everyone, haven't you?"
Hange smiled innocently. "Important part? Oh, you mean the results?"
Zeke's stare could have curdled milk.
Hange flipped a few pages. "Everyone's perfectly healthy! Normal blood pressure, stable heart rate, no abnormalities in any organs. Excellent condition across the board!"
Zeke slumped back. That's it?
The legendary "Titan analysis" he'd feared turned out to be a basic check-up.
Hange continued thoughtfully, "What's interesting is that even when I compare your data with an ordinary human's, all your numbers look… well, ordinary. Actually, you're a bit weaker than average. Maybe you're entering the 'decline period,' Zeke?"
Zeke's eyebrow twitched.
Weaker? Impossible! Titan hosts were stronger than humans by design. Even before transformation, their bodies operated at peak efficiency. He still had ten years left before the end of his term—no way he'd already declined!
Grinding his teeth, he asked, "Whose data did you use as the baseline?"
Hange smiled sweetly. "Oh! Levi's, of course!"
Zeke nearly fell out of the chair.
"That's right," Hange went on cheerfully. "Since Levi's a verified 100% human, his medical report made a perfect control sample! He came in for medication the other day, so I slipped in a full physical exam. For science!"
Zeke stared at her, completely speechless.
Comparing Levi Ackerman—the humanoid powerhouse—to him? That was like comparing a lion to a housecat and declaring the cat sickly!
Of course the readings looked worse.
But then again… Paradis didn't have the technology to analyze Titan biology. They'd never captured one alive. They had no baseline, no data, no concept of what to look for.
Which meant, thankfully, that Hange's "examination" was meaningless.
Zeke let out a slow, quiet breath of relief.
Hange grinned, completely oblivious. "Well, that's all! Thanks for your cooperation, Zeke. Oh, and if you feel dizzy, just let me know—I'll bring you some vitamins!"
As she left, humming cheerfully, Zeke leaned back in his chair and muttered to himself, "Unbelievable…"
At least this time, he thought, he wouldn't need to fake sleep to escape the madness.
He was too tired to even try.