Zane stared at the fire, watching as the top danced above the wood. Little sparks and embers rose into the air and the occasional pop was heard. The smoky smell filled the air around him, reminding him of camping with his friends. He closed his eyes and he could hear the faint laughter in his head that always accompanied their get togethers.
He could feel a longing settling into his heart. All of what he had done today would have been much more fun if his friends had been here with him. He would never see them again. The longing turned into a heavy and sad feeling. Maybe this is what Gzi'om was talking about.
He took a deep breath and focused his mind on his death. He had been alive on Earth and now he was dead. His soul was now in a different body. He had never thought about spirits and souls that much on Earth. It didn't seem important at the time. He was glad that he had this chance now. Though he did wonder what happened to his body.
"Poor Nick," Zane said. He realized that his good friend had watched him die. Not only watched him die, watched him be killed. It tore out his heart that his friend had to witness that and then had to take care of the mess. He would have had to call the police and try to explain the whole situation to them. "I wonder what happened to all the trucks." He could only imagine how Nick felt when he would have to explain to Zane's parents what had happened.
He remembered how his mother cried when her mother died. They had been expecting her death and his mother still took it very hard. He could only imagine how she reacted to finding out her son was killed. The weight in his heart increased. His father would have to once again fight hard to not allow his wife to fall into a depression. His father would hold in his feelings in order to support his wife.
Who would care for his father this time? When his grandma died and his mom was almost inconsolable, his dad had been there for her. Zane had been there for his dad. There was nobody else's his dad would talk to. He hoped his father found the strength to get past this.
Zane now understood why the Gzi'om told him not to hate him. He could feel an anger rising in him, but he was told that he would have died anyway. That cancer would have killed him quickly and they wouldn't have been able to prepare anyway. He was glad that he got to say goodbye, even if it was only through text. He wished he could have given them one last hug.
After his parents, Nick would have to go tell his friends. That might be harder for him. Nick wasn't super close with Zane's parents and so he wouldn't stick around after he had told them everything. Their friend group was tight though and he would have to be there for them. He hoped the other friends would be there for Nick. Luckily, they had supported each other through rough times for years. This might actually bring them closer together. This also might give Nick a phobia of those trucks.
The weight in his heart grew even more after he thought of Hailey. He didn't know if he could forgive himself for impulsively asking her out before he died. This was going to make it so much harder on her. Of their friend group, she was the most distant to all of them. All of them except him. He was the one she sat by; he was the one that she talked to the most. As he looked back, he could see the signs that she had always wanted him to ask her out. He was so stupid. She was right in front of him and he couldn't see it and now he lost a chance.
Zane's sighed heavily as this weight settled in his chest. He thought back to what Gzi'om told him. The God had talked about accepting what had happened. Not forgetting or getting past it. There was no way he was forgetting this and in time he might get past it but in order to move forward he needs to accept it. This will be a part of him and he needs to move forward.
What did acceptance mean? What was he supposed to accept about this? Zane ran it through his mind and was having a hard time finding a way. There were things in his life that he left. They were whatever. He would have new experiences here. Things to help him. The important aspect of his life that was left behind were his relationships and the fact that they would be greatly hurt by his passing. The worst part was there was nothing he could do to help them. There's nothing as frustrating as feeling helpless, especially when it comes to those you love.
What was important from his past life? He needed to separate that which was important and what he could let go. The important things should remain a part of him and those that are not should be let go. When it came down to it, it was a matter of what he could control. He couldn't help his friends, he couldn't bring comfort to his parents, and now he had to ask, what would they want him to do?
What did his mom always tell him? 'I want nothing more than for you to live your best life, doing good for yourself and others.' She would say she didn't care what he did in his life, as long as it was good and he didn't forget about other people. He could remember her always smiling when all of his friends gathered at the house. She would make snacks and ask them what they needed. He would always tell her she didn't have to do it and she said, 'it brings me joy to serve.' He always thought that was weird, but now he could see that she did it because she loved him and wanted him to be happy.
His dad was a great example of providing and doing what needed to be done for his family. That sometimes moving forward was most important thing. He would always know what to prioritize without neglecting anybody.
Zane needed to take the love of his family and friends and put it front and center in his mind and soul. That would push him forward. Érimón wanted him to create relationships with those who lived here. Zane was here to help them and to save this world from a threat that Érimón saw. He was here to serve them. If his mother was here, she would tell him doing good for others will bring you joy.
Zane knew that all these things would help him. He felt that he was at the beginning of the path that would lead him past this pain he was feeling, but the pain won't go away immediately. It will take time.
He put some more wood onto the fire and sat back down. This pain was here and he must accept it. He would never forget those loved ones from his other world and tonight he would honor them by remembering them and everything that they did. He would embrace the pain that came with it and accept that it is there. He could use it as motivation to do well in this world and to create relationships that will grow to what he had back on Earth.