[Hyde POV]
I crossed my arms and stared at Kelso, long enough to make him uncomfortable. Then, I slowly put my dukes up again.
Kelso got more and more annoyed.
Eric joined in and said, "Yeah, Hyde. You guys have been best friends since, like, elementary
school. Are you really not going to be friends with him again?"
"I don't know why you're defending him, Forman. With him gone, guess who's taking the top spot as my best friend?"
Eric was taken aback. "Wait. I'm your top best friend now?" He laughed. "Alright!" He turned to
Kelso and said, "You guys have a good run."
"Eric!" Donna scolded him. She turned to me and said, "Hyde. At least hear him out."
"Okay… Michael." I said his name awkwardly, like we were strangers.
"CALL ME KELSO!" he shouted. I stared at him again. Looking at him like he's scum.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" he yelled in defeat, turning back slightly. "I thought about this a lot. I
think the only way to make things even again is for you to punish me."
Eric asked when I stayed quiet, "What kind of punishment?"
"Well, since I kissed his girlfriend, to make things even, he should kiss my girlfriend."
"WHAT?!" Jackie was flabbergasted. "MICHAEL!!" she scolded.
"J-Jackie! This is the only way! By doing this, you're going to help me save my best friend!" He
held her shoulders from behind, trying to persuade her.
Jackie hummed, grumbling for a few seconds, before she sighed and said, "Alright. But, I'm only
doing this for you."
"Eww. No. I don't want to kiss Jackie," I exclaimed with visible disgust on my face.
"Eww?—EWWW?!" Jackie was thoroughly offended. "YOU DO NOT SAY 'EWW'! I SAY 'EWWW'!" She stood up and confronted me.
Donna laughed and said, "Kelso, that's not going to work. That's still a punishment for Hyde."
Jackie gasped at Donna's words. And she pinched Donna on the arm.
"Ow! You little midget!"
Eric suggested, "I think we're on the right path since he reacted to it. Why don't we tweak it a
little?"
Fez gasped and said, "We should make Kelso kiss an uggo."
"What?! FEZ! Stop helping!" Kelso shooed him aside. "I'm not kissing any uggos!"
Donna and Eric looked elated. Eric said coyly, "Hyde, I think we have a winner here." He pointed at
Kelso slowly.
Everyone agreed with the punishment, except for me.
"I'm not going to drag some innocent girl into this punishment," I muttered. "They don't deserve to
be treated like that. They have feelings too."
Everyone was taken aback. "Hyde…" Donna blushed a little.
Jackie smiled and said, "That's really… gentlemanly of you."
"Shut up, midget," I scolded her.
She gasped again. "I have feeling! ME! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"
"So?!" Michael asked, ignoring his girlfriend's whining, his voice getting shaky. "What can I do to show you? I'm really, REALLY sorry for snaking you while you were at the hospital."
He didn't know I was in the hospital at the time. He thought the girl was just breaking up with me.
Still a shitty thing to do, but back then, he didn't think he was doing anything bad, especially
since Barbara and I didn't have much going on.
I suddenly got an idea. "You can do something to prove to me you're really sorry." I thought for a
moment.
"WHAT? I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS! I'LL DO IT!" he shouted.
"Burn down your van." I said flatly.
"WHAT?!" Kelso shrieked like a girl.
"Yeah. Burn down your van," I said, emphasizing each word.
Kelso froze while everyone else burst out laughing.
"Yeah! Burn it down, Kelso!" Eric joined in.
"BURN IT!" Donna shouted.
"POUR GASOLINE IN IT!" Jackie played along.
"PUSH IT DOWN A CLIFF!" Fez yelled.
"AAHH!" Kelso yelped girlishly.
Kelso looked around, shocked that everyone was agreeing with me. "FINE!" he shouted and rushed
outside.
We all laughed and followed him. Outside, in front of the garage, Kelso poured lighter fluid all
over his van, on his shaggy carpet.
Eric finally realized it had gone too far. "Kelso… are you really going to burn it? H-Here? At my
house?"
"If this proves to Hyde that I'm really sorry, then I will burn it down!" Kelso struck a match and
froze, glancing at me a couple of times with shifty eyes.
I crossed my arms and said, "Go on. Do it then."
Everyone held their breath.
Kelso slowly took out a match. He rolled it on the starter and lit it up. His hand froze before he
could throw the match to the van.
"Wait. Kelso," I called him.
"OH THANK GOD!" He dropped the match immediately. "I knew you'd stop me before I actually did it." He hugged me briefly.
Everyone laughed.
I pushed him away with a grimace. "Get away from me, you dillhole. I just want to say we should
bring it to a field somewhere. An open space. I don't want the house to burn down with it."
Everyone went silent again and looked at me with a stupefied expression.
…
In an open field, fire licked across the entire van. Kelso cried while everyone watched with
complicated expressions.
As a teenager, a ride was part of your identity. The shaggin' wagon was Kelso's identity, and now
it had crumbled into ash.
We went back to the basement after seeing the glorious destruction, and also… before the cops came.
"I think I'm going to go home." Kelso said, fully depressed and pale.
"You're going to cry again?" I asked teasingly.
"NO!" Kelso sobbed and ran away like a girl. "Michael!" Jackie called to him and rushed to follow
him.
We lit up a blunt and sat together in a circle.
Donna was a bit high and she said, "The fire… It's burned into my eyes… I love it."
"Calm down Donna. That's how pyromaniacs are created." Eric said, a little nervous.
Fez added, "The fire on the van has put down the fire in Hyde's heart."
Eric asked, "Don't you think the punishment is a little extreme, Hyde?"
I took in a deep drag and said, "It is necessary."
Fez asked, "Why?"
I flicked the ash into the tray. "Kelso's changed since he got that van. He thinks with his little
head."
"He always does that. There's nothing in his big head, so he has to listen to his little head."
Eric said while laughing.
"I know that. But it got worse. That van? It's a place where he could do all the dirty shit he
wants, without anyone watching. Let him have it? He'd be… ruined. Not as a friend. As a human
being."
Donna blinked at me. "You mean… the van was… corrupting him?"
"Exactly. He needs a hard reset."
Eric just leaned back, shaking his head, a little stunned, a little impressed. "Damn… that's… hardcore, Hyde."
"Next time, he should find a car that's made of all glass. So people can see him doing it." Fez
laughed.
Then, he paused in realization and said, "I want to see people doing it… I want to do it."
"Yeah, me too, Fez." Eric patted his back to comfort him since his tone was a little sad.
I was right because after his van was gone, Laurie stopped doing it with him. There was no place
for them to do it secretly and not get caught.
They wanted to do it inside her room, but since Mrs Forman knew about it, she kept checking her
room, which made it impossible for them to relax.
A couple days passed by, and Kelso was blanking out a lot. In school, in the gym while playing
dodgeball, in the basement while watching tv.
The system suddenly chimed in, [Penalty for removing an important prop in the show. Replace it with a similar prop, or face up to one month of internet shut down.]"
"Oh crap. Alright. I'll replace it."
I felt a bit guilty by it, so I found something else for him. His craftsman Dodge A100 was easy to
find.
I paid 300 bucks for a used one. It has a platform bed on the back, a true shaggin' wagon. More
like, sex dungeon wagon.
New insulation was put inside the entire car. It cost me 300 dollars, which was around 1500 in the
future. That included the sound deadening and the new panels too.
I ripped out the dirty shag carpet and installed new carpet in it. It cost 100 dollars since I used
a 1977 van carpet store for it.
Underneath the platform bed storage, I put a battery, speakers, and hooked it all up to the
cassette player.
I also painted it using rustoleum paint instead of expensive paint.
Now, the blue van was completed. It looked quite amazing.
I even put line decals on the side. A neon, three colour decal.
I did some slight modifications to it such as a ventilation fan, a skylight, and the side window. I
put a foam bed on the platform bed, ripping out the old cushion.
"Now, for the last touch."
I painted Jackie's face again on the side of the car. Without the dialogue this time.
…
Inside the autoshop.
"Someone tried to break in last night?" Megan was shocked.
"Yeah, I called the cops, so they got caught." I replied casually.
March 27. A few more days till April. Seven days since Kelso burned his own van.
"It's because we have been making quite a lot of profit." Tyrell crossed his arms and said gruffly.
"By the way boss, how did you know people were breaking in?"
I actually put a motion sensor camera at all of the entrances of the shop. They caught the footage
last night and alerted me on my phone.
"The camera." I told them and pointed at the ceiling.
"There's cameras?" Megan was shocked and glanced upward immediately.
Since my internet could connect to several devices, I connected it to the monitoring system I put
around the shop.
Last night, those people brought rebar, diesel, and crow bar to cause some damage in the autoshop. They were hired by a local dealer to deal with me since I kept taking all of their customers.
In the past three weeks, I've sold over 20 cars. A small town dealership would sell around 4-5 per
month, but I made a lot more compared to them.
And since my reputation was really high with the TransAm VS Celica video, people from out of town came by to buy the car I sold.
The 45 minute special was still running till this day. I was quite famous in the gearhead community
all over Wisconsin and the nearby area.
That's how people kept coming to town to buy the car I've touched.
"Boss, the camera didn't catch everything, right?" Megan asked fearfully.
I raised an eyebrow and asked, "It is running 24/7. In case someone gets hurt. We need it for
insurance."
"I–" Megan's eyes shook. "Boss, can you delete a recording for me?" She batted her eyes pitifully.
"You mean the one where you tried to fit marshmallows into your mouth, and then choke and sprayed it everywhere like a shotgun shot?" I asked casually with a smirk.
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SAW IT!!" Megan shrieked in horror, holding her head with embarrasement.
The cops came and shared the information with us while she was breaking down.
"I'm Officer Kennedy. Are you the one who reported the break in?"
The tall African American man spoke to me. I realized who he was instantly. He was the one who
played Uncle Phil in Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
"Yes I am the one who reported it." I replied casually.
The officer took out a notebook and said, "We've interrogated the three people. They claimed to be out of town and wanted to take a look inside your shop since they love your show."
"You didn't fall for that, did you?" I crossed my arms.
"Of course not." Officer Kennedy replied, his tone respectful. "They were from the Jets Dealership."
"That shady place?" Megan asked.
The officer nodded. "Yes. It's that place."
I asked in confusion, "Why do you call it shady?"
The officer interjected, "Price padding, rolled odometers. Selling cars they know won't last thirty
days. We've cited them more than once."
"How are they still open then?" I asked skeptically.
"Nothing ever sticks since we have no real evidence." The officer replied.
I turned to Megan and asked, "Why do you think it's shady?"
Megan was a little uncomfortable and she said, "They… solicit sexual favors… Like how do I explain
this."
"Basically, if you sleep with them, you'll get a discount." Tyrell intervened. "They tried that on
my cousin."
"Oh, you're the one who broke the owner's nose." The officer greeted Tyrell casually. "Nice to see
you again."
Tyrell just nodded at him.
The officer looked at me and said, "Son. I'm actually quite amazed by what you build here. Just keep doing what you're doing. We'll handle the other shop that tries to sabotage your business."
The officer left, and I was really confused. "What exactly did I do?" I exclaimed, like I was taking
offense at being called a good guy.
Megan chortled, "Let me explain. If you went to a shop, the price on the window is basically not
the real price. Some charge,"Mandatory Undercoating" fee, Dealer Prep Fee, Documentation Fee, it can add up to 20-40% of the car price."
"That's why people are mad." Tyrell said. "You're cutting out their income."
There was also predatory financing. Inflated interest rates, repossession after one missed payment,
and reselling the same car multiple times.
No wonder people in the 70s hated small town dealerships. Even the big town wasn't much better.
Until the regulation kicked in in the 80s, the shops were basically wild and free. An honest
dealership was rare.
I went to check on the custom van before saying to the mechanics, "Tomorrow's the day. Are you all ready?"
"We're ready." They replied.
Two weeks ago, I aired a video on the public access channel about the car lottery.
5 dollars of purchase would let them get an entry ticket for the lottery. I'll pick 10 names, and 5
of them would receive small gifts, and 5 others would get their cars fixed by me.
I put out some shirts with the REV IT UP logo, some denim jackets with REV IT UP embroidery on the back, and a baseball cap with the same logo.
So far, I have received over 500 entrants for the lottery. Most of them were highschoolers, since I
targeted them that way.
Tonight on the public access channel, I hired someone who would be pulling out the names for the
winners on live public broadcast.
I used Pastor Dave for it so people wouldn't claim that I've fixed the contest.
…
I drove the custom van– Shaggin' Wagon 2.0 to the Forman's garage and hid it inside.
In the basement, everyone was hanging out and trying to comfort Kelso as I walked in.
"I miss my van." Kelso lamented his fate.
"I know!" Eric rolled his eyes and stood up annoyedly. He saw me and said, "Hyde. Great!"
"Hey. Kelso! This is your best friend, the one you sacrificed your van to get back. Why don't you
bother him instead?" Eric stood up and walked away from Kelso.
Jackie looked at me angrily, "You! You don't deserve to be his best friend–"
I ignored her and sat at my spot. She gasped again, "OH! I'm soooo going to hurt you."
Kelso looked at me and said pitifully, "Hyde. We can't even go to Vanstock now that the van is
gone."
"Vanstock!" Eric gasped in realization. He turned to me and said sarcastically, "That's great
Hyde. That's so greeeaaat."
"Hey, stop using that tone with me. I didn't make the choice. He did." I pointed at Kelso casually.
Fez said with annoyance, "Yes. But he did it for you, and you didn't even hang out with him. You
kept working and working... and working…"
"I got it, Fez." I stopped him.
Donna giggled and said, "Now that I think about it, maybe it's fine that we didn't go."
Jackie interjected, "Yes! Don't go. The place is dirty, muddy, and there's hippies everywhere." She
shuddered in disgust. She never wanted to go in the first place.
Kelso finally calmed down and forced a smile, "It's fine. Maybe this happened for the best. Now that I don't have the van anymore, I can finally see clearly."
I nodded, playing along with his newfound look on life.
"So, if you get a van again, what will you do?" I asked casually.
Kelso replied, "First. I won't do it to kiss someone else's girlfriend, that's for sure."
"Michael! How many people's girlfriends have you kissed?!" Jackie asked him angrily.
He was flabbergasted and said quickly, "I just said I won't do it."
Jackie looked at Donna, and then me. Her face was full of questions and horror.
I smiled and asked Kelso, "So, you have changed now?"
"Definitely." Kelso replied. "I won't use the shaggin' wagon to shag anymore."
"Well, that's kinda ruining the name, doesn't it?" Fez joked, but no one laughed.
I smirked and said, "Oh. So, can I hold you to that?"
"To what?" Kelso asked.
"That if you have a van, you won't have sex in it anymore."
Kelso paused, and he thought about it for a long time. Everyone else had realized it, but Kelso
didn't catch on.
"I guess since I don't have a van, I won't?" He replied, confused.
"Alright." I played it nonchalantly and said, "Why don't we go to a bar? I'll buy it. You drive."
He nodded in excitement and said, "Okay!"
We went outside, and everyone else followed us.
"Are you also coming to the bar?" Kelso asked as we got to the driveway.
"Kelso. Are you really not getting this?" Eric asked, skeptical.
I opened the garage from the inside by pressing the button. Everyone exclaimed in excitement as
they saw it, except for Kelso.
"Great! Now you bought a new van? Isn't it enough for you to already have a car? You need to have two vans?!" Kelso complained obliviously.
As I took the van out of the garage into the driveway, Kelso was even more annoyed. "You even draw my girlfriend's face on the side to taunt me?!"
"You moron!" Eric slapped the back of Kelso's head. I went out of the van door with a smile on my
face.
"Did he get it yet?" I asked.
"No. He's still thinking." Fez replied. Kelso furrowed his eyebrows, squinted his eyes and his
mouth was slightly open.
Finally he realized it. His entire body jerked backwards and he rushed towards me. "Hyde! YOU
BOUGHT ME A VAN!"
He wanted to give me a hug, but I held him by his shoulder, pushing him away.
"Stop that, ya dink!" I scolded.
"I'm not giving it to you!"
What?" Kelso was taken aback.
Finally, I could relax and said, "Well, I am giving it to you. But you'll have to pay me back for
it."
Fez opened the door and exclaimed with excitement, "Oh my god! This van is much more bitchin' than Kelso's van!"
"Hyde, this van is really nice." Donna checked out the interior. "Are you sure you want to give
this to Kelso?"
"No. He's not giving to me. He's making me buy it." Kelso said with a nervous expression.
"You're selling it to him?" Donna was exasperated.
I chuckled and said, "Yep. Fifteen hundred. No interest, no fixed payment. He just needs to pay it
until it's done, and it's his."
"Fifteen hundred?!" Kelso was shocked. "Hyde! I barely have 15 bucks!"
Jackie interjected, "Micheal! It's actually a very good deal. No interest and no fixed payment meant
you can pay him 20 bucks a month. Or even less than that."
"What? Jackie, it's fifteen hundred. How can I pay him just 20 bucks?" Kelso said with annoyance.
Donna sighed and pulled him to the side by pulling his ear, "COME HERE!"
As Donna and Eric were explaining the situation to Kelso, Jackie entered the van. I looked at her
from the side as she checked out the fridge.
Then, on the other side, she noticed a sink there. She opened the tap but water didn't come out.
"Steven. This is broken." She glared at me.
"Feet pump. Take it out of the cabinet first." I pointed inside the cabinet.
She opened the cabinet and saw the water storage and the pump. Like I said, as she pumped it with her feet, the water flowed to the pipes and came out of the tap.
"Good. I can wash my hands here." She said with excitement.
Fez rolled around the bed and said, "Oh my god, this is softer than my own mattress. Jackie. Come
lie down."
"What? No. Fez." Jackie giggled slightly.
Fez left and let Jackie take a seat on the platform bed. "There's a switch on the side." I told
her.
She flipped it up, and the van's fan, the small fan on the wall, and the light turned up.
"It has a separate battery. So he doesn't need to turn on the engine if it's parked somewhere." I
said casually.
"Steven. How much is the van's worth?" Jackie asked, her face was slightly in shock as she noticed
all of the conveniences.
"I could sell it for around seven."
"Seven what? Seven bucks?" Fez asked, not getting it.
Jackie got it though and she widened her eyes. "And you're just giving it to him?"
"Technically, the van's still under my name. He needs to pay everything first before I transfer the
title to him."
I paused and told her seriously, "Don't give him any money for the car."
"What?" She blinked.
"He needs to learn some responsibility. A real one. So don't give it to him."
Jackie always bailed him out. I need to make sure she didn't this time.
Jackie grumbled and said, "Fine. I didn't want to give him money anyway."
"That's a lie." Fez exposed her flatly. "You use your money to buy love."
"AHH!" She yelped, incredibly offended by Fez's words.