[Hyde POV]
The next morning.
"We're leaving for Vanstock in two hours!" Eric said excitedly while I ate breakfast. Bacon,
sausage, eggs, and waffles that Mrs Forman made.
"Eric honey, I've made you some tuna salad sandwiches for your trip. Are you sure you don't need me to pack you some food for your stay?" Mrs Forman asked worriedly.
"No, mom. I'm just going to buy it there." Eric replied easily.
Red smiled and said to me, "He's going to starve." I nodded, agreeing with Red.
Red knew I had stocked up, even brought a tent with me. He liked that I was prepared for the trip.
Suddenly, someone rang the doorbell to the house. Mrs Forman went to get it, and returned with a
worried face a few seconds later.
"Honey… The police are here to ask you some questions…" Her face froze into an awkward smile, and she looked at me warily.
Red put his newspaper down angrily and asked the cops, "What did you want? Did you finally be useful for once and take away all of the dead stocks?"
Red knew what the Jets dealership did, and he was pretty pissed off.
"No, we didn't–" the officer was quite afraid of Red.
Officer Kennedy, the one I met with before said, "We're here to ask you about something else."
"What is it?" Red asked angrily.
"Before that, can you tell us what you were doing last night?"
"I was watching the Rockford files, and went to sleep." Red said easily.
"I went out to pick up the ice box for my trip." I replied.
The officer asked, "And how long did it take you to return? Are there any witnesses that see you
came back?"
Eric answered, "He came back in half an hour. All of our friends can vouch for him."
"Can you tell us why you're treating us like suspects now?" Red said with gritted teeth.
Officer Kennedy was taken aback and he explained.
"A grand total of 25 cars went missing from the Jet's dealership. And the rest of the car was
stacked into a tower. The owner tried to remove it, but it fell on his store, destroying part of
his entrance."
I ate the eggs casually. Red was taken aback and said, "You think we did that?"
"No. It's impossible for two people to do that. To clean up a place like that in just a few hours, it needs a professional team. We suspected over 30 people went there last night." Officer Kennedy said hurriedly.
"It was just a procedure to ask," the officer said quickly, clearly wanting this to be over.
"To stack cars like that, they'd probably need a crane," Officer Kennedy added.
His tone was professional, but the look on his face said he was quietly enjoying the dealership's
misery. "I'm honestly surprised no one noticed them doing it."
"So… are they bankrupt now?" Mrs. Forman asked, disbelief all over her face.
"We don't know yet," Kennedy replied. "But losing an inventory that size is a massive financial hit.
We're estimating the losses at around sixty thousand dollars—"
CRASH.
The sound of glass shattering cut him off mid-sentence. "HYDE! FORMAN! GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE, NOW!"
Red was already halfway out of his chair. "What the hell—"
I grabbed his arm and smirked. "Easy, Red. I think we can wrap all of this up in one shot."
I turned to the officers. "Mind playing along for a minute?" They exchanged a look, then nodded.
Outside, standing near the garage, was a walking midlife crisis.
Goatee. Thick sideburns. A gut straining against a shirt two sizes too small. Gold chain glinting
through a patch of chest hair. Leather jacket. Crowbar in his hand. The broken window was my Nova's.
"You motherfucker," I said flatly.
He pointed the crowbar at me like it was a gun. "You're the motherfucker, you motherfucker. Give me back my cars."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb!" he shouted. "My cars. All my cars. You stole them from my shop. And you're gonna pay for everything that got destroyed too."
"Why would I steal your cars?" I asked, genuinely calm.
"For revenge, duh!"
I tilted my head. "Revenge for what?"
"For the cars I swapped and drilled holes in!" he snapped, pacing now. "You couldn't sell your
inventory, so you decided to fuck me back."
I raised an eyebrow. "So… you did do that?"
"YOU KNOW I DID! THE BROKER AND I WORKED TOGETHER!" he roared. "Now where the fuck are my cars? Give them back, or I'm gonna break every bone in your body."
"HYDE!"
Bob burst out of the house holding a shotgun, already aimed at the guy's chest.
"Whoa—whoa—" The man froze instantly, dropping the crowbar and throwing his hands up.
"Hyde, go inside. Now," Bob said sharply, finger tight on the trigger. Then he glared at the
dealership owner. "You picked the wrong house, you stupid motherfucker."
Red stormed out with the cops right behind him. "Bob! Put the goddamn shotgun down!"
Bob turned instinctively, accidentally swinging the barrel toward the officers.
"WHOA! Sir!" Officer Kennedy barked. "Shotgun down. Now. Put it down."
Bob blinked, finally registering the uniforms. "Oh. Sorry." He lowered the gun, grinning sheepishly
as if this happened all the time.
The second officer moved fast. "Sir, hands behind your back."
"What—no, hold on—" the dealership owner started struggling, but the officer already had his wriststwisted and the cuffs snapping shut.
"You are under arrest," the officer said flatly, "for felony fraud, interstate title manipulation,
destruction of property, and making criminal threats."
Officer Kennedy stepped closer, notebook already out. "And just so we're clear. You just confessed
to swapping vehicles, drilling engine blocks, and retaliatory intimidation. In front of witnesses.
Including police officers."
The man's face went pale. "I–I was just pissed off–"
"You were just arrested," Kennedy corrected. "Anything else you say will only make this worse."
Red crossed his arms, glaring down at him. "You came onto my property. You threatened my family.
And you confessed like a goddamn moron."
Bob leaned in slightly. "Also, you broke Hyde's window."
"Yeah, I almost hit him and ruined the confession." I said casually.
"Thank goodness you held back." Officer Kennedy smirked.
The officer tugged the man toward the patrol car. "We'll be impounding what's left of your inventorypending investigation. And since you confessed to the document manipulation, we will be checking all of your paperworks too."
"Finally, I can get rid of this scum." Officer Kennedy said menacingly.
The dealership owner's knees nearly buckled as he was shoved into the back seat.
Donna rushed to the driveway after the cops left. "What happened?" She asked worriedly.
Eric replied with a laugh, "You missed out on the best scene, ever."
The rumors spread around town like wildfire. Everyone knew not to mess with Red Forman and Steven Hyde after this.
The Jet's dealership has to be shut down. The owner filed for bankruptcy as he was locked up in
jail.
In the meantime, I packed up all of my stuff in the back of Kelso's van.
The tent, the stove, the pan, the icebox, the sleeping bag, and a case of 24 beers.
As I returned to the bedroom, I realized the episode was recording. So I picked up my bag and went to the driveway in a hurry.
"I hope you like tuna fish sandwiches. 'cause that's all we got." Eric said to Donna playfully.
"I just saw Kelso and your sister making out in the van." Donna said, face full of shock.
"Oh, no, that's, uh…" Eric stammered.
"Did you know about this?" She asked accusingly.
"Did I? Uh, no. No, I didn't know about this." Eric played it dumb.
I came out, slugging a knapsack over my shoulder. "Hey." I greeted. "What's going on?" I asked.
"Hey– Hi. Donna just saw Kelso and Laurie making out." Eric said frantically.
"So?"
"Aren't you shocked? I'm shocked, for one, to have learned about this." Eric hinted greatly at me
to play along. I grimaced slightly, looking at Donna with a blank face.
Suddenly, Jackie walked behind Eric and Donna. Fez was also there, helping Jackie carry her makeup bags and suitcase.
"Hey, guys. I decided to go. I thought it'd be fun to surprise Michael." Jackie said excitedly.
My mind connected everything together. Maybe it will finally be over today.
I laughed and said, "That would be fun."
"Um, Jackie, look, before you surprise Kelso, there's something going on that you should know."
Donna looked at Jackie, but hesitated as she saw her face.
"What?" Jackie asked.
Donna really tried, but she couldn't do it, "You know, Vanstock is gonna be really boring, and it's
gonna be muddy, and there's a good chance there'll be some Canadians there."
Jackie shuddered with disgust, "Eew!"
I interjected. "No, no, Jackie, you should go. You can't let the Canadians win."
Jackie turned to Fez and ordered him around skillfully, "Fez, put my stuff in the back."
Fez gave us a dirty look, as if scolding us for not telling Jackie the truth. Eric and Donna also
went to put their stuff inside the van.
I approached Jackie slowly, "Hey, Jackie… ...you know what'd be the perfect surprise for Kelso?"
I smiled in excitement, my voice slightly excited, " We'll pull the curtains, and you hide in the
back with us. And at some point, you jump up front and yell, "Surprise!""
Jackie squealed, bouncing around in excitement.
"Oh, my God, that is perfect!" Jackie touched my hand slightly.
"Now, hop in the van before Kelso sees you. Hurry up." I told her. She skipped away excitedly and
hid like I told her to.
Eric came back to the front of the van. I told him, "Oh, this may be the best road trip ever."
Inside the van, Jackie sat with me behind the driver's seat. Fez, Eric and Donna sat crossed legged
on the platform bed.
"Hyde, this van is smaller now." Eric scolded me.
"Better, but smaller." Donna agreed with him.
"It's not meant for seven people." I grimaced.
"Are you sure you can leave? Won't the cops think you're running out of the state or something?"
Eric teased.
"If I am running, all of you will be my accomplice."
"What?" Eric breathed in horror.
Jackie wanted to speak, but I shushed her. "Don't let Kelso hear you." I told her.
She poked my shoulder, wanting to say something, but I ignored her. So she continued poking.
"Not even a whisper?" She whispered.
"No. Complete silence." I said firmly.
She crossed her arms and looked at me angrily.
Eric and Donna smiled in satisfaction. "I wanted to do that for a long time." Donna teased.
Jackie showed her a middle finger, which made Donna laugh.
We waited for the van to get out of Point Place. I made sure for us to get a point of no return
first before surprising Kelso.
In the driver's seat. Kelso looked at Laurie sleazily as she played with her hair.
"So, you want to shift?" He asked. "It's an automatic." She smiled.
"I know." He said, glancing hintingly at his crotch. Laurie laughed and leaned in slightly.
"Surprise!!!!" Jackie popped from the curtain and shouted.
"AAAAAHHHH!" Kelso screamed as if he saw a ghost. He even swerved the van onto the other lane, but quickly pulled it back.
Laurie leaned to the side, looking annoyed at Jackie. Jackie gave her a confused look as she saw
her reaction. Eric and I laughed.
"Nice."
Fez looked into Jackie's suitcase and said, "Look at this. Jackie brings four different types of
mascara just to please Kelso. And what does Kelso bring? Another woman."
"Fez, you should really stop going through other people's stuff." Eric told him. "It's kind of
creepy."
Donna asked, "So, how long do you think this whole thing has been going on?" She just knew about it and wasn't able to process it yet.
Eric played it dumb, "Whoo. I... you know, I don't know. That's anyone's guess. Right, Fez?"
"What?" Fez asked in confusion.
"Kelso and Laurie. See? Fez doesn't even know. I don't know… I guess... you know, it's just... it's
like… God, this is so wrong, you know?" He pretended to be frustrated.
"So what are we gonna do?" Donna asked.
"Well, I guess just let this all blow over, and then Jackie and Kelso can get married, have kids,
and be really unhappy." Eric said flatly.
He laughed and patted Donna's legs, "So... let's not this ruin our Vanstock experience, OK?"
Fez took out Jackie's makeup. "Look at this. Bubble gum lip smacker. What a waste."
I sat on the hump behind the driver's seat, popping my head to the front, sitting in between Laurie
and Jackie.
"So, you kids having fun? Nothing like a road trip to get to know each other." I baited them.
"Yeah. Right." Kelso said flatly, his face seemed dissatisfied.
"Like… Jackie and Laurie. They don't really know each other, and yet, they have so much in common." I continued.
"Like what?" Jackie was hooked.
"Oh, well, you both have really neat hair." I said playfully.
"He's right. I love your hair. What do you use?" Jackie asked Laurie.
They never really talked to each other before. But now, I have the perfect chance to screw with
Kelso.
"Hot rollers." Laurie replied with a slight smirk, looking at Jackie condescendingly.
"So do I! I hate styling wands." Jackie said excitedly.
Laurie immediately changed her tune, feeling a sense of camaraderie with Jackie. "So do I!" She
replied, her voice went up a pitch.
I added, "See? You two keep talking. There may be plenty of other things that you have in common."
"No! No talking!" Kelso interjected, waving his hand to stop the girls. "It makes the driver
nervous."
So just everybody not talk!" Kelso said firmly and nervously.
The girls went quiet. After all, Kelso was driving, and there's this unwritten rule not to bother
the driver here. Unless it's Eric.
I nodded, and slowly said, " Okay. Let's just sing songs. Who knows the words to Three's Company?"
It was a popular show on tv right now.
Kelso flinched as he got the hidden meaning behind the song choice.
Jackie replied excitedly, "I do!"
Laurie was also excited, "I do!"
I sang the words first, letting the girls continue with the next verse.
"♫♪ Come and knock on our door…♫♪ "
"♫♪ Come and knock on our door♫♪ "
I sang excitedly. "♫♪ We've been Waiting for you♫♪"
The girls sang in unison.
"♫♪ We've been waiting for you♫♪
Jackie pointed at Laurie, and vice versa.
We all sang together. "♫♪ Where the kisses are hers and hers and his♫♪"
I snuck a hit on the back of Kelso's head.
"♫♪ Three's company, too~♫♪"
Kelso was frustrated and was questioning life right now. I didn't stop there, I pushed the girls to
talk to each other until we arrived at the Vanstock venue.
It was thirty miles out of Madison, on private land. Almost 3000 people attended the event this
year.
We rolled past the entrance slowly. Vans were everywhere.
"There's a lot of nudists here." Laurie cackled when she spotted a naked man waving
enthusiastically at us, his dong swinging freely.
"It's a total hippie festival." Jackie said, furrowing her eyebrows in contemplation.
We drove until there was an empty spot for us to set up our van.
We parked right next to a VW bus, where a bikini wearing girl was rocking on top of the van.
The cold hit us immediately when we got out. I stared at the half-naked girl with disbelief, my
breath fogging in the air.
The place was mostly grass and mud. Off to the side, there was literally a mud pit where people
were wrestling like pigs, laughing and sliding over each other.
Bare skin was painted with symbols and streaks of color. Women walked around topless without anyone
making a big deal out of it. Beads and scarves caught the weak sunlight.
Nobody stared for long. It wasn't that kind of place. It was casual, like clothes were just another
thing people forgot to bring.
"Wow, man. Vanstock. It's exactly how I pictured it." I mumbled.
Two muddy girls walked past us. One in a soaked bikini, the other covering her boobs with a hand
bra.
"Has anyone seen my top? I lost my top!" she shouted desperately.
"Actually," I said, watching them go, "it's even better than I pictured it." I chuckled.
A long-haired man with a receding hairline suddenly appeared, shouting into a megaphone, frantic.
"Do not take the blue acid! If you have taken the blue acid, please report to the Red Cross tent!"
Almost two-thirds of the people around us immediately rushed toward the Red Cross tent.
"Look at this debauchery. This is the smelly underside of a once great nation." Fez muttered
introspectively. Then he noticed something and smiled. "Ooh, yum, candy apples."
He walked toward the food tent without hesitation.
"Hey, man. What do you say we help that chick find her top?" I asked Kelso.
He put his hands on his waist defensively. "Nah. I gotta stay here with the old balls and chains."
I turned to him, suddenly serious. "You know, Kelso, did you ever think about being honest with
them? Maybe they won't be mad. Maybe they'll like the idea of sharing you."
Kelso froze, then said seriously, "Man, that'd be great, huh? You think they'd go for that? 'Cause
that's been—" He stopped.
"Oh, no. You're trying to set me up, Hyde!" He laughed as he realized he almost fell for it.
"You never know if you don't try, man." I added, keeping my tone steady.
Kelso's expression shifted, turning solemn. "Are you serious? Be serious. 'Cause this is serious.
This has been a dream of mine since I was a kid and saw The Parent Trap."
"How do you think I did it?" I asked casually.
Kelso's eyes widened fully. "WAIT! YOU DID IT!" He remembered. "So—so I really should do it?"
"It's up to you, man. All I know is, I want you to be happy." I said,
slapping his right bicep lightly.
He fell for it, completely convinced I was sincere. Laurie and Jackie suddenly walked past us.
"Okay, we're heading off to the restroom." Jackie said.
"Okay." Kelso replied automatically.
I leaned in, acting serious. "Whoa, man, they're going to the restroom? You know what girls do in
the restroom, right?"
Kelso grimaced. "Oh. I like to pretend like they don't do that."
"Not that, man. They talk." I said urgently.
"So?" He still didn't get it.
"To each other." I added.
Kelso's face drained of color. "Oh, my God. Girls, wait up!" He rushed after them in pure panic.
"What a maroon." I muttered to myself, watching him disappear into the crowd. I sniffled as my nose was slightly runny from the cold and began setting up my camp.