[Hyde POV]
Surprisingly, there were a lot of people who came to the wedding. Donna's aunt and uncles. Some of her cousins.
They were really pretty. One of her older cousins looked like Vica Kerekes. Since Bob was Italian, his family was pretty boisterous. Drunk, touchy, and made bad sexual jokes the entire time.
I kept an eye on them while I stole some liquor with Fez.
Leo and Holly, the maid of honor, went to the closet to have sex. They hit it off instantly as they saw each other.
I watched Kelso sit next to Jackie in the guest seats and tried to joke with her.
"Boy, this wedding's gonna be pretty lame without a trampoline, huh?"
Jackie crossed her arms and scoffed. "Whatever."
Kelso turned to her and yelled whisperingly. "All right, Jackie. If you're mad at me, well then use your mad voice.:" Then he yelled normally, "And if you're not, well then lady, you better start chewing my ear off like usual!"
"Look, Michael. I'm not mad, ok?" Jackie said with a sigh.
"Ghah! Could you be any more annoying?!" He exclaimed frantically.
She turned to him slowly with a deathly glare. "Yes!"
Kelso was taken aback by her words and gulped his saliva nervously.
"Moron." I muttered with a scoff and drank another mix of liquors. Kelso jogged to me, whispering, "Hyde. What should I do? Help me!"
I sighed and said, "Go do a grand gesture."
"You know what doesn't work." He snapped at me.
"Then, do a small, personal one. Something to show her that she meant a lot to you. Maybe something she talked about–"
"I got it!" He interjected abruptly and rushed outside the house. I didn't know where he went, but he drove his van to get there.
The party almost started, and I already had a buzz. People were filling up the chairs.
Linda sat next to C.C, who avoided me like a plague. I went to the desert table and grabbed some brownies.
"Hyde. Who should I talk with?" Fez asked me.
"Hmm…" I scanned the girls in the room and saw one with a lazy eye. "Go talk to the one in the yellow dress. She seems like she's down to have fun."
Fez slicked his head back and said, "Got it."
He went there with a confident stride, knowing that he has a chance with girls like that.
Suddenly, I saw a familiar face. She was in season 1, and Donna introduced her as her younger sister, Tina.
"So now they rewrite her as Donna's cousin? There's another one right. An older sister." I turned around and checked the crowd to see which girl fits the description.
Then, I saw a beautiful red-headed girl. It was still Vica Kerekes.
"Damn. I have no chance there."
Not because I couldn't get her, but she was married, and also pregnant. People didn't wait long to get married in this era. After school, or the first few years of college, they already tied the knot.
Kelso came back, bringing Jackie a wrapped box.
"Jackie. This is for you." He handed her the box cautiously.
Jackie sighed and opened the box reluctantly. Her eyes widened at the content. She pulled out a candy dish from it and stared at Kelso with disbelief.
"Jackie: Oh my god! Pink and purple with a unicorn! You remembered!"
Kelso smiled in satisfaction, "Of course I remembered. I remember everything you tell me even when you think I don't."
Jackie looked at him skeptically and crossed her arms again, "Really. What's my favorite season?:
Kelso stammered, but he could answer, "Fall?"
She added a follow up question, "Why?"
"Uh, the outfits flatter your chestnut eyes."
"And?"
"Slimming lines and dark colors."
Jackie squealed, "Oh my god, Michael! When you started acting like an immature jerk, I started having doubts about us. But now this purple and pink unicorn candy dish proves you're a grown up!"
"Oh!" She exclaimed and hugged him. Kelso grinned like a moron as he got her back.
Laurie looked at the two of them with a sigh from afar.
The wedding ceremony finally began. Fez pushed an 8-track into a player and music filled the wedding room. I stood at the side of the hall, recording everything with my digital camera.
Leo was gone, so I had to do it. He was lost with the maid of honor. They were having sex in the closet. Now, Holly couldn't rejoin the party since she lost her dress– stolen by Mrs Forman who desperately wanted to be a bridesmaid.
Bob stood at the altar in his gaudy green and yellow Tux.Kitty and the other two bridesmaids walked in and took a seat at the front of the aisle.
Kitty has a huge smile on her face. She giggled, " I'm a bridesmaid!"
"Did she steal the dress?" I asked in surprise as I zoomed on her expression.
Midge walked down the aisle and joined Bob at the altar.
The music stopped, and Bob spoke to everyone, "First of all, Midge and I would like to thank everyone for coming. It really means a lot to us. The vows we're exchanging were written by our Daughter Donna, whom we love very much."
I recorded Donna's face, and saw she was looking at Eric. The two of them were looking intently at each other.
Bob turned to Midge and said, "Midgey, I consider it a privilege to be your husband." Bob gasped, touched by the words and turned to his daughter. "Donna, I actually feel that way!"
"That's a whole plot point that I missed there." I whispered to myself.
"Bob, I'm proud and very grateful to be your wife." Midge said with a teary face.
I recorded the entire vows and was going to sell it to Bob later on.
Bob added, "We've known each other since we were practically kids."
Midge added, "So we know all the good stuff…"
"And all the not so good stuff about each other." Bob added.
Eriuc and Donna stared at each other with googly eyes. The words were written by Donna about her relationship with Eric.
"I can't imagine feeling about anyone else the way I feel about you." Midge said.
"Because I love you. I always loved you. And I wanna make you a promise." Bob continued.
"No matter what happens…"
"Good or bad…"
Donna mouthed the word Midge said to Bob, "I will always love you."
"Awww!" Mrs Forman melted. Everyone clapped at the vow, and I noticed that Eric and Donna were gone.
"They are going to do it." I said with a grin.
Bob laughed and told everyone, "Let's eat!"
Just five minutes later, the episode recording ended.
[Episode 17; The First time.
Old Rating: 7.6
New Rating: 7.6]
It was unchanged and that was a win for me.
The official part of the wedding was gone. I took several pictures of Bob and Midge, with their relatives and friends, before Leo finally came back to the party.
"Where have you been?" I asked, annoyed that he came back so late.
"I was doing it with the maid of honor man." Leo replied honestly. I grinned and said, "Good for you. Now, go do your work if you want the meatball sub."
"Geez. You're really a mean boss man." He took out his camera and took over.
Before I could relax, the system chimed in again, after a minute and two seconds.
I was really confused, but then I realized Eric and Donna must've been done with their first time.
"That's not good at all."
I was watching Jackie while Laurie pulled Kelso somewhere to have a talk with him. Donna's Italian uncle approached Jackie, placed his hand on her back, and tried to talk to her.
"Beautiful Senorita. You're blooming like a flower–"
"Get off me you ugly old man!" Jackie quickly shoved him away and shuddered in disgust. "Ugh."
"You–" The uncle was taken aback. I intervened and asked Jackie, "Are you okay?"
"He pulled on my bra. It's unclipped now–"
"No it was an accident–"
The uncle tried to speak, but I decked him. I punched him so hard, he fell to the ground with a thud.
Everyone at the party gasped and looked at me. Bob ran towards me and asked, "What happened?"
"He inappropriately touched Jackie." I replied casually.
Bob nodded and shouted to his relative, "Get this bastard out of here!"
Jackie had to go to the bathroom to fix her bra. So I knew it wasn't a lie. She didn't lie about that sort of stuff.
[+1 Love letter]
"Wait, that was recorded?" I was confused. "It seems that I have more screen time today."
Linda approached me and said, "Steven. That's… really awesome, what you did."
"That's nothing." I replied. "Do you want me to put some ice on your hand?" She asked.
"Are you asking me to go somewhere private?" I said playfully. "You know we can't do that."
"Yes Yes. The rule of not having a relationship with your workers. But I'm just talking about icing your hand."
I thought about it and said, "No. I'm not going to."
She looked at me with bewilderment. "You don't trust me?"
I smiled and said, "I don't trust myself."
She visibly swooned at my words.
"What if I quit?" She asked. "Not that I want to quit! Please don't fire me!" She begged hurriedly.
I laughed and said, "If you quit, then I would've said yes instantly."
She grinned and skipped away. I smiled in satisfaction and went back to stealing drinks.
Bob walked to the desert table and took some brownies. Donna and Eric walked back to the living room, and bumped into Bob.
"Hey, there kids, where've you two been?" Bob asked cheerfully.
" God, dad can't we be gone for a minute without you making all sorts of accusations? I mean, god, it was just a minute!" Donna replied with fake irritation.
Eric looked at her seriously and said, " To be fair, Donna, it was a little more than a minute."
I interjected, not even caring if I had to do a retake and quipped to Eric, "To be exact, you were gone for 1 minute, and twenty seconds."
"See. More than a minute."
Bob looked at Eric suspiciously. Jackie walked up and tapped Donna's shoulder from behind, prompting her to turn.
"Donna, one of your drunken uncles is touching me." Jackie gasped slightly as she saw Donna's face. "Oh my god."
It was as if Jackie could see big black letters on Donna's forehead that said, "I HAD SEX".
"Oh my god! We need to talk. Right now!" Jackie pulled Donna away to have a private conversation.
Bob turned to Eric and glared at him, as if he was seeing big black letters on Eric's head that spelled out, 'Guilty'.
"What?" Eric asked nervously.
I chortled as I saw Eric running to my direction. "Should we get out of here?" He asked.
"Sure." I said casually. "I'm done with the party anyway."
Linda was gone, and almost all of the ladies had left because of the drunken uncles. So there was nothing more for me here.
Bob approached me and asked, "So Hyde. Did you shoot a video?"
"Yup. It'll be 1700 bucks if you want it."
"Seventeen?" He was startled. Then he thought about it and said, "Okay. Sure. That's pretty cheap."
"I know you can see it, Bob. And I promise it'll be good."
…
"It's not good." I exclaimed as I tried to edit the wedding video myself. I had only seventeen minutes of footage. I tried overlapping some music on it, but the good ones were all modern songs.
"Eh, I'll do this later."
I walked out of the room after thirty minutes and saw Eric sitting on the couch all smug.
I sat on my usual chair, and Fez sat next to Eric. Scooby Doo was on so we watched it together.
"TV Villain: And I would've gotten away with it, too. If it wasn't for those darn kids."
Fez exclaimed, "Oh, I love the Scooby Doo"
I smiled and asked, "Forman, what the hell are you grinning about?"
He has a permanent big dumb grin on his face.
"What? A guy can't grin?" He asked me back jokingly.
I laughed and said, "So, you finally did it with Donna. How's that feel?"
Eric sat up suddenly and asked, "You knew?"
"I saw the looks you guys gave each other at the wedding. All googly eyes, mouthing words to each other."
"Oh god." Eric was taken aback.
"So, did you do it?" Fez asked.
Eric had his grin back and he said, "Fez, I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying no, but...I'm especially not saying no."
I said with irritation and stood up to grab an ice-cream, "Thank god, man, I'm telling you, I couldn't deal with one more week of that will they, won't they crap."
Kelso burst into the room while I was behind Eric.
"Hey. Hyde: Hey. Kelso: What's going on?" He asked, his poker face broke every one second. He looked like he has something interesting he wanted to share.
"Donna made Forman a man." I said as I looked at Kelso with intrigue.
"Oh, yeah, she did." Eric laughed smugly.
Kelso walked to the other side of the room and asked, "Really? So. How was it?"
Eric said condescendingly, "Well…boys…I tell ya. It was as if, in that one magic moment, the two people, Donna and Eric, ceased to exist. And were replaced instead by one perfect being. Donnaric Formsciotti."
Kelso laughed a bit, "So. Eric, you're saying it was good?"
"Kelso, was Michaelangelo's creation of Adam good?" Eric asked smugly.
Kelso didn't get it, so Eric added with frustration, "Yes, Kelso, it was good!"
"So, well, my first time, Jackie called me the Apollo rocket of love. What kind of rocket were you?" Kelso asked.
"Where're you going with this, Kelso?" Eric got a bed feeling.
"Nowhere." Kelso smirked, and he shouted, " 'CEPT JACKIE SAID YOU WERE TOTALLY LAME IN THE SACK!!!"
"Jackie said?!?" Eric exclaimed with disbelief. His face visibly turned depressed.
Kelso laughed and said, "Yeah. Donna told Jackie and Jackie told me." He remembered something and added, "Oh! But you can't tell Jackie I told you 'cause she'd get pissed."
Fez held Eric's shoulder and said, "It's okay, Eric. Maybe sеx isn't your thing."
Eric dropped his face in his hands, completely mortified.
"It's fine Forman. I suck my first time too." I said casually.
"Really?" Eric turned to me, hopeful.
Kelso laughed and asked, "Why would you say that? Now, both of you are pathetic!"
I glared at him before comforting Eric. "Everyone sucks for the first time. You build it too much in your head. I guess you just wanted to lose your virginity so much, you don't really care about anything else."
"Hyde. So what should I do?" He asked beggingly.
"Practice. I sucked the first time, then my ex and I did it seven more times straight. After I got out of the motel room, I'm a whole different beast altogether. She can't even remember her own name at the end."
"So, practice?" Eric asked.
"Yup." I replied. "Just lots of practice. It helps if your partner knows stuff. If they don't, then you have to figure out stuff together. I think that might be fun."
"Stop making him feel better!" Kelso snapped at me. "Burn him! Mock him! That's what we do!"
"Kelso, you're ruining it." I snapped at Kelso. "Wait for my last sentence."
"Okay." Kelso stopped and waited patiently.
I smirked at Eric and said, "Or, she also can think you're just lame and go have fun with someone else."
Fez looked at me and said, "it doesn't hit as much as it could, since KELSO ruined it!"
"What– He TOOK too long!" Kelso whined.
Eric laughed and said, "Yeah Kelso. It took me a while."
I said casually, "One minute and two second–"
"TWENTY! IT'S TWENTY!" Eric snapped at me.
Eric went to talk to Donna, and came back fifteen minutes later with a really angry expression.
"Practice? Thanks a lot Hyde. Now she thinks all I want from her is sex!" Eric scolded me.
I threw my hands up in disbelief and said, "You told her that? You moron."
"I– Shut up! You did this!" He tried to fight me
…
A few hours passed by. I changed my clothes and relaxed a bit.
Eric went to get some groceries for dinner, and I edited the wedding video roughly.
"I should learn more about editing."
I checked some classes online about it and decided to enter one. The course was less than ten dollars, but it has around 20 hours of lessons. It was a course specific for wedding videos editing.
Bob didn't expect to get the video so soon anyway so I have time to learn.
"Hyde. Come out!" Eric called me from outside my room. "We need your stash. We ran out." He said as I got out.
I smirked and took out two blunts. We sat in a circle and smoked while talking.
"Forman, I've been thinking about your problem with Donna. And after hours of serious consideration…it still makes me laugh." I said teasingly.
Kelso suddenly snapped at me, "Hey. You leave Eric alone. All right? He's our friend. And he needs our help, in this his most desperate hour. I'm with yo, buddy, Semper Fi!"
Eric turned to him and said sarcastically, "Gee, Kelso, why the sudden change of heart? Oh, maybe it's because the "Apollo rocket of love" blew up all over the launch pad?"
I burst into laughter. Kelso sucked on his first time too.
Fez smiled, not getting the hidden meaning, "Whoa hо hо, a mystery! One suitable for Scooby Doo and his gang of cartoon teenagers! You know guys, sometimes I wish we were cartoon teenagers."
I must've been quite high, because everyone turned into cartoons, Scooby-Doo style.
"Zoinks. That'd be super, Fez." I turned to Eric, "Look, man. If God had meant for virgins to lose it to other virgins, he wouldn't have given us middle-aged hookers, man!"
[-1 Favorability]
Cartoon Fez smiled, "Amen, brother! Because if there's one thing men like us know, it's how to hɑvе sеx." He lowered his head suddenly. " Oh, I cannot live with this lie. Everyone prepare to be shocked! I, Fez, am still a virgin."
Cartoon Eric said flatly, "Gosh, my world no longer makes sense. Fine Hyde, but, now that the middle-aged hooker ship has sailed, what am I supposed to do?"
Cartoon Kelso interjected, "Well, I know I got a lot better when I started making it with your sister. I got it! You should make it with my sister!"
I sighed and said, "Kelso, I've seen your sister. She's a virgin, and she's gonna be. For a long time."
Cartoon Kelso turned to me angrily, "All right, what are you saying?"
Cartoon Eric laughed, "Well I think he's saying, moooo."
Cartoon Fez said it again, "OK, maybe you did not hear me. Fez, the man you all revere, has still not had sеx."
I swore I saw him eat a chicken leg, cartoon style.
"Yeah, heard you for the first time." I said to Fez and turned to Eric again, "Forman, you've gotta figure out what you're doing wrong, man. And fast. You know what women call guys who are lame in the sack? Just friends."
[+1 Favorability]
Cartoon Kelso hugged his arm and shuddered slightly, "Yeah, but you can't let the pressure get to you. I mean, don't think about how embarrassing it'd be if you tried… and you couldn't."
His tone turned more and more depressed, "And she'd stare at you with those cruel black eyes, as if to say…" He mimicked Jackie, "You're not really a man, Michael! You're not a man at all!!!"
Cartoon Eric sighed and said sarcastically, "Oh…kay, well, this has been, really helpful guys."
"All right, you called my bluff. I am not really a virgin, heh heh. Yes I am." Cartoon Fez ate a whole club sandwich, just swallowing it like a snake, instantly.
I blinked twice and got transported back to reality, and I saw Fez eating a small sandwich.
"That's a trip." I said to myself and took another hit of the blunt, wanting to get back to the cartoon world.
"I wonder if I can meet Velma. I wanted to give her my zoinks for her jinkies."