Emilia's Proactive Kiss (Part 2)
「The trust that had continued to bond them, the restored feelings, and the heating atmosphere collapsed back to zero in an instant.」
「Hikigaya Hachiman remained indifferent to Emilia's skeptical expression. He released the girl's delicate small hands and raised his own.」
「"Look, Emilia."」
「His eyelids drooped, and his expression was deeply somber. "These are my hands. Weak, powerless, useless, and only capable of—no, they are a pair of hands that cannot even properly look after or protect the things within their reach. It's not just these hands; it's my entire being."」
「He had failed, but he had salvaged it... Starting from the Bowel Hunter in the Royal Capital, all the way to the invasion of Petelgeuse, he had failed time and time again. Through so many failures, he had managed to turn things around. Even now, with the Great Rabbit in the Sanctuary, he was doing everything in his power to salvage the situation.」
「But in those many worlds within the Second Trial, seeing Emilia die completely right before his eyes so many times, unable to be saved... he understood.」
「"I will take good care of you. I will protect you with everything I have. But there may be times when I slip up. I am not omnipotent. I am weak. Although I have the intent, I do not have the strength."」
「Hikigaya Hachiman gave a bitter smile, full of self-mockery. "Relying on a useless person like me carries too much risk. But you are different, Emilia. You are actually very strong, and you don't have the lingering worry of help arriving too late... I want you to grow, to be able to take good care of yourself, and to protect yourself well."」
「"So you absolutely must not depend on a piece of trash like me; you cannot have a mindset of reliance on me. If I stay today, then..."」
「"One day in the future, perhaps I will hate myself to death, Emilia!"」
「"Words like that—"」
「Deprecating his own tenderness, belittling his own strength, erasing his own merits and achievements... This was Hikigaya Hachiman, her knight, Hikigaya Hachiman.」
「Emilia, who had long since realized this, paused for a moment. "Words like that... don't joke around! If you say things like that and refuse to stay, how am I supposed to trust you?!"」
「"Trust me, keep trusting me, so that I can believe in you too... On the eve of the battle to subjugate Sloth, when I returned to the manor, you told me those words. I've always remembered them, Emilia."」
「Not at all intimidated by the girl before him, Hikigaya Hachiman looked at her clumsy lie and couldn't help but smile. "Don't look for such poor excuses, Emilia. You've always trusted me. Just as you know me, I know you."」
「Hearing this, Emilia's brows furrowed and her eyes sharpened. Her anger, instead of subsiding, continued to burn as she grabbed Hikigaya Hachiman firmly.」
「"It was my fault for not considering your feelings, and I apologize. So... now it is your fault for not considering my feelings, and you must correct it!"」
「Tugging at the Hikigaya Hachiman who wanted to leave, Emilia refused to yield an inch; her strength was far greater than his. "Deprecating yourself again, and not allowing me to rely on you... I absolutely will not permit such a thing! If I can't even rely on my own knight, what else can I rely on? Isn't that too pitiful?!"」
「"I—"」
「The moment Hikigaya Hachiman opened his mouth, Emilia immediately interrupted him: "If you stay now, you will surely regret it... but if I let you leave now, I will surely regret it, Hachiman!"」
「The contract was broken, and there was no Puck to rely on. After the initial despondency, the rain had cleared and the sun had come out; her knight had brushed away the haze. Emilia's growth and her inner strength quickly began to show their first signs.」
「This made Hikigaya Hachiman feel very gratified—though it would have been better if this growth wasn't being used against him.」
「"I always have flaws in how I do things anyway... As for considering your feelings, I'll make up for that part next time. Let me just owe it to you for now, Emilia."」
「His stance on not staying was exceptionally firm. Hikigaya Hachiman struggled violently, his wrists turning red from being gripped, which caused Emilia great distress, her heart aching to the point of almost letting go.」
「"Don't..." she murmured. "I won't allow it, you can't... Hachiman is my knight, and my knight must listen to me obediently!"」
「This was the first time in her life she had ever exercised such mandatory authority, but even so, Hikigaya Hachiman refused to submit. "My principles don't work that way."」
「"I will be strong, I will grow, I will be independent, and I will become stronger. I will protect myself well and take good care of myself. If that's what Hachiman wishes, I will do so properly from now on. But I also want to rely on you. I want to rely on Hachiman—fo~rever, always and always rely on you!"」
「Her face was bright red, yet she continued. "It's too much to depend on Hachiman for everything, and it's wicked to make Hachiman solve everything. It's absolutely not okay to be unable to move a single step without Hachiman. I know all of this. So, I won't be that kind of child."」
「"But, I want to rely on you—to have confidence in whatever I do because Hachiman is there, to be able to encourage myself by thinking of Hachiman, and to be full of motivation when commanded by Hachiman. I want to rely on you like that!"」
「Hearing these words, Hikigaya Hachiman suddenly felt a pang in his stomach, and his breathing grew ragged... The more Emilia trusted and relied on him like this, the more those instances where he failed to protect her—where Emilia died a tragic death before his eyes—became vivid in his mind, making his eyes widen as he felt his sins were too numerous to record.」
「Being able to receive such reliance made him truly happy; reaping such a 'Genuine Thing' made him ecstatic; being recognized as a reliable person made him so happy he temporarily forgot his troubles.」
「"But I... I don't have that qualification. I don't have that ability."」
「"To say such things—"」
「Emilia opened her mouth, seemingly having reached a very special resolution. She gripped her knight tightly and suddenly said: "I am very beautiful, so beautiful that no one can compare. I am also gentle and cute... although I always think those are exaggerations that I can hardly believe, those compliments all came from Hachiman's mouth, so I believe they are true."」
「"Gentle, cute, and beautiful... Hachiman doesn't dislike a 'me' like that, right? And you'll be my knight for a lifetime, right?"」
「"If being a knight for a lifetime still feels like you're not qualified, then I... then I will give you the qualification to be relied upon by me!"」
「She really didn't want to do this, but for the sake of being able to rely on him, for the sake of relying on her own knight, she had to become a mean, 'bad child'... For Hachiman's sake, to have Hachiman, she would do anything!」
「"If you're unwilling, if you really don't want to, don't force yourself, okay—"」
「Realizing something, Hikigaya Hachiman froze abruptly. With eyes wide open, he watched as the equally stiff girl leaned her body forward and gradually closed her eyes.」
「—Until the moment their lips met and they kissed completely, the guilt-ridden Hikigaya Hachiman did not pull away.」