Chapter 384. Emilia's Resolve
「Tonight's dinner was prepared by Hikigaya Hachiman. With Crusch injured, his culinary skills were the highest among them; moreover, he was the only one with ample stamina, having not participated in the battle against Reid.」
「Emilia, who was helping by his side, blinked. "Aren't you making a bit too much today?"」
「"It's not too much." Hachiman shook his head. He took out a plate and scooped out the extra portions of food. "This is a greeting gift for Reid. It's safer to negotiate with him this way than going empty-handed."」
「"Are you going to see that man? Alone? I'm going too!"」
「Looking at him with gentle eyes, like a guardian watching over a child, Emilia's sincere concern gave Hachiman a bit of a headache. He averted his gaze; even now, he wasn't very good at dealing with this girl.」
「...Precisely because of this, because Emilia was the person who liked him most and cared for him most, he always tried his best to minimize the time spent with this silver-haired girl.」
「"Don't say anymore."」
「He tried to stop her, but that pleasant voice—the very source of his headache—continued to ring out.」
「"I know. Since you lost your memories, Hachiman has been avoiding me... but this won't do." Emilia's lonely murmur rose. "Hachiman doesn't want to see me, so I won't seek you out specifically. Whatever makes Hachiman happier, I can cooperate and do that."」
「"But not right now!"」
「She stared at her knight with an expression that brooked no argument. "Leaving Hachiman to negotiate alone with that dangerous eccentric is something I simply cannot do! That man feels a bit like a Sin Archbishop; his temperament is strange, and something might happen."」
「"I absolutely will not allow Hachiman to fall into a dangerous situation again!"」
「It was categorical.」
「No matter how gentle or reasonable she was, she was the Emilia who had passed the trials of the Sanctuary and gained her own independent will. She wasn't some simpleton who knew nothing and understood nothing except following Hachiman's orders.」
「"—If you want to cast me aside, I can accept that, so long as I work hard to show you and make you attracted to me again just like before! Since I've gained your recognition once, I can succeed a second time!"」
「Emilia held her head high, glaring huffily at her knight. "But letting you go on an adventure alone—I won't have it! Even if I must go against your wishes, I will protect you!"」
「The deafening sound of her words echoed in his heart. Hachiman felt his scalp go numb; he grit his teeth, trying his hardest not to cry.」
「"That's why I told you not to say anymore... enough." He resisted in a low voice. "...It's really enough."」
「"This is exactly it. It's because of this that I'd rather approach Crusch, approach Anastasia, and talk with them all night rather than spend a few extra minutes with you—if you act like this, I can't be happy at all!"」
「"If you do this, I can only become more distant, forced to escape from you more and more! Do you understand? You're giving too much!"」
「He didn't shout. The tears of emotion were suppressed within his eyes. His volume was tiny, yet saturated with complex feelings.」
「Exactly what kind of feelings they were, the head-shaking Hachiman didn't know himself, nor could he explain them. However, Emilia knew. Emilia could explain them clearly.」
「"Your past achievements are a fact, and Hachiman won't deny them. But you absolutely won't take credit for those things as the person you are now. Therefore, it's starting from zero."」
「Stating it plainly, she pinpointed Hachiman's inner thoughts. Emilia had never been particularly sharp regarding emotions—she was only slightly better than the old Crusch.」
「However, only with Hachiman, only with her own knight, only with this person for whom she could give her entire heart and soul, could Emilia see through everything. Her understanding and familiarity with Hachiman had never been inferior to Beatrice's.」
「"Starting from zero means you are unilaterally receiving my feelings and my devotion. Hachiman has given nothing back, yet you've enjoyed so much. This simply won't do; it's not fair at all—if it's Hachiman, I know, Hachiman would definitely think that way!"」
「Hachiman felt as though he had been stripped bare, standing before her with no secrets left.」
「He let out a dejected sigh. Since he had been seen through, then: "I beg of you, let me carry a bit less debt, alright?"」
「"I can agree to all of Hachiman's requests, but for this—I refuse!" Emilia rejected him flatly, her way of speaking very characteristic.」
「Hachiman gave a bitter smile. "You really are quite wicked."」
「Purssing her lips, Emilia nodded seriously, accepting the evaluation. "Hachiman won't like this, but I have no choice—don't love you, don't do too much for you, take it step by step, let my feelings for you dissipate so we can start from zero together, so you don't receive emotions that feel inexplicable to you."」
「"Doing that would make you happier and let you recognize me again faster. I know that."」
「"But what I can't do, I simply can't do!"」
「Emilia placed her fair palm over her heart. She confessed: "I am very selfish. Selfish enough to be unwilling to do that for Hachiman's sake... because I want to love you every single moment. Not even a second less will do."」
「"A version of me like that is, of course, wicked. Of course, a bad girl."」
「"But even so..."」
「"I must protect you properly!"」
「Her volume wasn't loud enough to be heard by others outside. That wasn't out of shyness, but because she didn't want a loud voice to startle her knight.」
「Emilia looked utterly serious as she took a step forward. She knew that after this confession, she would still be deliberately distanced and avoided by Hachiman—perhaps even more severely than before.」
「But she wanted to say it.」
「"I'm going to love you, give everything for you, and protect you. Even if it's not what you wish for, it is what I wish for!"」
「This was her selfishness, the willful nature of this "bad girl."」
「"—So, please look at me properly. Let me love you, let me give to you, and let me protect you."」
「Without presumptuously touching the stunned Hachiman—with her whole heart, her whole gaze, her pupils, heart, and mind all full of him—Emilia said softly: "So please, look at me properly."」
「"Look at me. Look at Emilia. Look at the Emilia who likes you. Look at the Emilia who loves you deeply. Look at the Emilia who wants to be with you. Look at the Emilia who wants you to become my knight once again!"」
「"No matter what Hachiman becomes, whether he has his memories or not, I am the Emilia who loves you like this, the Emilia who wants you like this, the Emilia who wants to be with you like this. That won't change. So, please look at me properly!"」
「He faltered.」
「He wanted to run away. But Hikigaya Hachiman didn't know where the courage came from, but he found he could look at Emilia. His vision focused, looking at this Emilia who made his heart skip a beat.」
「He couldn't fully accept it yet; he hadn't fallen completely in love. But he already understood that, beyond the emotion that had existed since he woke up in Watergate City, the intense throb in his heart was growing more robust at this moment.」
「"...Come with me... let's go find Reid together, Emilia."」
「He could no longer refuse, could no longer rebut. He could only look at Emilia, and then, issue a man's invitation.」
「"Mm!"」
「The silver-haired girl nodded heavily. At this moment, she revealed the most beautiful smile Hachiman had seen from the time he woke up until now.」
Read ahead (160 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting