The sound of chalk rapping against the blackboard felt as if it were scraping directly against the gray matter of my brain.
Peaceful afternoon sunlight poured through the window, but my spine was slick with a cold, sickly sweat.
The lecture didn't register at all. Everything within my field of vision felt grotesquely distorted.
The equations on the board, the teacher's monotonous drone, the rustle of students scribbling in their notebooks—it all felt utterly surreal.
Only one thing occupied the entirety of my mind.
[Who are you?]
That stark white letter that had been waiting on my desk last night.
'Who is it? Who in the world could it be?'
I scanned the classroom with a sideways glance.
Rivalz was dozing in the seat in front of me. Even that sight, which should have been mundane, felt different today.
'Is it an act? Is he laughing at me behind that moronic expression?'
I shifted my gaze toward the corner. Nina was diligently writing something in her notebook.
In the original story, Nina was nothing more than a timid science geek. But what if what she's recording isn't the lecture, but a behavioral analysis of my every move?
'I shouldn't doubt them.'
I tried to soothe myself, but suspicion bloomed like a poisonous fungus, encroaching upon my reason.
On the surface, everything looked normal. But what if it was all a fabrication?
What if they knew I was a transmigrator and were simply playing along, feigning ignorance?
[P.S. As a fan who loves Lelouch vi Britannia.]
The final sentence of the letter flashed through my mind once more.
'They said they were a fan.'
If it were a simple stalker who liked me, they would have said, "I'm a fan who loves you." They wouldn't have felt the need to use my full, imperial name: Lelouch vi Britannia.
Does being a 'fan' mean... they are a fan of this world? A fan of this story?
A chill ran down my spine.
Yes. Those words meant they knew of the work called Code Geass.
I wasn't the only transmigrator. There was another stranger in this world—someone like me, perhaps someone who knew even more than I did.
'I founded the Black Knights and twisted history even before meeting C.C. All of those actions must have been a flare for that person.'
They know. They know that the current Lelouch is different from the Lelouch of the original script.
To put a stop to my destruction of the original plot, they had been watching from the shadows and finally sent that letter.
'Who is it? A member of the Student Council? Or someone within the Black Knights? Or could it even be one of the Britannian royals?'
The more I thought, the more it felt as though my head would burst. My heart hammered irregularly, and my breath hitched in my throat.
I felt a sticky, visceral gaze, as if someone were staring holes into the back of my head.
'Someone is watching. Someone is monitoring me. Right here, in this very classroom.'
I clenched my fists under the desk. I barely managed to hold onto my flickering sanity by focusing on the pain of my fingernails digging into my palms.
I felt an impulse to grab whoever it was by the collar and scream at them to reveal their identity.
Tap.
A finger from the seat next to me lightly brushed my shoulder.
"Gwaaaaah!!"
I sprang up like a coiled serpent, letting out a raw scream.
CRASH!
The recoil sent my chair flying backward with a deafening clatter.
I gasped for air, whirling my head to the side.
"Hah... hah...!"
Silence fell over the room, as if time itself had stopped.
The teacher who had been writing on the board, the students mid-note, even Rivalz who had just jolted awake—they were all staring at me with expressions of utter shock.
And right beside me...
"..."
Shirley stood frozen, her eyes wide as saucers.
One of her hands remained suspended awkwardly in the air. It had been Shirley who touched me.
"Lu... Lulu...?"
Shirley's voice trembled. Her face was pale, evidently shocked by my scream and the reaction that had bordered on pure hostility.
"Are you okay? You looked so unwell during the lesson, I just..."
"Ah..."
Only then did I look around.
The teacher stood at the podium, looking bewildered with chalk still in hand, while my classmates' gazes pierced me like arrows.
And in Shirley's eyes, there was no calculation, no malice. There was only pure, unadulterated concern, clear as a mountain lake.
There was no gaze searching for a transmigrator here.
No one was monitoring me. At least, not in this moment.
I had been screaming and raging in the middle of a lecture, fighting a phantom that didn't exist.
Shame and relief washed over me simultaneously.
"Sorry... I just... I had a bit of a nightmare..."
My voice came out cracked and raspy. Shirley continued to look at me with worried eyes, asking softly.
"You're sweating so much, Lulu... Are you sick?"
Her genuine worry stung my heart.
To think I had suspected this girl. My paranoia had almost turned an innocent person into a monster, a fellow transmigrator.
I forced my lips into a smile and shook my head.
"No, I'm fine. Just... I think I've been a bit tired lately."
I righted my fallen chair and bowed toward the teacher.
"I'm sorry, sir."
"No, well... Lelouch, you really don't look well. Why don't you head to the infirmary?"
The teacher spoke with genuine concern, likely finding my state quite alarming. That suggestion felt like a lifeline.
Right now, I wanted to escape this suffocating space and the weight of everyone's eyes.
"...Yes. I think that would be for the best."
Without even the presence of mind to pack my bag, I stumbled toward the back door of the classroom.
"Lulu! Should I come with you?"
Shirley called out urgently in a low voice, but I waved her off without looking back.
"No, I can go alone. Don't worry."
As soon as I closed the classroom door and stepped into the hallway, I collapsed against the wall, sliding down to the floor.
"Hah... hah..."
My legs were shaking so violently I couldn't stand.
The hallway was quiet as the grave, yet phantom laughter seemed to echo in my ears.
There was no safe zone. Not at school, not at home, not even within my own mind.
That single letter was shaking the world I had so carefully constructed down to its very foundations.
'First... I need to rest.'
I couldn't do anything in this state.
I hauled my staggering body up and made my way toward the infirmary.
I just wanted to close my eyes for a moment and flee from this terrifying reality.
The afternoon sun filtering through the white curtains of the infirmary bed wasn't blinding; it was merely listless.
'There is no paradise for those who flee.'
Had someone once said that? Perhaps. But for me now, this tiny, quiet bed was my only sanctuary.
To briefly forget the ghost of that letter gnawing at my brain, I forced my eyes shut and let my consciousness sink into the darkness.
How much time had passed?
In a hazy state between deep sleep and wakefulness, I felt a soft sensation against my forehead.
'It's cold... no, it's warm.'
A touch that was simultaneously pleasantly cool and body-warm.
The hand rested on my forehead before slowly brushing back my sweat-dampened bangs. It was a careful, tender touch, much like what my mother used to do when I was a child.
"Uugh..."
I let out an involuntary groan and opened my eyes.
As my blurry vision slowly found its focus, I saw long blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight.
"Oh, you're awake?"
It was Milly Ashford.
She was sitting in the chair beside the bed, peering down at my face. This wasn't her usual mischievous President persona; her expression was uncharacteristically serious and full of worry.
"Presi... dent?"
"Yes, it's me. They said you almost collapsed during class. I came by after hearing from your teacher."
Milly let out a small sigh, pulling her hand away from my forehead.
"You don't have a fever... but you're sweating bullets. You're pale as a ghost, too."
"Ah... it's nothing. I'm just a little tired..."
I reflexively spat out the lie and tried to sit up. However, Milly's hand pressed down on my shoulder—gentle, but firm—forcing me back onto the pillow.
"Don't lie."
"Pardon?"
"You are clearly not 'fine.'"
Milly's blue eyes stared straight into mine. That gaze seemed to see right through my mask, through the hollow shell that was 'Lelouch.'
"Lelouch. You always try too hard. With the Student Council, with Nunnally... and whatever else it is that you're doing that I don't know about."
"..."
"Don't try to shoulder everything alone. I told you, you can lean on someone once in a while. Haven't we known each other since we were children?"
Her voice was kind. And that kindness snapped the wire of my tension, which had been pulled taut to the breaking point.
'Someone knows.'
'You're not Lelouch.'
'I have to stop the Emperor's Ragnarök.'
The terror and loneliness I had been bottling up dissolved under Milly's warmth, surging forth like a dam bursting its banks.
My lips trembled, and a hot lump rose in the back of my throat.
"President..."
"Yes, I'm listening."
"I... it's so... hard..."
In the end, I broke down.
My vision blurred, and hot tears began to track down my cheeks.
I didn't even have the capacity to feel embarrassed. Before the massive, looming shadow of fear that blocked my path, I was nothing more than a lost child.
"I'm scared... Someone is... I have to deal with things I can't possibly handle..."
Milly didn't ask anything as I spilled out incoherent words and wept.
She simply opened her arms and pulled my head into her embrace.
A soft sensation and the faint scent of soap enveloped my senses.
"There, there. It's okay. You were scared. It's been hard on you, hasn't it?"
She patted my back and whispered comfort as if soothing an infant.
Milly's embrace was warm. I clung to her clothes and sobbed silently, overwhelmed by a sense of security that made it feel as though she could protect me from all the threats of the world.
"It's alright, Lelouch. I'm here. You can show your weakness here. No one is going to hurt you."
"Sob... uugh..."
Milly's hand gently stroked my hair. Within her arms, my frantic heart began to slow, little by little.
Her warmth felt just like being held by a mother.
I don't know how long I stayed like that.
My tears eventually subsided, and in the moment my tension completely dissipated—drunken on the relief of her presence—something happened.
BAM!!
The infirmary door was flung open with enough force to nearly break it, the loud noise shattering the peaceful silence.
"Lulu! Are you okay?!"
Shirley's voice rang through the room as the door swung wide. A chorus of familiar voices followed her in.
"Hey! Lelouch! Are you alright? You even screamed earlier!"
"Wait, don't push! I need to get in too!"
"Eek! Rivalz, don't step on my foot!"
Rivalz, Shirley, and even Nina—the entire Student Council membership came swarming into the infirmary.
And then.
"...Eh?"
"...Wait, what?"
"..."
There I was, sitting on the bed, with President Milly hugging me tightly.
My face was buried in the President's chest, and my eyes were red and wet from crying.
To anyone watching, the scene was profoundly suspicious.
Shirley's eyes went wide as saucers, and the soda can she had been holding slipped from her hand, hitting the floor with a thud.
"Pre... Presi... dent...?"
Shirley's lips quivered uncontrollably.
"Lulu and... the President are... right now... doing... what...?"
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"
Rivalz froze with his jaw nearly hitting the floor, while Nina turned beet-red, adjusting her glasses and letting out a strangled, bizarre shriek.
"N-no! Wait! This is a misunderstanding...!"
I hurriedly pulled away from Milly and waved my hands frantically, but the milk was already spilt.
Milly, far from being flustered by the situation, suddenly seemed to be struck by a mischievous impulse. She wore a mysterious smile and stroked my head again.
"Oh my, you caught us. Our poor Lelouch was feeling so lonely that his Big Sister was giving him some... special consolation!"
"Pre-President?! What on earth are you saying?!"
"S-Special consolation?!"
Shirley's face instantly turned into a bursting red tomato.
"Uwaaaaah! Lulu, you dummy! President, you're mean too! You said he was sick! You said he was hurting!"
Shirley covered her face with both hands and ran out of the room, screaming.
"Hey! Lelouch! You bastard, faking being sick just to get hugged by the President?! How could you betray us like this?!"
Rivalz, overcome with a sense of betrayal, charged at me as if to grab me by the collar.
"Get off! It's a misunderstanding! I can explain! Shirley! Shirley, wait!"
"Oh my, the vigor of youth. And just a moment ago, Lelouch was—!"
"President, please be quiet!"
The infirmary had descended into absolute chaos.
I leaped from the bed, shouting in frustration as I tried to chase after the fleeing Shirley; Rivalz lunged to grab my pant legs, dragging me down; and Nina simply watched, her face glowing crimson.
The shadow of death and terror that had been crushing me only moments ago had vanished without a trace, swept away by the sheer absurdity of the commotion.
Even if I was now facing a different kind of impending doom.