I'm falling deeper and deeper in love. The way he looks at me grows warmer day by day. The melting touch of his hands is something I'll cherish. His strong arms make me feel safe, never afraid or doubtful. To be secure is to be free. Not afraid of your next step. Proudly and steadily walking into your day, happy about being alive.
I want to have and express more of my love. This feeling is not something that can be described with words. It's unexplainable. Like the Cheshire Cat, his grins make me think of new opportunities and chances.
"No, how can you make it like that?" I laugh loudly. "Joel, the ball is tomorrow evening. We have to get it right."
"Adah, you know I'm not as good as you when it comes to drawing or painting."
"Still, why does it—" I catch my breath, trying my best to contain my laughter. "It looks like a blob, you know, like in that video game you and David play."
"Hmm, does it? I can't quite remember how it looks." He looks at me. The air turns slightly tense. Instead of rebutting, he stares at me.
"Ahh, you mean the green blob in that game. Doesn't it look like a Christmas tree?"
"No, it doesn't." I grin widely.
His hand slowly shifts toward me.
"Uh, no. You'll get green paint on my cheek."
"No I won't, so come here." He stretches his arms open and I nudge his chest with my head. "What is it?"
"It's nothing. I guess I was just staring at your smile. The way you were laughing made me want to hold you." Silence softly fills the room. I can feel heat building up in my ears.
"You really love expressing yourself, Joel."
"What? Is it awkward for you?" he teases, lightly tickling me. "Hmm, I remember you being sensitive in this spot."
His hands softly touch my earlobe and I let out a laugh, squirming.
"No, not there. It tickles too much." As I squirm and laugh, he puts his head on my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my neck. "No, don't. I'm—"
His eyes peer straight into mine. "Hey, we have to paint these ornaments, so…"
"I think I'm addicted to your smile. It's beautiful. Can you please smile once more?" he asks softly. I look at him. His breath tickles me too much. "Smile? How exactly am I supposed to smile right now?"
Once again his hands faintly touch my earlobes and I laugh. "What? Is this smile good enough?" I say, laughing hysterically.
"Yes."
The answer is short. Almost too short. I grab his cheeks with my hands, facing his head forward toward mine. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"Not really. I just wanted to take a closer look at you." A sly smile appears on the corners of his lips. "You look perfect in green, Adah."
"What?"
I'm puzzled as his smile spreads wider. "What?! No way, you did not."
I hastily stand up from the table we're sitting at and quickly move to his mirror. My cheeks are green, and as I turn my head I see him stepping further away from me, laughing.
"Adah, don't be mad. You look lovely, so calm down."
I grab two pillows from his bed, slowly walking forward. "Stay still so I can get a clean hit."
He laughs, placing both his hands on his hips. "Now why would I let you get me?" His smile is radiating. It's like looking at the sun.
"Come on, let me get one hit at least. You painted my cheeks green."
"I painted your cheeks green?" His smile gets even bigger. "Hey, you can't throw pillows at me while we're in the middle of a conversation."
"Yes I can." I take two more pillows from his bed and throw them at him. He dodges and throws them back. I get closer. Close enough that we're holding hands.
"What? Why? Can't push me?"
I struggle to move. His hands have a tight grip on mine. I try pushing harder, but he pulls me into him. "I'll fall." My balance is shaken. "It's okay. You'll fall into me."
"No, I'm supposed to—" We fall onto the carpet. It's soft, but not as gentle as his touch. The slightest movement makes my heart skip a beat. That's what he does to me.
"You know I—"
The silence breaks.
"What are you two doing here? We could hear you all the way down, and Adah can you—"
Mrs. Sali looks at us sitting on the carpet. A smile spreads across her face. The same smirk that Joel has, spreading from one corner of her lip to the other.
"I shouldn't disturb you two. I'll be on my way," she says, smiling as she shuts the door.
"No! I did not do this," I exclaim, looking at Joel giggling. "What if the color makes me look like the Grinch?"
"I'd still love you even if you were green." I click my tongue. "I know you would." He follows me as I enter his bathroom. "Do you have a face towel?"
"No, I only have the big ones." I look at him smiling. "A bath towel."
He bends his head and places it on my shoulder, poking my cheeks with his fingers. "Mhm, a bath towel. Do you want to match jewelry tomorrow?" I can see the anticipation rising in his eyes. "Yes, I would like to." He rubs his head swiftly.
"Okay, cool. Mom bought them for us. Both my dad and my mom thought we would look cute together if we wear them."
"We'll start school in over a week and I'm not excited."
"Don't think about it. You have me, Bae, and David. It will be alright. I let out a sigh. "No it won't, I—"
I can feel the stress building up. I don't need to be there to feel stress. It's enough that I think about being in school. My mundane life will once again start. Waking up early, taking a shower, forcing myself to eat breakfast for over thirty minutes. It's nerve-wracking.
"Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay. You have me now. Nothing bad will happen. I'll be with you every step of the way. There's nothing to worry about, okay."
"I can't help but feel stressed and feel anxiety—"
"Stop, don't say that. Anxiety and stress are not your portion. Don't worry. I know it's hard. But everything will go well."
I drop the bath towel to the ground and hug him. "Is the tension lessening?"
"Yes. I just don't like school, that's all. I guess I've just let past events scare and hurt me for longer than needed." He slowly lifts my head, kissing me on my forehead.
"What are you—" He proceeds to kiss my cheek, the back of my hand, and the palms of my hands.
"Whenever something is scary or intimidating, you can always run to God. And if you don't know how, I'll be there."
His words hit hard. "I'm not here to only love you in your easy moments, where everything is roses and blue skies. I'm here for all of you."
"So, if something happens in school I can call for you?"
"Yes. I'll protect you. If I can't do that, I'm not worthy of calling myself yours."
A profound emotion.
Protection and calmness.
Tedious hobbies turn enjoyable.
Not a single mundane moment.
A time so lovely—
joyful and long-lasting.
Small actions and words.
His world is everything.
An embrace so warm and faithful.
Dear life, what is it?
Is it a love that overflows?
Words of assurance are like gold.
They keep my heart and mind safe.