I couldn't see anything.
No ground beneath my feet. No air to breathe. No sounds around me. The infinite void where Terence and I had been disappeared, replaced by a blinding white light stretching in every direction.
I tried to move, but nothing happened.
I tried to speak, but no voice came out of my mouth.
Then I felt something pulling me, a force of attraction.
But it wasn't my body that was moving. It was something deeper. My thoughts, my memories, my emotions—even my sense of self—were drawn toward the luminous sphere.
A sharp pain spread through my mind, as if someone were hitting my head with a hammer.
It felt like my very existence was breaking into fragments.
I didn't know how long I stayed like that. It was hard to keep track of time while my very existence shattered.
And then the memories came.
~~~
The warm sun.
A dusty road crossing the village.
I was running as fast as I could while Rayan shouted behind me.
"Slow down! That's cheating!"
Arthur's voice came right after.
"He's not cheating, you're just slow!"
Rayan protested loudly while Arthur laughed, and I felt my chest burning from the run but didn't slow down. The wind brushed against my face, and the sun warmed my skin. I felt a desperate need for a glass of water.
They were simple days.
I was happy and sweaty.
No blood.
Just children running through the village as if the world were a safe place.
~~~
The memory shattered.
~~~
A classroom.
Rows of wooden desks filled the room while a teacher wrote a formula on the board and explained it.
I was sitting in the back, leaning against my chair while the other students tried to follow the lesson and take notes.
I was too lazy to do the same.
I had tried several times, but I gave up after 2 minutes and 34 seconds, I had kept track.
When the teacher suddenly turned around and asked a question, the class fell silent.
Many students lowered their gaze, perhaps searching for the answer in their notes.
Her eyes landed on me.
"Terence?"
I sighed quietly.
"…Thirty-two."
The teacher blinked.
"Correct."
Some students turned to look at me, whispering among themselves.
They copied without listening. I listened without copying. It was fairly easy to tell who would have the answer. Besides, not to brag, but I was a reasonably intelligent person.
Then I stopped.
*Why was I in a classroom?*
I… had never even been to a school.
That… wasn't my memory.
~~~
The images collided violently.
~~~
Near the orphanage.
Viola was sitting beside me on the wooden steps, slowly flipping through Jrfda.
She was trying to read it, but I don't think she would succeed anytime soon, especially with the book upside down.
Not far away, Arthur and Rayan were arguing again.
"You started it!"
"No I didn't!"
"You pushed me first!"
I watched them with a small smile.
For a moment, everything felt normal.
Safe.
~~~
The scene shattered again.
~~~
A small apartment filled with books.
Stacks of papers covered the table while a tired woman rubbed her temples.
I stood in the doorway.
Eventually, she looked up at me, and her eyes turned cold.
"You look like him."
Her voice was quiet but easy to hear.
I didn't answer because I already knew the story.
My father had been a charming man, funny…and a liar.
A swindler who pretended to love a woman just to steal her money.
And when he found out she was pregnant… he disappeared into nothing, as if he had never been here.
Leaving behind nothing but anger and contempt.
And that anger had a name.
Terence.
~~~
The memories accelerated.
~~~
Rain fell softly on the asphalt.
I was crouched beside a small stray cat hiding under a broken bench.
The animal watched me cautiously.
"Hey, come here," I murmured softly.
I slowly extended my hand.
Animals were much simpler than people. They didn't judge, they didn't talk behind your back, and most importantly, they had soft fur.
A group of boys walked past behind me.
"Look, it's the swindler's son."
One of them laughed.
I didn't react to the usual insult. By now, I had heard every kind of insult… some of them, I had to admit, were actually pretty funny.
The cat slowly approached my hand. I smiled and started petting it.
~~~
The memories collided again.
~~~
I was sitting beside the old man in front of the fire.
The sky was turning orange as the sun set.
"Go get some more firewood," he said calmly.
I frowned. "Isn't there enough?"
The old man chuckled softly.
"Not for the night. Do you want this poor old man to freeze to death?"
I stood up with some doubt.
"You know you're sending a child out at night… just to get two pieces of wood? Don't you feel guilty?"
He looked at me and nodded.
"I'll accept this heavy sense of guilt in exchange for a warm fire tonight. Now go, child, before it gets truly dark."
I stopped talking and went outside.
~~~
The next memory hit me like a punch.
~~~
Blood slowly spread into the ground.
The old man lay on the ground, motionless.
My body trembled as I tried to scream.
Daren stood a few steps away, with a pained expression.
At that moment, something inside me broke.
~~~
Another memory surfaced.
~~~
A small café filled with the smell of coffee.
I was sitting near the window while rain fell quietly outside.
It was a truly relaxing sight.
I lifted the cup and took a sip. Warm. Bitter. Comforting.
In that small corner of the world, in that moment, I felt at peace.
~~~
The storm in the white void grew stronger.
I could feel it.
The memories that had once been separate and distinct were beginning to overlap.
The village.
The city.
The orphanage.
The school.
Friends.
Loneliness.
The warm sun.
The cold rain.
Pain.
Laughter.
Loss.
Two lives colliding again and again.
~~~
Another memory surfaced.
~~~
The training field.
Children around me ran until their legs gave out.
The instructor shouting orders and threats.
I could feel every bruise on my body and my breath burning in my lungs.
And then… One day, some of them disappeared.
The next week, others were gone.
Some had been my roommates, others people I had never even spoken to.
I was afraid of being next, afraid of dying, afraid of disappearing.
~~~
The memory shifted again.
~~~
The heat came first.
Smoke filled the air, burning my throat with every breath.
The walls of the room trembled as the flames devoured everything—furniture, curtains, books.
I tried to move but didn't know where to go. The air was too hot, too heavy.
The floor creaked. A beam from the ceiling fell not far away, sending up a rain of sparks.
For a moment, I thought about the animals.
The stray cat I stopped to pet every day.
The dog that often followed me home.
Then I thought about something incredibly stupid and out of place… I would never be able to drink coffee again! My only joy in a life full of suffering!
A weak laugh escaped my lips, immediately turning into a cough.
The smoke grew thicker and thicker.
The orange light of the flames filled every corner of the room.
My vision began to blur.
And the last thought that crossed my mind was surprisingly calm.
*Well… I guess this is the end.*
~~~
The chaos of memories slowly began to calm.
The memories, the emotions, stopped fighting for dominance and instead began to merge.
Like two rivers meeting at a single point and continuing together as one.
I understood Terence's loneliness.
And Terence understood my pain.
The thoughts that had once felt foreign now belonged to me.
All of them.
~~~
At the center of the white void, the luminous sphere trembled one last time.
The thin line dividing it disappeared completely.
The sphere became smooth again, perfect and without flaws.
A question emerged in my mind.
*Who am I?*
Kian?
Terence?
Neither answer felt completely right.
And yet both were true.
I was both.
Two lives. Two pasts. Two sets of memories.
~~~
The white light shattered.
My eyelids trembled slightly.
Slowly… I opened my eyes.
The world looked exactly the same, the same view that had nearly driven me insane after a year of detention for reasons no God had ever bothered to explain.
I couldn't tell what was worse—this, or Ronald's training during the first few days. Honestly, I would have preferred to erase both experiences.
I looked around and sighed.
"Well… at least I didn't explode."