I didn't go back to work.
I told myself I would.
I even made it halfway down the corridor before my steps slowed, then stopped entirely. The noise of the hospital pressed in around me—voices, footsteps, distant calls—but none of it reached me properly. It all felt muted, like I was standing behind glass, watching everything happen without being part of it.
My chest felt tight.
Too tight.
I turned before I could think about it and walked in the opposite direction, away from the ward, away from the staff room, away from anyone who might stop me and ask questions I couldn't answer.
I didn't remember leaving the building.
Only that the air outside felt different.
Colder.
Sharper.
Real.
I stood just beyond the hospital entrance, my hands hanging uselessly at my sides as I tried to breathe. Cars passed, people moved around me, the world continuing exactly as it always did.
But I wasn't the same.
I knew that now.
The realization sat heavily in my chest, pressing down with every breath I tried to take.
Pregnant.
The word formed slowly in my mind, unfamiliar and overwhelming all at once.
I shook my head slightly, as if that alone could push it away.
"No," I whispered.
But the denial felt weaker now.
Pointless.
Because I had seen it.
I knew what it meant.
I pressed my hand against my stomach again, the gesture instinctive, almost grounding. There was nothing different physically—no change I could see, no proof beyond what I had already confirmed—but it didn't matter.
It was real.
And I didn't know what to do with that.
I stayed there longer than I should have, standing just outside the hospital like I had nowhere else to go. Maybe I didn't.
Eventually, my legs moved on their own.
Not back inside.
Forward.
—
I don't remember deciding to go home.
I only realized where I was when I stepped through the front doors of the mansion and the silence wrapped around me again.
It felt different now.
Heavier.
The absence of Mr. and Mrs. Huang, something that had felt like a quiet earlier, now made everything feel emptier.
Too empty.
I slipped off my shoes slowly, my movements mechanical, my mind still somewhere else.
Pregnant.
The word echoed again.
I swallowed hard and walked upstairs, each step steady even if my thoughts weren't.
My room felt smaller than usual when I stepped inside.
Too quiet.
Too still.
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, my breath uneven.
For a moment, I just stood there.
Then I moved.
Slowly, like I was afraid of doing something wrong, I crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. My hands rested in my lap, fingers curling slightly as I stared at nothing.
This couldn't be happening.
Not like this.
Not now.
I pressed my lips together, forcing my thoughts to line up, to make sense of something that felt completely out of control.
It was just a test.
I could have been wrong.
Maybe it was faulty.
Maybe I needed to check again.
The thought gave me something to hold onto, something fragile but necessary.
I stood abruptly, moving toward my bag where I had left it earlier. My hands weren't steady as I searched through it, pulling out what I needed with slightly uneven movements.
One more time.
Just to be sure.
That was all.
My breath felt tight as I stepped into the bathroom, the small space suddenly feeling too enclosed.
The second test didn't take long.
It should have felt routine.
Simple.
But this time, the waiting felt heavier.
Because now I knew what I might see.
I stood there, staring at the sink, my hands braced against it as I tried to steady my breathing.
Don't think.
Just wait.
Seconds stretched.
My heartbeat echoed in my ears.
I didn't want to look.
But I had to.
Slowly, I lifted my gaze.
And everything inside me went still again.
The answer didn't change.
It was the same.
Clear.
Certain.
Unavoidable.
A soft sound left my lips, something between a breath and a broken whisper. I stepped back, my hand instinctively reaching for the counter as if I needed something solid to hold onto.
"No…"
This time, the word felt smaller.
Weaker.
Because there was nothing left to deny.
The room felt too quiet.
Too still.
My chest tightened as the reality finally settled in fully, no longer something distant or uncertain, but something real.
Something mine.
I slid down slowly until I was sitting on the floor, my back resting against the cabinet. My knees drew up slightly, my arms wrapping around them without thinking.
Pregnant.
The word didn't feel unfamiliar anymore.
It felt heavy.
Overwhelming.
Real.
My fingers tightened slightly against my arms, my breath uneven as everything I had been holding back finally began to break through.
How?
The question came first, instinctive, desperate.
But I already knew the answer.
My eyes closed tightly as the memory pushed forward again, clearer this time, sharper than before.
Paris.
That night.
The blurred edges, the way everything had slipped, the way I hadn't fully remembered, hadn't fully understood what had happened—
A shaky breath left my lips.
Harley.
The name settled heavily in my chest, bringing with it something I couldn't ignore.
Because there was no one else it could be.
No other explanation.
No other possibility.
My grip tightened as a wave of emotion rose suddenly, sharp and overwhelming.
Confusion.
Fear.
Something else I couldn't quite name.
"How am I supposed to…" I whispered, the words trailing off before I could finish them.
Tell him?
Face him?
Face anyone?
My chest tightened further at the thought.
Harley didn't even know how I felt.
I didn't even know how I felt.
Everything between us was already complicated, already fragile in ways I hadn't fully figured out yet.
And now—
This.
A quiet, broken laugh slipped out before I could stop it, though there was no humor in it at all.
"This can't be happening," I said softly.
But it was.
No matter how many times I said it, no matter how much I tried to push it away, it stayed exactly where it was.
Unmoving.
Unchanging.
Real.
Tears burned faintly at the back of my eyes, but they didn't fall.
Not yet.
Instead, I just sat there, on the cold bathroom floor, trying to understand something that didn't make sense.
Trying to find a way forward when I couldn't even process where I was.
My hand moved again, resting lightly against my stomach.
It felt different now.
Not physically.
But in a way I couldn't explain.
Like I was suddenly aware of something I hadn't been before.
Something that changed everything.
My breath hitched slightly as another wave of emotion rose, heavier this time, harder to hold back.
Fear settled deep in my chest, quiet but overwhelming.
What was I supposed to do?
I didn't have an answer.
I didn't even have a starting point.
All I had was this.
This truth.
This reality that had shifted everything in a single moment.
I stayed there for a long time, long enough for the light in the room to shift slightly, long enough for the silence to become something I could almost bear.
Eventually, I forced myself to stand.
My legs felt unsteady, but I steadied myself against the counter, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
I didn't look different.
Nothing about me had changed.
But everything had.
I swallowed hard, my fingers curling slightly against the edge of the sink.
"…Okay," I whispered.
The word sounded fragile.
Uncertain.
But it was all I had.
Because no matter how overwhelmed I felt—
No matter how unprepared I was—
This wasn't going away.
And for the first time, I realized something that made my chest tighten even more.
Sooner or later—
I was going to have to tell him.
—
End of Chapter 87