The routine meeting of SCP Sobu High Branch—or more precisely, Service Club activities—began in a strangely solemn atmosphere.
Darius sat upright in the main chair, sunglasses used to "filter mental pollution" perched on the bridge of his nose. A red pen in his hand hovered over Zaimokuza's manuscript.
Yukino sat in the corner, holding a paperback, but her slightly twitching eyebrow revealed the fact that she was forced to listen.
"Review begins."
Darius's voice was flat without intonation. The red pen fell hard, carving a glowing red wound on the manuscript paper.
"Chapter one: The protagonist meets three female characters on the first day of school: a childhood friend, student council president, and transfer student. Zaimokuza, explain the reason for this suicidal action."
"Su-suicidal?" Zaimokuza broke into a cold sweat. "This is main route development! To trigger a love triangle drama (shuraba) later—"
"Foolish." Darius cut him off, his fingertip tapping the table. "For an undercover agent, the main principle is 'low visibility'. Building strong ties with three high-value targets right at the opening, are you broadcasting to enemy factions: 'I'm the protagonist, quickly perform measured elimination on me'?"
From the corner of the room came the sound of pages turning. Yukino's cold voice responded:
"Although I don't agree with your worldview, logically speaking, being too conspicuous indeed doesn't align with survival strategy—if you consider high school life a battlefield."
"Hear that? Even the 'Ice Queen' from the intelligence department thinks you're too naive." Darius snorted coldly, then began revising.
"Must be rewritten. The protagonist observes three potential threats codenamed 'Sparrow', 'Queen', and 'Ghost' from a hidden position, and builds their psychological profiles. That's the opening for a professional."
Zaimokuza watched his romantic encounter scene transformed into an Agent Surveillance Report, his facial muscles beginning to twitch.
Darius ignored his suffering and flipped to the second page.
"Here, the protagonist gets into physical conflict with thugs to protect his childhood friend. Too amateur class."
"What's wrong with this part? This shows his masculine side..."
"Being emotional is a major taboo for an agent." Darius adjusted his sunglasses, then turned toward Yukino. "Yukinoshita, if it were you, what would you do?"
Yukino sighed and closed her book. "Report to the police, or collect evidence to submit to the student guidance counselor."
"Too slow, that's the bureaucratic way." Darius wagged his index finger.
"The correct tactic is: record their facial features, use web crawlers to dig up their scandals, create internal suspicion through anonymous emails, and bait them into mutual slaughter. This is called 'Measured Elimination Without Contact'."
"...If you used this kind of thinking for studying, you'd have been first in your grade long ago." Yukino massaged her temples, clearly her SAN value was slowly declining.
"Studying is to understand the surface phenomena of the world, while tactics are to master the inner side of the world." Darius continued executing his manuscript. His red pen stopped at the "Female Character Settings" column.
"The most serious problem is here. A gentle, caring, good-at-cooking student council president? A cheerful, stupid childhood friend? They have absolutely no tactical value."
Darius raised his head, his eyes staring sharply at Yukino. "In this crisis-filled world, what can such a configuration do? Can they withstand anti-material sniper rifle bullets? Can they dismantle tactical mechs with bare hands?"
"They are objects to be loved, not your living shields." Yukino finally couldn't help but comment. "And please, don't look at me with that gaze like you're evaluating weaponry."
"This is necessary resource optimization." Darius ignored the protest and crossed out large portions. "Everything must be revised."
"Student council president, codename 'Chef'. Good at cooking changed to biochemical toxicology expert. The lunch boxes she makes must have randomly generated nerve toxin attributes or high-energy explosive materials."
Yui, who had been listening while "freeloading" all this time, suddenly raised her hand: "Eh? That setting sounds cool! Is that like my cookies?"
"Exactly. Although Yuigahama's prototype number one has a deceptive appearance, the 'Dark Matter' it produces has extremely high lethality." Darius nodded in agreement.
"Is that praise? Yukinon, is he praising me?"
"No, he's categorizing you as a biochemical weapon." Yukino looked at her friend with pity.
Darius continued his cruelty on paper: "Childhood friend, codename 'Joker'. The stupid attribute is camouflage, her real identity is a high-level interrogation expert. As for the mysterious transfer student... codename 'Ghost Blade', her pain nerves have been severed, all four limbs are mechanically modified, and she has a high-frequency vibration blade inside."
Zaimokuza watched his pink youth story transform into a post-apocalyptic world survival manual in a matter of minutes, and finally he collapsed.
"I don't want to write anymore! This isn't a romantic comedy at all! This is the Book of War Revelation!"
The "Sword General" let out a pitiful scream, snatched his now-shapeless manuscript, and stumbled out of the club room.
"My harem... my youth..."
The echo in the corridor gradually disappeared, the club room returned to silence.
"Wasn't that a bit excessive?" Yukino reopened her book, her voice flat. "Although his work is indeed... lacking in logic, you just destroyed a teenager's dream."
"A gem won't become valuable if it's not polished. If D-Class Personnel can't even withstand psychological pressure this small, they'll only become cannon fodder on the battlefield."
Darius stood and walked to the window. The twilight light stretched his shadow very long, appearing somewhat lonely.
"Besides, current defense strength is indeed too weak. We only have a biochemical expert (referring to Yui) and an intelligence analyst (referring to Yukino), we lack direct physical deterrent power."
"Please don't arbitrarily assign me roles."
Darius paid no attention. His gaze passed through the window frame, locking onto a corner of the school grounds.
"Found it."