Morning hits like a slap.
I get off the bus in front of Gyeongwon's main gate, and the first thing I feel is the cold air smacking me in the face like a rude wake-up call. Great. Amazing start.
My bag feels heavy, my eyelids even heavier. I drag myself forward slowly, half asleep, barely thinking about anything.
Then I see him.
Baek Jiho.
Right in front of me.
And my heart reacts before my brain can stop it.
Why does it still do that?
I already know how this goes. I already know the answer.
Jiho walks ahead of me with his earbuds in, uniform neat, hair falling softly across his forehead. Everything about him looks effortless, like the world arranged itself nicely around him. Meanwhile I feel like I got dragged out of bed by force.
Without realizing it, I slow down.
Almost like I'm following him.
Pathetic.
Still, I can't stop looking. My chest tightens in that familiar way, like pressing on a bruise that never healed properly.
I already know what will happen.
He won't turn around.
He won't notice me.
Then I see it.
His smile.
He's laughing at something his classmate says. A real laugh. His eyes curve slightly, soft and warm in that way people seem to love.
And it stings.
Jiho has never smiled at me like that. Not once. Not even a small polite smile.
It's always been nothing.
He never really saw me.
I stare at the back of his blazer as we walk. After a moment his classmate turns into another hallway, leaving Jiho alone.
My stupid hopes rise again.
Maybe today I could say something simple. Just "morning," or "hey." Something normal.
I inhale slowly, trying to gather what little confidence I have.
Just walk up.
Just speak.
I step forward, ready to call his name—
A shoulder bumps into mine.
Light, but enough to stop me.
Then a bright voice rings through the hallway.
"Baek Jiho!"
I already know who it is.
Shin Ara.
She hurries toward him with that sweet voice and easy smile. Her hair swings behind her as she reaches his side.
Of course.
I stop walking.
Jiho turns toward her, and there it is again.
That same soft smile.
I don't wait to see anything else.
I turn away and shove my hands into my pockets, walking straight toward class without looking back.
No more watching him choose someone else.
No more hoping.
I just walk with my head down, pretending the tight feeling in my chest doesn't exist.
School hasn't even started yet, and I'm already exhausted.
By the time I reach the classroom, my chest still feels tight, like someone wrapped a rubber band around my lungs.
I drop into my seat and slump forward onto the desk, forehead resting against the cool surface.
For a moment I just breathe.
My mind keeps replaying the same image.
Jiho smiling.
At everyone.
Just not at me.
I press my cheek against the desk. The cool wood feels strangely comforting.
"He's happy with everyone but me," I whisper quietly.
I know it's childish. He doesn't owe me attention or smiles.
But the feeling still sits heavy in my ribs.
I won't forget him instantly. That much is obvious. Maybe I can just let the feeling fade slowly.
Just stop expecting anything.
Stop waiting.
My eyes sting for a moment, but I blink the feeling away quickly. I am not crying before homeroom.
Then—
A chair scrapes loudly beside me.
I lift my head slightly.
Yu Enhyeok.
His presence always feels strangely noticeable. His uniform is perfectly neat, his hair slightly messy from the wind outside. He looks annoyingly composed for someone who just arrived at school.
He's the type of person people naturally look at.
But he isn't Jiho.
I sit up slowly.
"Am I… annoying?" I ask.
He doesn't even look at me.
"Yes."
Just one word. Calm and immediate.
I roll my eyes. "Thanks."
I grab my math workbook and open it. The numbers stare back at me like a foreign language.
Then Enhyeok speaks again, voice low and uninterested.
"Pass."
I glance at him. "What?"
He turns a page in his notebook without looking up.
"Pass the test. Or I won't teach you."
I stare at the side of his face.
"I will pass," I say. "And I don't need your tutoring."
He continues reading like the conversation already ended.
I grip my pencil tighter.
He is unbelievably irritating.
Before I can say anything else, the bell rings.
The sharp sound fills the room.
I take a deep breath and push the rest of the morning's feelings somewhere deep inside.
The day is starting whether I like it or not.
Mr. Han walks into the classroom with his usual burst of energy.
Immediately the room fills with noise—chairs scraping, people talking, someone laughing too loudly.
I quickly push my math book away and pull out my literature book.
Mr. Han claps his hands.
"Alright, settle down! I have good news for everyone."
The class immediately starts shouting.
"What is it?"
"Did we get no homework?"
"Is class cancelled?"
Mr. Han laughs.
"No, nothing like that. But someone in your class made us very proud."
The room quiets slightly, everyone waiting.
Mr. Han smiles brightly.
"Yu Enhyeok got first place in the math competition for our school."
The class explodes with cheers.
People clap, whistle, and shout congratulations.
All eyes turn toward the window seat.
Enhyeok doesn't react.
He doesn't look up.
He doesn't smile.
He simply turns a page in his book like nothing happened.
I blink in surprise.
If I had won first place, I would probably be celebrating for the rest of the year.
But he looks completely unaffected.
The noise slowly fades as students realize he isn't going to respond.
He keeps reading calmly.
Like everything around him is just background noise.
I lean back slightly in my chair, watching him.
Why does it look like it doesn't matter to him at all?
The thought barely finishes forming before Mr. Han clears his throat again.
"Oh," he says, glancing at his notes, "there's one more thing I need to announce."