51. LATELY" (Interlude)
I've been harboring these emotions for quiet some time, I find it hard to talk about anything that I feel and I've failed at every attempt to get through this phase. Lately I've been hearing people saying shit about me, how I can't commit to anything and these things are only said because that's the guy I've presented myself as, so I can't really say shit.
I've been stressed out, going through it, even now, it's 4am and I've been up since 1am. I can't catch a damn break, it's one thing after the next and I can feel myself losing strength, my body is shaking from all the anxiety, the stress, the indescribable emotions..
Lately..
52. "A MONSTER (She Said)"
She said she wanna know and get an understanding of why don't I love her too, just the way she feels about me, she said why don't I show her my true side, give her more than I always give in return. In all the nights she's said she loves me, I've only been able to remind her of how much I appreciate her.
She looked me right into my eyes and said she can't understand why can't I let her in, now I feel like a monster but the truth is, if I say these three words to her, I would be lying.
She said she don't wanna hear nothing unless I'm explaining why don't I want her body as much as she wants mine and why don't I ever say that I love her. She got to me really, 'cause now I'm feeling like a monster, any normal nigga would do anything for somebody like her but I'm just a guy who's caught up in his old ways.
The words that she said in the end keep replaying in my head, "Even though you don't love me, I'm still gonna love you anyways 'cause that's how I truly am", that's what she said, now I feel like a monster.