20XX/01/11
Have you people ever felt this?
I mean you know what you are doing right now, will lead you nowhere but only cause your downfall,
But you still do it,
Like for me, my biggest problem was this,
Like staying awake till 3AM even though I have classes in 6:15AM and it takes 30 minutes to reach the college and you have to wake up at least on 5AM in the morning,
I don't know about you people but I used to do this like almost thrice a week for 2-3 years,
My sleep schedule was fucked,
I can guarantee you, I slept maximum of 5 hours a day and that is a maximum sometimes there were days where I did not even slept at all,
It is not like I did something productive in my non sleeping hours,
My college started at 6:15 AM and ended at 2PM,
I used to reach college around at 6:30,
My first class was that of physics and that teacher hated me and more of I can say he used to target me,
I mean I had bad impression because I was always late but I could do nothing,
I slept late and I looked so tired in first class,
I used to sit in third corner of class,
It was like a blind spot and teacher couldn't see me sleeping,
I fucking slept till 9AM in college and so I have no memory of first three classes of my college life,
Then once we had a break, I used to sleep all over the break time,
Even though I attended later classes,
I was too tired and couldn't focus on classes and didn't remembered much,
After tired of college,
I used to reach my home at around 3PM,
The I used to use social media and chill till 7PM,
Then I used to waste time,
Like I can't explain how I waste my time till 3AM in the morning because even I don't know how the fuck time passed so fast,
Like I was just scrolling Instagram and YouTube shorts,
What do you mean it is already 3Am in morning,
It felt like teleportation,
Like, just now it was 9PM and,
Swoosh,
Now it is 3am,
I feel so embarrassed thinking about those times,
I mean 9 to 5 is standard working hours that means I wasted all that time,
I never actually studied,
But my parents believed I was very diligent student and not only that my friends thought I was also quite a good student,
I remember this was just after covid-19,
Covid-19 completely ruined me,
I was such a good student before COVID,
But after covid I got addicted to social media so much,
I had many problems,
Like main character syndrome was one among that,
Like I used to binge watch video like 'How to be cold manipulator like Ayanokoji or was it Baku?'
More of reading those urban Chinese novels felt so peak,
Like those novels are pure wish fulfillment and I ruined my life,
But I have improved very much since then,
I am not a topper of class nor I got six packs but I have good sleep cycle and most importantly,
I do not feel guilt, I used to feel while sleeping at night back then,
I used to think about how from tomorrow I will sleep on time,
From tomorrow I will change,
How I will become a good student but it never helped because it will never help,
After failing so many attempts to change myself I have realized,
We overestimate ourself,
We believe we can do so many things in a single day,
I wanted to be a day trader in same day I watched those fake gurus in YouTube,
In the same day I wanted to be artist and draw landscape as in Mangas,
In same day I wanted to study all of my syllabus and become a topper student like before COVID,
The truth of course for procrastinator and lazy bump like me is I can't do many things in a single day that is nothing but overestimating ourself but we also underestimate about how much we can do in a month,
So instead of thinking of what you will do tomorrow think about what do you want to achieve in whole month,