As time continued to pass,
I realized,
I could never become the great singer,
I wanted to be,
I was been held back by myself,
I knew I have the greatest potential,
What I have came to learn is that time passes very fast if you have no deadline about anything,
Hmmm,
If I have to give an example it would be like waiting for that boring class to end,
I used to feel like I will die,
The normal classes used to be only 1 hour long and even then I couldn't bear to sit through it,
But nowadays,
I wake up and scroll my smart phone for around 2.5 hours,
And it feels like passing breeze,
I can't explain to you the terror,
I couldn't even sit though the last 10 minutes of the class,
It felt like eternity,
In comparison,
Those 2.5 hours of doom scrolling feels like less time have passed then sitting though those last 5 minutes of class,
I used to clutch my hairs,
I used to look around the class,
Not even focusing on what is teacher saying,
Sometimes drawing some random stuff,
I am truly a loser,
Now I have no classes to attend,
Every day is like weekend,
Back then,
Just reaching weekend felt incredible,
Nowadays,
I don't even knows how fast times passes,
Like I blink my eyes and it is already afternoon and I blink again it is evening and then I blink again it is morning,
I hate my current lifestyle,
But I can't do anything about this,
And I want to know why??????????
I thought with living alone,
I could achieve so much more,
Then why the fuck have I become so much worse?????????
It has been two years since renting this room,
All I have done is watch porn, then goon and doom scroll,
Watch slop K-drams or any randomly AI generated slop stories,
Or reading those face-slapping novels and Mangas, manhwas and manhuas,
They have no value,
They are pure slop,
For short term enjoyment,
They have no impact in my life other than making me more delusional,
Even though I know I will never get so many beautiful girls nor I want those 1-dimensional girls with iq of 20,
But reading those have disconnected me from reality,
I can't normally talk with other people,
My social skill has become much worse,
And I have become worst human being in the earth,
And all I can do is cry??
My dream of being singer is already done for?
Do you know why??????????