Saiki's mouth twitched.
[You're afraid I'll accidentally kill them all, but you're not afraid they'll kill me?]
The system smacked its lips in disbelief: "Don't joke around, okay? How could they possibly beat you? Plus, the earlier task said there'd be a surprise if you come out at night to search.
Because that nurse just said it's best not to go out at night—who knows what'll show up then. So unless absolutely necessary, avoid it if you can. If you can handle things like a normal person, do that!"
[I was planning to handle it like a normal person anyway.]
The system curled its lip: "Your idea of 'normal'—I won't even comment. Before, just to catch one cat, you 'normally' used clairvoyance, 'normally' teleported over, 'normally' used psychokinesis to grab it... that's not okay."
[Fine, fine, I get it. Geez, I thought you coming out would actually be useful, but you're just restricting me again.]
"What are you saying? Here, look at this."
The system suddenly pulled out a talisman covered in weird scribbles and handed it to Saiki.
Saiki took it, flipped it over, and saw two stick-figure people on the back holding black lines—no, probably swords?
[What is this garbage?]
"Pfft, this isn't garbage!"
The system proudly held its chest with both hands: "This is a special door god talisman I went out of my way to get. It seems like power from Tang Dynasty door gods was infused into it. Super strong."
[So this is drawing...]
"Door gods."
"..."
[If Qin Qiong and Yuchi Gong saw their likenesses drawn like this, they'd cry.]
"Don't worry about that. This talisman is really powerful—it can block 99.99% of ghosts from getting in. Only a 0.0011% chance any can enter, and the ones that do are weak ones that can't hurt you anyway."
[Not super believable, but I don't want to be bothered either, so I'll use it.]
Saiki finished changing into his work uniform, casually stuck the talisman on the door, opened it, and headed to his work area.
As Saiki stepped out, he saw Ya-jie already waiting in the corridor to greet him.
"Ready?"
Saiki nodded.
"Then follow me."
As they walked, Ya-jie said: "First, your work area is 601. Don't randomly touch or mess with the patients.
As long as you don't start anything, they usually won't hurt you. If they get disobedient and really start causing trouble, you can give them a small punishment—like gouging out their eyeballs, breaking an arm or a leg, things like that..."
(This 'punishment' is really gentle, huh!)
They reached room 601. Ya-jie symbolically knocked on the iron door—yes, an iron door, and the material looked far from ordinary.
Ya-jie led Saiki inside.
"This is your new caregiver. Get along well."
Ya-jie pointed to an old man on the bed who looked paralyzed and said to Saiki: "This old guy has some brain issues, plus full-body paralysis, so his kids sent him here. He's not cured yet. Take good care of him."
The old man's patient gown had "No. 63" written on it.
[Got it.]
Then she pointed with her right hand to a girl sitting at the table, holding a book titled Youth in Reverse, reading. The girl looked at most 25, with the gentle, refined air of a literary girl.
"This one has severe amnesia, and there might be slight mental glitches, but usually nothing happens."
The girl had "No. 66" on her.
[Okay.]
(Why is amnesia lumped together with mental illness?)
A man around 30 walked out of the bathroom, but he looked radiant and full of energy—not like a patient at all. His patient gown said "No. 70."
"You don't need to worry about this one. Just make sure he takes his medicine on time. His condition is already taken care of."
[Oh.]
"As for these two—they're twins. How should I put it... they have delusional disorder. They think they have two older sisters. But they're usually very gentle. Just make sure they take their medicine on time."
Saiki glanced over. Two girls, at most 15 years old, with silver hair, were tightly hugging each other on the bed.
[Got it.]
Once Saiki seemed ready, Ya-jie didn't say more and left directly.
One second after Ya-jie left.
Three seconds.
Five seconds.
Six seconds.
Thirty seconds.
One minute later...
The old man who had seemed a bit paralyzed on the bed suddenly jumped up, leaping two or three meters high, landing steadily, and even twisted his body a little: "Oof, these old bones of mine."
(A paralyzed old man?)
Saiki's mouth twitched. Though he'd expected it, he didn't think the old guy would drop the act so quickly.
The old man stretched his body and spoke to Saiki like an old man in the neighborhood giving advice to a youngster: "Young man, don't worry about me. Just take care of the others."
[The others...]
Saiki looked over. The literary girl who had been sitting at the table reading now completely lost her literary aura. Her mouth curved upward, stretching all the way to her ears in a creepy smile as she stared at Saiki. She tore up the book in her hand and replaced it with another one titled One Thousand Sins.
(What is this? Ripping off Ten Deadly Sins?)
The twins who had been hugging and sleeping on the bed suddenly appeared right in front of Saiki—one on the left, one on the right.
Saiki noticed they looked extremely similar—99.99% of people wouldn't be able to tell them apart.
Both showed gentle smiles at the same time.
The girl on the left: "You're the new caregiver, right? Nice to meet you. I'm Aki."
The girl on the right: "I'm Fuyu. Saiki Kusuo, right? Can we call you Onii-chan?"
(They actually look so normal!)
Saiki nodded.
[Better not.]
Aki and Fuyu exchanged a glance, nodded, and said: "Okay, then it's decided—we'll call you Onii-chan."
(If they keep acting normal like this, it'll save me a lot of hassle.)
After Aki and Fuyu finished introducing themselves, the gentle expressions on their faces vanished again, replaced by cold smirks. They grabbed Saiki's arms from both sides and said in unison: "Then can we play a game? You can't refuse!"
(Okay, I take back what I said about them being normal. That line didn't even give me a chance to refuse.)
The two girls gripped Saiki's arms tightly. To outsiders it might look enviable, but in reality their grip strength was no joke—if it were a normal person's arm, it would've been crushed already.
Aki and Fuyu also noticed something wrong. The arm in front of them... how to describe it...
It was the hardest thing they'd ever grabbed. No matter how much force they used, they couldn't sink their fingers in at all. This shocked them deeply—how were they supposed to threaten him now?
Only after Saiki nodded in agreement did they relax and let go: "The game is guessing which one of us is Aki and which is Fuyu. If you guess wrong, is there a penalty? Losing an eyeball per wrong guess isn't too much, right?"
(Yare yare daze, this method is way too light.)
Saiki's mouth curved up slightly—he wasn't scared at all.
[Fine, but if you lose, you have to listen to me properly.]
"Okay."
Aki and Fuyu nodded in agreement. Then they grabbed each other's hands and spun rapidly, forming a small tornado—impossible to see who was who inside.
Ten seconds later they stopped and separated, standing a meter away from Saiki, smiling sweetly. They looked identical, like a mirror was between them.
Aki: "Okay, start guessing."
Fuyu: "Don't guess wrong, Onii-chan."
Saiki didn't waste words and gave the answer directly.
[Left is Aki, right is Fuyu.]
"..."
"Wr... Wrong!"
Hearing them say he was wrong, Saiki's expression didn't change at all.
[I'm not wrong. You can't lie.]
Aki and Fuyu looked shocked and said they'd do it again. Saiki didn't mind.
Then twice.
Three times.
Four times.
Up to seven times—Saiki saw through it every single time.
The two knelt on the ground, faces full of disbelief: "How is this possible? How is this possible? Besides Mama and Onee-chan, someone else can tell us apart—and it's a guy. This guy took our first time!"
(Don't say stuff like that, seriously.)
At that moment, the No. 70 patient walked toward Saiki with a smug, cocky expression.
"Brat, who the hell are you?"
A hint of scrutiny flashed in Saiki's eyes.
(These guys put on quite the act in front of the nurse!)
[Didn't you hear? I'm the new caregiver, I...]
The man waved his hand grandly: "I don't care what you are! I don't give a damn!"
Saiki: ...
The patient stepped forward to provoke him: "What, you unhappy about it?"
System: "Saiki, calm down. Keep a level head. He's doing it on purpose."
(Simple, stay calm, stay calm...)
"Why won't you look at me!"
No. 70 stepped closer a few paces. His eyes were bloodshot, bulging out hugely like light bulbs halfway popped out, staring at Saiki.
(Stay calm, stay calm...)
"I spit!"
A glob of phlegm flew toward Saiki; Saiki tilted his head to dodge.
(Stay calm, stay ca...)
"So you're just some punk, huh~"
No. 70 exhaled, his face now only a centimeter from Saiki's.
Saiki took a step back.
(Stay calm and all that—forget it, just die already.)
System: "Uh oh... it's over."
No. 70 looked smug: "What're you doing, brat? Staring at me? You think you can beat me? I'll let you have one free punch!"
Saiki let out a cold smirk, raised his right hand, clenched his fist, and aimed at No. 70's stomach.
Facing this, No. 70's face twisted grotesquely. His body swelled up, turning blue. His eyeballs fully protruded like exposed light bulbs.
His head slowly split open down the middle, scalp falling off in chunks to the floor. Veins bulged violently on his body, pulsing like they had a life of their own.
Facing Saiki's fist, he sneered, thinking such a tiny punch couldn't possibly break his defense.
But...
Thump!
A light sound. Saiki's fist gently "placed" itself on No. 70's stomach. The patient's bizarre transformation stopped. He sprayed a huge mouthful of blood, knelt to the ground, twitched, and went still for a long time.
!!!!!