"Eh?" Kariya froze. His only working eye went wide. The words itself were like ice being stabbed through muscle and bone. "What… now?"
"You don't need to look at me that way. I promised, didn't I?" The boy smiled, but Kariya couldn't.
The sick man intensely grabbed his crippled arm, like he was expecting Zouken to activate worms in any second and kill him. He opened his mouth to argue, to say he was against it. But he couldn't. He just… stopped working.
For a long while, he remained as still as a statue, with only his thoughts for company.
Kariya remembered Lelouch's words. The young man only said them a few hours before yesterday's incident. The promise of miracles. The first that would serve as a sample and proof was Tokiomi's demise and his survival through it.
The boy had delivered on that promise.
Tokiomi was dead. His Servant was dead. Coincidentally, the other two who could've done him harm after, the magus and the priest, were also dead. Of the four adults who walked into the church, Kariya was the one who walked out alive. Delivered salvation by the hands of the boy with a demonic yet kind smile.
And yet… despite what happened last night, he couldn't help but be scared by the thought of going after Zouken now.
Even after managing to kill Tokiomi, Kariya was still afraid. Confronting a cripple who was at the end of his rope was one thing. Confronting the old worm who was supposedly his father yet rumoured to be a life-sucking immortal-yet-dead vampire… one whose presence and terror had plagued him since he was a young boy who rejected magecraft… that was another issue entirely.
Even now… he abhorred the man—the monster—for what he'd done to others. For what he'd done to his family. But… more so than that… Kariya feared Matou Zouken. He feared him so much that, even crippled and free from his grasp, Kariya could only tremble where he sat.
It was no wonder Lelouch was quick to pick up on his panic.
"Kariya," the boy's hand had him jump slightly in his seat. But gently, Lelouch called out to the PTSD-suffering adult who hid under the hood. "Kariya, look at me. Look at me."
He did, albeit slowly and with the one eye darting around, scared. "Didn't I promise to show you the miracle?"
"Y-yeah…" He nodded. "You did…"
"And did I fail to do it?" The Demon Emperor waited for an answer but the grown man—the crippled and fearful adult—stayed silent. "Kariya—?"
"Are you daring to doubt my Master now, worm? After all that he did for you?" Avenger's scathing tone scratched at Kariya's pride. The annoyance and pity were not lost on him. "He'd given someone like you, a little weak man, a chance to get revenge and offered to save your pitiful little princess. If it wasn't for Lelouch, you would likely be nothing more than a feast to your parasites not two nights ago." Kariya heard a little creak on the counter's wood. A peek over to Avenger's side, he noticed her fingernail seamlessly carving grooves into the polished mahogany. "You realize, had you not been offered this deal, you would've been long a carcass, forever defeated and unremembered like the despicable worm you—!"
Her remarks suddenly stopped. Noting that she sent a wary glance to her Master, Kariya realized the boy must've sent a mental note for her to stop. Yet, Lelouch waited. And waited. Even now, as Kariya stared long and hard at his empty coffee mug, the only thing he did was tremble. All the while, Lelouch patiently waited for his response.
But Kariya couldn't say anything. He was too scared. Too weak.
His hate and desire to get back at Tokiomi was one thing. But Tokiomi was a man. Mortal. He could be killed. Zouken, however…
He felt the chills going through his body. The Crest worms still slept thanks to the last of Sola-Ui's potions, but who knows for how long until his 'parent's' maggots resume devouring him from the inside out? Once they awoke, then what? He'd die. Big deal. But even if he'd try to blow himself up and take Zouken with him, how would he be so certain the worm wouldn't rise up again, unbothered or not even inconvenienced by his actions?
And that's not forgetting the one important thing. Zouken still had Sakura.
Immortal and with a hostage. How does one win against such a foe?
The answer was simple. You don't.
"Kariya," the boy started but the man couldn't meet his gaze. "We have a chance to save Sakura right now. While there are still other Servants out and about, Zouken would be the most distracted than he'll ever be. If we do it too late, he'll have prepared for your rebellion as you offer him the Grail."
And that was if he'd even get the Grail, considering Lelouch himself stated he would never accede it, corrupted as it was. Yet, knowing the words to be true, Kariya couldn't move.
"We told you before, you can't expect to trust him to hold his word. Giving him Grail isn't an answer. Surrendering now isn't an answer."
He knew that. Kariya fucking knew that! But he still couldn't answer.
"Are you going to give in, Kariya?" The boy's words rang hollow. The adult knew what he was doing, he was very much aware of this tactic, but he couldn't refute it. "You're doing exactly what he wants. You're afraid, I get that. You don't see any other way but to obey him and win the Holy Grail for him. Even just thinking about going against him makes you terrified. Yet, surely, you understand this is wrong."
Kariya hid his face. The one eye would've started tearing up if his tear ducts hadn't died already. "Z-Zouken isn't a human. He is a monster. He has Sakura—!"
"And wasn't it that very fact the reason why you wish to save her?"
He couldn't answer that. Not when fear and reluctance gripped his heart so. The adrenaline high he'd found in the suffering of his old enemy wasn't present. The only emotions his hormones induced now was pure dread. Dread that, no matter what he'd do this time, he'd lose it all.
"I know what it's like… to have someone you care about taken away from you." The man's breath hitched when the boy's hand tapped his shoulder gently. "I… know what it's like, feeling frantic and afraid for their well-being when you wish to save them but can't. I know the fear, the vice-like grip on a person's heart when one holds that which is most dear to them above a knife's edge." The grip on his shoulder tightened. So much so that he felt his bones crack even though his skin's senses had deadened long ago. "But that is why you must fight to the very end. To gamble all you have for the sake of that goal. If you let fear itself grip you, you will lose everything even though you didn't risk anything."
He'd die anyway. But if he didn't act, she would suffer lifelong torment. Didn't he already accept that fact? Wasn't it why he accepted Lelouch's offer in the first place?
"I know what it's like to go against one's parents. And not in the childishly rebellious way, no. Patricide isn't easy, but sometimes it must be done if you wish to do what is right."
For a boy to calmly state as much without even the slightest hint of regret, he must've gone through hell if he was going to be this forward. But the same could be said of Kariya right now, was it not?
Breaking away from the slouching, Kariya's face was still hidden by the hood. But he tried to meet Lelouch's gaze, weak and distracted as he was. "What… should I do…?"
"What is it that you want to do?" The return of his question would've earned rage or a snap-back, but Lelouch didn't give him the chance to be mad when two fingers were thrust in front of Kariya's face. "Whatever Zouken did to you, it left a scar upon you. One that will never fade away. But there are two things you can do." With his back straightened, the boy stared hard back into Kariya's eye. The stern gaze pierced through him as much as it did the deep tone of the lad's voice.
"You can continue to look upon that scar, be reminded of the fear and your own weakness, forcibly making yourself cower away in defeat. Or… you can look upon that scar, decide that enough is enough, and attempt a revolt. Choose the first, and you would likely only need to cower until you expire, but choose the second and… well." The hand dropped from view as a smile flitted on the boy's face. "It can be a trophy, a reminder of the victory you achieved as well as the last souvenir you will ever take away from this brief moment of hell in your life, apart from the life of the child you saved of course."
"You… think I can… survive this?" Kariya's fingers trembled as did his gaze. "You think we can… win? Even though you've never met that bastard?!"
"You already won against Tokiomi, no? You risked everything merely to end that man's life. What's another if the prize is freedom from hell, for both you and the girl?"
"It's not that simple, Lelouch!" he hissed back. "If we fail, it's not just me who could die. Both you and Sakura could—"
"Worried for my well-being, are you? I appreciate it, Kariya." The boy smiled as easily as he stared back. "But you forget. This is a war. Even if it isn't for the Grail, even if it's just between seven people vying for supremacy, I've long come to accept the risks."
"Huh?"
"When I made an alliance to help you, I long since came to terms that I may die doing so. Did you not think the same when you accepted my offer yesterday?" Lelouch's violet orbs didn't flinch as they locked onto Kariya's greyed-out twitching own. "When you accepted my offer of an alliance, you did so with the desperation of a dying man. Your path to retreat has already been cut off and you did it with your own hand."
"I…" He did, didn't he? "I didn't…" He accepted this man's help, and, with the death of Tokiomi, the deal was as good as made. If he were to go back on it now, there was no saving Sakura. Not even if he were to somehow kill Lelouch and the other Masters and offer the Grail to Zouken.
"No," the boy shook his head as if to correct himself. "You already cut off your own escape when you joined this war in the beginning. You either win and die, or you lose and die. The only difference now is that I offer a guarantee of Sakura's survival."
Ah, that's right. In the fit of dread, he'd forgotten. The only reason he accepted Lelouch was because he wasn't the same as those magi. In fact, he was more like Kariya in regards to their views on human life. Those who kill should also be those prepared to be killed. Lelouch said as much himself last night.
In that same vein, the innocent need not suffer because of the guilty.
From the beginning, the only reason Zouken sought out a strong child with magus blood was because he'd chosen to neglect the family line, refusing it vehemently and escaping that house as soon as he had the chance. And, with Byakuya's waning magus blood, that meant no one was the legitimate heir to their household's horrendous magecraft.
His leaving led to Sakura's indoctrination.
Yeah, it was Tokiomi's fault she suffered. Had he been a decent human being, much less a father, she and Rin would've led normal happy lives. But if it wasn't for his leaving a gap for them to fill, Tokiomi wouldn't have sold her off to Zouken of all people as a kind gesture of one magus family to another.
It was his sin. And Sakura paid for it.
But now, he could right that wrong. All he needed to do… was face his fear, his own life be damned. But… could he do it? Could he beat his father, knowing he'd never been able to win against that monster all his life? Knowing all he could do… was run away?
"Don't tell me you forget your own drive, worm." Avenger's voice cut through his hesitant thoughts. "Was it not yourself who exacted revenge on the man who took everything from you? Was it not you who strode forth into a den of wolves and emerged victoriously?"
"But…" Kariya's palms tightened into fists. Only through one of them did he feel a little blood trickle from the cut his nails made. The other hung limply, dripping small red onto the wooden-tile floors below. "But if it wasn't for Lelouch's plan—"
"Nay, you fool. The one to kill that man was not my Master's plan. It was you. Meagre of a struggle as it may have been, that magus still died by your hand. His death was your victory, Matou Kariya." It might have been the first time the Servant ever acknowledged another Master apart from hers by name. "Now, answer me. Do you not remember that drive? The fire that pushed you, that goaded you into achieving a selfish victory over him? Where has that drive gone now that the fight to save your most precious one is upon you? You've risked life and limb out of a selfish desire such as revenge. Does the same fire not burn more intensely for this child's life?"
It does! It does and will forever will! It's just…
"Or… don't tell me. When it comes to a choice between fear and love, this Sakura girl was never worth a damn over your own insignificant life? Now that your revenge has been appeased, I guess she doesn't hold a candle to your trauma anymore, no?" Avenger pressed, devilish smile mocking him again in place. "Even as you yourself are aware of your approaching end, it seems cowering until your wick vanishes is better than letting it all burn for the sake of giving the girl hope. How I pity the abandoned child—"
"Avenger. That's enough." Lelouch cut her off, but his gaze never left Kariya. "I know how you feel, Kariya. God knows, I do. Being weak and unable to resist, only able to stare up in defiance but nothing more. Having to kowtow to those who pull the strings for their own amusement is nothing short of a life not worth living. When you're without your own power, any and all hope you may have had could only be seen as mere flights of fancy. You live your life, day to day, knowing you can't win no matter how hard you try. But… you still want to try, don't you?"
"I… I do…" God knows, he did. He just… couldn't. Not when he was finally thinking straight.
Insanity had the perks of losing one's own preconception of reality. Anything was possible so long as you were crazy enough to try. Even if you might be falling from the top of a building, in your head, it might as well be flight. Still didn't mean you were flying, but being broken mentally meant you didn't care about the method so long as you achieved the result. So long as it made her happy, he threw himself into the pit of worms, did he not?
Then… hadn't he already gone insane when the wretched elder's maggots had already eaten away more than half of his own organs by now?
"I—…. We…" Kariya started. Knowing the words was easy. Forcing them out, not so. "We need to contact my brother. Byakuya should know what's going inside the house."
"Byakuya?"
"My older brother...we don't have the best of sibling relationships but… I know he hates Zouken as much as I do. If not more…" A child can only take so much living in that household. In his opinion, his older brother was the far stronger of them, having lived with that wretch to this day. "But… he's probably afraid of Zouken… just as much as… me."
"Then trying to convince him will be a waste of time." Lelouch shot his hopes down immediately. It didn't take long for Kariya to reason why. Unlike he who had a goal, Byakuya was just living through the motions now. He'd grown used to cowering under Zouken's air. "Perhaps… tricking him will be the best option."
'Trick him?' An indirect method then. If convincing Byakuya's cooperation was futile, manipulating him into doing so might prove more fruitful. "I guess that will work. It shouldn't be a problem as my older brother can't use magecraft. I doubt he'd even be able to stand if you plop a Servant near him. Unless Zouken around, he can't do much of anything at all. Thankfully my nephew is away overseas."
Kariya was glad Shinji wasn't in the city. Had the boy been present instead, what would Zouken might've done to him out of desperation? Kariya didn't try to imagine what.
"So your brother has a family?" Avenger chimed in, seemingly a little interested. "What of his wife?"
"Zouken... killed her years ago." Kariya averted his gaze to the floor, not fond of that memory. "The old worm punished her because Shinji, my nephew, was born unable to use magecraft."
And wasn't that hell for the only son that remained in the house? If Zouken inspired much fear in them both, how was he and Lelouch to convince Byakuya into conspiring against their father when he hadn't the taste of freedom as Kariya had? With Zouken being an oppressor as well as a caretaker to his older brother, the risk of Byakuya turning on them out of fear of punishment was beyond nil.
"Hm. Very well, we will act during the night." Kariya's head jerked up in the decisiveness of the boy's tone. "I take only Byakuya and Zouken would be inside the family house. With exception of Sakura of course."
"Yeah," Kariya nodded then grimaced. "But… There are hundreds, if not thousands, of familiars that Zouken can use to attack us. Just the mansion alone is buzzing with them all over as a security measure."
"Please, as if some insects can harm two Servants." Avenger laughed. Even now, it seems the worms that ate away at him seemed only just that to the woman. Insects to be squashed.
But the same could not be said of Kariya. "I'm not worried about you or Berserker." Hand over his chest, he muttered whilst thinking of the creatures asleep within him. "These bugs… they're connected to that bastard. If they were awake right now… One wrong move…"
Lelouch was quick to understand. "You fear Zouken will reawaken to Crest worms inside you...or use them against Sakura."
He nodded along with grit teeth. "... I… I want to save her… no matter what. But… Zouken… he'll kill her… if I try to step out of a line. If he sees us… If he sees even me… He'll know something's up."
The thought was damning that something as horrid as the old man could be so controlling and methodical in the projection of his power over Kariya and the rest.
Old yet wise, cruel yet cunning, Zouken was a master of magecraft as he was a fiend with the guise of an elderly man. Considering the entire mansion was considered their magus family's ancient territory respected even by the Tohsakas, the Matou home was full of familiars, not just flesh-eating worms. If he carelessly approached with the obvious intent of rebellion, any fliers in the area would spot him immediately, making potential rescue missions complicated if not impossible.
Hell, had the worms within him been awake this whole time, Zouken could've just snapped his existence away without Kariya even realizing it.
Sakura was a hostage to that kind of monster. If they'll make a move, they need to act carefully. They needed to trick both Zouken and Byakuya, get close enough to them without being detected that their Servants could get the job done quickly. But Kariya didn't know-how.
He wasn't a fool. After making that deal with Zouken, he'd tried to think up numerous ways to sneak Sakura out of there. Of course, it was to no avail. When the insects constantly patrolled in revolting swarms, out of sight of the normal folk but in plain view to him and his brother, hope was a distant thought. It only got bleaker and bleaker when he became more crippled as the days went by.
Not even the Servant he got was any help at the start.
He'd hoped for a strong one, a powerful one. One that would be able to break his shackles and murder that monster. They were heroic spirits for a reason after all. But bound with the shackles of insanity, Berserker was anything but subtle.
Not a slight on Berserker's part, but unarmed and severely drained of logic and reason by Madness Enhancement, Kariya was more armed with a relentless tank than cleansing salvation. Powerful as he may be, Berserker couldn't help him the same way an Assassin or Caster could've.
The same could be said of Avenger. Despite the praises Lelouch might've had for the woman, Kariya wasn't convinced she could do what he needed her to without accidentally catching Sakura in a crossfire.
Even as the man wholly accepted this alliance to save the girl amidst his fears for their foe, any and all attempts to look on the bright side were squashed by his derisive reasoning. Even insane and desperate, Kariya grasped at straws, clinging on as best as he could before he could do something to endanger the child further.
Only the guilty should know the agony. Sakura was innocent, yet she was the one in pain, not him.
Thus, if Lelouch could somehow perform a miracle… no matter how impossible, Kariya prayed he could. He'd give anything in exchange... Even if… Even if he himself… didn't survive it.
"Please… Please tell me you have a plan…" He expressed as much to the boy sitting next to him. The words came out hoarse, desperate, wilting to the point of a silent whisper. That he was pretty much a prisoner in his own self-doubt and inferiority made it more apparent that he was. "I—I'll do anything! I… I won't continue to cower in fear of that bastard anymore… So long as… she's saved… from my crimes…"
His face, ragged as the worms and stress carved it to be, begged in prolonged silence for something—anything that Lelouch could do to bring a ray of hope to this dire situation.
What he got instead was a casual smile of the Demon who was playing human.
"What are you saying, Kariya?" the relaxed nature of Lelouch's voice was endearing, tempting to the man who'd lost all hope long before. "Didn't I already promise you a miracle?"
The first was revenge and proof of his power. The second… it was salvation.
"Hoh? So are we switching gears, Lulu? Will it be any fun like last night?"
Playing it coy, Avenger tickled the side of the boy's face with a single finger. Her persistence caused the lad to grab onto her with his own hand, but he didn't let up his smile. In fact, he seemed more amused than anything.
"Not entirely as fun, considering we're going to be delaying your little jaunt with Saber and Rider. But, even with a few changes, you'll still have something to do, my adorable Avenger." Lelouch said before turning to his fellow Master. "Tell me, Kariya. Do you know anything about the sewer system under the Matou house?"
The one working eye winced slightly in contemplation. But it didn't take long before it widened and blinked with life.