The snap back was received with grit teeth. Lelouch swore he heard Byakuya mutter something like 'damned martyr' and 'do what you want' before the man crossed his arms and looked away. Even though he was earlier regarded as a selfish coward, the fact he seemed concerned enough to protest his brother's recklessness made it apparent he wasn't entirely that bad. Just human.
Having no say in their familial affairs, Lelouch kept quiet until he met Kariya's tired gaze. He could only ask. "Are you sure you want to continue?"
"Berserker clearly won't let me back out," Kariya said with a resigned shrug. "And it's not like I don't owe him for saving me."
If being stabbed open to retrieve a parasite was saving, then Kariya was free to call it a favour as he wished. It still didn't sit right with the boy, however. Especially since they'd already expended enough effort just to take him out of the war safely.
"If that is what you want, then far be it from me to deny your volunteering." Lelouch offered his hand which the man shook in return. "However, if that is the case, I believe I need to reassess our plan for the future. Especially considering the… precarious state your life is in right now." The man returned a confused stare until Lelouch added, "You might not survive the next fight, even if Berserker does win."
The widened eye was immediately cut off by an answer. But Kariya likely didn't expect it to come from his own brother, still crossed-armed to the side. "I already told him." Byakuya commented. "Before this stupid war started, Kariya wasn't prepared as a magus. Not even close to novice level. Zouken's treatment may have accelerated and groomed your magecraft control to a substandard level, but you'd still be beaten by a child who'd been trained since they could speak."
"I don't need to be able to use magecraft," argued Kariya, shaking his head while his dead eye's gaze sagged off to the side. "If Berserker just wants to fight, then I let him. That's all."
Byakuya's grip on his own arm tightened that his sleeve seemed just about to tear. Through grit teeth, he responded sharply. "Even if we discount your body and mental state, you only have a small amount of Crest worms left. The rate that they make mana from eating your organs has decreased since they won't be riled up anymore by Zouken, but his death also means your batteries are basically limited." The older sibling stared hard when he got neither response nor reaction. Letting out a sigh, he continued. "When the war started, Zouken had adamantly stated you wouldn't live even if you won. You already had a death sentence the moment you left this house not a week ago. Anything else would just kill you earlier than that."
Lelouch stared at his ally. "Why hadn't you mentioned this before?"
"Why should I?" Kariya lazily snapped back. "Either fight and win or wait for worms to finish me off. I was going to die either way." The sick master chuckled. "I suppose I subconsciously just came to accept this the day I came back to take Sakura's place."
"Is there anything that can be done?"
Kariya just shook his head. "Neither Byakuya nor myself spent a damn minute studying the bastard's craft. Even if we had found a way to reverse its effects, neither of us would be capable of properly executing it. Besides, the worms already ate half of my organs. Missing a whole chunk of myself wouldn't be durable and it's not like the local hospital can lend a hand to me on such short notice AND let me leave at my leisure." The man scoffed with a hard chuckle. "By all accounts, I really am a walking dead man!"
'Then, he really is done. He was just waiting for the day he keels over.' Lelouch broke eye contact first. "Still… to die even after you saved your niece—"
"Come on, Lelouch. After all, I'd done, you'd pity me?" The cripple smiled even as he said it. "It's… of course it's not fine, but I didn't have any other choice in the beginning. Still, I've killed all I needed to. Sakura is saved and will return to her mother. As a side, neither Aoi and her family, nor my brother, will be bothered by Zouken ever again. All's well that ends well, don't you think?"
The Master of Avenger smiled back but couldn't help but say it. "For you to undergo so much for the child… and yet she won't be able to repay your kindness anytime soon…"
"Eh. Life is hell, kid. Get used to it." Kariya's lighthearted expression persisted. "Then again, I guess I shouldn't be saying that to a kid who had no qualms with betraying another Master and roasting my father to hell, to begin with."
Byakuya refrained from commenting but grit his teeth in frustration, not anger, at his last remaining family's situation. It seemed even he had to agree this was unfair. His little brother just managed to get his and Sakura's freedom back.
"I'll die, I've already accepted that. At the very least, I prefer to go out on my own terms. Without regrets." Kariya stopped and thought about it. "Okay, I do have one or two regrets but… right now, it's nothing important. The point is I'm fine with it, Lelouch. So don't feel sad about it, kiddo."
Feel sad? Lelouch didn't think that's what he was feeling… No. Perhaps he was. He wasn't saddened by the unexpected acceptance. Rather, the Demon Emperor was just… perplexed in seeing Kariya's take on it.
It was cruel. For death to be the only reward to his heroism, to die because one's parent was just a voracious parasite, to be given respite only in death. Lelouch had gotten used to being the cause of death and suffering, but it always astounded him when someone was so willing to lay down their life for a cause. It was… admirable to say the least.
Kariya just wanted to save Sakura. He was ready to kill for it. To die for it. But even as a victor in his plight, he was going to lose, one way or another. It just…
'… Hits too close to home.' Lelouch thought with narrowed eyes. 'So this is what it is like from another perspective. Huh, how ironic.'
This must be what it feels like to be on the side of the martyr. Granted, only a few were aware of the true plan, but when he finally managed to end it, run through by a blade in his best friend's hands, this must be the feelings they had on the day of his death.
Pity, sadness, frustration that it had to be this way. Lelouch especially hadn't really considered what Nunnally would feel at the culmination of it all.
In exchange for her brother's life, she would be granted a world of peace like no other.
In exchange for Kariya's life, neither Sakura nor his brother would need to fear for their own under the yoke of a monster.
They both tried to save others, but they were both forsaken by the world and those around them. Seeing the similarities now had the boy stifling a smile of his own. Like Lelouch, Kariya wasn't afraid of approaching death. Instead, the sick man barely coasting the thin line of his own mortality was readily facing it, all to repay the debt he owed to a Servant too far mad to reason with.
'But regardless of this acceptance… it still feels… wrong.'
He knew he could speak for himself, considering the hell he razed in his own world. But to say Kariya was a bad person would be insensitive to his past. The mistakes of his youth resulted in the suffering of the child, but he very much paid for it by now.
"And here I thought we could finally celebrate Zouken's death," Byakuya growled under his breath while sourly remarking to himself. "Just when I thought… we could finally share a drink… after all these years… Now you're going to off yourself for that crazy hunk of metal's wish?"
"Hm… I didn't know you cared so much, brother…"
"Of course, I do, you runaway bastard!" snapped Byakuya. "Even if I had to go through hell because you left me alone with that shithead of a father, we are still siblings, you selfish prick! Do you know how hard it is for me to hear you oh so willing to take the fall for another parasite's problem?!"
That he was brave enough to compare Berserker to Zouken may have been the brotherly rage he felt overtook him. But regardless, whether the Servant heard or not, Byakuya didn't back down nor did he hide his feelings. Kariya was slightly taken aback once more, but he let out a somewhat tired smile. The first he'd given to his sibling since last night, Lelouch noted.
"I didn't know you'd feel that way…"
"The hell? Did you think I was like that rat bastard and never expected me to be so against my own brother's suicidal recklessness?!"
"Heheh… I guess I shouldn't be. It makes me a bastard of a brother, especially after I abandoned you to live with that asshole all these years."
Byakuya fumed but wasn't as mad as he'd been earlier. More frustrated than anything, he hissed with slight tears in his eyes. "You damn well know it!"
Kariya chuckled to himself a bit. "Heheh… Hey, isn't Shinji overseas right now?" Kariya asked and continued once he got a confused nod in confirmation. "Guess that means I'm pretty worse off as an uncle to him too, considering I won't be able to see him again..."
There was more grinding and gnashing of teeth on Byakuya's part, but Lelouch asked once more. "Are you absolutely sure, Kariya? Even if your Servant does wish to continue, you still have the option of spending your remaining time with Sakura."
But the man just shook his head. "No. There's no running away from this. As much as I want to comfort the kid until I return her to her mother, I'd prefer it if Sakura just remembers me as the one who saved her from this home and nothing more. I… I don't deserve anymore… after all, I've done. Besides, I'd rather not let her see me fall apart at the seams once my time's up."
If he so wished to give the girl hope and deny himself, then anything he had to say would only fall on deaf ears. If he wanted to be remembered as a hero and only that, then Lelouch would concede. While it was advantageous to have such a key piece in the palm of his hand, this was as far as the boy would extend the courtesy.
From here on, Matou Kariya would be his most potent knight while Lelouch played as the man's demonic advocate.
"Earlier, in the coffee house, we were planning how to beat Rider and Saber, weren't we Lelouch?" he nodded before Kariya added. "Then, let's return to that matter. Berserker wants to fight Saber and that's the best I can do for him for helping all this time. You as well. Without you, I would have never had enough courage to fight Zouken."
Lelouch thought about trying to argue with him but stopped. Wasting time would only make matters worse and cut through what was left of Kariya's short lifespan. Letting out a sigh, the boy smiled. "Very well. I'll take Berserker's and your role into consideration. But I'm afraid we'll have to do that tomorrow morning. You need your rest, after all." He added the latter with emphasis as Kariya himself was still wobbly from the last fight. Even if Lelouch had concocted a plan now, it wouldn't be helpful explaining it to someone who was dead tired. "Tonight, however, I believe we should celebrate our victory and your freedom from your parent." He then glanced at Byakuya, hoping for a little support. "While I don't want to suggest anything, I believe you have enough alcohol for such an occasion, at least."
"Hmph, cheeky brat, aren't you?" Byakuya laughed before heading out. "Wait here. I'll pick out some of the good stuff."
"Byakuya—?"
"Don't you move, you little brat brother of mine!" snapped the man once more. The corner of his eyes were slightly red, but it wasn't out of malice that he added. "You owe me a drink for the decades of stress! Don't think you can skimp on that now!"
Exasperated with surprise, Kariya stayed silent. As his brother left, he slowly turned to Lelouch. "I didn't take you for a drinker. I know that the drinking age in the west is lower than here, but still…"
"I'm actually not that much a fan of alcohol and don't plan to become one tonight." Lelouch shrugged. "This is for you, as well as your brother. It might be your last chance to speak to one another after all."
The man's working eye softened its gaze when it met his. "I… I see. Thanks…"
"Think nothing of it." Lelouch, knowing that having last regrets was never a good thing, replied with a smile. "Spend the night having as much fun as you can. Forget about the war for now. We will worry about it when you're ready..." Although saying that, a thought came to Lelouch. "I have a question though. Both of you stated that Zouken lived for centuries… Does this mean he was alive during every Grail war, right?"
"Yeah, he told us about it a few times, but he only mentioned them in passing." That meant he didn't deem either of them worthy of the information. "Why do you ask?"
"Nothing all too important…" Lelouch hummed something under his breath. "Did he have a diary of some kind or library?"