"Hm? Shirou?" Kiritsugu quickly covered his arm before turning to his son with a narrowed gaze. He seemed surprised that Shirou was awake, but looked like he wanted to brush what he had just done under the rug. "What's up? Why aren't you in the bed?"
"I—" 'had a nightmare, he didn't say. "I needed to use the bathroom… But I couldn't go back to bed after."
Kiritsugu gave a glance to the wall clock nearby before forcing a smile. "It's barely seven. Go back to bed and get some sleep or you will be late for school."
"I don't have school today. It's Sunday, remember?" His father's side glance shifted uncomfortably before slowly relaxing once more. "Maybe you need some sleep, old man?"
"Haaah… Shirou, please—"
"That was magic too, right?" Shirou pushed, disregarding Kiritsugu's attempt at dodging the subject.
"… Why are you always so interested in it, Shirou?"
What did he mean 'why'? The adult was asking this like Shirou hadn't answered him before. 'It's because it's real that it's interesting!' his son spoke had once answered with an excited tone. Never before had Shirou shown such interest in anything. Well, never since the fire. "What were you doing?"
"… Shirou, why are you awake so early?" Kiritsugu knew his adopted son's daily schedule, yet tried to play dumb. While Shirou was an energetic kid for his age, waking up early to prepare meals for two and clean the house had become more of a necessity than playing games. But it wasn't as though that was the only reason would be up this early. "Did you have that nightmare about fire again?"
The excited look quickly disappeared from the boy's face, replaced with a frozen expression.
Shirou said nothing. His trauma forced his mouth shut every time it was brought up. Who could blame him? The damage dealt was crippling. Anyone that gave a damn could see it. Kiritsugu definitely did, hence his sighing away once again.
It wasn't that the man was indifferent or callous of Shirou's plight. It was more due to his inexperience in dealing with such.
The man had once admitted it himself when they first met. Unexperienced in being a good parent, he only wanted to offer sanctuary to the kid he saved. The one he felt responsible for. Saying that he wasn't capable though didn't mean he wasn't trying. And boy, did he try.
Hobbies, TV shows, games, anything. Up until now, whatever Kiritsugu tried to distract Shirou with hardly worked. It was then that he resorted to something that shouldn't be ever shared. Sadly, it was the only thing that had an active effect on the boy.
"… It's not magic, son." The man sighed, sounding defeated.
"Dad?"
Kiritsugu closed his eyes. Unbeknownst to the kid in the room, he'd been asking himself if it was a good idea since the beginning. Of course, practically speaking, it was a resounding 'no'. Shirou wasn't of magus blood. He wasn't part of the moonlit world… only another victim of it.
But he saw it. Kiritsugu let him peek into the abyss, and he wouldn't ever forget about it. Even earlier, it was just a continuation of his asking about it until he got a real answer. Kiritsugu knew he could always close this topic for good, ordering Shirou to never bring this up with a shout. But how could he? How could he, after seeing the hope glimmer in the child's eyes for but a moment?
Even he, a bloodstained murderer that was the Magus Killer, knew this was poor parenting on his part, but to deprive the boy of something he needs versus wanting to keep him away from that side of the world… it was difficult.
He sometimes wished Irisviel was the one to survive, not him. But then… that would spell doom for them all, and the boy wouldn't even exist, let alone cause Kiritsugu this parental dilemma, wouldn't he?
"This isn't magic, Shirou. Never call it magic or you will get into trouble. It's actually called magecraft."
"Mage-craft?" Shirou blinked. "Wait, does it mean you're not a wizard?"
"Not in the sense that you believe." Kiritsugu dryly chuckled. "What I am… I'm more called a Spellcaster than any wizard. I barely learned any crafts that I didn't see useful. And they were more the basics of basics. What you saw just now was me using the healing fortune written on strips of paper I s—… acquired from a colleague. Depending on how much mana I put in, it can be used to heal minor injuries or large scars."
Kiritsugu showed him his arm. Clean and looking as healthy as can be, it denied the bleeding gash Shirou saw on him earlier.
"Spell… caster? Mana? I don't get it." Puzzled, he was met with Kiritsugu ruffling his hair.
"Sorry, I'm not qualified to be a teacher or even describe the simplest of lessons. I could try… But—"
But teaching a normal kid about the moonlit world wasn't the safest idea. More so when he had no intention of giving Shirou his family's Crest. If he dared inform him of that other side, there was no going back. He'd forever be bound to the moonlit world, no matter what he did with the knowledge henceforth.
However, Shirou had already been pulled into it before. The Fuyuki Fire. The disaster created by Avenger, the delusional Servant of—. Kiritsugu didn't want to involve the kid. Shirou was a victim. Just like Irisviel. Just like Maiya. Just like everyone and anyone that died there on that night, they were all victims of magecraft.
Kiritsugu himself wasn't devoid of blame either. He'd dragged it all out. He'd allowed for that disaster to exist, to happen. If it wasn't for his killing Avenger's Master, those avenging flames wouldn't have… Fuyuki would have been fine. They would have all been fine…
He'd failed the ones he loved once by overestimating himself. But… the least Kiritsugu could do was make sure his son, a victim all due to his mistakes, would know the rules and manage to stay out of trouble.
"'But'?" Shirou blinked. His earnest expression pulled the brooding man out of his shell and back into reality.
"But we need to discuss many things. One important thing is secrecy. Shirou, under any circumstances, you cannot reveal to anyone that you know about magecraft."
"Even to other wizards?"
"First comes first, kiddo. There are no wizards. They're called magi. And, more often than not, most of them are bad people. Second, you will need to keep it a secret because magi keep it a secret. If they find out you're exposing this to those, not like them, they will… do bad things to make you stop. Understand?"
The boy didn't if his uncomfortable shifting was any indication. "… But you can show me how to do it, right? This healing thing, I mean."
Kiritsugu shook his head, "Sorry, but I don't know any healing crafts. All I can do is use stuff like fortune spells and activate already-prepared techniques like earlier." The saddened experience on his son's face made Kiritsugu quickly add. "But, there are some crafts that aren't dangerous and should be simple enough for the both of us. However, there will be rules, many rules."
"I'll learn them!" he insisted. "I—I'll follow what you say! Honest!"
Shirou was eager and his father saw it, but it also made him curious. "Why are you so interested in this, Shirou?"
His son stopped, thinking about it as well. Why was Shirou so captivated by something he just saw? He didn't show the same interest in anything, maybe besides cooking, but Shirou always felt distant when he tried to do anything else. Was it because it was the most unusual thing the little boy saw until now? Or perhaps, seeing his old man perform a miracle reminded him about the warm feelings Shirou felt back on that night?
He didn't know. But what he did was… "I feel like this magecraft thing… can help me help others…"
Kiritsugu stared at his son. "You… want to help other people?"
"Mm… Is that bad?"
"No. Of course not, Shirou." He ruffled the boy's head as though to comfort him. But it was more to comfort himself, the boy didn't need to know. "Magecraft can do much good for others, yes. But although it could do many things, it's just a tool. Using it to help people might as well be the last thing any magi would do when they focus more on benefiting themselves."
Kiritsugu had seen magecraft used as a means to an end. He was no different. The only exception might have been Iri. But even she went along with the Holy Grail ritual knowing that it will cost human lives, her life. So long as it meant creating a better world for their daughter… she, as well as he, would accept magecraft's purpose as a tool. 'Hmph. So much for that dream…'
"Then it's a good thing I'm not one of these magi, right, old man?" Shirou said simply. Kiritsugu had to suppress the laughter.
"You can't imagine how right you are about this, Shirou. You aren't one and never will be. But maybe you will find something useful in it." Kiritsugu made up his mind. He would teach Shirou. But only to ensure his son won't run into troubles related to the moonlit world. "I can teach you some basics, but not right now. I haven't had breakfast yet. Come on, I bought some noodles last night—"
"Nope," Shirou said before moving to the fridge. "We had enough fast food yesterday. Today I will prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner." he gave his dad a cheeky glance. "Before you poison us with your junk."
"Aren't I supposed to be the adult in this family?" That got him more concerned glares. Coming from a child, it wasn't all intimidating, but he knew he wouldn't be able to push this. So much for parenting when the child was practically more reliable than he. "Fine. You do you, Shirou."
"I won't disappoint. Promise you that, old man."
He knew he wouldn't.
Sighing once more, Kiritsugu felt at peace at moments like this. It was… nice. Having his adopted son take over and act as the responsible one was weird, but comforting in some sense. Less work for Kiritsugu in that department while he focused on managing the rest of their expenses.
Now that he was retired from 'that job', he had more of a normal life left in his hands.
Moving to take a seat in the dining room, he picked up the TV remote and turned the device on. 'Might as well get out of his hair until breakfast is ready.'
Flicking through channels, the first that took his interest was news covering a far off country Kiritsugu used to get a lot of contracts in.
"—we're back to you with the morning news. Returning to the situation in the Middle East, world leaders were happy to receive the news about the end of the Afghanistan civil conflict. The landlocked country, formerly caught up in a civil war for over two decades until last week, has finally found a semblance of peace when a new movement put an end to the conflict, apparently convincing each and every dissident group to accept peace. Three days ago the newly formed government made promises to restore the nation and lead it into a better future while working closely with the United Nations. We now go live to a public interview with the newly reformed nation's representative."
The newscaster was replaced by the image of the smiling old man. Aged well beyond his years, his confident yet also relieved smile looked more than happy to deliver the news concerning the end of the conflict. That the audience present for his interview was giving him a great applause when he motioned for a greeting spoke of charisma and charm that earned him popular and genuine support.
None among watchers would think that same man was just a mere shepherd months ago.
"Welcome, friends. Welcome, my people. The New Afghanistan government once asked for the world community to help it to 'stand up on its feet' so to speak. And they have done so. However, we promise not to take advantage of your aid and vow to return stability to our once proud country. We received the official message from the president of United St-"
"What are they talking about?" Shirou was too young to understand the politics nor pay them any mind, but from the tone of the newscaster and the sight of his father's soft smile, it was enough to garner some interest.
"Oh… Good news. Finally." Kiritsugu's lips continued to slowly curve up. While Afghanistan had been a good place to make some money once, the man who once wanted to be the Ally of Justice was very glad the local conflict finally ended. Now he was hoping the new government won't mess up or fall within a few days or something. The anchor herself said as much, inadvertently summarizing his thoughts.
"—and that's the Afghan situation so far. Hopefully, they make do with their promise and heal the wounds suffered by their nation's people. However, it seems not everything is good news in the region. We received info just this morning from our sources in Iraq. Reporting quote, 'A great inferno has claimed the government palace just last night'. Sources stated that the fire has claimed the lives of several people during a special banquet to host foreign diplomats. While none of the foreign emissaries were harmed, key figures including the elder son of the Iraqi dictator has gone missing just after the event. We are awaiting a statement if this is an accident or a mediated attack. We will notify the public as soon as any claims as to the main perpetrator themselves are made. In other news—"