Gudaguda 4: Final Honnouji.
"And that's how you can surround your enemy easily without any casualties," Ruler, Lelouch Lamperouge, proudly stated as he showed his perfect encirclement of enemy forces to his Master. A few fellow Servants keenly observed from the sidelines but remained quiet out of respect for the speaker. "Just let the enemy endlessly attack you until attrition takes its toll. They lack the manpower and munitions to outlast us."
"That's incredible!" Ritsuka was far too easily impressed. This year's rerun was going so great! With Lelouch, he didn't need to use apples or burn AP at all! His new Ruler just ordered his armies from the front line, forcing their foes to abandon their defences in favour of attacking them in friendly territory. The resources Ritsuka was farming with ease was too much! Getting materials without wasting apples or having to experience the same story over and over and over again… Truly, this was bliss! An exploit beyond measure! A broken cheat among cheats! They'd even already defeated and recruited almost all the enemy warlords.
This singularity was incredibly easy when every iteration of Nobunaga joined their side because of Lelouch. Something, something, every Nobu's soulmate, but Ritsuka didn't sweat the details.
To look a gift horse in the mouth was offensive and a waste of time. The time that could be spent harvesting more materials. He certainly spent what free breaks he had bowed his eternal gratitude to whatever god out there oh so graciously bestowed upon him such a singularity-breaking Servant that was Ruler.
"That's my Lelouch for you, master. Fufu~!" Avenger Nobunaga in her younger form nodded proudly.
"Big bro is so cool!" the boyish Kipposhi Oda Nobunaga yelled excitedly.
"You're rocking it!" The Nobunaga in summer swimsuit agreed with her other versions.
"Heh, not bad Darling. Not bad at all~~~." The Demonic Avenger Maou Nobunaga licked her lips.
"Hm… I feel like I saw Waver play some game with the same strategy." Mash commented from the sidelines. She was feeling a bit sad that she couldn't play the role of an advisor to her senior. Hard to be one when your commander was all over his new Ruler Servant. It was also harder for Mash to get mad when said Servant was pretty good at his job, albeit temporary for this singularity.
That being the case though, she would agree Lelouch Vi Britannia, or just Lelouch as he would request them to call him, was perfect for the job at hand. More so when every single Nobunaga was all over him. Emphasis on 'every' and 'all over'. What's more, he was amicable enough to get along even with the others they acquired along the way.
"HAHAHAHAAA! Still can't believe you met someone, boss! Always thought you'd remain single—GAH!" Mori Nagayoshi laughed before all Nobus each landed a strike. Consecutive hits sent the well-armoured Berserker flying so hard that it was inevitable for his helmet to crack, revealing a bloody yet chuckling mess of red hair still trying to get the last laugh. "—Ha… Haha…!"
"Uncle Lelouch is really cool! I wonder what else he can do!" Chacha, already seeing him as part of her family, was enamoured. All the while, her actual uncle wasn't so happy.
"Having all versions of elder sister fawn over you… Unacceptable." Nobukatsu bit his finger while whispering all known curses, praying to any god or divinity to strike his target down.
"Hm… No one feels like we have too many versions of Nobu?" Archer Nobunaga asked others, her face turned into a more comic like expression. "Like I'm always in favour of more Nobus, but not when they occupy Lelouch's time with meaningless banter…"
Silver-haired Lancer Kagetora was quick to nod along but not for the same reasons exactly. "I agree, This world could do without any Nobus at all."
"So loud and annoying, all of them." Saber Okita joined her fellow Gudaguda Nobu-hating servant. "If Grails could actually make wishes into reality, I would have asked for all Nobus to be erased completely.
"Oi! Oi! Just don't be salty just because I pulled my SSR husbando while you two never had any romantic relationships." Archer Nobu tried to calm them down, she really tried.
"Don't remind them about it, my young self." Avenger Nobu smirked darkly. "In their age, finding someone is next to impossible. No need to torture them with our love. He! Hehehe~~~!"
"You're right, me! Hahaha!"
Both Nobus hugged Lelouch, making sure they were as close as possible to show off in front of their group. Their smug expressions greatly annoyed the envious Nagao and Okita. The Lancer and Saber subtly and slowly pulled out their weapons.
"[Behold the speed of my hidden sword!]—"
"[O eight-bladed Bishamonten!]—"
Two young and lonely maidens aimed their noble phantasms at a group of Nobus, but forgot that there was someone else. Somehow, by sheer luck reminiscent of blue Lancer, their attacks hit the wrong target.
"Hm… Eh?! Wait! What the hell are you two—NGH!"
The new Ruler was sent flying behind enemy lines, leaving his Master and fellow Servants to look on in shock. Except Nobukatsu. His wish had, unintentionally, been granted.
"Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking abo—ARGH!" his cheers of joy were replaced by a cry of pain as Maou Nobu administered immediate punishment. That being a swift kick to the nuts with her sharp heel.
***
Behind enemy lines.
'Ugh… What… in the hell… did I do to deserve that?' Lelouch groaned as he stared up into the giant hole his landing made. It took him a mere moment to recover from the shock. The first thing he did though was look around, trying to understand what happened as he dusted himself off. 'Where am I? Judging by the hole in the roof, I'm… somewhere within the reaches of civilization.'
"crunch-"
Ruler's immediate response was to turn towards the strange noise. However, he did not expect to see a familiar Gudaguda Berserker.
"crunch-" Hijikata didn't bother to say anything and just continued to consume his precious pickles. "Want some?"
"… Ehh?" caught off-guard by the lackadaisical pickle-eater, Lelouch's face twitched in frustration. "Before… any of that… Where… am I?"
It looked like he was inside some old Japanese house, a mansion or likely the insides of a military garrison. But a Servant merely chilling off to the side with fermented vegetables put him off a bit.
Before Hijikata could answer, though, the door was kicked open and a giant creature walked forward. Lelouch saw its kind before and balked at the mere sight of it.
'Kuh… I've already seen chibi variants and giant Nobbus… but this—?'
"Nobbu! Nobbu!" The giant Nobbu shouted as she moved towards him excitedly.
Wary enough as he was, Lelouch thought about activating his abilities—that is if they weren't still on cooldown! If only that fox had accompanied them this time—'Keh! This is not the time to be distracted!' But be that as it may, without his abilities on hand, Ruler couldn't fight his way out and was easily picked up by the ginormous Nobbu "O-oy! C-can you be a bit more gentle?"
"Nobbu…" it exclaimed. For a while, it fell silent as its large eye examined him thoroughly. Then, it tilted its head as though a question mark had spawned from its ear. "Nobbu, Nobbu? Nobbu!"
Lelouch couldn't understand a thing and was extremely confused when the giant chibi (if that made any sense) version of his lover(s) placed him on its lap as it settled down next to Hijikata. Things got weirder when it started to pet and… was the cheek-rubbing against his being a means of… cuddling him?
"What the hell is going on?!"
"Nobbu! Nobbu, Nobbu, Lulu!" a new word exited the creature's mouth.
"Hm. Says you're hers now." Hijikata translated.
"Y—you can understand it?!"
"Sure." Hijikata nonchalantly ate another pickle. "Congratulations, I think you're now married."
"You 'think'?! W-wait! Can't you help?"
"Nah. Don't really want to." Hijikata munched another pickle. "They pay me with pickles and aren't as noisy as they appear." Crunch went his payment as the Berserker continued. "Besides, this place is better than Chaldea."
"You—! Argh, never mind!" Lelouch turned towards the big Nobbu. "… D-dear, can you… let me go outside for a minute, please? I think I forgot my… er, my lenses! That's right! Can't go out without them or someone might commit mass murder because of it again!"
"Nobbu…" The Big Nobbu patted its chin before nodding and putting Lelouch on the ground. "Nobbu! Nobbu!"
"Thanks!" Lelouch smiled before turning to run as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast even by human standards (curse his lopsided stats as a Ruler!).
Big Nobbu waited patiently for Lelouch while Hijikata ate another pickle. She waited a minute, then another and so on. He will come back any moment. Every Nobu knew that Lelouch wasn't a liar to his loved ones, right?
"Nah, he isn't coming back." Hijikata popped open another jar of pickles while the Big Nobbu sat beside him and started to howl in rage. A river of tears followed right behind as she started her rampage.
Oddly enough, every Nobu present in this world was in the same mood at the moment.
***
Lelouch managed to run away from that place and finally caught his breath.
"This is getting out of hand! I need to return to my forces-"
"And what do we have here?" the unknown male voice asked from behind.
Lelouch turned around but immensely raised his hands to cover his eyes from the light that appeared out of nowhere. Through the corner of his eyes, he saw the silhouette of a man sitting, surrounded by cavalry from all sides. Thanks to his skill as Ruler, Lelouch managed to immediately identify the stranger.
"...R-Real-Deal… Nobunaga?!"
How was it even a name?! He wasn't even a Servant, just an NPC!
"The one and only!" the silhouette shouted proudly, despite its low resolution rendering into Lelouch's periphery. "I don't know what is going on, but I feel like I experienced it before, like last year or something. No matter. Who are you anyway? You look like a foreigner."
Lelouch stared hard at his enemy. He could've feigned ignorance, claiming to be a bystander. But what proud Servant would he be if he were to back down in the face of mere danger?
"I am Ruler, Lelouch vi Britannia." With grace and elegance, he flipped the white cape trailing behind him to catch the breeze. "The commander of the Chaldea Clan's forces in this singularity and the one who will conquer every province!"
"So, you're the enemy of that giant army, huh?" Real Deal Nobunaga commented while taking a good look at him. "Say, Lelouch… Do you want to go out horse riding with me?"
Lelouch blinked. Twice. "… I beg your pardon?"
"Hey, if you don't know, that's totally fine… I-I can even teach you how to ride." While Lelouch couldn't see anything in that sitting silhouette, from tone alone he could tell that Real-Deal Nobunaga was sounding frustrated. Not the kind of frustration one should have in the face of his foe though. "Th-that being said, I've only brought a single steed. There… there is nothing wrong with two men riding on one horse though! You can h-hug me from behind so you won't fall."
"That's… er…" Lelouch's theatrics faltered in the face of this new predicament. He didn't want to sound rude but… if every Nobu present was falling for him, then… "Not good—I mean… Apologies, but I must decline!"
"Huh? But—?!"
"Nothing against you, but I'm already taken." And he didn't swing that way.
"Wha—Wawawawa—What are you thinking about?! I-I wasn't suggesting anything like that! Just two men raiding together, a few centimetres apart cause they aren't together-together! There is nothing wrong with that, right? Right?!" he looked around his soldiers. "Right guys?!"
"..." the first didn't say, merely glanced up to the skies.
"..." the second refused to meet his lord's gaze, finding a sudden interest to stare at a fallen leaf.
"..." the third stood stock still, though his cheeks seemed to be flushed despite the perfectly fine weather.
"…" the rest—
"I… think I will go back to the frontline." Sensing the awkward air, Lelouch stiffly started to turn in the opposite direction. "I'm sure my allies are searching for me-"
"Wait, no!" Real-Deal Nobunaga shouted, depressed that he was a silhouette and couldn't actually walk without assistance. "We can try fishing or…erm… we can burn the temple of religious fanatics! Just… please wait!"
Lelouch remembered his time hunting the Geass Order and had to admit, the last part sounded kind of tempting. However, he needed to return before all of his Nobus did something stupid and dangerous. Or before this one did.
But he was already too late.
BOOM WOOOSH
Before Lelouch could take another step forward, the loud explosion that was followed by a barrage of fire covered the area around him. Not a mere moment had passed before Ruler found himself surrounded by fires that appeared out of nowhere. But he wasn't alone. Maou Nobunaga had entered the fray, carrying him bridal style as she winked at him coquettishly. The rest of the Nobu variants had formed a wall between himself and Real-Deal Nobunaga.
"Lulu, did that creep touch you anywhere?"
"Hey, bro if you need horse riding lessons, I'm more than happy to—"
"NOBBU! NOBBU!"
"Hey, not cool, big one! I want to carry Lelouch too. You already spent the entire war with him. let me enjoy this with him as close as possible." Archer tried to take away Lelouch who just laid in Maou Nobu's arms. But confused as he was, the commander of the Nobu army remained silent as his harem variants of one historical figure protected him like some sort of princess from the evil bastard.
"Not so fast, you cheap copies! I'm the real Nobunaga and therefore I'm taking this young, handsome boy as my tribute!"
"Not on my watch, you faker!"
"Yeah! Besides, who the hell are you even?!"
"I'm the Real-Deal Nobunaga!"
"Yeah, sure! Sounds just as fake as that giant turd with the big eye! You don't even have eyes for us to see!"
"NOBBU NOBBU!" BOOM
"O-oy! What are you doing shooting at me?! Shoot that bastard, you annoying shit!"
"Nah, screw you, I'm taking my darling home instead~~~!"
"Don't you dare! Big bro and I promised to go out hunting—!"
"NOBBU!"
"Oh sure, big one! You can have your turn. But only after I've had my alone time with him first!"
"We'll see about that!"
"DON'T IGNORE ME, YOU WENCHES! Keh! Screw this, I'm going to take that boy back if it's the last thing I do!"
""OVER MY DEAD BODY"" "NOBBU!"
As soon as the rescue mission fell apart, the mission to conquer the region had turned into a free-for-all battle royale as every Nobu variant, original or otherwise, started a shootout amongst themselves. It was obvious what or who was the prize, not that the man himself cared to argue in the midst of a battlefield.
All was fair in love and war. The saying applied no matter who, or what, wanted in so long as it was out of love… or desire.
In any case, Lelouch had to suppress his earnest wish for whatever deity Chaldea had, or the Foreigner God itself. That being there was to be no more Nobus around if this was to be his hell for eternity.
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What can I say? Nobbus love their Lelouch. Every Nobbu