Day-25
...
Two days had passed since Mary joined our party, and, well... things hadn't been going very well.
Sitting on a chair inside the tavern, I quietly sipped my drink.
Watching Ranta suddenly lose his temper.
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
Ranta slammed his glass onto the table, the impact echoing loudly through the room.
"Ranta..." Mogzo muttered. "You're going to break it."
"Shut up! I didn't slam it that hard!" Ranta shouted. "What about you, huh?! Doesn't she get on your nerves?!"
Even though he never mentioned her name, somehow I already knew who he was talking about.
There was no need to say it.
It was obviously Mary.
That girl...
Well, she was a little annoying.
Even to me.
"Haaahhh..."
Letting out a sigh, I continued listening to Ranta.
"Just admit it! She gets on your nerves too!" Ranta kept yelling. "What's with that attitude of hers?! It's been two whole days since she joined us, and she hasn't even tried to get along with anyone! Haruhiro!"
"What?" Haruhiro replied.
Things within our party had become increasingly awkward lately.
Maybe it was because we invited Mary without even telling Yume and Shihoru.
And thinking about it again...
It seemed like we were the ones who still hadn't truly accepted Mary into our party.
Maybe...
Just maybe...
If we could accept her completely, everything would become better.
It was probably nothing more than the naive hope of someone who had already decided to stop hoping.
But...
I truly wanted this party to become what it used to be.
Back when Manato was still with us.
"You think the same thing I do, don't you?! Stop lying! Hey! I'm talking to you! Tell me what you really think!"
Looks like this was going to become another one of their usual arguments.
"I've already said it several times." Haruhiro took a sip of his drink. "I'm trying to accept all of this without complaining. But I don't agree with you."
"Stop talking in circles! You're only defending her because she's kinda pretty!"
"It has nothing to do with that."
"You're way too soft on her! You're soft on every girl! Way too soft!"
"I'm not doing it on purpose. But admit it. You can't stand up to her either. You're brave enough to insult her when she's not here, but you can't say a single word when she's standing right in front of you."
"How am I supposed to do that?!" Ranta threw himself onto the table, burying his face in his arms. "She's terrifying! Those eyes, that voice... DAMN IT, she's terrifying! It makes me want to cry!... Is it okay if I cry?"
"Don't cry, Ranta..." Mogzo gently patted his shoulder.
"Quit it!" Ranta slapped Mogzo's hand away. "Don't try to comfort a man! A real man doesn't want to be comforted! This is just too pathetic! I'm a real man! A true man! I... am..."
Watching him, I could only shake my head and let out another sigh.
"Just leave him alone, Mogzo. He's always like this. He'll calm down on his own."
I stood up from my chair.
Haruhiro, who was sitting beside me, suddenly called out.
"Sirus, where are you going?"
Showing a faint smile, I answered.
"I'm just going out for a walk."
"Oh... I see."
"Well then, I'll be going."
I waved at everyone before walking away.
Passing through the tavern door, I stepped outside.
Night had already fallen.
A crimson crescent moon hung above the city, adding to the scenery of the evening.
As I walked, I looked up.
Countless stars filled the sky.
It was beautiful.
Silence.
Loneliness.
Darkness.
Those were the only things I could feel as I walked.
Very few people passed by.
Hardly any voices could be heard.
There were only a handful of lights.
It had been a long time since I felt alone like this.
Being able to join them...
It really was a blessing.
Even if things weren't going so well right now.
I told them I wanted to go for a walk.
But in truth...
I simply wanted to be alone.
These difficult days had left me utterly exhausted.
Constantly thinking about the future.
Trying not to repeat the same mistake as before.
"...Manato."
The grief hadn't completely faded away.
Everyone probably felt the same.
Even so...
Lately, I couldn't help but feel a little isolated.
How does it feel? How does it feel?
It Feels—
—Like a complete unknown.
There were countless questions inside my mind.
Yet none of them would ever be answered.
Eventually...
The wind would simply carry them all away.
The happiness I once felt...
Was beginning to fade.
The sorrow of that day...
Was fading as well.
Little by little...
All of my feelings were disappearing.
And someday...
I would forget them.
I didn't even know what I was truly thinking anymore.
Honestly...
I had no idea.
DAMN IT!
DAMN IT!
Ah...
I was sick of myself.
My footsteps came to a halt.
Lowering my gaze to the ground.
"I feel empty..."
...
Lately, I've been feeling so exhausted—which is why I haven't been able to write well—and when I force myself to do it, this is what comes out. It feels completely devoid of motivation. I really can't explain it; it's like something truly unknown.