Chapter 78: (Future Timeline) Magical Girl Bocchi
"Absolutely pathetic!"
Kerberos threw the last cookie into its mouth, looking at its useless young master with an expression of bitter disappointment.
"Look, you're that man's daughter at least. Can't you pull yourself together?"
"Besides, what's this Komichi Kazue? She's just an ordinary person who sings nicely, that's all."
"You're a magician. With just a flick of your finger, the entire world would bow at your feet."
"No! Absolutely not!"
Bocchi-chan shook her head like a rattle drum, that ahoge hair on her head wildly swinging like a radar antenna.
"That whole fighting-and-killing world-domination stuff is too exhausting!"
"And... and being a magical girl is the worst!"
She hugged the guitar case and crouched down, burying her face in her knees, releasing a defeated whimper.
"It's dirty and exhausting, and I have to fight those weirdly-shaped Kazama Cards... Last time when subduing The Jump card, I almost got dragged off Tokyo Tower by that thing! This kind of high-risk occupation isn't something humans should be doing!"
"What I want... is just to be a cyber content creator hiding in closets playing guitar and giggling at positive comments online! Why do I have to bear this heavy destiny?!"
"And besides, saving the world and all that... why not make my sister do it?!"
"Which sister?"
"You know... the one... with heterochromia..."
"Oh, that sister of yours? Give me a break."
Kerberos rolled its eyes like it had heard the world's funniest joke.
"She got completely led astray by your other mom. Besides striking poses and shouting embarrassing catchphrases, her combat ability is probably only 0.5 geese."
"She's always going on about being the strongest in dimensions, but when she first encountered me—a talking creature—she could only hide in Kazama's arms trembling. Completely unreliable."
"So even though she talks big, if you actually put her on the battlefield, she'd just be atmosphere personnel."
At this point, Kerberos sighed and flew to the top of Bocchi-chan's head, those soft paws unceremoniously tapping her skull.
"Besides, whose fault is this anyway?"
"If a certain someone hadn't been so mischievous as a child, hadn't gotten handsy, hadn't snuck into your dad's study and opened that carefully sealed book like it was a picture book... would those cards have escaped?"
"Your father worked his entire life collecting those cards, and you—you little troublemaker—released them all in one night! He didn't break your legs—that's already fatherly love like a mountain. Now he's making you responsible for collecting them back, and you still have the nerve to complain?"
"So this is completely your own doing! You even dragged this great me into it, so now I have to work overtime with you."
Speaking of this, Kerberos's resentment nearly broke through the heavens.
Back in the day, following its master meant eating well and living large, with nothing to do but watch the guy scam people for entertainment.
The good times hadn't even lasted long enough before this second-generation master created this disaster.
"Uuu..."
Bocchi-chan had her painful spot poked, releasing a guilty whimper.
That was the greatest dark history of her life, and also the malevolent source of her current miserable existence.
Reportedly, that day when a certain someone walked into the study and saw cards flying everywhere in the room along with his daughter sitting on the floor giggling stupidly, the expression on his face was spectacular enough to make into meme material.
"Waaah... I know I was wrong..."
Bocchi-chan hugged her guitar while crouching on the ground, her entire being melting into a puddle of pink liquid.
"And besides, it was an accident... I just wanted to see what was inside that picture-book-like book..."
"Since you lost them, you have to collect them back!"
Kerberos vigorously yanked on her ahoge, trying to pull this puddle of liquid upright.
"Now look what's happened—you've pushed all this work onto me while you just mess around with your band all day. So get up and work!"
"Hurry up and crush that Komichi Kazue girl (musically speaking), then check if there are any Kazama Card reactions at the venue. If you dare run away again, I'll take all your treasured guitar picks and give them to Sakura (their dog) to chew on!"
"Nooo—!!"
Bocchi-chan released a scream of anguish.
Just as one person and one beast were engaged in their daily bickering...
"RUMBLE—!!"
The night sky originally illuminated by neon lights suddenly darkened without warning.
All the starlight, all the moonlight—in that instant, everything was completely devoured.
Immediately after, an enormous purple-black vortex tore open from nothing in the center of that pitch-black sky.
Then an object wrapped in golden light plummeted like a meteor, slamming viciously into a wasteland on the outskirts of Kamimizu City.
The tremor in the earth even transmitted all the way here, making the vending machines on the roadside shake twice.
"Wh-what is th-that?!"
Bocchi-chan was so scared she immediately assumed a defensive crouch, releasing a shriek like a boiling kettle.
"This kind of magical reaction..."
Kerberos, who'd been lazy just moments ago, instantly turned serious.
"So strong... absurdly strong! This definitely isn't an ordinary magical fluctuation! Could it be one of the highest-tier Kazama Cards losing control?"
It turned its head to look at the still-trembling Bocchi-chan, its eyes sharp.
"Stop shaking! Something big has happened!"
Kerberos grabbed Bocchi-chan's collar in one swift motion.
Although it actually lacked the strength to pull her along, the momentum was impressive.
"Come with me to check it out!"
"Eh? Ehhh?!"
"Shouldn't this kind of thing be left to the police or the Self-Defense Forces?! I'm just a high school student about to participate in a Live!"
"Police my ass! Only you can handle that thing!"
Kerberos gave her absolutely no chance to escape.
"But... but I'll be late for the competition!"
"Who cares! The world's about to end and you're still worried about that competition?!"
Kerberos roared and forcibly dragged this savior straight toward the crash site.
Over ten minutes later.
Kamimizu City outskirts.
What had been a flat wasteland now had a massive crater dozens of meters in diameter blasted into it.
The surrounding trees had fallen in a radiating pattern, and the scorched earth was still emitting wisps of smoke.
"So... so big..."
Bocchi-chan looked down at that still-smoking crater below. Her entire being had practically curled into a ball.
Her mental theater instantly activated:
[Pitch-black crater depths... slimy, sticky tentacles... xenomorphs with countless teeth... facehuggers leaping at her...]
"Eek—!!"
Bocchi-chan released a strange shriek, frantically shaking her head trying to fling those horror movie images out of her brain.
"This is definitely an Alien movie set! There'll be those parasitic monsters that burst out of people's stomachs! There definitely will be!"
Her imagination had already fast-forwarded to herself being parasitized, transforming into a monster, and finally being purified by nuclear weapons in a tragic ending.
"I'm telling you, can you stop watching so many B-movies?"
Kerberos floated beside her head, rolling its eyes with exasperation.
"With that kind of magical reaction, it's either some escaped Kazama Card or some kind of magical creature."
"Go on, hit it with something brutal. Don't dawdle—if that thing runs into the city it'll be a disaster."
Bocchi-chan pointed at her own nose.
"Me... me?"