After achieving the Reverse Cursed Technique for all of ten glorious minutes, I was forced to immediately use my new intelligence for something profoundly stupid.
Damage control.
The moment Mei Mei pointed out that the doctors would notice fully healed arms where shattered bones were supposed to be, I had to act fast. So I re-injured myself—carefully this time. Torn muscles, heavy strain, surface trauma etc..etc, but no fractures. Painful enough to justify bandages, not catastrophic enough to repeat my earlier masterpiece.
Naturally, it still hurt like hell.
Now I sat on the hospital bed while Mei Mei wrapped fresh bandages around both my forearms. Since my hands were occupied by the small matter of being damaged again, she had taken over duty.
She had already agreed to bribe the doctor and a few nurses.
Money truly was the universal language.
When the next X-ray came, nobody would question why bones that had supposedly been broken no longer looked broken. Administrative incompetence was surprisingly purchasable.
As she tightened the final wrap around my right arm, Mei Mei clicked her tongue softly.
"You are one of the craziest bastards I've seen in my life till now."
I tilted my head at that. "I don't know if I've ever done anything that can be considered crazy." I meant it.
Everything I did had reasons. Bad reasons perhaps But reasons nevertheless.
Mei Mei stopped mid-motion and slowly looked up into my eyes as if confirming whether I was serious.
"Who," she asked carefully, "was the one who attempted the Reverse Cursed Technique two days after an accident that ruptured both arms and nearly put him on his deathbed?"
She resumed wrapping my left arm. "Who was the one who then injured himself again because he didn't want his family learning of his achievement?"
I gave her a pleasant smile.
"I attempted the Reverse Cursed Technique again because I was confident. Confidence and recklessness are different things. And I told you already—if my family learns about this, things become complicated in ways I dislike."
"That," she said flatly, "is what makes you crazy."
I watched her tie the final knot with her teeth and fingers, then smooth the cloth into place. "Strong disagreement."
"Of course you do."
She sat back in the chair beside the bed, crossing one leg over the other. The late afternoon light coming through the window cast long shadows across the room. For a moment, neither of us spoke.
Then Mei Mei studied me in a quieter way than before.
"Tell me, Naoya."
"Hm?"
"Don't you fear death?"
The question hung in the room longer than expected. I looked toward the ceiling.
The obvious answer should have been yes. Any sane person feared death. I had died once already—or something close enough to count. I knew the suddenness of endings. I knew how plans could vanish in a second. I knew how ambition, revenge, love, and pride, all of it, could be erased with one final moment.
And yet—
"I do," I said at last.
Mei Mei's eyes narrowed slightly.
"But not in the way you think."
I wanted to live. That's a fact. I am also afraid to die, which is also a fact. If I weren't afraid of dying, I would have no reason to put that much work into improving Maki's and Mai's affection toward me. But beyond that, there is nothing.
My father used to say life is only worth living if you have dreams. So dream big. Before my reincarnation My life was white; it was beautiful, and then it turned dark to the point I couldn't see my path, and now after my death, it's grey, and it feels like nothing.
I just want to keep on living because it was instinct. And I am too cowardly to put an end to it. So I live; nobody cares about me, and I don't care about anyone. Sometimes I wish I were somebody, but I'm too tired to be somebody.
But this is also nice; it's peaceful to live in the present, which also has some charms.
"I already know this world is full of monsters," I continued. "Curses. Sorcerers. Schemes. Future disasters I barely understand. If I sit still and play safe, death still comes. It just arrives while I'm unprepared."
A faint smile touched my lips.
She was silent for several seconds after that, then she said, "That still sounds crazy."
I laughed at her monotone reply.
"You know," she said, "people who fear meaningless death often desire meaningful life more than they admit."
"That's a false positive statement." Then I raised both wrapped arms. "Can you feed me something?"
"Why?"
"My crazy arms don't work, and my servant won't come any time soon."
Mei Mei sighed dramatically. "This contract keeps expanding beyond agreed terms."
~~~
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