'Not all luck is good.'
In retrospect, I probably should've put more consideration into that last line of [Fortune Lover's] before I boosted it.
"What the hell is going on…?" Spoiler groaned as I slowly lowered her to the floor, with the hero named… Orphan, I think, already moving to check on her.
The four of us had ducked into a side room somewhere in the facility after our mad dash through the halls. We were deeper in the damn place now, mostly because the Amazon and whatever the fuck that giant thing was seemed to be going after anyone who tried to leave the building first.
Lucky me, heh.
I snorted.
"Do you have something to say, villain?" Robin asked coldly.
Ah. Whoops.
Crime boss trapped in a room with three superheroes. Right.
I raised both hands. "No, no, I'm not laughing at you guys. It's more that this situation is just…"
Robin didn't look amused. In fact, he looked like he was about three seconds away from trying to punch my teeth out.
"And what do you know about this situation, criminal?" the boy growled.
Man, the kid was prickly. Understandably so, considering the whole monster-filled death facility situation, but still. Little dude looked like he wanted to kill me. Why did my first time seeing Robin in person have to be the small, angry one?
I kind of wanted to say that to his face, just to see how he'd react.
All of our heads snapped toward the door as bestial roars and crashing sounds echoed somewhere in the distance, followed by what I was pretty sure was the occasional scream of someone getting mauled.
Right…
Not the time.
"Okay, so, it's a lot, but… From what I can tell, the weird snake thing is an Amazo." I saw all three of them twitch at the name. "There are also, like, a dozen supervillains here for some reason, though I've got no idea why. Probably stealing some shit."
Orphan looked up from Spoiler. "Do you know what that thing was? The one that crashed into the facility?"
"Nope. That's new to me, too." I kept my mouth shut about the fact that it was probably my luck that had something to do with it.
Robin scoffed, still glaring. "You failed to mention why you are here."
"Oh, you know. Just going out for the night, and things happened."
The boy visibly twitched before Orphan placed a hand on his shoulder. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, having some kind of silent standoff. Or maybe they were talking with their eyes.
Who was I to question the mysterious ways of the Bat kids?
The silence stretched just long enough to get awkward.
"Ah, yeah. Also, sorry about this, but those League of Shadows freaks were probably after me." I chipped in with what I hoped was a helpful tone. "Lady Shiva has some weird fetish for me, I think. Honestly, we should call them the League of Freaks instead, right?"
Robin and Orphan both turned to stare at me in complete bafflement.
Spoiler broke into a weak fit of giggles.
At least one of them had a sense of humor.
—
Cassandra hadn't been heroing for that long, but she liked to think she was at least somewhat experienced.
This, though?
Maybe this was what Bruce meant when he said things could get really crazy.
Damian was scowling as they followed the so-called plan. Stephanie could barely walk with her injured leg, and dealing with a crazed Amazo was already beyond them. Add in a squad of supervillains and whatever else was currently tearing through the facility, and this was no longer something they could handle by themselves.
No matter how much that irritated her pride, Cassandra would not let the other two die for it.
They needed the League. Or, at the very least, someone big enough to stop whatever the hell was happening.
"I know this is kind of too late," Stephanie said as she floated beside them, carried by the mini-angel, "but are we sure about this…?"
"No," Cassandra said.
Because the whole thing was insane. That was not even getting into the fact that her mother apparently wanted to sleep with some guy nearly Cassandra's age.
She would unpack that later.
For now, they moved carefully through the halls, following the angel as part of Jean's "plan."
Which essentially meant Jean Valjean serving himself up as bait while the rest of them trailed behind at a safer distance. Cassandra couldn't really fault him for the simplicity of it, but the situation itself was still ridiculous.
They passed the occasional Shadow corpse, each one ripped apart and left in pieces across the floor. It was not anything Cassandra hadn't seen before, and Damian looked fine, but Stephanie's face had gone slightly pale.
"Don't look," Cassandra whispered. "We're almost out."
The angel leading the way paused at the next hallway corner.
Cassandra felt the slightest flicker of worry for Jean Valjean. He had thrown himself out there for them, whatever else he was.
She peeked around the corner.
Then froze.
For a long moment, she had no idea what she was looking at.
Jean Valjean was riding a golden snake.
"GOONION! GOONION! GOONION!" The man whooped in delight as he shot a gun at the monster.
The giant serpent slammed into a monster-shaped figure half-buried in a crater, golden metal coiling and twisting as Jean Valjean clung to its back like some kind of insane cowboy.
Did he tame the Amazo?
How?
Why?
Her jaw dropped as he rode it around the battlefield, one hand gripping the machine's armor while the other pointed forward like he was leading a cavalry charge.
That was already ridiculous enough.
But Captain Cold was braced near the front of the golden serpent's back, one hand gripping a jagged piece of armor while the other fired controlled bursts of ice into the suited monster's path.
Captain Boomerang kept launching boomerangs from behind them while shouting at the top of his lungs.
"GOOOOOONION ALL THE WAY, MATE!"
The worst part was that, somehow, the chaos was working.
The Amazo twisted, Captain Cold fired, Boomerang threw, and Jean shouted something about workers' compensation while steering a rogue murder machine like a rodeo bull. It was the most disorganized, deranged combat Cassandra had ever seen.
And they were winning.
It was such an absurd sight that Cassandra's brain needed a second to accept it as real.
A shadow shifted near the edge of the battlefield.
Lady Shiva emerged from it, battered and bruised but still moving with terrifying precision. Her sword was already angled for the perfect strike as she leaped, her timing so clean Cassandra felt her body react before her mind could catch up.
A warning almost left her throat.
Before it could, Jean Valjean's robot steed suddenly twisted hard to the side.
Captain Cold's next shot went wide.
The blast caught Lady Shiva in the crossfire before she could fully enter the fight.
Her mother's eyes widened.
Then she went sliding across the floor in a block of ice, carried straight out of the battlefield with all the dignity of a dropped tray.
Cassandra pressed her lips together.
Focus.
She couldn't cackle at her mother's complete failure.
Even if she really, really wanted to.
"Come on," Cassandra said, motioning for the others to follow as the fight continued to rage behind them.
Even as they moved, she could not quite suppress the small, shameful sliver of glee in her chest.
Damian stepped up beside her, took one look at the ongoing madness, and sighed.
"Perhaps… I'll stay with the Titans for a weekend," he said. "I think I have had enough of Gotham."
Cassandra glanced back at Jean Valjean, still riding the golden Amazo while Captain Boomerang screamed something about union benefits.
She couldn't help but agree.
***
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