Lex did his best to keep his expression neutral.
How had it come to this?
They were seated in one of Wayne's private offices, where Jean Valjean was animatedly conversing with Bruce Wayne without a care in the world. The blundering lowlife seemed completely oblivious to the faint signs of discomfort Wayne displayed as he politely responded.
Lex silently elevated his opinion of Bruce Wayne by a level. Keeping this madman distracted was a feat worthy of some respect, even for a bumbling fool like him.
Still… how long were they going to keep talking?
He felt as though his ears were going to fall off as Jean Valjean continued blabbing on and on. The entire conversation was taking place between the two of them, with Lex seemingly treated as nothing more than an afterthought.
Lex Luthor, the smartest man alive.
Nothing but an afterthought.
His nails dug into his palm at the sheer gall of it. This jumped-up criminal needed to be taught his proper place.
Lex opened his mouth to end this farce once and for all.
"Oh!" Jean Valjean suddenly perked up and pulled a bottle out of thin air. "I just made this, and I was hoping you could try it." He pulled the cork free. "It's a new perfume I've been working on."
The words died on Lex's lips as memories of that smell came rushing back.
Hours upon hours of pure hell.
It had lodged itself in the back of his nose, filled his throat, and somehow even seemed to coat his tongue! Shower after shower had done nothing! He had used enough industrial cleaning chemicals to practically drown himself, yet the stench had still refused to leave him for almost a full day!
A thin bead of sweat rolled down Lex's back as he sat perfectly still. His pulse thundered in his ears, drowning out whatever drivel Jean Valjean was spouting about the potion.
Of course, after the… incident, Lex had conducted a thorough investigation into their supposed foe. The nauseating substance responsible for his suffering had no doubt originated from one of these so-called "potions" Valjean produced.
Which meant he almost certainly possessed more of them.
Yes… remaining silent was clearly the correct decision. In retrospect, perhaps it was even a blessing that the madman was so thoroughly entertained by Wayne.
Jean Valjean had somehow triumphed over Klarion. While there was no challenge that Lex Luthor—the smartest man in the world—could not overcome…
Lex suppressed a shiver as another bottle appeared in Valjean's hand.
As Sun Tzu had once said, a wise man knew when to retreat. There was no shame in withdrawing from an unnecessary confrontation, especially when no man alive was wiser than Lex Luthor.
Quietly, he pushed his chair back.
Jean Valjean appeared to have no interest in him whatsoever. The lunatic was now juggling several potions for some inane reason while Wayne watched with a strained smile.
Lex's spirits rose as he slowly made his way toward the door.
He glanced back and allowed himself a faint smirk. Wayne would be trapped with this madman while Lex escaped unscathed.
For a brief moment, the two CEOs' eyes met.
Something flickered across Wayne's expression.
Then he clapped his hands.
"Where are my manners?" Wayne wore a broad smile as he gestured between them. "I completely forgot to introduce you two!"
Lex froze.
"You two haven't met yet, have you, Lex?" Wayne began guiding him toward the madman. "This is my good friend, Jean Valjean!"
"I've been wanting to meet you!" Jean Valjean beamed as he offered his hand.
Memories of that vile stench flashed through Lex's mind, but he forced himself to remain composed.
"Yes…" Lex plastered on his finest business smile before accepting the offered hand. "Likewise. I've heard many things about you."
Damn you, Wayne!
—
Man, Bruce really was a swell guy. I'd gotten completely sidetracked bragging about my new potions, but he hadn't seemed to mind in the slightest.
He'd even been kind enough to introduce me to someone who might be able to help me out. Well… honestly, that was probably just my luck screwing with the timing again, but whatever. Bruce Wayne would always be the best billionaire in my book.
Compared to him, Lex Luthor was like the shitty knockoff.
You ever meet someone you can immediately tell is an asshole? They don't necessarily say or do anything openly rude, but there's just something about them that gives it away.
Yeah, that was Lex Luthor.
From the moment I sat down, I could practically see the contempt radiating from his eyes. Not exactly surprising coming from the guy who hated Superman. I had my own squabbles with the big guy, but that didn't mean I wanted to murder him.
I bet the dude had a serious inferiority complex, which only further proved why Bruce Wayne was the fucking best.
Fortunately, Lex seemed professional enough to remain polite. This was Bruce's place, so I wasn't going to disrespect him by starting trouble.
"So, that's what I can do with my new series of potions," I finished. "Healing, material production, dining, and plenty more."
I waved toward the collection of bottles lined up in front of Lex.
"I see…" Lex said.
The room fell silent.
Was this some kind of power move? I stared at him, confused. Huh. He was sweating a lot.
Did Lex have some kind of health condition?
"You should try one, Lex," Bruce chimed in, smirking as he leaned back in his chair. "They truly do work wonders."
"I'll have to decline drinking an untested drug." Lex shot Bruce a scathing look. "I have several appointments for which I'm already woefully late."
"Okay, well… call me if you're interested, I guess?" I pulled out a card and moved to hand it over, but Lex quickly raised a hand to stop me.
"That won't be necessary. My assistant will contact you if I decide the deal is worth pursuing."
He pushed back his chair and rose to his feet.
"Nice meeting you, then." I held out my hand.
Lex turned away without a response.
…Dick.
I shook my head. Whatever, I guess this was a dead end—
"LUTHOR!"
A deafening crash tore through the room as the window shattered. A silver robot with a glowing green crystal in its chest hurtled inside before any of us could react.
One of its arms transformed into a cannon.
A beam of energy blasted toward Lex.
It struck him squarely in the chest, only to be stopped by a blue force field that suddenly flared around his body. The impact still hurled him backward and slammed him into the wall.
Gary and Stu appeared at my command and tackled the random supervillain straight back through the broken window.
"Bruce, you need to—"
Huh?
I looked around the office. Bruce was gone.
Did he go out to get help?
Smart man.
A groan caught my attention, and I turned toward Lex. His body looked surprisingly intact for someone who had just been blasted by a laser cannon, though he appeared to be unconscious. I couldn't see any obvious injuries, but as much of a dick as he was, Lex Luthor dying inside Wayne Tower would probably cause Bruce a few problems.
A potion floated into my hand.
I blinked as Simmy suddenly appeared beside me, a few cameras hovering around her. I raised an eyebrow at her but decided not to question it. I quickly uncorked the bottle.
Just as I moved to pour it into Lex's mouth, his eyes snapped open.
"NOOOO!" He jerked away in a panic. "NOT AGAIN! NEVER!"
"Dude, dude, just relax!" I said. "It's just a health pot–"
My voice trailed off as I almost couldn't believe the sight in front of me.
"Never again…" Lex muttered angrily. He took a deep breath and shook his head before glaring at me, only to frown when he noticed where I was staring. "What?"
I merely pointed down.
Lex followed my finger with an irritated glare, only for the color to drain from his face when he looked at his pants. The large wet spot made what had happened painfully obvious.
"Is everyone all right?!"
A red-and-blue blur flew through the broken window. Superman came to a sudden stop inside the office and quickly scanned the room.
"What happened—" His voice petered out.
For one long moment, Superman and Lex Luthor simply stared at each other.
Superman's gaze slowly drifted downward.
An excruciating silence stretched between them as neither seemed to know what to say.
Lex bolted without saying a word.
Unfortunately, one of my potions must have rolled across the floor during the attack.
I watched with morbid fascination as Lex planted his shoe directly on the bottle. His foot shot out from under him, sending him flipping backward before he crashed onto the floor with his legs folded over his head.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, his belt snapped.
With his legs still folded over his head, Lex's stained pants slid down and flopped directly across his face.
"Luthor…" Superman's voice trembled with barely suppressed laughter. "Do you need help?"
Superman was a good man.
I was not.
"LEX LUTHOR! THE MAN OF PEE!" I cackled.
***
Comments and Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Likes are like a drug to me and boost my creative juices.
I have advanced chapters on Pa tre on/daisyberry if you wanna read ahead.