[Feat Achieved! Critical Hit: Cardiac Arrest]
[+1 Silver Gacha Ticket]
I couldn't help but snort as I watched Lex Luthor get carried away on a stretcher.
Dude must've been stressed as hell if that was enough to give him a goddamn heart attack.
Almost made me feel bad for him.
Almost.
Bad enough that Lex Luthor was a corporate asshole who hated perhaps one of the nicest people in the world. Nooo, he had to be part of a shady fucking Illuminati too. Honestly, you couldn't get much more stereotypically evil than that.
"My apologies for the… incident." Vandal gave a slight nod. "I can assure you such a thing will not happen again."
"You better." I sniffed haughtily. "To disrespect me is to disrespect Lord Darkseid. I trust you're not such a tremendous fool."
Vandal's lips thinned for a brief moment before he simply nodded. "Of course."
Damn, not as pissed off as I'd hoped.
Guess it would've been too much to ask for two heart attacks in a single meeting. Even with my luck, that would've been a stretch.
Although… that would've been absolutely fucking hilarious.
"Due to Lex's unfortunate accident, it seems I must table my previous proposal for another time." Vandal clasped his hands together. "Let us discuss what Lord Darkseid requires of the Light."
I simply hummed as I drummed my fingers against the table.
Fuck if I knew.
A weird red box showed up on my doorstep this morning, and then a Boom Tube seemingly brought me here. Apparently, Darkseid didn't believe in onboarding his new employees. I didn't know if I should be more flattered or pissed that he'd just thrown this at me and expected me to figure out what he wanted.
It wasn't all bad, though. Finding out a group of villains had a secret club was a nice bonus. I was pretty sure the Justice League would be very interested in hearing about that.
Still… that didn't really help me figure out what the fuck to do.
Vandal Savage squinted at me as the silence stretched to an awkward length. He opened his mouth to say something.
I quickly ramped Terrifying Presence up.
Vandal's teeth clicked shut, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at me.
The room fell into a tense silence as Vandal regarded me with a grave expression.
Frankly, Darkseid hadn't given me any instructions, so…
You know what? I'll do what I want.
[Rolling Silver Gacha Ticket]
[Investiggator]
|Uncommon Familiar|
No no, you read that right. This reptile is a master of Detective and Investigation work, possessing the skills of Expert Spycraft, Expert Stealth, Expert Interfacing, and Expert Savoir Faire, but is otherwise a regular Alligator.
Oh… oh, that gave me some ideas!
"Lord Darkseid is disappointed in your recent actions." I waved a hand grandly as I spewed bullshit. "Your projects have failed and sputtered without the proper hand to oversee them."
"My project has not failed," Vandal said. "The—"
"Excuses!" I slammed my fist into the table. "How do you expect Lord Darkseid to tolerate such petty failures?"
"If not for your interference," Vandal leaned forward, "Klarion would've completed the Starro tech."
Starro tech?
Hmm. Never heard about that, but I made a mental note of it.
"Per our agreement, Klarion must be returned to me." Vandal scowled. "It would be remiss… for either of our interests to suffer over this."
I simply leaned back in my chair and stroked my chin menacingly, like I imagined crazy villains did.
Let that psycho loose…?
Never!
I was gonna make sure he stayed stuck in that form for as long as I possibly could. Yet… this seemed like a pretty big sticking point. I could just ignore it, but if the Light made a fuss to Apokolips and I fucked up the agreement, my job could go kaput.
Agreement.
I blinked as the realization hit me.
I'd kind of inferred the context already, but it seemed like the Light and Apokolips had some sort of… non-aggression or trade pact?
Which was all well and good, of course, but one side was an evil alien warlord and the other was a bunch of villains.
What kind of villain kept to an agreement in good faith?
"Ha!" I propped my chin on my hands as I stared at Vandal with as much contempt as I could muster. "Do you think me blind? Your pitiful schemes are open for all to see."
Vandal looked taken aback. "What?"
"Do not pretend." I sneered, even though internally I was wondering if I'd just fucked up. "Let us not treat each other like fools."
"I have kept to our agreement." Vandal scowled. "This is baseless slander!"
"Not willing to confess?" I sniffed as I stood, the weird red box in hand. "Then I will make sure Lord Darkseid hears of this."
Seemingly getting my message, a Boom Tube opened right up.
Without turning back, I simply began to walk toward it. As I drew closer and closer to the portal, I couldn't help wondering if I'd made a mistake.
"Wait."
My foot stopped just an inch from the portal.
"What do you want?" Vandal spoke through gritted teeth.
I couldn't help but feel a surge of glee.
—
How!?
Vandal scowled as he stared at the empty seat of this… Jean Valjean. The secret missive the Light had sent to both New Genesis and the Guardians had been protected by the highest levels of secrecy. Multiple redundancies involving magic, technology, and metahuman powers had been used to ensure nothing could be traced back to the Light.
Even with their agreement reaffirmed, weakening Darkseid was always in their interest, so they had not rescinded it. Vandal was not foolish enough to believe their agreement was anything more than another tool for Apokolips' eventual conquest.
Because, of course, he viewed it the same way.
Still, Earth was not yet ready to stand on the galactic stage. Apokoliptian backing was necessary to ensure the success of the next steps of his plan.
Even if that meant meeting these demands.
"Father, you called for me?"
His daughter Cassandra entered the room and gave him a slight bow.
"I did." Vandal released a slow breath, forcing down his anger. "Apokolips demands much in exchange for overlooking our treachery. For the sake of my plan, the Light must accede to these demands, no matter how overbearing."
"How may I be of service, Father?"
"The first demand is of little difficulty. Retrieve some of the half-completed Amazo schematics we have collected and pass them on to this Jean Valjean." Vandal frowned. The thought of Apokolips getting its hands on the seemingly miraculous android was unacceptable. "The second request, however, must be undermined as much as possible. Professor Ivo is currently on the run, but he cannot be allowed to fall into Apokolips' hands. If the worst comes to pass, arrange his death."
"Of course." Cassandra bowed her head. "Your will shall be done."
"If only it were so easy, daughter." Vandal shook his head. "The final request is perhaps the most vexing. A liaison…" He said the word with obvious distaste. "…will arrive to ensure the Light's efforts and those of Apokolips remain aligned. Your final duty is to meet with them and ensure they do not hinder my plans."
"I understand, Father."
"Good." Vandal turned, his eyes drifting toward the clock. "Keep your wits about you, Cassandra. This Jean Valjean is a dangerous man."
Cassandra simply gave a solemn nod at his warning.
The appointed time arrived, and a Boom Tube opened.
No matter what manner of man Jean Valjean sent, Vandal was confident in his daughter's skill and acumen. He had trained her himself, after all.
A shadow began to emerge from the Boom Tube.
"Greetings—"
Vandal's words died in his throat.
An alligator stood upright before them, dressed in a dark trench coat and fedora, looking for all the world like some detective dragged straight out of a noir film.
The Boom Tube snapped shut behind it.
…it was not even some humanoid alligator. Aside from its clothing and the deeply unnatural sight of it standing on two legs, it appeared to be an entirely ordinary reptile.
Vandal was so taken aback that he failed to react as the alligator reached into its coat and somehow produced both a notepad and a rose.
Written across the notepad were two simple words.
My lady.
The alligator tipped its fedora toward Cassandra.
Cassandra coughed awkwardly as she accepted the flower, a blush on her face. "T-thank you?"
Vandal simply stared.
…Dear God.
Was his daughter a furry?
***
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