Selen had never seen someone cry this much. As they sat there with their hands clasped together in that endless white space, she understood that on that day it wasn't only a finger that had been taken from Erica, but rather her entire humanity. It was probably that day that she truly realized how much people saw her as a monster.
"I almost died, you know. With my fragile health, the wound refused to heal. My recovery took months, and every second of that agony felt like an eternity. Then the day came when I had healed enough to be put up for auction."
Selen saw Erica sitting in a crowded salon full of men and women, dressed in white.
"In a brothel, when a woman is put up for sale, she is placed in the center of the main salon and all the men — sometimes even women who are regular clients — place their bids over the course of a week. The first client is important because everyone wants to be the first. A flower is beautiful only when no one has plucked it yet, isn't that right?"
"Who do you think won the auction?"
She asked this while looking at the Erica from the memory. The question clearly wasn't meant for Selen.
"The day the winner was announced at the end of the week, I was completely ignorant of the result. I was sitting there like a resigned wax statue. I told myself that it didn't matter who bought me since I had no say in it anyway. The only man who had ever shown me what love was had only played with my feelings. Nothing could be worse than that… and yet…"
Selen saw a woman running toward Erica, who was sitting in the salon, and trying to strangle her. Her face was twisted with hatred, and if she hadn't been restrained she probably would have finished the job.
"I didn't know… I knew nothing…"
A sob escaped her as she tried to hold back her tears. Selen tightened her grip on their joined hands, a lump forming in her throat.
"The man who had bought me was that woman's most regular and generous client. Th… That woman was my mother. I didn't understand it at first, but to think that the first time she paid attention to me after all those years was because I was ruining her life for the second time. The client was going to abandon her for me because, according to him, if the mother suited his taste, the daughter would suit him even more."
Selen saw Erica sitting in a room bathed in a strange red light.
"It was the fateful evening. It was time for me to start paying the bill, they told me. As the man, whom I had only seen from afar and who might have been three times my age, sat in front of me, my mother burst into the room. She was quieter this time."
Selen saw Erica's mother stab the man as he was climbing onto the bed to join her. The man collapsed onto Erica, whose eyes widened in horror at what she was experiencing. Her mother tried several times to stab her as well, but Erica used the man's body to shield herself from the knife strikes. She managed to slip down from the bed. Her mother grabbed her by the hair and tried to stab her again, but Erica was faster and pushed her with all her strength. As she fell, she struck the bed frame, and Selen immediately understood that the impact had killed her instantly.
"I didn't want to… I just wanted to live. I should have let her kill me that night, but I was so afraid. Was it selfish of me to want to prolong this miserable life of mine?"
Selen wanted to tell her that it had only been an accident and that she had simply been defending herself, but she felt that Erica already knew that. What Erica reproached herself for wasn't her mother's death, but her own survival.
"Despite everything, I quickly understood that I had to run away," Erica continued. "I emptied the client's pockets and fled that night. I wasn't surprised that a few days later wanted posters were pasted everywhere. What surprised me was the content. I couldn't read, but when you wander around the streets long enough you hear things. They were searching for a woman who had killed her own mother and her client with a knife in a famous brothel of the capital. And of course, the client was a baron."
Selen knew that even in the current empire, killing a noble was punishable by death.
"No matter how well I hid, they eventually caught me. It wasn't even the guards who arrested me, but rather some thugs from the filthy neighborhood where I was hiding who handed me over to the guards to collect the reward."
Selen saw a crowd gathered in a square. They all seemed to be shouting the same thing: "Kill the murderer." She saw Erica being dragged by two guards toward the scaffold. In those days it wasn't hanging but death by decapitation at the hands of the executioner. The crowd shouted and threw stones and, for some, even garbage. Erica was positioned, and just as the executioner raised his axe, ready to strike, a light that Selen knew well appeared.
"A miracle… I thought it was a miracle. I had never felt anything like it in my entire life. The warmth and strength that radiated through me at that moment were incomparable. The execution was stopped immediately, and I was taken to the temple. The High Priest himself recognized me as the new Saint."
Selen saw images that were far too familiar to her. Erica healing the needy, delivering vows with the High Priest, parading with the priests in the capital to celebrate the arrival of a new Saint.
"Everyone seemed to have forgotten that I was a criminal condemned to death just days earlier. I felt as though I had been washed clean of all my sins, as if God had chosen me — me, the monster who had lived that miserable life in that notorious brothel of the capital."
Selen then saw Erica with the High Priest bowing before the Emperor and Empress in what was clearly the audience chamber.
"The laws of the empire were clear. The Saint had to marry the current king, whether he was already married or not. However, an exception was made because of my young age. Instead of marrying the father, I would marry the young prince once we reached the legal age for marriage. The Empress was known for ruling the empire from the shadows. Many said she was the true emperor, so I suspected that this decision came from her."
A memory appeared of Erica entering the palace of the Crown Princess.
"From a beggar to a future princess — isn't that the dream of every young girl in the empire? I was loved and adored as a Saint, and on top of that I would become a princess. My life felt like paradise. I spent my mornings and afternoons with the High Priest holding mass and healing the needy, and in the evenings I learned etiquette. Yet one year later, as my official engagement to the Crown Prince approached, everything collapsed…"
A memory showed Erica accompanied by two maids walking down a castle corridor. The group suddenly stopped at the sight of a figure lying on the ground. Erica, who was leading them, stepped forward to see what it was.
"It's the princess!" one of the maids shouted.
"I didn't understand what was happening. What was the princess doing in this corridor so far from her palace? The Empress had two children: the Crown Prince and the princess, who was only ten years old. During my entire stay, I had never crossed paths with either of them, and yet the lifeless body of the princess was lying right in front of me."
The memory showed the Empress arriving from the other end of the corridor accompanied by the High Priest and several guards. Selen had already understood what was about to happen. The Empress fell to her knees before her daughter's body, playing the role of a grieving mother.
"Arrest this criminal. Saint or not, killing a member of the imperial family is unforgivable."
Selen saw despair appear on Erica's face. She fell to her knees before the High Priest.
"My Father, I did nothing. The body was already there, please believe me."
The High Priest cast her an unreadable look before addressing the maids who accompanied Erica.
"Speak, and tell only the truth. Did Saint Erica harm the princess?"
About ten seconds of silence fell over the scene before one of the maids dropped to her knees.
"We tried everything to stop her, but you know well that she is already known for being a dangerous murderer."
"No, I did nothing. My Father, you must believe me, please…"
"Silence, filthy criminal. And you call yourself a Saint. Take her away," the Empress shouted.
The memory then showed Erica chained in a dungeon. The door opened and the Empress entered with the High Priest.
"Are you sure she can't do anything?" asked the Empress.
"Yes. These shackles were created centuries ago to control Saints. There is no danger," replied the High Priest.
The Empress approached her and pulled on the chain wrapped around Erica's neck. She burst into cruel laughter that seemed to fill the entire room.
"You are finally where you belong, you vulgar criminal who dared to covet the position of Empress. Marry my son? Not even in your dreams! Just the thought of mixing my blood with that of the daughter of a lowly prostitute like you gave me nightmares."
The Empress slapped her violently.
"Fortunately for you, you will escape the death penalty for killing a member of the royal family. You are simply sentenced to remain confined in a monastery for the rest of your life to fulfill your duties as a Saint."
"Your Majesty, calm yourself," the High Priest advised when he saw her attempt to strangle Erica. "The empire still needs her."
"That's true, you're right, Father," the Empress replied, regaining her composure. "This vulgar criminal must nevertheless be exiled very far from here. I refuse to breathe the same air as this criminal for even one more day."
The memory disappeared.
"Shortly after, I was taken to this island belonging to the Empress for my exile. Most of the time I was barely conscious of my surroundings, which is why I don't even remember what happened after that meeting. I was taken to the island, and the priests used my magic to create red stones and my blood to make remedies."
Selen knew this part of the story well.
"Ironically, my health began to deteriorate over the years, and two years later I finally breathed my last. The fragile health that I hated so much had ultimately freed me from the hell into which it had thrown me."
Erica gave her a trembling smile, her eyes filled with tears.
"The question I wanted to ask you is this: do you think I was truly the victim of a curse? Do you think I could have changed anything about the destiny that was mine?"
Selen swallowed with difficulty. What should she answer? That it was Layla's fault and her curse? Yet she had seen it clearly — Erica's life had already been hell long before she became a Saint.
"I don't know. In truth, you're asking the wrong person. I… I am not a good person, Erica. Before becoming a Saint myself, I was already destined to become Empress, and every day I prayed that I would not have to share my position with a girl from the common people. In truth… I am no different from your executioners."
Her head was lowered, and Erica lifted it.
"Do you truly think you are like the Empress I knew? Would you have been capable of killing your own child to get rid of someone?"
Selen didn't know what she would have been capable of if she had become Empress without becoming a Saint. Was she a monster who had simply been devoured by monsters far stronger than herself before she had the chance to bloom?
"I can see it in your eyes. You are nothing like that evil woman. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have forced that question on you."
"I'm the one who should apologize for being unable to answer you when you took the time to tell me about your life."
Erica let out a genuine laugh. It was the first time Selen had seen her laugh, and she was beautiful.
"I told you about myself because I wanted to. Since you cannot answer my question, could you do me a favor?"
"Yes," Selen replied without hesitation.
"Could you be my friend? I've never had one, so for my final moments I would like you to be my friend."
Selen took both of her hands and intertwined them with her own. At the sight of the scar on Erica's hand, a silent tear rolled down her face despite herself.
"Alright. I've never had a real friend either, so let's be friends."