Chapter 12
Frustration boiled inside me. Today was the last day we would train and prepare. Tomorrow we would relax and restore our tired bodies, then face Riser Phenex and his peerage in the evening. The time has run out; all the training that I could have done has been done. And yet. It did not feel enough. Watching Riser's Rating Game footage, the power he was able to bring to bear – could I really match that? What if I lost? What did Issei do? I know he won, somehow, but I could not remember the specifics.
I pondered on these questions, the sinking feeling pooling in my stomach. I was not able to achieve the Balance Breaker. Ddraig said it is something intrinsic, that I would know if it happened. But I knew I was not there yet. It was unreasonable to expect otherwise; I knew that. I couldn't expect power to just drop into my lap on its own; it was something I had to train and struggle for.
In the end, it was just time, if only I had more time.
More time … what an irony.
I was coming back from the woods, having taken a short walk to calm myself.
It was not successful.
STOP IT.
The time spent alone only made me think of all the ways this could go wrong. It brought to me all the times I could have gotten stronger but didn't, for one reason or another.
I SAID STOP IT.
Ddraig's voice finally brought me out of my own thoughts.
STAND STILL.
I obeyed; the nervous part of me was even glad that there was someone to just tell me what to do, lest I be consumed by my own fears and doubts.
THE BUILDING IN FRONT OF YOU, GO TO IT.
I did as the Red Dragon commanded.
NOW PUNCH THE WALL.
I stopped, unsurety making its way into my heart. What was the point of this?
I SAID PUNCH THE WALL. GATHER YOUR STRENGTH AND PUNCH IT. DON'T USE MY POWER, JUST PUNCH IT. FOCUS ALL YOUR FRUSTRATION, ALL YOUR DOUBTS AND PUNCH IT.
The stone wall of the house was made of large stone blocks; they looked solid and hard. Ignoring a momentary hesitation at Ddraig's words, I just listened and acted as the Welsh Dragon said. I took a wider stance and looked at my fist. My hesitation only lasted a moment. I thought of what Ddraig said, and I poured all my doubts and weakness into the punch. Moving with the straight punch, my fist struck the stone.
Instead of a crack appearing on the wall as I expected, my fist buried itself into the stone, the resistance weaker than what I thought would happen. The punch went straight through the whole stone wall, coming free from the other side, my arm buried into the stone almost up to the elbow.
I withdrew my fist, looking at it with surprise. Instead of a bloody hand, the only sign was a slight red irritation on my knuckles; my skin was barely scraped.
YOU HAVE MADE PROGRESS. EACH DAY, YOU GREW STRONGER. YOUR BODY HAS NOW ADAPTED. THE BLOOD OF A TITAN, THE BODY OF A DEVIL, AND THE SOUL OF A DRAGON – ALL OF THOSE ARE NOW PART OF YOU. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
Ddraig
I AM NOT DONE.
ONE OF MY PREVIOUS WIELDERS, HER NAME WAS CLAIRE. AS WITH MOST OF MY HOSTS, SHE TOO WAS HUMAN. THE SYSTEM HE SET UP WAS MEANT TO WORK AS SUCH.
Draig's voice was booming in my mind as always, but through it all, he managed to convey his thoughts in a sombre tone.
SOME WERE STRONGER AND SOME WEAKER. MOST USERS LEARN TO LISTEN TO THE CALL OF MY SOUL WHEN THEY ARE TEENAGERS. SOME TAKE UNTIL ADULTHOOD.
CLAIRE WAS SPECIAL; SHE HEARD MY VOICE FROM WHEN SHE WAS JUST A CHILD. OUT OF ALL MY PREVIOUS USERS, HER POTENTIAL WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST.
I listened with rapt attention. Ddraig never spoke about his previous users, not directly. He would reference something they did or learnt, but he never named them, not a single time. I never thought about Ddraig's previous relationships with the people who were born with his soul inside of them, for that was what a Sacred Gear like Ddraig's was, a container for a soul, not just power.
I GREW UP WITH HER; SHE WAS FROM A WELL-OFF FAMILY BUT COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF THE SUPERNATURAL. SHE GREW UP WELL, SHE LEARNED, AND SHE WAS EDUCATED. SHE WAS MASTERING MY POWER AT AN ASTONISHING RATE.
…
SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE GREATEST.
What happened to her?
NOTHING OF HER OWN DOING, SHE JUST HAPPENED TO BE BORN WITH ME.
…
ONE OF THE PREVIOUS USERS BEFORE HER, HE DIED IN BATTLE WITH ALBION. BUT IN THEIR BATTLE, MANY INNOCENTS PERISHED.
ONE OF THEM WAS A MORTAL DAUGHTER BELONGING TO ONE OF FREYA'S SHIELDMAIDENS.
TheValkyrjur.
JUST SO. SHE TRACKED CLAIRE WHEN HER POWER BECAME TOO GREAT TO CONCEAL, AND SHE PUT A SPEAR THROUGH HER. CLAIRE WAS NOT YET SEVENTEEN, A PITTANCE OF A LIFE EVEN FOR HUMANS.
I remained silent, thinking of what Ddraig just told me.
YOU ARE MUCH LIKE SHE WAS: THE DRIVE, THE SPIRIT, THE PASSION FOR POWER.
HOWEVER, UNLIKE HER, YOU WERE BORN WITH KNOWLEDGE THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST. THAT KNOWLEDGE IS THE SAME REASON YOU ARE NOT AS POWERFUL AS YOU COULD HAVE BEEN, HAD YOU MADE USE OF MY POWER SINCE YOU FIRST HEARD MY VOICE.
YET IT IS ALSO THAT SAME KNOWLEDGE THAT PERHAPS SAVED YOU THE FATE OF CLAIRE.
REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO YOUR WOMAN, OF WHAT YOUR FATHER SPOKE.
She is not my woman.
…
YET
…
YOU ARE ALSO FORBIDDEN TO INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM IMPARTING MY WISDOM ONTO YOU. RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.
Before this conversation could completely divest itself of all seriousness, Ddraig continued.
TIME MOVES FORWARD, KAIROS, NEVER BACKWARDS. DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST; LEARN FROM IT AND FORGE A FUTURE YOU DESIRE.
Ddraig was right. The ostentatious nature of the Red Dragon aside, he was not wrong; nothing would be gained by agonising over things that already happened. Unfortunately for me, Ddraig was apparently not done imparting his elder wisdom.
ABANDON YOUR FEAR. LOOK FORWARD. MOVE FORWARD AND NEVER STOP.
…
You are not allowed to do that, partner; please never do that again.
HAHAHA, NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
I shook my head, a smile making its way to my face. Only Ddraig could follow a tragic story of a dead girl by throwing in an anime quote at me. I knew what he was doing, and it worked. The weight I felt previously, the nerves that threatened to crush me beneath all the heaped expectations, was now gone.
Thank you, partner, truly.
I HAVE GROWN FOND OF YOU. SINCE YOU TOOK THE DECISION TO BECOME A DEVIL, I SHALL HAVE TO SHARE THIS BODY WITH YOU FOR MILLENNIA MORE, UNLESS YOU GET YOURSELF KILLED.
You agreed with me at the time; you thought it was a good idea.
IDEA PERHAPS, BUT YOU NEVER SPECIFICALLY ASKED IF I WANTED TO SPEND THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE SAME HOST. YOU ARE MOST INCONSIDERATE.
…
JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
Anything I can do to make it better? Hot chocolate, perhaps?
GIVE ME BATTLES, PARTNER, TRUE ONES, AND I SHALL CONSIDER THE DEBT REPAID.
Somehow, I think it will not be a hard goal to achieve, all things considered. Yeah, I should have that front covered.
NOW GO APOLOGISE TO THE SHE-DEVIL FOR MAKING A HOLE IN HER HOUSE.
…
Ddraig's laughter accompanied me as I headed back into the house, a confident smile never leaving my own face.
/Break
Picking up a glass of water, I started to head back to my room. It was night already, our last one here. The talk I had with Ddraig just a few hours ago was still fresh in my mind. As I mulled over what the dragon told me, a sudden voice interrupted my pondering.
"Kairos, couldn't sleep?" It was Rias, standing on the stairs to the mansion's upper floor. She was dressed in a light nightdress in soft colours. I looked towards her, pausing in my step.
"Yeah, a lot of things on my mind," I told her the truth.
She came closer, a book in her hand. I recognised it as one of the older tomes from the Gremory library, the one about the Great War.
"I didn't know you needed glasses, Rias," I said, motioning with my free hand to the glasses she wore. I have never seen her wear glasses before.
"Oh, those," said Rias with a small smile. "I actually don't need them, but they make me feel more focused on reading."
No witty quip came to my mind, despite the hilarious statement by Rias. Only she would wear glasses to make herself smarter.
"You want to talk?" Rias asked.
I nodded my head, and we took a stroll outside, walking in quiet together. I thought that even with the weight I felt for the upcoming fight, Rias must have felt it much longer, and the weight must have been heavier for her.
We eventually came to a large stone gazebo overlooking a pond behind the mansion. Rias sat down on the edge of the structure, while I leaned against a pillar.
"How is the new blade treating you?" asked Rias, letting one of her legs hang in the air, leaning on a pillar behind her.
"It is amazing. I cannot deny part of my desire to learn swordsmanship had to do with thinking it looked cool," the admission came with a slight embarrassment, but I only got a smile from Rias in response.
"That is the beauty of it, when you can combine things like that with them actually being useful."
"I guess you would know something about that," I said with a smirk.
Instead of replying to my words, Rias smiled. "So? What did you name it?"
"Why do you think I have named it?" I asked with a teasing voice.
She continued swinging her leg, humming to herself. "Hmm, you can pretend all you like, but I have started to understand your hidden depths, Kairos."
"Have you now?" I said with a slight challenge in my voice.
Rias just hummed in response again, sending me a smirk. "So?"
I sighed, and I looked away from her to hide the small smile I had on my face. "…Ancalagon, that is the name I have chosen," I admitted, proud of myself for that name. I wonder if anyone will call me out on it in the future.
Her face scrunched in, though. "Is that a reference? I don't think I know that one."
"Maybe?" I said when I realised I had found something Rias was not familiar with.
"It is a reference, ha-ha. I knew it."
"Perhaps we can go over it together after Riser is defeated; it's from a book."
"… yes, when we defeat Riser," she said with a whisper. I saw in Rias the same doubt I myself have faced not long ago. I guess I wasn't the only one who felt the nerves of the upcoming battle.
I remembered the speech I got from Ddraig and how he helped me with my own troubles. I don't think it was something Rias needed right now; I think that she already heard it all in the recent days.
The time spent preparing here was fruitful. What was left was to just get it over with, fight and win. Instead of another speech, I choose a different strategy.
"Rias, you once told me about the devil traditions, how it is expected for a reward to be given to devils for good service."
Rias nodded her head. "Yes, that is how it is done most of the time."
"Then, if you would consent, after we defeat Riser, I would ask you for a kiss."
Despite how I knew Rias, a bold and daring woman, unfazed by nudity and never afraid to tease; a pink blush dusted her cheeks. Coming closer to her, I continued. "I have become greedy since you made me a devil." I smiled at her. "Besides, dragons are known for their greed."
"So you would like to add me to your pile of treasure?" Asked the devil heiress, also taking a step closer to me.
"Right at the top, to be admired by all."
As we came closer to each other, a pleasant smell hit my senses. Rias smelt like roses, with a slight hint of honey.
"Perhaps you shall have your kiss then."
"Hmm, that does sound nice; I still think about the last one."
The pink dusting her cheeks deepened slightly. "We never really talked about that, did we?"
Coming to a stop half a step before her, I looked down into her eyes, the bright blue and green reflecting the soft silver shine of moonlight.
"If there is something to talk about, we can do it after we win tomorrow," I said and took one of her hands into my own.
"Yes… we will win," she said while smiling at me; the soft curve of her lips drew my eyes to them. Her own hands resting on my own, "If victory is already decided, how about I give you an advance on your prize?"
Before I could say anything, Rias leaned forward. I felt a pleasant sensation of her soft lips grazing my own; her soft scent and tender kiss made me close my own eyes, and I leaned into the kiss. One of my hands came to rest on her back, with the other finding a place on her side, above her hips. One of her own rested on one of mine, and the other upon my cheek.
After a few moments that felt like an eternity, we parted from the chaste kiss. I couldn't stop looking into her eyes; this was not something I planned when I decided to ask Rias Gremory to make me a devil, but it was still a road that I travelled down. I cannot say I felt a shred of regret.