A year has gone by, and my insomnia is tolerable. I've come to accept the visitations as a normal daily occurrence. Now that Ira has been absent for a considerable length of time, it feels strange, and I somewhat miss him. The confidant he sent me half a year ago became aware of my insomnia after a week, and I've learned that having someone around does indeed lessen the burden, although I haven't mentioned the hallucinations.
Instead, I told her the main reason for my insomnia is that there is still much left to do regarding our project, or else she wouldn't understand.
Not everyone can comprehend each other's internal struggles, unless they have been through it themselves. The visitor haunts my every step and emerges without warning. It toys with me and induces my paranoia. I've done what I can to suppress my urge to peer over my shoulder within each passing hour and isolate my anxiety. If my Hunni peer knew of my intrapersonal turmoil, he would question my mental capacity and presume I'm mad.
Unstable.
Untrustworthy.
Too far gone.
My insomnia deprives me of my sleep, as intrusive thoughts of the manifestation plague my mind. What will become of me in the next life?
If possible, I would rather not remember his memories and relive the pain of the past again. I want to burn all my retained memories of him. I want to be reborn without any recollection of who I once was.
For once in my life, I yearn for simplicity.
If Ira knew of my current strain of thought, he'd pull me out of the collaboration immediately.
I do not wish to leave, not until I have proven to my peer that I am not Vonplex – nor will I become him.
Not in this lifetime.
Microscopic cells are carefully analyzed, coded, and reproduced. Scrutinising the effects of RH- and + blood groups. Cultivating tissue growth. Monitoring bone and organ development. Teams of Eckrhyne genetic engineers were overseen by Mya-im throughout the multipurpose procedures conducted in the Erradise laboratory and delegated to different areas of focus. Both Rotaerc and myself were also present, for observational purposes.
Now, there are two incubation chambers, each with a three-month-old fetus inside, connected to an organically made umbilical cord – a male and a female.
They float ever so carefree while curled up inside an imposing see-through cylinder. Eyes sealed shut. Skin wrinkled and folded. On the rare occasion, their fingers would twitch or move ever so slightly. Sometimes they would kick forward as though they were trying to stomp down on something.
If the son of Madonis visited them more often instead of inquiring about their progress from my confidant, he would have seen these developments for himself – these unseen changes.
He has only paid them two visits thus far. As for myself, I tend to come to the incubation room when everyone on board is resting, because I need something to distract myself. Anything to preoccupy my mind from the visitations, causing my chronic insomnia.
The genetic engineers had acquired DNA from sub-variants of the same species of fauna discovered on a planet - one Rotaerc had chosen for our seeds to be sown, and named it Terria. The planet apparently suffered a recent worldwide calamity, which brought all of its large inhabitants to extinction. To him, it was a necessary incident – a global purge.
He wanted a healthy planet – and a blank slate.
He wanted to use the primate genome. Exploiting their DNA. After the Eckrhyne had assessed our primate subjects through a series of cognitive tests, as well as desiring to ascertain their reaction to different types of trying stimuli.
We discovered that not only did the apes display intelligence, but we also found them to be incredibly impressionable - a mind Rotaerc could easily mould to his liking.
He wanted to learn which aspect of their diverse selection of DNA would be the most beneficial to splice and integrate into our combined genome.
The Hunni's ambitious nature came more to light when the fetuses were a mere week old. He proposed a new idea concept to me – or should I say a rehashed one. He wanted to create a separate set of alternative yet advanced creations to watch over our seeds in the coming future. Rotaerc reminisced on the purposeful prowess and functionality of the Wa-omme overseers. He said their existence had inspired him to devise his own legion from our DNA pool.
From that point onwards, he began to nurture his narcissism and growing hubris. Rumor has it he has already given the male fetus a name – a thing he failed to mention to me; however, nothing is being mentioned about the female fetus receiving a name – yet.
Perhaps he is showing too much favoritism towards the male, for whatever reason beknownst to me; whether it is biasness from his patriarchal background or just a preference.
I do not really care.
I've never been a member of a society or a part of a cultural dogma.
The very thought of it is strange and novel to me.
I don't know whether I would like the notion of conforming to hegemony. I know Vonplex wasn't a fond of it at all, and was an unapologetic nonconformist back in his day.
I have come to know mostly pain and conflict in this life.
I also understand perfectly well how much personal value a name can hold to someone - and how it can ruin you – forever besmearing your soul.
I stand in front of the cylinder with the female fetus inside.
And thus, I shall impart these words to you, my daughter.
"Come what may, and live your life however you see fit. Never allow the ill and ignorant convictions of others to define you, as they have already done so to me. Only you can decide your fate – Eve."
Then she kicked with her leg after I had said those words aloud.
Did she actually hear me, or was it a coincidence?
I close my eyes and try to connect to her subconscious. I then repeat her name, but from the mind.
Eve.
I feel a mental pull towards her, and envision myself wandering through a black open meadow, surrounded by an abundant, lush forest of great oak, accompanied by a moderate cohabiting population of fruit trees.
There is no sky.
There is only a clear view of the cosmos in its place.
Everything here is stripped of colour.
Standing right in the midst of the tall, flourishing meadow is an adult female Terrian, with her back to me. She is bare and exposed to the elements of her inner world, with nothing to cover her tall, lithe form. Her skin is pale and almost transparent. Apparitional. I can see her skeletal frame and entrails fully developed. Her hair is straight and white, complemented by thin yet fine strands of gold. The ends of her hair reach her lower back, almost like Rotaerc's. She turns around and sees me from afar. Her irises are an ardent amber, speckled with vermillion flecks around her black oval pupil.
Then, her irises darken and change to pure obsidian - just like his.
In her hand is a bitten apple. I could hear the crunch of fruit being masticated between her teeth before being ultimately swallowed. There is a knowingness in her void-like eyes.
She isn't afraid of me.
We both stand still under the monochrome universe and among the serenity of nature.
"I have heard many voices come and go. The universe whispers to me, and yet the darkness within my forest laments. Your voice comes from the unknowing beyond. I try to follow your melancholic voice through the trees, but every time I do so, your words immediately start to fade. I always lose you. Always. So why do you disappear only to then return? Why must you repeat the same visitation patterns over and over?" She questioned wistfully.
"Because my time here is limited. I cannot always be there for you - even if I desired as much." I say to her.
Eve looks down at the half-eaten apple.
"That's a shame. I really hoped we could have spent more time together. I enjoyed listening to your voice – your words. They made me feel less lonely within this endless dream of mine, and you were also the first one to give me a proper name when I had none at all; so for that, I thank you, father. I promise to remember it well." She smiles.
I open my eyes. Her small hand clenches into a fist, and then unclenches. She thanked me for giving her a name. I'm pleased, although saddened.
Knowing that she at least heard my voice in the unconscious state of pre-birth, even if it means forgetting her promise after she awakens, because when she does, she will never see or hear from me again - for I am just a donor. I drown the uneasiness in my stomach, letting it sink deeper and deeper into the depths of self. Building an internal solid layer of complacency on top to keep the feeling sealed underneath, so that it may never crack open and escape.
I wish not for this sentiment of mine to grow nor evolve into something that I can no longer contain. I won't let it get the better of me. If I become attached to my unborn offspring, I may break another condition of my contract, and become a laughable hypocrite who cannot commit; thus, doom myself too early.
Then, behind the incubation cylinder and on the far side of the room, shadows stir. A darker silhouette of the same grim figure reappears. It stands there watching me silently for a second, before stepping back into the dark – melting – dissipating – until there is nothing - nothing but the element itself.