The training with Kim Sol was good. Good
enough to lift the gloom that had settled
over Lim Haeyul ever since he heard the
news that he had becomea Guide.
Kim Sol was two years older than him and
had beena Guide for exactly two years. At
Haeyul's age, Kim Sol had also abruptly
awakened as a Guide.
Maybe that's why they shared so much in
common. Even though Kim Sol was S-Rank
and Haeyul was D-Rank, and even though
Kim Sol had a matching rate with Cha Jae-
woo in the ten-percent range-making their
situations completely different-there was
still an undeniable sense of camaraderie
between them.
Besides, Kim Sol had a knack for making
people feel at ease. Even though they
hadn't known each other long, Haeyul had
decided to call him hyung because being
around him just felt that comfortable.
The very first thing Kim Sol taught him was
how to gauge the amount of mana he
possessed.
He explained that a Guide needed to be
fully aware of their mana reserves in order
to provide the maximum amount of guiding
without overexerting themselves. Adjusting
the flow of guiding would come afterward,
he said.
"Ah, fuck..."
The principle was simple. In other words, it
sounded easy when explained.
The problem was in execution. Kim Sol
instructed him tO calm his mind and focus
on the flow of mana within his body. If he
did, he said, he would definitely feel
something eventually.
But no matter hoW much he concentrated,
Haeyul couldn't feel a thing. Closing his
eyes and repeating deep breaths only made
him drowsy. Before he knew it, he even
nodded off in the middle of the session. He
could still clearly picture the bewildered
look on Kim Sol's face.
"Maybe... maybe I'm not even a real Guide?"
In the end, he made no progress throughout
the entire training session.
When he returned to Cha Jae-woo's house,
he tried to review and focus again, but it
was still the same-he couldn't sense
anything at all. So, the idea that he might
not actually be a Guide seemed more
plausible by the second.
"That can't be right..."
Still, Haeyul quickly lost steam. If he hadn't
been a Guide, he wouldn't have collapsed
the moment he made contact with Cha Jae-
wOo, nor would Jae-woo have been able to
get any sleep at all. Jae-woo had slept
precisely because the guiding had worked.
So the thought that he might not be a Guide
was nothing more than a foolish hope.
Shoving aside the ridiculous notion, he tried
again to focus. But once his mind had
scattered, concentration was nearly
impossible.
My mana..really must be pitifully low.'
He recalled the words Kim Sol had said
after holding his hand for a moment of
silent evaluation.
"of course it's low. Youre D-Rank."
Still, he couldn't help but wonder-just how
low was it? Other people could tell him, but
it wasn't something he could feel for
himself, and the helplessness was
suffocating.
Couldn't mana be shared somehow? If an
S-Rank just pumped a little mana into him,
he could guide Cha Jae-wOo more
effectively. It seemed like a win-win, didn't
it? Good for him, good for Jae-woo.
Everybody wins..
"Aaagh! Useless thoughts again!"
Startled by the idiotic thoughts that had
snuck up on him, Haeyul slapped his own
cheeks and shook his head violently.
This was no time for that kind of nonsense.
He had to guide Cha Jae-woo today. They
had agreed on a routine-a set amount of
guiding each day.
Yet here he was, not even knowing how
much mana he had, let alone how to control
the guiding properly.
T'm just going to pass out again, aren't I?
The future loomed before him, painfully
obvious.
He squeezed his eyes shut and struggled
desperately to concentrate, trying to avoid
the inevitable. But it was no use. Every time
he emptied his mind, another new, stupid
thought would immediately fill it.
"Mana is increasing. Mana is growing. I am
becoming S-Rank. Mana is increasing..."
At some point, he even started muttering
weird incantations to himself.
They said if you wished hard enough, it
would come true, right? Even if he figured
out how much mana he had, it wouldn't
change the fact that it was pitifully smal.
He was D-Rank, after all. So, it was far more
beneficial for him to hope for his mana
reserves to grow, even just a little.
However, it didn't take long for his thinking
to change again..
"l am not a Guide... l am becoming an
ordinary civilian. I am returning to normal...
Because there was something even more
desirable than having more mana.
It wasn't that he wanted to grow asa Guide.
If he could, he would rather go back to
being an ordinary person.
So if he was going to wish for something,
this was the wish that truly made sense.
Clinging to a sliver of hope, Lim Haeyul
continued muttering the same phrase over
and over.
"TIl become an ordinary person. I won't bea
Guide anymore...."
Repeating such an earnest wish somehow
made it easier to concentrate.
"What a pathetic little show you're putting
on."
Of course, his desperate wish didn't come
true. Startled, Haeyul snapped his head
toward the voice that had shattered his
meditation.
It was Cha Jae-WOo.
A sneer stretched across Jae-woo's face as
he looked at Haeyul. A hot wave of
humiliation surged through him. He didn't
know how long Jae-woo had been standing
there, but judging by the look on his face, he
had definitely heard every word Haeyul had
been whispering just moments ago.
"Ah, uh, I.. Hello?"
"Do you look like you're doing well?"
".Y-Yes?"
It was the first time he'd ever gotten such a
response to a simple greeting, and it left
him speechless. Jae-woo strode into the
room without hesitation, and the
atmosphere around them started to shift.
It was rare, but they said that if a matching
rate was high enough, a Guide could sense
an Esper's unstable wavelengths even
without direct contact. Guiding, however,
only happened through physical touch, so
technicaly, there was no need to worry.
Even so, Haeyul swallowed dryly under the
mounting tension.
"You're out here wishing to the air that your
Guide would just become an ordinary
person. You really think that's something I'd
be okay with?"
Haeyul squeezed his eyes shut tight. Then,
he bowed his head deeply toward Cha Jae-
WOo.
"Im sorry.."
From Jae-woo's perspective, it was
understandable that he would be offended.
Haeyul had no defense.
"Hah.."
A scoffing laugh sounded from above, but
Haeyul didn't dare lift his head. It wasn't as
if wishing could actually turn him back into
an ordinary civilian-and it wasn't like that
would ever happen anyway. Still, he truly
felt sorry.
"So. Did you learn how to control your
guiding properly?"
Jae-woo didn't press the issue any further
and simply asked the question. Haeyul
didn't know whether he should nod or
shake his head.
In theory, he had learned. But theory and
practice were two very different things. He
still didn't even know hoW much mana he
had.
"Um... I heard the explanation well enough."
He decided to be honest-lying wouldn't
help anything. But the second he saw Jae-
woo's face twist in displeasure, he
immediately regretted his honesty.
Unfortunately, it was already too late.
"I mean, just hearing about it doesn't mean
you can do it right away, you know? You get
that, right?".
"I don't."
"Ah."
"If you just do it, it happens. What's the big
deal?"
The image of Kim Sol awkwardly trying to
coach him popped into Haeyul's mind. This
was why they said geniuses shouldn't teach
others. How could someone who just does
it without even trying possibly understand
how to teach someone else?
Thanks to Cha Jae-woo, even Kim Sol had
been demoted to one of those guys in
Haeyul's mind-but he didn't have the luxury
of getting hung up on that.
Feeling a bit indignant, Haeyul mustered the
courage to protest.
"Not everything just works out because you
try..."
His voice grew smaller and smaller, but for
him, even that small protest took
tremendous bravery.
Of course, Cha Jae-woo showed no sign of
understanding.
"So, you're saying you're not going to guide
me today?"
If he said no, would Jae-woo actually let
him off the hook? He wasn't confident at all,
but...
Clinging to a tiny sliver of hope, he lifted his
head slightly-only to immediately lower it
again when he saw the look on Jae-woo's
face. It was clear that refusing would lead
to something far worse..
Still, wasn't it a bit much to drain someone
else's energy just to save yourself? The pity
he had felt that morning evaporated in an
instant.
"IIl do it. I have to.."
The words came out in a heavy sigh.
He shifted, trying to rise from the bed. He
didn't know exactly how he was supposed
to guide, but it just felt wrong to be doing it
while sitting there.
"Just stay where you are."
Before he could get up, Jae-woo sat down
on the bed beside him, making it
unnecessary to move.
Instead, Haeyul kneeled on the mattress
and turned his body to face Jae-wo0. The
way Jae-woo looked at him-as if saying
unbelievable-was obvious, but he ignored it
as best he could.
"Okay, I'I.. give it a try."
He tooka deep breath and extended his
index finger. Then, he slowly reached
toward the back of Cha Jae-woo's hand.
A scoffing ha came the moment he started
moving, causing his hand to jerk slightly,
but he forced himself to concentrate again.
It would have been nice if Jae-woo could
stay quiet for just a moment-but Haeyul
was too scared to actually ask.
His finger trembled as it hovered toward
Jae-woo's hand.
Haeyul was determined not to lose any
more of the already pitiful amount of mana
he had left. He swore that never in his life-
not even during college entrance exams-
had he ever focused this hard.
And so, finally, his fingertip made contact
with the back of Cha Jae-woo's hand.
"Gah!"
And in that moment, astonishingly, Lim
Haeyul could feel it. The elusive presence
of mana he had struggled so hard to find-
he sensed it clearly now. And along with it,
the vivid sensation of his mana draining
away and his stamina collapsing in an
instant.
His body tilted uncontrollably, and he
flopped onto the bed. His vision spun
violently. At least he avoided blacking out
the instant he made contact like he had
yesterday, but every ounce of strength
drained from his body almost immediately.
It was the bizarre feeling of being
completely exhausted, like the moment
right before falling asleep after an
especially grueling day.
"Hey."
"Breathe."
"Phah...
At Cha Jae-woo's command, a deep, shaky
breath finally escaped from Haeyul's lips.
He hadnt even realized he'd been holding
his breath. As his breathing continued, the
pitch-black darkness clouding his vision
gradually began to clear into a hazy blur.
The first thing that came into focus was the
back of Jae-woo's hand, veins standing out
sharply against the skin. His hand was
clenched tightly into a fist, as if he were
suppressing something.
'Is he pissed? Because it ended so quickly?
But even if he was, there was nothing
Haeyul could do about it. This was the limit
of a D-Rank. It wasn't like he could expend
enough energy to actually collapse just for
the sake of guiding better.
"Im sorry..."
Despite the flicker of injustice rising inside
him at Jae-woo's reaction, the only thing
that left Haeyul's mouth was an apology.
Because if he said the wrong thing and
made Jae-woo angry, it would only cause
more trouble for himself.
Still, hadn't he at least managed some
guiding? Not a lot, sure, but surely not so
little as to deserve getting angry over...
".Go to sleep."
The oppressive tension in the air remained,
but Jae-woo didn't lash out. Instead, he
stood up abruptly and barked out those curt
Words.
The suffocating atmosphere from earlier
seemed to lighten ever so slightly. Haeyul
wasn't sure if it was because his body had
gone numb, or if Jae-woo's chaotic
wavelengths had actually stabilized thanks
to the brief touch.
Probably the former.
There was no way that a meager trickle of
mana could have genuinely stabilized Cha
Jae-woo. Haeyul let out a heavy sigh and
squeezed his eyes shut. Still sprawled on
the bed, he didn't forget to at least glance
toward Jae-woo's retreating figure as he
left.
Completely drained of energy, Haeyul
collapsed onto the bed like a rag doll and
watched the door close with a hollow
chuckle. The sensation of his mana being
utterly wiped out was so vivid that it felt
almost absurd.
"..It's really pathetic."
What good was a high matching rate if the
mana was this pitifully tiny? No matter how
good the compatibility, it was like trying to
patch a leaking dam with a single drop of
water.
Irritation began to bubble up inside him.
Would he even be able to manage such a
minuscule amount of mana properly? No
matter how carefully he tried, it felt
inevitable that both his mana and stamina
would be sucked dry every time.
His thoughts gradually grew more and more
blurry.
Without even realizing it, Haeyul drifted off
to sleep right there on the spot..
And the next day, he woke up with IV drips
dangling from his arms once again. And in
front of him was a table piled high with an
extravagant feast..
Faced with the spread of dishes designed
to stimulate the appetite, Haeyul let out a
bitter laugh.
It felt like they were telling him, you're going
to be using up a lot more strength from now
on, so you'd better bulk up while you can.