Chapter 30: What Happened?
LANDSBURGE TRAIN STATION-7:30
Today is another day of mystery.
El thought while riding on the train.
This day was just another day for him to figure out what was going on in his soup-porridge life, now with a twist.
Demi didn't believe him about the time loop.
But why am I experiencing this kind of stuff?
It's not like I'm the protagonist in some novel.
More importantly, what happened to Tuesday?
I can't remember a damn thing that happened.
He was having an existential crisis inside his mind while absentmindedly staring at a woman who happened to be sitting across from him.
"Hey! If you want me, just ask for my number. I'll give it to you easily," she said, crossing her showy legs like she was teasing him.
"If only you pay me first," she added.
Of course, El couldn't hear any of the woman's nonsense.
He was too deep in his existential crisis.
The woman kept teasing El with her body language until other passengers began to notice.
Unfortunately, El was still lost in his thoughts.
The woman grew impatient and gave up.
"Tsk. Just another loser who doesn't know how to get a woman," she muttered irritably.
Meanwhile, inside El's head.
I can't count the days I've repeatedly gone back.
And still, I can't find Kaye.
The real Kaye.
I need to find her immediately. I'm running out of time.
But how?
The last thing I remember, I was about to hold her hand — and then I went back to Monday.
What's really going on with me?
Is it because I'm too early?
Too early for what?
Too early to remember?
Too early to find her?
Too early to—
"Next stop: Sterling Tower Station."
The announcement sliced through his thoughts like a knife.
El blinked.
The woman across from him was gone.
The train was half-empty.
He'd been sitting there like a statue for who knows how long.
He grabbed his bag and stood just as the doors slid open.
---
TATE ASSOCIATION – 8:15 AM
El stepped off the elevator, still half-lost in his thoughts, when his phone buzzed violently in his pocket.
He pulled it out.
DEMI: GOOD MORNING THURSDAY! DID YOU HAVE A GOOD SLEEP? DID YOU REDUCE YOUR CAFFEINE INTAKE LAST NIGHT? BECAUSE I TRIED. I REPEAT, I TRIED.
DEMI: OH BY THE WAY HOPE ASKED ME ABOUT PROJECT HORIZON. YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE PAPER PRODUCTS THAT SOUND LIKE A CULT BUT IS ACTUALLY JUST PAPER? SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF WE'RE USING THE NEW TEMPLATE OR THE OLD TEMPLATE OR SOME MYSTERIOUS THIRD TEMPLATE THAT EXISTS ONLY IN HENDRICKS' NIGHTMARES.
DEMI: I TOLD HER I'D ASK YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS BUILDING WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. NO PRESSURE.
DEMI: ALSO MARK ALMOST THREW A STAPLER AT THE PRINTER AGAIN. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I CAUGHT IT ON VIDEO. I'LL SHOW YOU LATER.
DEMI: ALSO ALSO MIRA ASKED IF YOU WERE COMING IN TODAY. SHE USED THE SOFT VOICE. THE ONE SHE USES WHEN SHE'S TRYING TO SOUND PROFESSIONAL BUT IS ACTUALLY WORRIED. I'M NOT SAYING SHE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU, BUT I'M ALSO NOT NOT SAYING IT.
DEMI: OKAY THAT'S ALL. FOR NOW. I'LL TEXT YOU AGAIN IN FIVE MINUTES.
El stared at the screen.
A small, reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
Some things never change.
He typed back.
EL: New template. It's in the shared drive. And please don't let Mark throw anything.
DEMI: TOO LATE. HE THREW A PEN. IT WAS GLORIOUS. I GOT THAT ON VIDEO TOO.
DEMI: ALSO YOU SMILED DIDN'T YOU. I CAN TELL. YOU'RE SMILING RIGHT NOW. I HAVE A SIXTH SENSE FOR THESE THINGS. IT'S A GIFT.
El shook his head.
EL: I'm not smiling.
DEMI: LIAR. BUT I'LL LET IT SLIDE BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WEIRD LATELY AND I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
DEMI: ALSO ALSO ALSO MIRA ASKED ME TO ASK YOU IF YOU WANT COFFEE. HER WORDS: "WOULD EL LIKE COFFEE?" IN THE SOFT VOICE, EL. THE SOFT VOICE.
EL: Tell her I'm fine.
DEMI: I'LL TELL HER YOU SAID YES AND THAT YOU'RE GRATEFUL AND THAT YOU THINK HER HAIR LOOKS NICE TODAY.
EL: Demi.
DEMI: FINE. BUT YOU'RE WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD ROMANTIC MOMENT.
El pocketed his phone.
The hallway was quiet.
Most people weren't in yet.
He walked toward his cubicle.
But as he rounded the corner, he stopped.
Nev was standing by the window at the end of the hall.
Not moving.
Just standing.
Looking out at the city.
Like he'd been waiting.
---
"Tell me what you find after those time loops, El."
Nev didn't turn around.
Didn't move.
Just stared at the skyline like it held secrets El couldn't see.
El's pulse quickened.
His hands curled into fists at his sides.
He knows.
He's always known.
He walked forward.
Stopped a few feet away.
"What do you know about time loops, Nev?"
Nev finally turned.
Those dark, unreadable eyes.
That same knowing look.
"I know things that you don't know, El."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only answer you're getting right now."
El's jaw tightened.
"Then why are you here? Why did you wait for me? Why did you ask me about the loops if you're not going to tell me anything?"
Nev's lips curved — not quite a smile.
Something older.
Something that had seen too much to find anything funny.
"Because you need to ask the right questions first."
"Then tell me the right question."
"You already know it." Nev tilted his head.
Studied him.
"You've always known it. You just haven't been ready to say it out loud."
El's heart pounded.
"I'm ready."
Nev stepped closer.
Close enough that El could see the faint lines under his eyes.
The exhaustion he hid so well.
"Are you?"
El didn't back down.
"Yes."
Nev studied him for a long moment.
Then, quietly.
"Why do the loops keep resetting, El? Why do you keep going back? Why does time bend around you like a wound that won't heal?"
El opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Why do the loops keep resetting?
Why do I keep going back?
Why does time bend around me?
Nev watched him.
Waiting.
"I don't know," El admitted.
Nev nodded slowly.
Like he expected that answer.
"That's the right question. Not the answer — the question itself."
He stepped back.
"You're not ready for the answer yet. But you're getting closer."
"That's not helpful."
"It's not supposed to be helpful. It's supposed to be true."
Nev glanced toward the cubicles.
The office was waking up now.
Voices.
Footsteps.
The usual morning chaos.
"You lost Tuesday."
El's chest tightened.
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's important."
"Why?"
Nev met his eyes.
"Because you didn't just lose a day, El. You lost something in that day. Something you've been trying to find for a very long time."
El's voice came out rough.
"What did I lose?"
Nev didn't answer.
Just looked at him.
Then.
"When you figure out what happened to Tuesday — when you remember — you'll understand everything."
"You could just tell me."
"I could."
Nev turned back to the window.
"But if I tell you, you won't believe me. You'll have to find it yourself. You'll have to remember it yourself."
El's hands trembled.
"I don't have time. She's fading. The garden is dying. If I don't find her soon—"
"Then find her."
"How?!"
Nev was quiet for a moment.
The city hummed below them.
The office hummed behind them.
Then, softly.
"Stop looking for her."
El froze.
"What?"
"Stop looking for her."
Nev's voice was calm.
Measured.
"You've been chasing her for so long you've forgotten how to stand still. How to wait. How to let her come to you."
El shook his head.
"I don't understand."
"You will."
Nev stepped back.
"When you stop running, you'll find her. When you stop chasing, you'll catch her. When you stop looking for the exit—"
He paused.
"You'll find the entrance."
He walked away before El could respond.
---
El stood alone in the hallway.
Heart pounding.
Hands shaking.
Stop looking for her.
Stop running.
Stop chasing.
When you stop looking for the exit, you'll find the entrance.
His phone buzzed.
DEMI: OKAY WHERE ARE YOU. MIRA HAS THE COFFEE. SHE'S USING THE SOFT VOICE. I REPEAT. SOFT VOICE.
DEMI:THIS IS NOT A DRILL. MOVE YOUR FEET.
DEMI: ALSO ALSO ALSO I TOLD MARK YOU'D HELP HIM WITH THE PRINTER SITUATION. HE'S CALMING DOWN. YOU'RE WELCOME.
El stared at the messages.
Soft voice.
Coffee.
Mark calming down.
Normal things.
Ordinary things.
Things that don't involve time loops and dying gardens and lost Tuesdays.
He shoved his phone in his pocket.
Walked toward the cubicles.