Chapter 45: The Comeback (2)
"El, are you alright?"
Demi's voice.
But I'm with Kaye.
We're having a date.
"You've been staring at that cracker for the whole five minutes."
Demi touched my arm. Shook me.
"Hey, are you alright?!"
"Demi, I'm fine. What's with the aggressive shaking?"
"To wake you up from reality."
Reality.
I'm back.
Kaye is gone.
The coffee shop is gone.
The warm light is gone.
I'm in the playground.
With Demi.
With the crackers.
With nothing.
Just the cold.
Just the dark.
Yeah. I'm fully awake. From reality. And from the dreams I wished were reality.
So I'm finally back to this timeline. Where Kaye isn't here. I was only with her for a little while.
What a weirdo time always separating me from happy moments.
They don't want me to be happy, I guess. But what can I do? I'm just El. Who has no idea what's happening in his life.
They keep me guessing. Keep putting me back to the days I've already lived. Always repeating. Always—
"What already happened in there?"
The words slipped out of my mouth.
Demi heard them.
"What already happened in there?" His brow furrowed. "Bro, you're here. We're here. At the playground. In the middle of Friday night."
He looked at me like I'd lost my mind.
"What are you talking about? You just stared at the crackers. Don't tell me you time-traveled while standing in front of me."
"Yeah," I said. "You're right, Demi."
"Right about what?"
"You're right that I time-traveled."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You just kept dreaming about this dream girl, and now you're telling me you time-traveled?"
He won't believe me.
He never believes me.
"What's next?" Demi added. "You'll have superpowers and save the world?"
"Maybe," I said. "I guess."
He laughed. "That's fucking insane, El!"
But then his face softened.
"But you know, El. I believe you. No matter what you said. Because I'm your best friend."
Believe me?
I'm gonna cry.
Demi, stop it, you idiot.
For the last days — that I couldn't count — this is the first time your version said that genuinely.
You'll believe me no matter what.
Thank you for believing me.
If I could just be honest —
I'm tired.
Tired from repeating the days I've been through.
Exhausted from the events I can't comprehend.
Drained from the things I can't understand.
And there's no one to believe me.
No one by my side willing to listen.
But now — you said you believe me.
I can catch my breath.
Finally let out my sufferings.
"Thank you, Demi." My voice cracked.
"Even if you don't mean it."
"I mean it, El." He grabbed my shoulders.
"I believe in you. No matter what."
He pulled me into a hug.
I cried on his shoulder.
Finally letting out my burdens.
"I know you've been through a lot, El." His voice was soft.
"It's okay to cry. Come on. Cry all you want. We have a lot of time before the sun rises."
---
"So," Demi said, pulling back. His eyes were wet too.
"You're saying that you went back to Monday? But before that, you completed the ritual. There was a light — almost blinding. Then you saw Kaye. Almost held her hand. Then — as soon as you woke up — you were at the office. And me waking you up?"
"Yes." I wiped my face.
"I went back to that Monday. The one I can't count how many times I've returned to."
"And then — there's our boss, Mira — being flirty with you? And me supporting it?"
"Yes. That's right."
Demi leaned back. Thought for a moment.
"Well, if I can be honest — I'd prefer you to be with our boss."
"Demi."
"Fine, fine." He held up his hands.
"But our boss is real. She's here. You can touch her and see her anytime." He paused.
"But I guess you prefer Kaye."
Ido.
But it's not that simple.
It's never that simple.
Kaye is real too.
Just not here.
Not now.
Not—
As I talked about the experiences I'd had — the repeated weeks, the lost days, the fragments I couldn't piece together — I finally got to the point where I told him about the white flower.
"The white flower was me," I said.
"Nev told me that it was me."
Demi tilted his head. "And what's with this white flower? How did it become you?"
"I don't know." I stared at the ground.
"But I have a guess. It resonates with myself. The part of me that keeps surviving. That keeps fighting. Even when the garden was dying — it was still glowing. Just like me. No matter how many times I go back to different days, my mind is still intact."
I paused.
"It's just that sometimes — I become crazy."
Demi smiled. "Well, yeah. You're crazy, El. But that's your whole brand."
His whole brand.
Crazy.
Tired.
Broken.
But still here.
Still fighting.
Still—
---
It was past 1 AM. We kept talking while sitting on the ground where I'd performed the ritual. The ritual that — in this timeline — was unsuccessful.
Demi said I'd only stared at the cracker for five minutes.
Only five minutes.
But I lived days.
Weeks.
Maybe longer.
And now I'm back.
With nothing.
Except him.
Except—
"I think we should go back, El." Demi stood. Brushed the dirt off his pants.
"We can find Kaye another time."
"Yeah." I stood too. "I think so too."
"Come on." He patted my shoulder.
"Don't be gloomy about it. You've been through a lot. You need rest. Then we'll find her. I promise — we'll find her."
"Thanks, Demi." My voice was quiet.
"For believing my nonsense."
He shrugged. "It's nonsense. But maybe you're right. What can I do?" He smiled
. "I still believe it — even if it's nonsense — as long as you said it yourself."
We tidied up our things together. Then we walked out of the playground.
Past the swings. Past the slide. Past the tree.
Idon't have time for clues right now.
Maybe he's right.
I need rest.
I need—
"You set aside me again."
The words spoke into my mind.
Like it was natural.
Like it had always been there.
Waiting.
"Demi." I stopped walking. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Someone talking to us. Telling me — 'you set aside me again.'"
Demi's face went pale.
"You're scaring me, El. There's only two of us here." He looked around.
"And I haven't spoken until now."
He didn't hear it.
Only me.
Always only me.
But the voice—
I know that voice.
Not Kaye.
Not the barista.
The—
"Let's go," I said.
"Agreed."
We walked faster.
The playground disappeared behind us.
The cold stayed.
In my chest.
In my bones.
In my mind.
"You set aside me again."
What does that mean?
Who said it?
Why—
I don't know.
I don't know anything.
But I will.
Eventually.
I have to.