5th.
Three of Diamonds. One of Clubs.
Last time there was at least one Joker, right? Everyone took their cards the same way as before. But everything changed.
Isn't this a reset? Isn't this reset thing supposed to go back? The cards shouldn't change. Maybe this is just a fluke. I'd try again next time.
Blood leaves through the gap in my skin. I lie on Sohee's arm.
*
6th
Another loss.
Sohee shuffled exactly twelve times. That didn't change. But the position of the cards did.
I'm thinking of choosing a different game.
*
7th
I did try. But we went back to the Two Joker game. Two Joker game, I like the sound of that. I'm bleeding out. Sohee, hold me. Cry for me. Maybe a different game.
*
8th
So that was useless. I tried pitching another game. They rejected it. When I mentioned the Two Joker, they hopped in. As you can tell, I die again. I have a few other games in mind—hope they pick one of them next time.
*
11th
It's always the same fucking game.
*
15th
"Well, that went as much as expected."
Shizuka. Has anyone told you you're insufferable? One of these days, someone is going to kill you for that. It might be me.
*
17th
I went to visit the nurse's office. She was nowhere to be found. So I played Two Joker instead.
Sohee is crying again.
*
19th
Toilet. Restroom. Whatever you want to call it. I take out my phone, which I tried to open before. It is locked. To unlock it, I need to enter the right pin. This time I put in 1455. Wrong.
I have a much worse chance of figuring out the PIN now than winning Two Jokers.
*
22th
I tried cheating this time. Shizuka quickly pointed that out.
That didn't work out so well. This time I didn't even get to turn up my cards.
*
24th
Stop thinking. I shouldn't be thinking. There is no other game, there is no other way, there is nothing but Two Joker. I just have to play it. Lose again. Again and again. Until I win.
When will that happen? Not this time. I'm cold. Sohee, do that thing. Yeah, that thing. Fuck you're so pretty when you cry.
*
31th
"Ayo, you good my man?"
Hey, long time no see. Yeah, I'm still good. I'm still here.
"Come on, man. Yo' have to do better."
There's nothing better. Shut up. I love Two Joker I'd play it infinitely.
"Man, that game really fuck yo' brain up, huh?"
It's sure has. See, I am talking to a card right now. Anyway, where's your brother?
"Think he went visit Nelly's today."
Fuck he's doing over there?
"Yo man, Nelly's cute bitch. I'd go over there, too, if I had a leg."
Sigh, fuck that guy, man.
"Times out. Same time next week?"
There is no next week.
"Hang in there, dog."
Oh, I'd hang myself all right. It just won't work.
*
33th
How many times have I smelled this soap? How many times have I puked in this sink?
The guy staring back at me is really pale. He has almond eyes. His lips little bit dry. Maybe he puked, too. Is he talking to me? Hey, you look good, man. No wonder Sohee likes you so much.
Anyway, I'm heading back to the room now.
See you later.
"See you later."
*
53th
Two Jokers.
Yeah, that's the name of the game.
No dimwit, two jokers.
Uh-huh, what about it?
Okay, snap out of it. You managed to endure all those, and now you're just going to give up?
Endure what? I wasn't hurt. I was playing Two Jokers, the best game in the universe.
You want to get slapped?
Haha… you know you can't do that. If you do that, I'd be slapping myself.
Smack.
My cheek burns. I daze… for a moment. What just happened? Who hurt me? Me? Right, my hand just flew to my face just now. Why the fuck did I do that? Never mind that, I'm going back to play my favourite game: Two Jokers.
Two Jokers. A game where you win if the remaining two cards on the table are the Jokers.
And on the table now are two jokers. A game where you win if the remaining two cards on the…
Table…
Two jokers on the table.
Hm.
I'm not sure anymore. Is this how I win Two Jokers — it's just I've played these games for so long, but I never actually won. The girls might now. Let's ask them.
Nelly is hiding her face again. Same old Nelly. Can't ask her.
How about Shizuka? Still with that damn smile. I don't really like this girl. Maybe I should avoid talking to her at any point. That said, I don't want to ask her.
Varrie. Uh… you okay? Why are you tearing up? Your face is all red. I know that you hated me before, but the way you're looking at me says you want to strangle the guy. Please don't do that, I don't want to die in that way. I'll leave you alone, okay?
Sohee. Oh my Sohee. You're crying again. What is it this time, my pink head friend? Your Sunbae is dead again? No? Yeah, that can't be because I'm Sunbae. I am still alive. Weird. Then why are the tears?
"I can't believe it… so it is fate after all…"
Sohee? What are you talking about?
"Fuck. Fuck… Fuck." That one was Varrie. She was whispering, but after being with her for about four days nonstop, I've learnt how to read her lips. "Can't believe this shit happenin'. There is no way I was wrong…. Fuck."
Shizuka sighs. Her hands threw the cards she held to the table—seven of Clubs and an Ace of Hearts. "Sunbae has won. And yet his face is still the same as when he walked in. Shizuka thinks that if he loses, he will be doing the same thing, too. She feels so disappointed. This game is not fun."
Did she say I won?
Two jokers on the table.
Yeah. That's how you win Two Jokers. The remaining cards have to be two of them.
Haha…
Ahaha… hahaha… hahahaha…
"Sunbae…?"
So I finally fucking won? I don't have to play the Two Jokers anymore? I was lying when I said it was my favourite game. I hate that game. I fucking hate that game so much.
A warm touch on my shoulder. The same warmth that has accompanied me all this time. Sohee's. Uh, oh. Is her face about to break? Did I do something wrong? Was I acting out of character? It must've been my face, she's staring hard at it. The fault lies deep in my chest. There is a whirlpool. Confusion? What should I feel right now? I won, so I am happy.
How does one do that again?
Ground. I have to put my feet on the ground. I can't keep floating. That's not human.
I want to be human.
I refuse to believe it. The resets didn't win.
So put your damn feet on the ground!
Click.
There we go.
I'm back.
*
I put Sohee's hands away with a smile. "What I say? I'm a lucky guy."
"You… You sure are, Sunbae," she wipes her tears.
Now let's finish this.
I turn to the girl, smiling — almost laughing with how warm my chest is. "How'd you look at that? Two Jokers."
That was the line I practiced for the 5th reset. That feels so long ago.
"You must've cheated," Varrie says through her act of biting her nails.
"He couldn't, I was the one who touched the deck!"
"Well, it must be you then—"
"Quiet, stupid Varrie. Shizuka's eyes were on her fingers. She never cheated."
Varrie's words stuck in her throat. "Okay, well, this game is unfair then."
"Unfair for Sunbae, yes!"
"I—"
— "Our fault…" a voice from Nelly. "It was our fault… we all agreed."
Her words echo through time for a minute.
Sucking in her lips, Varrie inhaled a huge amount of hair. "Pwah. Fine! We lost!"
"Varrie—"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll say it. I agree. Yes. You can be the tutor. Such a creep, why's a grown ass man want to hang around girls my age?"
She stands, her red hair scoops up. While putting on her white and red sneakers, she says, "Enjoy your one month. Sohee, I'm headin' out first.
"But the school—"
The bell rings.
Varrie gives her a little smirk. To me, a scorn. "Bye."
Thud.
Nelly looks at Sohee.
"Go on, Nelly. We'll meet at the same spot."
"All right… Sohee… Congratulation."
That was for me, right? It is. She just tried to look at me. How cute.
The door closes. This time it didn't make a sound.
The remaining girl, Shizuka, is still in her seat.
And her hands were raised.
She is grinning. I knew she had something in her sleeve. Don't worry, I have one, too. So let it out, you witch.
"Shizuka will change her vote."
Sohee shouts in shock. "You bwhat?"
"Shizuka votes no."
"But the game!"
"The game punishment only bounds Varrie; Shizuka made sure of it before."
She springs up, her black, thin hair fluttering. "It is unfortunate, Sunbae. You turned out to be such a downer. Shizuka doesn't want her tutor to be a shell of flesh."
She picks up her laptop bag, bows to us, and leaves the room.
A muffled thump.
Only two people are left.
Hopefully, no one else.
"Are my eyes red, Sohee?"
"Hm… Uh, they look just fine."
I nod, "That's good… that's very good."
Sohee doesn't feel like that. "Sunbae, it's still one against two since she just changed her vote. We failed."
We haven't.
I'm not playing Two Joker again. So you got to help me here, Sohee. And you will. The girls who cried for me all that time will.