She isn't supposed to be here. I made a mistake by being myself and agreeing with Sohee to let her in my place.
A minute passes…
Maria opens the door, steps inside, and closes her wet umbrella. "I'm back," she says, almost only to herself.
This must be my first time seeing how blank her face looked. I wonder if this is a one-time thing or if it has always been like this.
But that face of hers will quickly change when she looks up to see me… and the two pretty girls I have brought into our living room.
One, a girl who hid her bruise with a bandage, and another, close to the first girl, trembling in fear, as if I had kidnapped her here. These girls are both sitting on the couch… by their own choice.
"..."
There it is, Maria finally realized there are more humans in the house than usual… She is speechless.
Sohee is the first one to stand (followed by Nelly) and bow to greet my sister, "nice to meet you again, Maria. I'm sorry for intruding… we have something to talk about with Sunbae."
Nelly tries to nod.
Maria's hand shoots up and waves about the air, "Sohee no, don't be sorry. I… I don't mind it at all."
Both of them laugh…. Awkwardly.
"G—Go on, take a seat, it's okay."
They do so.
Maria pulls me over and begins to whisper, "Hey, what the fuck is going on here?"
Beats me. It has only been a minute since I failed and let them in. You came before anything is explained.
"Well, as she said, Sohee has something to talk about."
"Not Sohee."
She looked over to the couch and lowered her voice further, "I'm talking about the other girl. Is that not… The Nelly?"
"... Yeah?"
"How can you be so calm about this? I understand, Sohee, but that girl? We are not worthy to have a guest like her."
I looked back at Nelly, who was holding both of her hands so tight they turned white. AS if she is just a normal girl…
I returned to my sister, "Are you like a big fan of hers?"
"You completely missed the point!"
Too loud.
"Is something wrong?" Sohee is now looking uncomfortable.
Maria detaches herself from my face and laughs it off, "Nothing's wrong, Sohee. I was just apologizing to my brother since I got his sneakers wet."
Are they…?
…They are.
"A-ny way!" Maria claps her hand, "Can I make you guys a drink?"
"Uh…" Sohee smiles, "But you just got back home, Maria. We don't want to trouble you."
Nelly managed to nod.
"Trouble. Oh no, I won't be troubled. But I will feel horrible about myself if you two… don't feel like home while staying here."
I don't know how to say this, Maria, but you acting like this makes them feel less like home.
Sohee's pink eyes glance at me, and they are full of worry.
I'm assuming she is asking what to do now.
So I nod my head.
Sohee clears her throat, "Thank you so much, Maria. Then, we'd like a cup of water."
"Orange juice it is."
"Eh?"
Maria to the kitchen.
"Haha…" Sohee was dumbfounded. "I have never seen her like that. Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she is a big fan of your friend."
I can see her shoulder jump a little. Thankfully, I didn't mention her by name, or she'd die of a heart attack. Poor Nelly.
Both of us are trying our damn best here not to die.
Maybe I should say something to her. No, that could be the wrong thing to do. So should I just treat her as if she's not here? That could also be wrong.
I'd die.
I will die if I don't do the right thing.
I'd puke it all again.
I'd make my white floor a red carpet.
…
"Sunbae?"
"Excuse me for a minute, I'll go check on Maria."
"Umn, sure."
I ran to the kitchen.
Now that I'm here, I can see that my Maria… is also trying to do her best. She has almost every single drawer and cabinet open.
There are oranges, and a glass jug is on the table, ready.
"Great, you're here," she says, noticing my presence, "Where did I put the sugar?"
Uh. Should I know that? "I don't remember."
"We didn't run out of it, did we?"
"... I don't remember."
She sighs, "Never mind, found it."
She puts the container of white beside the jug and then begins to slice the oranges.
"Don't you think the oranges are sweet enough?"
"No. This is the way you make orange juice. By the way, why are you here? You're not helping."
"Do you want my help?"
"No. You never made juice. You'll make it worse."
I will. I always make it worse.
Her hand stopped.
Something in the air changed. I feel like I did something wrong, or she did. But none of us will die because of it.
Maria turns to me, "You good?"
"I think so."
"Really? Sorry. I'm not used to you being too quiet, you know?"
Was the old user chatty? I should have remembered.
"I'll try to make more sound."
I'll try to do the right thing.
"Good," she chuckles, "made me a little worried about you just now."
"In what way?"
"I don't know," she puts the oranges in the blender, "I just felt like you were troubled with something.
"You aren't, right?"
I shake my head despite her not looking.
"I'm not."
"Okay… do you want to say anything else before I turn this on. Make sure it's important I have a perfect juice to make."
"... my sneaker you—"
Whirrrrr
She turns on the blender, and at this point, no word of mine can ever reach through her anymore.
But maybe I should have told her the truth.
That I am troubled.
I don't know why Sohee invited Nelly to talk in my house, of all places. She would be wrong if she knew about my situation. But even if she does know, she will not die because of it.
On the other hand, if I said the wrong things, looked at her friend wrong, put myself in the wrong way—I'd die.
And believe me when I say this, nobody wants to go out by puking out all the blood in their body.
I don't want that to happen again. Not here at least.
So yeah. I am troubled. Nelly, one of the girls who could've killed me if I do wrong, that girl, is in a place where I sleep.
However, Maria, even if I told you the truth, there's nothing you can do to help. At the end of the day, what I did is what only matters.
You asked me why I came here. It's not because I want to check on you, no. I am here by instinct.
I want to avoid whatever is going to happen in the living room.
But doing this might kill me.
But doing that might kill me.
So I have to make up my mind.
Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I turn around and walk back to the living room.