(Scene: Lake Jörmungandr appears as a "giant basin" perched atop a steep cliff, high above the raging ocean. A thin mist drifts across the mysteriously still water.)
(A chorus of five Dwarven maidens walks onto the stage, forming a straight line. The backdrop depicts the stone cliff separating the tranquil lake from the wild sea. They sing in harmony, their resonant melody mimicking the howling wind.)
"In Midgard... lies a lake... upon a high cliff... Its waters still... like a looking glass... calm as the heart... high above... the raging ocean..."
(The lead singer gestures gracefully, parting the way to reveal the breathtaking scenery behind them.)
"A thousand years of war... blood spilled for its claim... Today, victory belongs to Allasia... the true ally... of the Dwarves!"
The five maidens then shift their formation and sing once more.
"From this day forth... upon these clear waters... the ships of our Dwarven allies shall set sail... gliding in every direction, scouting and inspecting every inch, never losing sight. To seize... the most precious treasure... the Belt of Power!"
(The music shifts from a mournful cello to the booming of a tuba and bass drum, carrying a heavy, lumbering rhythm... Doom... Doom... Doom...)
(The Dwarven maiden chorus concludes on an anxious note) "But the path ahead... is no easy feat... perhaps harder than the battlefield! For the brave Dwarves... if asked to face fire or tunnel through the earth... they would never back down! (Never back down!) But at the mere sight of water... their legs begin to tremble... at once!"
(The maidens hold their final note before shifting into a single file line, dancing off into the right wing. Only the vista of the sky-high lake remains.)
(The music abruptly shifts to a bright, fast-paced Ragtime piano with a playful bounce.)
(Gripr bursts out from stage left, his short legs scurrying with manic energy. He stops dead center stage, his back to the audience, proudly displaying his skull-patterned bandana and the braided beard that still flutters from his sprint.)
(He sways his left shoulder... then his right... grooving to the beat. Suddenly, he leaps and spins 180 degrees to face the audience, flashing a massive, toothy grin!)
Gripr: (Singing with a proud, booming voice) "I am... Advisor Gripr! (Ho!) I am... the master inventor! (Ha!) Many of you... know me well... as the creator of the crossbow that fires twelve bolts at once!"
(Gripr shoots a wink at the audience before sliding smoothly toward the huddled group of Dwarven soldiers.)
"I am... Advisor Gripr! (Ho!) I am... the master thinker... (Ha!) Many of you... know me well... for my sheer brilliance! Steel yourselves... for we are going for a stroll underwater!"
(Gripr dashes around the stage, hyping up the audience, who act as stand-ins for the Dwarven army.)
"Are you ready?! One, two, three!" Gripr shouts, cupping a hand to his ear as if waiting for the crowd's roar.
"Come on, come on, let's stretch those muscles!" He strikes a pose, hands planted firmly on his hips.
"Alright... three, two, one, breathe in!" On cue, he pinches his nose with one hand while waving the other above his head in a fluid, wave-like motion, pantomiming a deep dive.
Gripr releases his nose but puffs his cheeks out comically, holding his breath. He raises his hands, counting off his fingers one by one until he hits ten, then violently exhales.
(Gripr lets out a massive "Phew!")
"See? You can all do it! Let's try that again..." Gripr shouts, cupping his ear to the crowd once more.
"Alright... three, two, one, breathe in!" Again, he pinches his nose and makes the wavy diving motion.
Gripr holds his breath and counts his fingers high in the air. One to ten—but this time he starts again—before finally exhaling.
(Another massive "Phew!" escapes him.)
Dwarven soldiers frantically scurry onto the stage from both wings.
"Let's try again! But this time, I'll count all the way to a hundred!"
(Gripr leads the battalions on both sides, all of them pinching their noses and waving their free hands like seaweed swaying in the current.)
Gripr: "Ready! Three... two... one... Hup!"
(Everyone inhales until their cheeks bulge like balloons. The soldiers only make it to twelve or thirteen fingers before their faces turn a deep shade of blue. Some violently burst out air—"Pshhh!"—stumbling dizzily into their comrades. Chaos ripples across the stage as soldiers drop out one by one. Soon, only Gripr remains, stubbornly trying to keep counting, his face red as a ripe tomato...)
(Finally, Gripr hits his limit. He releases his nose and collapses into a heap on the stage floor, gasping desperately like a fish out of water.)
Gripr: (Voice trembling, breathless) "Can't do it... can't do it... counting to a hundred is downright impossible... Pant... Pant..."
The Dwarven soldiers fervently agree, waving their hands and vigorously shaking their heads to signal their defeat.
Gripr suddenly pops back up, planting his hands on his hips. He turns his back to the audience once again as his signature theme music kicks in.
(He sways his left shoulder... then his right... before leaping into another 180-degree spin, facing the crowd with that same wide grin.)
Gripr: (Belting out proudly as the maidens return carrying bizarre contraptions) "I am... Advisor Gripr! (Ho!) I am... the master inventor! (Ha!) Many of you... know me well... Behold, the Waterproof Hat! Anyone who wears this beauty can walk straight into the depths!"
(Gripr snatches an oak barrel-hat from the maiden on his left. It features a thick glass pane set into the front. He slams it down over his head—Thud!—before pinching his nose and doing his wavy-hand underwater walk.)
(The music drops to a low, rhythmic drumbeat, mimicking a slow heartbeat. Gripr transitions into an exaggerated 'Slow Motion' walk, as if fighting against massive water pressure. He waves goodbye to the audience, bursting with pride.)
(But then... the music turns dissonant! A violin screeches higher and higher. Through the glass pane, Gripr's eyes bulge in panic. His hands abandon the swimming motion and fly to his throat, 'strangling' his own neck. His short legs begin to flail wildly in place!)
(He abruptly spins around and scurries back to the maidens at top speed! He violently rips the wooden hat off, his face flushed bright red.)
Gripr: (Gasping greedily for air, he suddenly pivots to make a smooth excuse to the audience) "Whew... Pant... Pant...!"
(Looking between the audience and the bewildered soldiers, he grumbles loudly.) "Well, it seems... the water truly cannot get in. But, uh... the air can't seem to find its way in, either!"
Everyone on stage collectively shakes their heads, groaning and clutching their temples.
Gripr's theme music fires up again. Two maidens step forward, handing him a pair of shoes shaped remarkably like small wooden boats.
"Behold, the Water-Floating Shoes! Anyone who wears these can walk right upon the water's surface." With that, Gripr slips into the boat-shoes. A group of Dwarven warriors lifts him high onto their shoulders, and he mimes gliding smoothly back and forth across the stage.
Gripr "glides" around happily for a few moments before having the soldiers return him to the maidens.
"Wondrous! A complete success! These shoes let anyone walk perfectly on water. There's just one tiny problem... the treasure we're looking for is underwater!"
Everyone on stage shakes their heads once more, letting out a heavy, synchronized sigh.
(Gripr casually steps out of the boat shoes and rejoins the maidens.)
Gripr's theme plays a third time. The last two maidens hand him a long, fleshy tube. He takes it dramatically as the music swells.
"And this... is an air tube crafted from boiled goat intestines! One end goes in your mouth, the other stays up on dry land. Just like that, you can breathe underwater!" Gripr sticks one end of the gut-tube into his mouth and hands the other end to a maiden.
He waddles away, doing his wavy-hand underwater walk again. After a few paces, he stops dead. His jaw begins to work, absentmindedly chewing on something. Suddenly, his eyes widen. He raises a finger in realization and scrambles back to the maidens.
"Alright, so this goat-gut tube does deliver air. But after keeping it in my mouth for so long... I accidentally chewed it up and swallowed it!"
The entire cast shakes their heads in utter disbelief, looking up to heaven in exasperation.
Suddenly, a dark, dead-serious march begins to play. General Grimm strides onto the stage, flanked by two imposing Dwarven soldiers.
Grimm halts right in front of Gripr. But instead of scolding him, Grimm turns his back to the audience. In perfect synchronization, Grimm and his two subordinates begin to sway their left shoulders... then their right... matching the beat. Suddenly, they jump and spin 180 degrees, facing the audience in perfect unison!
Grimm and Co: (Singing in a deep, booming harmony while snapping their fingers sharply to the beat) "I am... General Grimm! (Ho!) I am... the master soldier! (Ha!) Many of you... know me well... as the conqueror of every battlefield!"
(Grimm cleanly draws his sword, leveling the blade at the backdrop of the lake.)
"Cease this childish playing... Fall into a straight line... March into the lake... and search with all your might! The Belt of Power... must end up in my hands!"
A thunderous military march kicks in.
Everyone on stage snaps to attention at Grimm's command. They rapidly shift formation, marching crisply in whichever direction his sword dictates.
Grimm thrusts his sword toward the front of the stage. The entire cast marches straight forward to the edge of the stage, halts, and collectively does the wavy-hand motion above their heads, signifying they have officially "submerged."
They resume their strict marching formation in place. But one by one, the soldiers begin to clutch their throats, pantomiming suffocation, before collapsing dramatically onto the stage floor. The line tries to keep marching, but soldiers keep dropping like flies around them until every last one of them is down.
Only Gripr and Grimm are left standing amidst the sea of "bodies."
Gripr turns to Grimm, speaking with hesitant respect, "Master General Grimm... it appears all our Dwarves have drowned."
Grimm looks out over the bodies, his expression entirely sincere. "I am afraid that is indeed the case, Advisor Gripr."
"I fear that if we continue like this... it won't end well for us, General Grimm," Gripr adds nervously.
Grimm pauses in thought. Then, he sharply spins around, turning his back to the audience. His signature theme music blares once more.
Grimm: (Singing his theme, snapping his fingers on the downbeat) "I am... General Grimm! (Ho!) I am... the master soldier! (Ha!) Many of you... know me well... as the conqueror of every battlefield!"
(Grimm aims his sword directly at the "corpses" littering the stage.)
"Enough lying around! In the name of the Undefeated General... I hereby order you: Dying is forbidden! Therefore, no one shall die! Get up, and make it quick! If this plan has failed, we simply move to the next."
At Grimm's absolute command, the "dead" soldiers spring back to their feet in an instant, acting as if nothing had happened. They scramble back into a perfect straight line and immediately resume marching in place. Thud! Thud! Thud!
Gripr stands there, his jaw practically hitting the floor. He looks at Grimm in awe, then turns back to the marching soldiers, vibrating with excitement and joy that not a single soul actually drowned.
"Now then, fall in and follow me," Grimm commands. As his theme music plays, he marches off-stage, snapping his fingers to the beat, leading the way.
The soldiers perfectly mimic Grimm's gait, snapping their fingers in unison as they march off-stage behind him, until Gripr is the only one left.
Gripr looks left, then right. Once he is absolutely certain he is alone, a look of sheer epiphany strikes his face. He cries out, "Aha! I've got it! I'll build a giant barrel, and we'll all go inside! There's no way water gets inside that!"
Gripr acts as if he's about to sprint off-stage in excitement, but stops himself mid-stride. Instead, he falls into a cool strut, snapping his fingers and mimicking Grimm's swagger as he finally exits.
The stage curtain falls, bringing the act to a close.