Rico had opinions.
He always had opinions.
That evening, as Phong and Alex sat beneath the lime tree with their shoulders touching and fingers loosely intertwined, the raccoon climbed onto a crate and folded his arms.
"This is inefficient."
Alex didn't even look at him. "In what sense?"
Rico swept a dramatic paw between them. "You cuddle frequently."
"Yes," Phong said, calm.
"You have not yet mated."
Phong choked on his Snow Lime juice.
Alex turned, very slowly, toward Rico. "I'm sorry?"
Rico nodded like a judge delivering verdict. "Statistically, bonding rituals should escalate."
The kitten, perched elegantly on a wooden beam, flicked its tail.
"You lack long-term optimization planning," it said.
Phong froze.
Alex blinked.
They both turned.
The puppy, sitting beside Dominic's old shield, tilted its head.
"Rico focuses too much on happiness right away," the puppy added, thoughtful.
Silence.
Rico stared at them. "…You two are talking."
The kitten stretched. "We have been practicing."
The puppy thumped its tail. "Vocabulary improves with exposure."
Phong felt his brain stall. "Since when?"
"Since three days ago," the kitten replied.
"And?" Alex asked carefully.
The puppy puffed its chest. "And we have classes."
"What?"
They called Selena.
She screamed something in Spanish and dropped her tablet.
When she picked it back up, her face filled the screen in perfect clarity thanks to the signal enhancer.
"Repeat that."
The puppy stepped forward.
"I awakened Barbarian."
Above its head, faint system text shimmered.
Class: Barbarian
Level: 3
The kitten blinked slowly.
"I am Sorcerer."
Text flickered again.
Class: Sorcerer
Level: 4
Selena went silent.
Then: "You stay there."
She ended the call.
---
That same afternoon, she arrived at camp escorted by Vanessa.
Vanessa wore combat boots, a leather jacket patched with indie diver insignias, and the calm confidence of someone used to filming danger instead of running from it.
They entered Camp Stymphalian under troll watch and lake neutrality.
Selena barely made it three steps inside before she dropped to her knees in front of the puppy.
"Barbarian?" she breathed.
The puppy flexed. "Rage ability available."
The kitten watched from above. "Sorcery manifests through innate mana resonance."
Selena looked like someone had handed her the Holy Grail.
"This is unprecedented."
Vanessa, meanwhile, scanned the camp.
The lime tree.
The chili artillery.
The mounted trident and staff.
The trolls on the mountain ridge.
The lizardfolk traders waiting at the distant shoreline.
Then she turned, slow, toward Phong.
"You're Level 1."
"Yes."
"Non-functioning EXP bar."
"Last time I checked… still nothing."
"You negotiated trade pacts with two Level 35 monster factions."
"Evidently."
"And you're dating her," Vanessa said, nodding toward Alex.
"Yeah," Phong said, then winced. "That part is still hard to believe. Sometimes I think I'm in a long coma at the hospital."
Alex coughed and poked his ribs.
"Phong. We talked about this. Self-esteem."
"Right," he muttered. "Trying…"
Vanessa stared at him. "…What."
Alex smirked faintly. "Welcome to Stymphalian."
Selena was still only half-coherent. She stared at the animals like they were a thesis with fangs.
"They awakened because they were born here," she muttered. "Mana-dense environment at a developmental stage. That explains structured system integration."
She turned to Rico.
"And you?"
Rico looked away. "I am self-made."
Selena squinted. "No class?"
"No."
"Skills?"
"I have culture."
The kitten blinked. "You lack a stat panel."
The puppy added helpfully, "You compensate with caffeine."
Rico gasped. "This is slander."
He climbed onto a crate like it was a podium.
"I was mutated by raw mana exposure without structured system blessing."
Selena nodded slowly. "That makes sense."
Rico deflated. "…It does?"
"Yes. You're not system-recognized. They are."
Rico's tail drooped.
"So I am… unofficial."
The puppy padded over and bumped him gently.
"You are emotionally essential."
The kitten added, "And strategically loud."
Rico considered that. "…I demand compensation caffeine. For heartbreak."
Phong sighed and handed him a diluted soda.
Rico sniffed it. "Can I have non-diluted?"
"No."
Denied.
---
While Selena examined the animals like a graduate thesis come to life, Vanessa drifted toward Alex.
"Spar?"
Alex lifted a brow. "You sure?"
Vanessa grinned. "I'm not fragile. I've hit Floor Two more than once."
They stepped into the clearing.
Janet would've insisted on supervision, but she wasn't here.
Phong and Selena watched from the edge.
Vanessa warmed up with quick hops and loose shoulders, a longsword in one hand and a parrying dagger in the other.
Assassin.
Not rare like Dominic's Judgenaut, not terrifyingly rare like Mind Blade, but still lethal in a one-on-one.
Alex manifested her psychic rapier and sized her up.
They agreed not to use Phong's buffet of buffing plants.
They circled.
Tested range.
Vanessa lunged first.
Alex deflected clean.
Vanessa rolled, pivoted, and went for a low sweep.
Alex shoved with telekinesis and bent her trajectory mid-motion.
Their styles matched in tempo. Vanessa had a hair more speed, Assassin DEX carrying her like a spring. But Alex had a bigger toolbox. Her telekinesis kept multiplying options until it smothered Vanessa's angles.
Vanessa laughed. "Again."
They accelerated.
Steel flashed against psychic edge.
Boots scraped soil.
Finally, Alex disarmed Vanessa again and held the rapier near her collarbone.
Vanessa didn't flinch. She grinned.
"That was terrifying. No wonder your class is so rare."
Alex dismissed the blade.
"You're good too."
Vanessa shrugged. "Training pays."
Then she looked past them.
To the shoreline.
To the trolls on the ridge.
To the lizardfolk envoy waiting politely for trade windows.
To the lime fruit glinting blue-green.
To the garlic mines sleeping under the soil.
"This place," she said quietly.
She turned to Phong again.
"You fended off two different groups of Level 35 monsters and forced them into trade."
"Yes."
"And you're Level 1."
"Yes."
She studied him longer this time.
"Do you ever think about how absurd that is?"
Phong didn't even need time. "Every waking moment."
Selena stood with her notes clutched tight.
"If this gets out—"
"It won't," Alex said, firm.
Vanessa nodded. "I don't publish without consent."
Phong met her eyes.
Trust wasn't cheap.
But Selena trusted her. Since freshman year. Before dungeon. Before war. Before Stymphalian.
That mattered.
"I'll trust Selena's judgment," he said.
Vanessa inclined her head. "Fair."
The puppy bounded up. "May I rage now?"
"No," Selena said immediately.
The kitten leapt onto Alex's shoulder like it belonged there.
"Combat simulation successful."
Rico sipped his soda and sulked. "Only I remain classless."
Phong crouched beside him.
"You're unique."
Rico sniffed. "The system must be jealous of my aura."
"Don't push it."
Rico stared at the puppy flexing tiny Barbarian muscles.
At the kitten sparking small arcs of mana between its paws.
"…Fine," he muttered. "If the system can't recognize my greatness, I will become caffeine ascendant. I'll be great without it!"
Selena laughed despite herself.
Above them, the lime tree swayed.
The lake stayed calm.
The mountain held steady.
Camp Stymphalian now hosted:
A Level 1 farmer with no EXP.
A near-Level 30 Mind Blade.
A Barbarian puppy.
A Sorcerer kitten.
A raccoon existentially offended by the system.
And two outsiders staring at it all like they'd wandered into myth.
Vanessa exhaled slowly.
"Yeah," she said to Selena, low. "That farm boy can change the world."
Phong looked around his camp.
Between mountain and lake.
Between governments sprinting upward.
Between corporations scrambling for control.
He smiled faintly.
"Thanks for everything," he murmured, to the soil and to whatever had carried him this far.
The Moletato network pulsed back, quiet and steady.
---
It was well past Valentine's Day.
February had vanished in smoke, garlic gas, and shifting mountains.
By the time Camp Stymphalian stabilized between troll ridge and Lake Baratok, the calendar had kept moving.
Still.
Phong looked at Alex one evening under the lime tree and said, almost sheepish, "We missed it."
She tipped her head. "Missed what?"
"Valentine's."
She stared at him for a beat.
Then she smiled, slow. "It's March."
"I know."
She folded her arms. "So?"
"So…" He scratched the back of his neck. "White Valentine's. Fourteenth of March."
Her brows rose. "You want to retroactively celebrate romance?"
"Yes."
She studied him. "That's aggressively earnest."
"I'm a farmer."
She laughed softly. "Fine."
They didn't need roses.
They had Snow Limes.
They didn't need candlelight.
They had dungeon bioluminescence and generator hum.
But if they were going to do it properly, they'd do it on the surface.
With people.
With their people.
With the Vogels, with Long, with Dominic's team.
Not between mountain and lake.
Dominic, Janet, and the three Js returned from Floor Two two days later.
Their armor came back scratched.
Their expressions came back sharper.
Dominic dropped his pack near the ruin entrance.
"Corporate party on Wall Street pushed a team into our clearing zone."
Jake muttered, "Sponsored divers."
Jack added, "Flashy. Loud."
Joanne finished, "Underprepared."
Janet's jaw tightened. "They acted like footage mattered more than survivability."
Dominic cracked his neck. "Encounters weren't pleasant."
Phong didn't ask for details. He didn't need them.
That evening, levels went up around the fire.
Dominic: 29.
Janet: 29.
Jake: 27.
Jack: 28.
Joanne: 27.
Alex watched quietly.
No one mentioned her almost-thirty.
Phong cleared his throat.
"Group date."
They all looked at him.
He repeated it, firmer. "White Valentine's."
Dominic blinked. "You're serious."
"Yes."
"With everyone?"
"Yes."
Alex nodded once. "I like it."
Selena, over call, agreed immediately.
Vanessa raised one eyebrow but didn't object.
Janet smiled, small and real. "Good."
Dominic grinned. "I'll wear something nice."
Jake groaned.
Jack muttered, "We're not third-wheeling that."
Joanne shrugged. "I'm coming for coffee."
---
They met at Hà Nội Corner, because tradition demanded it.
The bell jingled as they entered.
Long was mid-lecture to a regular about robusta extraction ratios.
He stopped mid-sentence when he saw the group.
"Ah! Romance delegation!"
Alex rolled her eyes.
Vanessa took in the place carefully. First time being invited on purpose. She'd heard about Long, seen him in the background of indie clips, but in person he hit different.
Hair wild.
Apron stained with experimentation.
Eyes sharp under theatrics.
"You must be the goth one," Long said, blunt.
Vanessa blinked once. "…Yes."
He nodded with approval. "Good bone structure. You look like you respect bitterness."
She stared at him. "…Excuse me?"
"Coffee bitterness," Long said immediately. "I'm weird, not freaky. I'm not hitting on a girl my favorite nephew's age."
Phong called from behind the group, "You're gonna break hearts declaring that, Uncle Long."
Long scoffed without turning. "Saying Dominic's my favorite nephew is scandalous. Nephews gonna cry."
That jab hit Phong right in the funny bone.
Selena leaned toward Vanessa and whispered, "He's an eccentric guru. But when he chooses discipline over madness, he's terrifyingly good."
Long made drinks with ceremonial precision.
Salt foam coffee for the Vogels later.
Cold brew for Dominic.
Coconut coffee for Alex and Janet.
For Phong, a classic three-layer: brown foam, black coffee, white condensed milk, and enough ice to melt it into something smooth.
Vanessa watched his hands.
The man experimented like a lunatic, but his fundamentals were flawless.
Dominic leaned against the counter, smug.
"So."
Long narrowed his eyes. "What."
"You owe me."
Long scoffed. "Still on that?"
"You said they'd stay friends."
Long stabbed a finger toward Phong and Alex. "You cheated!"
Dominic's grin widened. "Pay up."
Long huffed, eyes shining with theatrical vengeance. He turned to his bar.
"Oh, I'll pay."
Ten minutes later, he set down a monstrosity.
Pepsi.
Nitro-brewed robusta.
Sweet-and-savory cheese foam like high-end boba shops.
Layered. Swirled. Chilled.
Carbonated bitterness colliding with dairy sweetness.
Dominic stared.
"You did not."
Long placed it in front of him like an executioner presenting the blade.
"Lost bet special."
Dominic looked personally betrayed. "This is blasphemy."
Janet laughed into her cup. "It's a soda float if you squint hard enough."
"With COFFEE!"
Dominic wrinkled his nose and let out a roar like the Red King, then slumped into a seat, sulking.
Vanessa leaned forward, impressed. "I respect the violation."
Alex sniffed once. "It smells like war."
Phong nodded. "Worse than the yoghurt abomination."
Dominic crossed his arms. "I refuse."
That's when Rico struck.
The raccoon launched off the back of a chair, landed on the counter, and grabbed the glass with both paws.
"Sacrifice accepted."
Before anyone could stop him, he drank.
A long pull. Foam clinging to whiskers. Eyes widening.
Silence.
Then Rico's fur puffed.
His tail bristled.
He set the glass down slowly.
"I see beyond."
Dominic blinked. "Oh no."
Rico straightened, voice suddenly resonant.
"I have transcended."
He leapt from the counter to a hanging lamp, then to a shelf, then onto the chalkboard menu.
Customers gasped.
Long shouted, "NOT THE BOARD!"
Rico spread his arms like a prophet.
"Pepsi is but one dimension!"
Dominic pointed. "Traitor!"
Rico's pupils looked like galaxies. "I perceive caffeine frequencies."
He began lecturing at full volume about carbonation as a social construct.
Vanessa's hand rose instinctively with her phone. "Content. Viral content."
Selena caught her wrist gently. "Not this one."
Alex buried her face in Phong's shoulder, laughing.
Janet tried to coax Rico down with a normal soda.
It failed.
For the next hour, they endured what Rico declared "Transcended Rico."
He tried to debate Long on extraction science.
He claimed to see dungeon mana flows in espresso crema.
He complimented Vanessa's eyeliner in three different languages.
He attempted to spar the kitten and lost immediately.
Eventually, the crash hit.
Rico slumped dramatically into Dominic's arms.
"I regret nothing."
Dominic sighed. "You're banned from experimental drinks."
Long sniffed. "No culture."
---
Finally, they settled into actual White Valentine mode.
Pastries from the Vogel bakery arrived.
Pretzels tore apart and passed around.
Sweet buns dusted with sugar.
The couples sat side by side.
Phong and Alex.
Dominic and Janet.
Selena and Vanessa.
For once, nobody talked about war.
Nobody talked about Floor Two.
Nobody talked about Lake Baratok.
Just city noise.
Coffee warmth.
Hands brushing under tables.
Vanessa leaned toward Phong at one point.
"You know this is surreal, right?"
"Yes."
"Level 1 farmer."
"Stop saying it like it's my only redeeming trait."
"It's your only normal trait," she said, dead serious. "You're doing diplomacy with monsters."
"Trading."
"Now you're doing couple brunch."
Phong nodded. "I prefer this part."
Alex squeezed his hand under the table.
White Valentine's in March.
Late. Unplanned. Messy.
Real.
When they finally left the café, Rico draped over Phong's shoulder in post-transcendence exhaustion, Long shouted after them:
"Next time, yoghurt coffee redemption!"
Alex groaned.
Dominic laughed.
Vanessa smirked.
Selena rolled her eyes, fond.
And Phong, Mudskipper between worlds, walked down the sidewalk with his hand in Alex's.
No dungeon sky overhead.
No mountain or lake.
Just city lights and people.
For one afternoon, that was enough.