TRACY
I lay on my bed, turning from side to side, my eyes fixed on the chandelier light above me. Its soft golden glow danced across the room, but it brought me no comfort. My mind was troubled—restless in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. The news of Fred being back... in Lagos... being close... and demanding to see me lingered in my thoughts like a heavy cloud I couldn't wave away.
It was a cool, breezy evening. The sky outside was beginning to shift—warm oranges melting into deeper shades of blue as the sun prepared to set. I pushed myself up from my bed, inhaled deeply, and walked toward the aluminum sliding door. I parted it with a gentle push and stepped onto my balcony.
The familiar sound of the bustling city greeted me. Lagos—vibrant, unpredictable, beautiful—stretched before me in glowing pockets of light. I wrapped my arms around myself as the breeze brushed across my skin, lifting strands of my hair. For the first time that day, I smiled. It wasn't big, but it was there. The wind seemed to whisper peace.
But my heart was far from peaceful.
I had waited for years—quietly, secretly—for Fred. The boy I had admired through my hostel window back in school. The one I watched from afar, wondered about, dreamt about. The one I thought I had let go. And yet now, at the moment I had finally built something new—something real—with Eli... Fred returns. Who knows how he would look like now? Maybe handsome or ugly, or rich or poor. I thought.
My heart beat loudly in my chest.
I wanted to see him. I wanted to hear his voice, to understand why he suddenly wanted to reconnect. My heart still pulled toward him, even after all the time. But what would I tell Eli? Because I know myself—deep down I know that the moment I see Fred, all those old, buried feelings would rise again, full force.
My phone buzzed suddenly on the balcony rail.
I looked down at the screen and sighed.
Eli.
"Speak of the devil..." I muttered under my breath before answering.
"Hey, babe," Eli's warm voice flowed through the speaker.
"Hi..." I replied softly. My voice was low, calm, but far from its usual spark.
Eli caught it immediately. "You sound off. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I said, a little too quickly.
"No, you're not," he pushed gently. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
I hesitated. "It's just... a long day. I'm tired."
"Tracy." His tone deepened with concern. "Is someone bothering you? Did something happen?"
"No, no," I insisted, forcing a small laugh. "Nothing like that. I'm just... overwhelmed."
There was a pause.
"Let me take you out to dinner tonight," he said suddenly. "Just you and me. Somewhere nice. You need fresh air and a good meal."
Guilt pricked my chest.
"I–I can't tonight," I replied. "I already promised Sonia we'd discuss about our brand. You remember... the business I told you about during our Maldives trip?"
"Oh... right, right," he said slowly. "The Beauty store. Velvet Aura?"
"Yeah. We set a meeting for tonight. I completely forgot." I lied.
He was quiet for a second, processing. Then his voice softened again.
"Okay. If it's important, I understand. But don't forget to take care of yourself too."
"I will," I whispered.
"You sure you're alright?"
"I'm okay, Eli."
Silence lingered before he spoke again, gentler this time.
"Alright. Listen... this weekend, I'm coming over with something for you."
"What are you planning now?" I asked, a small smile finally tugging at my lips.
"A surprise," he teased. "But something tells me you'll love it. You sounded sad today, and I don't ever want you feeling that way alone."
My chest tightened. Eli was good. So good.
"Thank you," I murmured.
"No need to thank me, Tracy. You know I care about you. A lot."
I didn't respond immediately. I just listened to the warmth in his voice, a softness that always made me feel safe.
We talked for a long while—about his work, about his weekend plans, about silly moments from our Maldives trip. Eli told a joke I had heard before but still managed to smile at. Eventually, he got me laughing again.
"That's my girl," he whispered when he heard my laugh. "I'll let you go. Say hi to Sonia for me."
"I will," I said quietly.
"Goodnight, Tracy, I love you."
I hesitated, "Goodnight, Eli, I love you too."
When the call ended, the warmth I felt moments ago faded slowly into a cold ache. I hugged myself a little tighter.
I love Eli. I know he loves me too—deeply, openly, without hesitation. He wants to build with me. He wants to make me happy. And I'm happy with him... most of the time.
But Fred...
My heart stirred restlessly.
Confusion swirled through my mind again as I stepped back into my bedroom. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a breath before heading out into the hallway.
I needed to talk to someone. I needed clarity. And Sonia—my best friend, my business partner—was the only one I trusted with the truth.
I walked toward Sonia's room, each step filled with the weight of my decision.
I reached Sonia's door and knocked gently. I could hear soft music playing inside—one of Sonia's calming R&B playlists.
"Come in," Sonia called.
I pushed the door open. Sonia was seated at her vanity table, applying lip balm, her long braids tied in a loose bun. She turned immediately when she saw the look on my face.
"Ah-ah... babe, what's wrong?" Sonia asked, standing up right away. "You look like you just lost a bet."
I tried to smile, but it came out weak. Sonia walked over, held my hands, and guided me to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Talk to me, Tracy. What happened?"
I exhaled slowly. "Sonia... I've been thinking about meeting Fred."
Sonia exhaled too. I know it's a difficult situation but we'll figure it out."
I nodded.
"But he wants to see me," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Sonia looked at me. "And... how do you feel about that?"
I closed my eyes, fighting the swirl in my chest. "I don't know, Sonia. Part of me wants to see him. Just once. For closure. For answers. And another part—" my voice cracked slightly "—I'm scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Of what I'll feel when I see him again." I swallowed. "Because I know myself. I know how my heart used to beat for him. And I know those feelings are still somewhere inside me."
Sonia nodded slowly, letting me pour myself out.
"And then there's Eli," I went on, looking down at my hands. "He called just now. He noticed I wasn't myself. He tried so hard to make me smile. He cares so much. And I care too. I care deeply."
"Hmm," Sonia hummed thoughtfully. "So you're stuck in the middle."
"I feel guilty even thinking about seeing Fred," I confessed. "Eli doesn't deserve that. But... Sonia..." I raised my eyes, full of turmoil. "I've wanted to talk to Fred for years. Years. You know this."
"I know," Sonia said softly. "I know how much it meant to you back then."
"And now that he's finally here," I whispered, "I'm supposed to pretend I don't want to hear what he has to say?"
Sonia didn't answer immediately. She took my hand again and squeezed it gently.
"Let's break this down," she said. "First question: do you still love Eli?"
I nodded slowly. "Yes. I do."
"Second question: do you still love Fred?"
I opened my mouth, hesitated, and looked away. "I... I don't know. Maybe not love. But there's something. Something I never resolved."
"Mmh." Sonia tilted her head. "And that 'something' is bothering your heart."
I nodded again.
Sonia took a deep breath. "Okay. So here's what I think... You meeting Fred doesn't automatically mean betrayal. It could just mean you need clarity—to settle whatever is still tugging at your heart."
"But what about Eli?" I whispered.
"We're not saying you should hide it from him forever," Sonia replied gently. "But right now, you need to understand your own mind first before bringing anyone else into the confusion. You're not going to meet Fred to rekindle anything. You're going to meet him to understand yourself."
My eyes filled with emotion. "Sonia..."
Sonia brushed her thumb over my hand. "Babe, you deserve peace. And sometimes peace comes from facing the things you've been running from."
I sighed. "I'm scared I'll hurt Eli."
"And you're scared you'll hurt yourself too," Sonia added softly.
"Yes."
Sonia smiled warmly. "Then go slowly. Carefully. And honestly. I trust you to make the right decision for your heart."
I leaned my head on Sonia's shoulder, letting the comfort soak in.
"So..." Sonia continued lightly, rubbing my back. "When do you want to see Mr. Ghost-of-the-Past?"
I let out a small laugh. "I don't know babe. Maybe tomorrow or next."
"Well, I'll contact Tolu to let him know when you're ready to meet up with Mr. Ghost-of-the-past."
I laughed again, and Sonia smiled wide. "Ah! There she is. I've been trying to get that laugh."
"I'm still confused," I murmured.
"You're human," Sonia replied. "And your heart is allowed to be messy sometimes."
We sat there quietly for a moment.
Then Sonia nudged me. "But one thing is sure—whatever you decide, you're not doing it alone. I'm right here."
I squeezed her hand. "Thank you, Sonia."
"That's what sisters are for."