" → spoken aloud
'→ thoughts
[Backstory]
...
'it's cold'
Why must I endure this torment all over again? Why? Because I am weak and believed in the goodness of people's hearts.
I am weak...not just physically, but apparently mentally as well.
And to think I was mentally strong because I endured all those fucking people, endured those humiliations and the pain.
'What was I thinking?'
'That they'd stop because I wasn't reacting?'
'That the people around me would help me?'
'That my bullies would eventually feel sorry for me? Did I really think that!?'
'No. I didn't. '
Deep down, I believed it. I hoped it would come true. But in my head, I had known for a long time that it would never happen.
So what did I do when I realized that nothing was going to change?
Nothing
I did nothing because I was afraid i would only be treated even worse.
That's where I'm mentally weak. Not because I endured the pain, but because I was afraid and assumed that taking action would only make things worse. And I'm certain that's exactly what would have happened.
But my life was already hell anyway. And yet, I didn't do anything—didn't even try to change anything. I wanted to so badly, but in the end, I did nothing.
And what did it gain me? Nothing.
Nothing but agony.
'How pathetic...'
'At least it's all over now.'
I am drowning, or rather, i am being drowned
At least that's the last thing I remember.
My head was forcibly shoved into the toilet.
That was an everyday occurrence for me, but this time I actually fought back after a while, not because I had decided to. I was pushed in for longer than usual and started running out of air.
I started fighting back to get some air, but I didn't stand a chance against five peopleat once, plus... I'm pathetically weak.
The more I struggled and tried to break free, I became more and more terrified. The more I struggled...the louder the bullies' laughter became.
My heart sank, panic seized me, and my pulse shot up.
Slowly losing your breath and being unable to do anything about it is simply terrifying.
'It's cold'
unbelievably cold
I can't see anything, and my whole body feels numb. I can't even move a finger.
It's completely quiet, my head is spinning, and I feel incredibly nauseous.
Everything is immersed in a terrifying, silent darkness as I lie on an ice-cold floor, unable to move even a single centimeter.
The only thing to be heard is my racing heartbeat.
A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind all at once.
I think about what I could have done differently, or at least tried to do, yet did nothing.
but it's too late to get upset about my ignorance now.
There are two things that rule the world:
money and fear.
For anyone who possesses both, the only things standing in the way of ruling the entire world are people who have even more money and spread even more fear.
That is probably why I didn't fight back. That is the reason why the people around me acted as if they knew nothing.
But I don't blame them. If I can't even stand up for myself, why should they?
'Money brings power, and power brings fear.'
'And if you get bullied by people that have Power, you're done for.'
'These people don't need to fear consequences, even if there are any, it means nothing to them.'
'And people like that get bored easily, that's why they're so dangerous.'
Suddenly, I feel incredible pain in my head and chest. I have never felt such intense pain before, not even from my bullies nor my uncle.
'Akgg... Ighkkhh...agrrr...fuck!!'
'Why can't I die in peace!!?'
That was the last thing I could think of, because it took only a few seconds for me to lose consciousness.
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The terrifying silence is subsiding.
I'm finally starting to hear things again! I hear gentle rain falling, the distant rush of passing cars, and the indistinct murmur of people talking.
The first thing I saw when I slowly opened my eyes was a gray wall almost directly in front of me; it was the old façade of a house that was beginning to crumble, revealing the dirty brickwork beneath.
'Am I still alive? Certainly looks that way.'
'But...wait...!'
'whose memories are those?'
I start looking around; it doesn't take long to figure it out.
'Looks like I died again.'
'I really should have seen this coming; this is the second time I've died and the second time I've been reincarnated, so this is apparently my third life.'
'well... Third time's a charm, or so on'
'anyway, i had the same feeling and a similar headache the first time around too. Only this time, they were significantly more intense and on top of that, there was this terrible pain in my chest.'
The last time I had this headache, I reincarnated into a body that had just died. The headache struck, and I received the memories of the previous owner. Apparently, that is happening again now; my head feels a bit dizzy, and unfamiliar memories have started to fill my mind.
I still have memories from both my lives; that might be why the headaches are more intense and it takes longer for the memories to become clear in my mind. But I don't have a theory yet regarding the chest pain, and I never want to experience it again...it felt like a hundred hot needles stabbing into my heart.
I had hoped that, at least this time, I would have a good life and finally manage to celebrate my nineteenth birthday. In my two previous lives, I never made it past eighteen...and it looks like I won't have any luck in this life either.
From the memories that are slowly becoming clear in my mind, there are a few important pieces of information I can already recall.
My name is still Jin, just like in my previous lifes. In this body, I am 16 years old. The planet I am on is called Gaia and i'm currently living in Asta, the capital of the Republic of Vinosha.
I haven't been to school for two months. I'm being bullied at school in this life, too.
'Damn it. Fuck you life...'
It looks like the bullying here isn't as bad as in my other lives, but I'm still getting bullied, which is giving me a bit of a headache already.
One of the reasons I didn't go to school for two months isn't that I'm being bullied. No, there's something else going on that's really weird.
First of all, this has nothing to do with why I'm not going to school, but it is important... If I remember correctly, it looks like traditional gender roles are reversed in this world. Almost all key historical figures were female. Most high-ranking positions, as well as the police and military, are staffed almost entirely by women. Gender inequality is even greater here than in my previous life—only the roles are reversed.
This is because every girl awakens unusually great strength and sharp reflexes on her 14th birthday. These abilities intensify on her 18th birthday. In addition, every woman gains a special ability that grants her supernatural powers. These powers vary in strength and rarity; there are abilities that appear frequently, while others are unique and only appear once. Furthermore, these abilities can be trained, allowing them to become significantly more powerful. Men do not awaken any such abilities.
Crimes are mostly committed by women, and in relationships, men are expected to be passive.
'Looks like the females in this world are the scum and the bullies.'
But the most important piece of information and the reason I didn't go to school is pretty intense, so I needed a bit of time to sort out my memories.
In this life, I finally had a family. But we were very poor and deeply in debt; my mother hadn't worked for two years, and my father tried to earn money through part-time jobs. Yet, my mother spent the little money he made on alcohol and other drugs instead of improving the situation or paying off the debt. I never felt that my mother loved either me or my father. The only person across all my previous lives whom I felt loved me was the father in these memories.
The spending of the money is the reason why my parents argued so often and frequently avoided each other. When I was nine years old, an argument escalated; I don't know exactly what happened. I only know that my mother killed my Dad.
You can't tell whether it was intentional or unintentional with that bitch. I don't even know if she had a clue what she was doing.
I know I didn't dare leave my room for a long time. When I finally did, my father was lying motionless on the floor next to the dining table. My mother was nowhere to be seen.
My mother would simply leave the body lying there until it started to rot and stink badly. Only then would she carry the corpse out of the house, but the stench lingered inside for a very long time.
What surprised me the most was that the police didn't come even once. It was as if my father had simply vanished and no one cared.
After that, things only got worse for me. I tried to stay away from home for as long as possible; school was the perfect place for that, and by comparison, I even found it somewhat enjoyable. Although I was also being bullied in this life, I endured it just to avoid my screaming mother who was waiting for me at home.
Things got even worse when I was eleven. My mother was rarely home, and when she was, she mostly beat me and tried to force me to work. The previous owner of this body was very shy, and arguing that eleven-year-olds shouldn't be working didn't get me anywhere with my mother. It reached the point where she nearly killed me.
That took an extreme mental toll on the previous owner, so much so that this small, weak, shy boy strangled his own mother to death in her sleep...
'Wow'
' I didn't expect something like that from such a young, boy.'
This time the police showed up... and they did faster than expected, too, considering they didn't even put in an appearance when my father died.
After a brief questioning, the police took me to my uncle...someone I hadn't even known existed. Later, I learned that my mother's death had been recorded as a suicide or a drug overdose.
No one was interested in what had actually happened to my father, and I didn't mention it at the time either.
Living with my uncle was, for the time being, significantly better than living with my parents. Although I felt like he couldn't stand me, it was still a thousand times better than being alone with my mother. Over time, some thugs my mother owed money to found out where I was living and started demanding the money from my uncle. But that wasn't the only problem.
My uncle developed a gambling addiction and became increasingly unpleasant toward me. He, too, demanded that I start working and provide money for his gambling once I turned 16.
When I turned 16, my uncle demanded that I start working in a brothel, saying I would make a lot of money with a face and body like mine.
'Looks like my uncle is a total moron in this life, too.'
Of course I refused, and fierce arguments broke out immediately, until I ran away two months ago and have been living on the streets ever since.
"Looks like I died of a cold and malnutrition," I muttered slowly.
Only now did I realize that I had been sitting in a narrow, dark alley the whole time. The rain wasn't heavy, but my torn clothes were completely soaked.
' looks like I've been sitting here for quite a while.'
I gather my strength and stand up. It looks like I'm in a narrow passageway between two old, five-story apartment buildings.
It is only when I look at my arms that I realize how thin and dirty I actually am.
'danm it'
With slow, heavy steps, I move toward the bright light at the end of the alley.
As I finally step out of the alley, I'm momentarily blinded by the light. until...
A black and gray screen appears right before my eyes, and a sentence begins to form on the screen in dark purple lettering.
// ++Black Core System++... loading...//
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*Notes:
I know that if you're reading this novel, you'll probably skip this part as soon as you see it's just a note.
But if you are interested in the novel and are reading this, I'd appreciate it if you let me know about any errors or mistranslations, since English isn't my first language.
I'd also love to get general feedback, what works well and, most importantly, what doesn't, or what's hard to read or follow, so I can make adjustments.
But please go easy on me ;) this is my first novel and i'm not a Professional and i'm only doing this for fun
Thanks a lot! :D