When I woke up, I thought, do I really have to go to school? Because I was so freaking sleep deprived. Then I remembered that I was the teacher and smiled — achy. I don't know if someone would understand this, but yeah, my smile came from hurting. Anyway, I liked teaching. And I liked my kids. I got up, washed my face, got ready, and prepared the big dark coffee thermos to help me get through the day.
When I got to school, I saw everyone was talking about something. I didn't care. Classic gossiping, I thought, then walked to my class and prepared today's lesson. It was colors and numbers revision day, so my babies would be excited when they saw how many games I prepared for them. I was hanging the posters when Al (aka Miss A) came running toward me. She breathed heavily and said, "Haze! Didn't you get my message???" I wondered what she was talking about and tried to find my phone. But she probably couldn't bear my slowness, caught my arm, and made me walk with her to the teacher's office. "What the heck are you doing, Miss A?" I said ironically, then realized what she was doing. She was trying to show me the fucking garden bouquet that was sent — literally named for me. It was cringe. So cringe I wanted to cry. "Holy shit," I said slowly so Mr. Adam wouldn't hear me. He doesn't like young people swearing. He would be right, but who cares. Whatever.
"Who would send me that disgusting thing? I know it's Ada! She sent me that ironically. That bi—" I said, then saw Mr. Adam and continued, "Bi-beautiful friend…" Because I was not in the mood to get in trouble for swearing.
Then Al showed me the card, and I felt nothing but burn. Like fire was spreading across my face and body.
It said:
Could you be so kind and accept my apology for my idiotic behavior? I can't be without you. Please forgive me, My Love.
— From your Z. Yeah, yours. Forever.
"OH DEAR GOD," I said. This can't be true. This was unacceptable. After chatting with me just once, he wouldn't think I would go back to his arms like a stupid bimbo just because I responded to his greeting. I hate men. I fucking hate men. What do they think they are? An award?
I was red. Like red-red. Just like the ugly hair of that b-word from his office. Not my hair though. All me.
I called Ada after sending her a quick photo of this mess. She answered immediately, like it didn't even ring. "I know what you're thinking, but just fuck this and fuck him. Why would you care? Yeah, he is a total idiot for sending it, but you don't have to do anything about it and continue your perfect teachering-ness."
It was a funny thing to say, but I couldn't even smile. Not even a bit. "I am not okay," I
said through gritted teeth.
She said, "Enjoy the cakes. Relax. If he wants to be a fanboy, let him. There are cakes, right?" Yeah, there were chocolates and cakes with that stupid garden bouquet.
After all the talking and trying to help me get my peace back, Al and Ada persuaded me, and I handed out the sweets to my students and colleagues.
At lunch, while we were laughing about something at school, Al said, "Let's have coffee after school." I was totally okay with that because I wanted to tell every detail about what happened yesterday at the restaurant. Then get into more details. Her goal was the same. She wanted to know what happened and why he thought he had the right to send me that fucking big bouquet.
After a couple of hours, we got ready and walked toward my car because hers was at the shop. Apparently, some drunk driver hit her car. Not badly, but still. She wouldn't want to drive a white car with blue scratches, so she left it to be polished and would pick it up later. I would drive her there since the shop was close to my place. Whatever. That was the plan.
I saw my car.
And someone was leaning on it.
I wondered who it was.
Then fireworks.
It was him.
My stupid ex.
Zack.
God. Why? Why wouldn't he leave me alone all of a sudden? I didn't even know what I was supposed to feel. Angry? Sad? Embarrassed? All of them at the same time? My thoughts were moving too fast, like my brain couldn't decide which emotion it wanted to torture me with first.
And I knew. He was looking at me like he still knew me. Like nothing had changed. Like cheating on me on our anniversary was just a small detail we could ignore. And I hated that I still remembered how that look used to feel. Safe. Familiar. Like I used to belong there.
But I didn't. Not anymore.
I could feel my heart beating way too loudly in my chest. I was suddenly very aware of how I looked. My hair probably wasn't perfect. My face probably looked tired. I was sleep deprived. Emotionally exhausted. And now this? Of course. Perfect timing.
I could feel Al standing next to me, and I knew she was looking at me. Not judging. Just… observing. Like she was trying to decide if I was okay or about to explode. Which, honestly, I wasn't sure myself. I felt weirdly exposed. Like he could see exactly how much he had affected me just by looking at my face.
I hated that. I hated that he still had this power over my mood without even saying anything.
He didn't move. He just stayed there, leaning on my car like he had every right to be there. Like he was waiting for me to react first. And I didn't know what I wanted to do. Yell at him? Ignore him? Pretend I was completely fine? I wanted to do all of them and none of them at the same time.
My hands felt kind of numb. My throat felt tight. I wanted to be cool. Calm. Strong. The version of me who didn't care. But instead I just stood there, stuck between anger and something I didn't want to name.
This was going to be a very long day